To think DS13 is lying about having sex?

[Triskelis238]

DS13 used my laptop earlier as his phone was dead. When I used it later, a private message notification popped up saying "woah I can't believe you lost your v card". I clicked on it and saw it was a chat he had going with his mates where he was bragging about having lost his virginity at a party at the weekend. A party that DH and I were at, along with the rest of his siblings. Initially I was horrified, he's 13! But having thought some more, I genuinely can't see how he could have? There were families everywhere, kids running about, it was hardly a rave. Unless he sneaked off for a bit? I admit there were periods where I didn't see him, so it's not beyond the realm of possibility. My question now is, do I ignore it as its obviously bs to look cool, or do I sit him down and have a chat? And if he is telling the truth, what on earth do I do??

Not in the uk, so no covid lockdown rules.

Who did he lose his virginity to?

Definite shades of The Inbetweeners there....lying.

A 13yo boy who claims to have lost his virginity is 90% certain to be a bullshitter. Especially given the circumstances you describe.

I first had sex at 13 - the boy was 13 too... hard to say without having been at the party whether he’s making it up to sound cool or if it’s true. Either way think you need to chat to him.

Not a chance!

Maybe leave condoms on his bed to spook him. If he asks, say you hear he needs to be taking precautions

Inbetweeners describes him and his mates perfectly. As far as I know, there is one girl about the same age he talked to at the local skate park last week, before adding her on social media and they've chatted a bit. All the other girls at the party were either below 11 and he was acting to cool to hang out with them or over 15 and waaaay out of his league.

Talk to him. He's 13. He needs to know either that it's not something to lie OR that it's something that could get him into huge trouble. Or both!

@Triskelis238

Inbetweeners describes him and his mates perfectly. As far as I know, there is one girl about the same age he talked to at the local skate park last week, before adding her on social media and they've chatted a bit. All the other girls at the party were either below 11 and he was acting to cool to hang out with them or over 15 and waaaay out of his league.

You need to speak to him. What if he names some poor girl?

"Losing my virginity? Completed it mate!"

Yeah. Making it up! The condom idea is amusing but realistically a word about being himself and not doing or pretending to do things just to fit in with people being a shit plan.

I don't see why some people say not a chance. Yes it's a probability that he is just saying that to his friends to big himself up. But aside from that a 13 year old is capable of having sex. I would sit him down in a calm way and ask him to explain himself. It is also a good opportunity to inform him of the pitfalls of having sex at a young age and the emotions of it all, contraception included.

It's not as if we've not had the sex talk, I've always been very clear that underage sex is hugely damaging to girls, and if he has any respect for a girl he will wait untill they are older. He's had the std talk, been shown pictures and everything of whats in store if he's not careful. Not only that but he has several younger siblings and I'm heavily pregnant so he know exactly what babies entail. I guess I just want to get this conversation right, I don't want to go in guns blazing, but I also don't want him becoming a dad anytime soon either!

Yeah I really don't see how that conversation would be any good. Would you tell him you'd looked through his messages? Doesn't breed trust does it? Would you tell him you don't believe him? Again, not very trust worthy.

Maybe just take it as a sign that you need to start talking openly about sex with him and casually bringing up consent, contraception etc.

Don't know about anybody else but I certainly lied about having sex at that age, but I was also very vulnerable because I had no information and no one to ask.

I'm also very concerned that IF there is a girl involved, he's most certainly not treating her right if he thinks bragging to his mates is ok.

@VictoriaBun I'm a teacher and fully aware teenagers lose their virginity from 13, even 12 in some cases. At a family party where your mum and siblings are swanning around and there's nowhere to go? Highly unlikely.

He's taken the opportunity is saying 'party' without giving more context (like my mum was there) because his mate wasn't at the party, and has made it sound more exciting than it is

Would you tell him you'd looked through his messages? Doesn't breed trust does it? Would you tell him you don't believe him? Again, not very trust worthy.

I'd just say "there's a rumour going round". He'll shit himself either way

I've always been very clear that underage sex is hugely damaging to girls, and if he has any respect for a girl he will wait untill they are older.

What about for boys?

Don't ignore it; TALK TO HIM.

At the very least you need to know (if he did), who with. Because someone has committed a criminal offence .

A criminal offence? As far as I can tell the girl doesn't exist, and IF she does, the only likely possibility would be the girl he met the other week who is the same age as him.

Cross Post but I think this is a silly thing to be teaching.

I've always been very clear that underage sex is hugely damaging to girls, and if he has any respect for a girl he will wait untill they are older

I think setting a random at which he is allowed to have sex will just be meaningless.

And its not just about girls, what about him being coerced or pressured into doing something he doesn't want to by a girl or a group of friends? It kinda pushes a weird idea that boys are the ones who want and control sex and it's something that kind of taken from girls.

@skeggycaggy

I've always been very clear that underage sex is hugely damaging to girls, and if he has any respect for a girl he will wait untill they are older.

What about for boys?

Not even 20 posts in and it's what about the boyz 🙄

@2bazookas

Don't ignore it; TALK TO HIM.

At the very least you need to know (if he did), who with. Because someone has committed a criminal offence .

FGS. Stop being a drama llama.

If the girl is also 13, the police won't be interested in a 13yo having sex with a 13yo.

But it's clear she doesn't even exist

I remember saying I had had sex when I was 12! I hadn't.

Your son obviously didn't if he was with you all the time at the party so pay no attention. If you want to be 'light' about it you could tell him it is careless to lose virginity, you should know where it's gone.

Do nothing.