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Double standards on mn.

744 replies

thatwasme22 · 29/03/2021 14:55

This week so far:

  1. I have seen various posters defend Caroline Flack for having issues. Maybe she did but then the same argument would not be made on Chris Browne.
  1. A thread on the physical attractiveness on male politicians. Imagine a male forum did this on females.
  1. A thread with a woman hiding her inheritance from her husband and encouraged to do so by many posters and him being called financially abusive for being sensible over money. When men do this on mn it's all ltb.

Am I missing something? I call myself a feminist so am pro equality and that's how I raised my kids but why is this not being called out on mn?

OP posts:
thatwasme22 · 30/03/2021 12:55

''The MNer was being financially abused in that relationship. She couldn't even buy her kids some fruit without a row.''

do you know what financially abused actually means because words like that and 'sexual harassment', 'misogyny', 'abuser' get thrown about so much on mn that they have lost all meaning.

She actually said that they were tight on money and the husband was trying to be careful on spending and many posters said it was not financial abuse. Oh and I had to link that thread as posters kept asking me.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 30/03/2021 12:59

@thatwasme22

''The MNer was being financially abused in that relationship. She couldn't even buy her kids some fruit without a row.''

do you know what financially abused actually means because words like that and 'sexual harassment', 'misogyny', 'abuser' get thrown about so much on mn that they have lost all meaning.

She actually said that they were tight on money and the husband was trying to be careful on spending and many posters said it was not financial abuse. Oh and I had to link that thread as posters kept asking me.

Where’s the link?
Naunet · 30/03/2021 13:00

I would humbly suggest that comparing MN to a site that is set up for men to rate prostitutes and saying that it means MN is okay is really a poor argument

Good point, it would be much fairer to compare it to that site where women rate the men they’ve paid to have sex with...oh wait, it doesn’t exist. I wonder why that is...🙄

Naunet · 30/03/2021 13:03

I would humbly suggest that comparing MN to a site that is set up for men to rate prostitutes and saying that it means MN is okay is really a poor argument. Perhaps pick some more comparable websites?

Good point, we should be comparing with that site where women rate and objectify the men they’ve paid for sex...oh wait, it doesn’t exist. I wonder why that is....🙄

Eleganz · 30/03/2021 13:04

@Naunet

I would humbly suggest that comparing MN to a site that is set up for men to rate prostitutes and saying that it means MN is okay is really a poor argument

Good point, it would be much fairer to compare it to that site where women rate the men they’ve paid to have sex with...oh wait, it doesn’t exist. I wonder why that is...🙄

Apps like Lulu were created for that exact purpose.
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 30/03/2021 13:07

I concentrate on being a nice person and treating everyone nicely and bring my children up to be the same.

Then, IMO, you are doing your children a grave disservice. I'm reminded of the way my teachers told me never to use the word 'nice'. Their consensus was that there was always a better adjective to be found. This advice is urgently true in this context in particular: there are times when being 'nice' is the worst possible response to a situation, particularly when this situation involves the violation of another person's boundaries. And yes, unfortunately, this is a particular problem with men, who as a sex class often seem wilfully deaf and blind when a woman politely brushes them off. Egs from personal experience: 'what part of wearing earphones and reading on the Tube suggests I long for your company?', 'no, I'm minding my own business on my lunch hour and I don't want to have a personal conversation', 'no, I'm a stranger, why would I tell you my name', 'no, I will not tie your laces for you' (yes, a man really did ask me to do this in central London),' or even 'no, if your intentions are harmless then approach someone who isn't a lone woman', rinse and repeat ad nauseam.

Women simply do not do this. They just don't. And in these circumstances, when some man they don't know has approached a lone female they've already violated a particular code of conduct and disrespected someone else's boundaries (that person hadn't asked to be approached). Why the hell should that person then 'be nice' so that 'Friendly Male Stranger' can feel more comfortable at the expense of their own wellbeing and, possibly, safety?

It's also telling that a firm 'no' will quickly bring about a nasty response, or an assertion that the woman is being rude. Fine: it's not a cardinal sin. I'm perfectly comfortable with that.

#BeKind is an appalling - and I would say dangerous - message to relay to children in particular. It's opening the door for a potentially predatory adult to take advantage.

Naunet · 30/03/2021 13:09

Apps like Lulu were created for that exact purpose.

Ha! No it wasn’t created for that EXACT reason at all, it’s not a punter site for women who use male prostitutes. Or do you think the aspect of buying access to a woman’s body is not relevant in any way?

thatwasme22 · 30/03/2021 13:11

''And yes, unfortunately, this is a particular problem with men, who as a sex class often seem wilfully deaf and blind when a woman politely brushes them off.''

ok so you met all 3.5 billion men on the planet? And would love to see the reaction here if you were to spout that about Muslims and generalise them all over terrorism/extremism.

OP posts:
Naunet · 30/03/2021 13:13

ok so you met all 3.5 billion men on the planet? And would love to see the reaction here if you were to spout that about Muslims and generalise them all over terrorism/extremism

Why are you so offended by women speaking about their experiences?

Pumperthepumper · 30/03/2021 13:15

@thatwasme22

''And yes, unfortunately, this is a particular problem with men, who as a sex class often seem wilfully deaf and blind when a woman politely brushes them off.''

ok so you met all 3.5 billion men on the planet? And would love to see the reaction here if you were to spout that about Muslims and generalise them all over terrorism/extremism.

You need to look up ‘sex class’ before you embarrass yourself any more.
Chanjer · 30/03/2021 13:16

ok so you met all 3.5 billion men on the planet?

jfc

thatwasme22 · 30/03/2021 13:19

''Why are you so offended by women speaking about their experiences?''

I am not, I just don't like all the misandry here and writing off men. I have 3 sons and dread to think the next generation is going this way.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 30/03/2021 13:19

@thatwasme22

''Why are you so offended by women speaking about their experiences?''

I am not, I just don't like all the misandry here and writing off men. I have 3 sons and dread to think the next generation is going this way.

‘Misandry’ - what does that mean?
Naunet · 30/03/2021 13:22

I am not, I just don't like all the misandry here and writing off men. I have 3 sons and dread to think the next generation is going this way.

Are you also concerned about the far bigger issue of real life misogyny? Or are you just concerned that one of your sons will log on to mumsnet one day and see some comments about a man’s looks and his whole world will crumble?

emmylousings · 30/03/2021 13:25

There's very little equivalence because women are systematically disadvantaged in so many different ways. I come here for serious debate and lols, so now off to find the fit Tory thread... curious who's made the cut!!?

Chanjer · 30/03/2021 13:27

curious who's made the cut

It's the Matt Hancock one

It kinda goes downhill from there Grin

Eleganz · 30/03/2021 13:42

@Naunet

Apps like Lulu were created for that exact purpose.

Ha! No it wasn’t created for that EXACT reason at all, it’s not a punter site for women who use male prostitutes. Or do you think the aspect of buying access to a woman’s body is not relevant in any way?

Neither is Mumsnet, but it is a hell of a lot closer. The point is that look at the utter shit that is on the internet and saying that this website is okay because it isn't like that is a shit argument.
NiceGerbil · 30/03/2021 13:47

OP came on here and said that the thread about politicians that I admit I haven't read was sexist. And that if men wrote stuff like that about women there would be 'ballistic'.

Therefore gross double standards. As long as you ignore the reality of what men say all over the net, and all too often in real life to women's/girl's faces as well.

Naunet · 30/03/2021 13:49

Neither is Mumsnet, but it is a hell of a lot closer. The point is that look at the utter shit that is on the internet and saying that this website is okay because it isn't like that is a shit argument

Saying that women need to focus on making sure they’re always nice and kind to men on this forum, rather than worry about the horrific abuse aimed at them on almost every other platform, is tone deaf. I don’t give a shit if men are offended by the odd poster saying they wouldn’t date a short man or whatever.

Also if you want to point out the “double standards” towards men on this site, it might be wise to also take note of the double standards aimed at women here too...

NiceGerbil · 30/03/2021 13:52

Also compared a woman who was accused of
With a man who is infamous for having a litany of accusations of violence plus sex offences against him over a number of years

MinnieMous3 · 30/03/2021 13:54

Oooh and the threads ‘I cheated with a married man but now he’s left me to go back to his wife’ with a sad face on the end.

NiceGerbil · 30/03/2021 13:59

I also am not shocked or surprised that men write and say horrible stuff about women all over the place all the time. I mean it's not exactly unusual.

On a team call the other day the blokes decided to have a nice chat about how they'd fuck a woman who's on the TV even though she's (shocker) not very young.

Did I like it? No. It's a work call and it's uncomfy when it's me listening to 5 men discuss this.
Did I go ballistic? No. Heard it all before.
Did I say after a bit ok well it's all very interesting but can we get on with the meeting.

It's well known that female politicians get abuse on social media related to their sex ie threats of sexual violence. This is not something common for men to receive.

If there's double standards they're the sort you have OP.

Where women are held scrutiny and very high standards while men can do whatever the fuck they like and everyone looks the other way.

NiceGerbil · 30/03/2021 14:00

Minnie Hmm and the married person in your scenario is...

MinnieMous3 · 30/03/2021 14:05

@NiceGerbil

Minnie Hmm and the married person in your scenario is...
?
Pumperthepumper · 30/03/2021 14:08

@MinnieMous3

Oooh and the threads ‘I cheated with a married man but now he’s left me to go back to his wife’ with a sad face on the end.
Who was the married one here?
Swipe left for the next trending thread