To expect more help than this?

[iwillnot]

Went on maternity leave in October, have a new job in starting in July.

I’m struggling with making payments on my car. Contacted the company to explain this and just got told it was a priority debt.

AIBU in that given how temporary this situation is they should have been a bit more helpful? (I’m not asking for advice as such just wondering if I’m being U.)

@Naunet

I really don’t understand why everyone defends this kind of behaviour. We complain about the customer service etc in this country, but then help businesses enforce their shit standards.

I think asking for help is completely sensible and a responsible lender should be working with you. Legally though, they probably don’t have to do anything.

What behaviour? The company have done nothing wrong and are well within their rights to say "no".

OP signed a legal contract to pay x amount per month. You can't just opt out of that because you're on maternity leave or you're struggling!

It’s definitely a comprehension issue then sunflowers

I’ve had advice that is relevant and I’ve thanked people with real gratitude for it but these personal attacks are horrible and upsetting.

I do NOT want advice on my relationship or how we manage finances within my relationship. I have explained my thinking, I have conceded it’s probably my issue but it’s how I feel and I’ve had really nasty, personal replies. But I’m probably just being stupid letting bullies upset me.

The only thing you need to do OP is double-check that the payment break doesn’t affect your credit rating.

In ‘normal’ times it would do - any change to a credit agreement, even with the finance company’s agreement to reduced payments etc would trigger a note on your credit file.

If it’s true that a Covid-related payment break doesn’t do this then all good. But just please do check because it would possibly be a costly mistake to make.

It’s not about whether you’ve missed any payments so far, it’s what a payment break could do to your credit rating.

It doesn’t. Thanks.

YABU. You went on maternity leave, so surely you worked out in one and expenditure before you did that, and made sure you could cover everything? If not then you are irresponsible

It’s not like losing your job suddenly and without notice, you had nine months to sort something out before Mat leave, so i don’t think they do owe you any obligation to help

Perhaps you should look for a temporary job to tide you over

People are trying to be helpful, because you've taken an unconventional path to solve your issue, that might not have been best for your own interest. So either there's something you're not mentioning (which sometimes turns out to be an abusive relationship) or you don't really understand what you're doing.

Either way, helpful people like to point these things out, so you can have a rethink .

For example, many people don't realise that a payment holiday will cost them more over time, due to extra interest charges and also, while it shouldn't affect your credit rating, lenders are able to see that your balance did not reduce for the duration of the payment holiday, so might take this information into account.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/2020/03/uk-coronavirus-help-and-your-rights/#carfinance

Plus, you seem determined to take all the financial hit of having a baby on yourself, when in reality, it should be shared with your DH, who has also become a parent, as well as agreed to share all he has with you, for richer and poorer, in his marriage vows.

If people are genuinely trying to be helpful then that’s lovely. You can help me by saying it’s great it’s sorted.

I do NOT want advice on my relationship or how we manage finances within my relationship. I have explained my thinking, I have conceded it’s probably my issue but it’s how I feel and I’ve had really nasty, personal replies. But I’m probably just being stupid letting bullies upset me.

People just don't understand your logic, and your apparent determination to make things far more complicated and upsetting than they need to be. Most people would go to their husbands' for help before they take £10 off their child or ask a finance company for a payment break.

Still, it's your life and if that's the way you want to live it, crack on.

Great. We agree. Because I’m sure you agree we should do what we are comfortable with and not what everyone else does just because everyone else does it.

Let me get this straight.... you have no mortgage (so your outgoings are generally lower than average), you normally earn "really well", and your husband earns well and is paying all the bills. Yet you can't afford your car payments and you're borrowing £10 from your DD rather than speaking to your husband about how to pay this bill?

This doesn't stack up in the slightest.

This is also not a case of someone being in difficult financial circumstances, so I'm not surprised you're getting the responses you are. You are asking the finance company to take a hit simply because you don't want to organise your finances sensibly.

Report it then. Take care.

@iwillnot
Just wondering, if your being paid maternity pay from your current employer? Because some employment contracts state that if you don’t return to work for x period of time after maternity you have to pay all/some of it back. We’re you on smp or does your employer contribute extra?

I’m sure you think you’re being helpful justsleep but I am well aware of this. I have only ever been entitled to SMP.

Again, why are you bothering to engage with posters who are upsetting you?

Because I am not going to be bullied off a thread which has been helpful because I’m not doing things how MN say I should.

alright well have fun I guess

Yep, you too.

@iwillnot
Actually I was trying to be helpful. Not everyone is aware of this ... your tone in response however is rather abrupt and unnecessarily haughty. Glad you got it sorted if only that others’ in similar circumstances perhaps see it. You are being rather unpleasant to people who are trying to help you avoid any financial future difficulties. Off you pop.

I know you were trying to be helpful, but honestly, do you really not think that six months into maternity leave I would be aware of this?

@iwillnot

You shouldn’t have had a child with someone you don’t even share finances with; that was a very poor move.

Would you also like help with reading comprehension? It’s right there above you. You’re the only person who mentioned abortion, though.

Don’t be so ridiculous. There’s no mention of abortion.

You should have sorted out your relationship and finances before you and a child, though. That would have been sensible.

Instead now you’re in a position where you have no money, but won’t go to your husband, for help.

The reason you’re reacting so strongly here is because you’re defensive of your setup and I think realise what sort of position you’ve put yourself in.

The question now is: are you going to stop behaving like a single parent and become a team with your husband?

Spot on, emilyfrost.

OP, people really do want to help, but your response to this situation is just really odd, and people are picking up on that. You can't cope with that for some reason, so you're trying to shout them down by calling them bullies and claiming (inaccurately) that they want your car to break down and think you should have had an abortion. And you're being really, spectacularly rude to people who have been taking their time to offer advice and (gently, for the most part) questioning your setup. People on here have seen this sort of thing pan out to reveal seriously abusive relationships. if that's not the case here - if this is really 'your issue' - all good, but why, then, the need for the extreme defensiveness, when you see from people's reactions that it's not normal?

Some of these responses are rude.

Maybe OP had planned to save before she went on maternity leave but could've been furloughed or lost their job. You're all jumping down her neck for a question she asked.

I have a DS and I don't share finances with my DP. Separate accounts. Phones, cars etc we pay for ourself. Why must you join finances with someone if you don't want to .

Most of us have been through a rough patch with money and if you haven't. Lucky you I hope you don't have too.

But just remember there is a person at the other end of this thread and some of you are actually vile.

I didn’t mention abortion either Emily. But I don’t appreciate being told I shouldn’t have had a baby because DH and I do finances differently to you and your DH. Just as I’m sure you wouldn’t appreciate my telling you that.

thatsnot I don’t want to go into every detail of the past twelve months - I know you weren’t asking me to by the way.

Can you imagine the outcry if the roles were reversed!

If your husband came to you saying "can you help me with my car finance for a few months, I'll pay you back", they'd all be telling you to LTB!

In my eyes, a nice car is a luxury, so I don't think you're being unreasonable by keeping this bill separate from your shared finances.

There's no shame in taking a covid payment holiday either. If covid payment holidays weren't around, the help the company could offer you would certainly be more limited and likely to impact your credit file, so I get why people might want to caution you, but at this point it's unnecessary. In this instance, all you're doing is delaying a few payments, the company will probably even benefit with a little extra interest.

I think people need to remember that there are humans behind these screens and words can be more hurtful than you think.

So you’re a two income family, though you’ve taken a dip in finances due to maternity leave and will be back on your feet in the next couple months. The company refused to lower your payments because you’re a two income family and in their (and the majority of peoples) view, a two income family should have no problem covering the repayments.

The problem is your husband and the way you both manage your finances, not the companies.