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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect more help than this?

244 replies

iwillnot · 29/03/2021 08:58

Went on maternity leave in October, have a new job in starting in July.

I’m struggling with making payments on my car. Contacted the company to explain this and just got told it was a priority debt.

AIBU in that given how temporary this situation is they should have been a bit more helpful? (I’m not asking for advice as such just wondering if I’m being U.)

OP posts:
Original poster
iwillnot · 29/03/2021 13:02

Except you clearly hope it will.

OP posts:
sunflowersandbuttercups · 29/03/2021 13:03

@iwillnot

I’m not asking them to bail me out, just to reduce payments for three months which I could then increase later in the year when I’m back at work.
Why couldn't your DH loan you the money and you pay him back instead, if you're not comfortable with him paying for several months.

Your DH has more responsiiblity to help you than a finance company.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/03/2021 13:12

@iwillnot

Except you clearly hope it will.
Of course op, everyone is out to get you. We're all waiting with baited breath for something bad to happen to you.

My point was you said its sorted. You have zero cash and had to raid the piggy bank because you refuse to be open with your DH. One little slip in the perfect life facade and then what?

But yes, tell yourself the evil bitches on MN have got their voodoo dolls out and are bullying you by encouraging you to have an open marriage where you actually rely and support each other.

laurenlodge · 29/03/2021 13:12

It is baffling that even if you didn't want your DH to outright pay for the car for three months, you wouldn't even just ask him to loan you the money to save you this stress.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/03/2021 13:12

Why couldn't your DH loan you the money pride

sunflowersandbuttercups · 29/03/2021 13:16

@SleepingStandingUp

Why couldn't your DH loan you the money pride
Pride or stupidity?
MitheringSunday · 29/03/2021 13:21

@iwillnot

It’s not that I’m seeing payments as an optional extra.

However maternity leave will happen perhaps twice in my lifetime. If I’m lucky.

A little help during it isn’t a huge ask.

Shock

It's too huge an ask of the actual father of the baby, but not of a company to whom you have obligations?

This is either terribly entitled or terribly worrying, I can't decide which.

Original poster
iwillnot · 29/03/2021 13:36

This is SORTED.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 29/03/2021 13:48

You have still not said whether your credit rating will be affected.

Wallabing · 29/03/2021 13:50

@viviennemary

Covid payment holidays don't effect credit files so OP will be fine.

emilyfrost · 29/03/2021 13:56

You shouldn’t have had a child with someone you don’t even share finances with; that was a very poor move.

Even more so when you won’t even ask him for help when you’re down to your last £10 Confused That’s not a team, that’s not a relationship at all.

Original poster
iwillnot · 29/03/2021 14:05

Please will you all stop it?

OP posts:
mackleless · 29/03/2021 14:07

@iwillnot

Please will you all stop it?
just leave the thread, they’re replying because you are
Original poster
iwillnot · 29/03/2021 14:08

@Viviennemary

You have still not said whether your credit rating will be affected.
My planning skills could be better but your reading comprehension is now really getting on my nerves. I have said FOUR times now I haven’t missed a payment.

I have arranged a very brief break in payments while I’m on maternity leave. I am therefore taking advantage of a finance company, shouldn’t have had a child, I Do Hope Your Car Doesn’t Break Down (in other words I REALLY hope it does so I can run my hands gleefully) - have you heard yourselves?

Since you want my life story we are supporting other relatives. I don’t want DH to worry about me. I am an adult and I am used to paying for things and sorting things myself. I am now well aware DD shouldn’t exist because of this. Got it.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 29/03/2021 14:16

Oh do grow up op. You're massively projecting. No one thinks you should have had an abortion and no one actually cares about the damn car. The point is of you're raiding your kids money box instead of talking to your DH that's an issue. If you want to bury your head in the and over that then Hide / delete the thread

Original poster
iwillnot · 29/03/2021 14:19

You shouldn’t have had a child with someone you don’t even share finances with; that was a very poor move.

Would you also like help with reading comprehension? It’s right there above you. You’re the only person who mentioned abortion, though.

OP posts:
sunflowersandbuttercups · 29/03/2021 14:22

Don't be so melodramatic.

You could quite easily solve the problem you're having by joining finances, or by "borrowing" the money from your husband for a few months and paying it back in July.

You're choosing to take the most awkward route and then are shouting at people for not understanding your logic.

Original poster
iwillnot · 29/03/2021 14:25

sunflowers I’m really cross, is why. How dare you pontificate on here giving me advice on my relationship and finances which I do not want?

OP posts:
WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 29/03/2021 14:25

You need to sort your head & your marriage out. You have a baby together, you are married - it's no longer his v mine if you want to be a family.

Original poster
iwillnot · 29/03/2021 14:26

It’s not even advice, it’s instructions. Who do you think you are deciding there is only one way to manage money within a relationship?

OP posts:
AmelieTaylor · 29/03/2021 14:29

@iwillnot

sunflowers I’m really cross, is why. How dare you pontificate on here giving me advice on my relationship and finances which I do not want?
Advice you don't want?

Which bastard forced you at GunPoint to start a thread?

People who have seen a lot more of life are advising you that this kind of financial set up once you are married & have children, realky isn't wise ... but you do you, have a strop... just remember it in years to come 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
iwillnot · 29/03/2021 14:31

Yes they have told me repeatedly and I have repeatedly said it is sorted.

People live their lives differently, shock horror Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
iwillnot · 29/03/2021 14:32

you do you, have a strop... just remember it in years to come

Can you really, honestly, not see how condescending and horrible this is?

Do you really think I’m going to say oh gosh, you’re right and I’m wrong and everything I’ve done until now is wrong?

OP posts:
Naunet · 29/03/2021 14:32

I really don’t understand why everyone defends this kind of behaviour. We complain about the customer service etc in this country, but then help businesses enforce their shit standards.

I think asking for help is completely sensible and a responsible lender should be working with you. Legally though, they probably don’t have to do anything.

sunflowersandbuttercups · 29/03/2021 14:33

@iwillnot

sunflowers I’m really cross, is why. How dare you pontificate on here giving me advice on my relationship and finances which I do not want?
You posted about your problem, people have given you perfectly sensible, logical advice and you've been nothing but rude and snappy to them.

Your DH could lend you money and the whole thing would be solved. Or, as he's your husband, he could just pay the finance for you for three months. It's very odd that you're taking £10 off your daughter to pay your debts while your husband sits there with money in the bank.

It seems like you're just creating drama where it doesn't need to exist. Your husband should be your first port of call when you're struggling, not a finance company.

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