Page 5 | To expect more help than this?

iwillnot · 2021-03-29T07:58:29+00:00

Went on maternity leave in October, have a new job in starting in July. I’m struggling with making payments on my car. Contacted the company to explain this and just got told it was a priority debt. AIBU in that given how temporary this situation is they should have been a bit more helpful? (I’m not asking for advice as such just wondering if I’m being U.)

Whatisupwithme · 29/03/2021 10:48

Your 'D' H should absolutely be your first point of call before the finance company. I really hope he is not sitting there with savings and disposable income, while you have had to take £10 from your DD.

FuckyouCovid21 · 29/03/2021 10:50

Well done OP, I'm sure lots of people have taken advantage of mortgage holidays etc.,

Some sanctimonious arseholes on here as per usual, let's hope they never find themselves in financial difficulty

Famousinlove · 29/03/2021 10:57

@FuckyouCovid21 I actually hope everyone that gave OP a hard time does find themselves in financial difficulty, it will give them the perspective they seem to lack

Dishwashersaurous · 29/03/2021 10:57

Glad you got it sorted.

Long term I'm a bit worried about your relationship and your response to family money. On here there are so many people who are screwed over by their partner financially. Just checking that you are not

PricklesAndSpikes · 29/03/2021 10:58

I am so glad you have got your payment break, and I kind of understand you wanting to pay off your debts on your own. But what I do find really sad is that you would rather go cap in hand, begging to the car finance company for them to help you than turning to your DH. Personally, even though I am a SAHM and earn nothing, I would expect my DH to WANT to help pay my debts, even if only for a short time. Even if you wanted to be responsible for the over all payments, surely he could have lent you the money for a few months and you could have repaid him rather than being indebted to the finance company? My DH are a team, raising a child and paying any bills, it's irrelevant who is doing which.

FuckyouCovid21 · 29/03/2021 11:03

@PricklesAndSpikes

I am so glad you have got your payment break, and I kind of understand you wanting to pay off your debts on your own. But what I do find really sad is that you would rather go cap in hand, begging to the car finance company for them to help you than turning to your DH. Personally, even though I am a SAHM and earn nothing, I would expect my DH to WANT to help pay my debts, even if only for a short time. Even if you wanted to be responsible for the over all payments, surely he could have lent you the money for a few months and you could have repaid him rather than being indebted to the finance company? My DH are a team, raising a child and paying any bills, it's irrelevant who is doing which.

She's not begging to the finance company and how do you know her DH covering the payments wouldn't make him short? OP will have to pay the money back, she's not getting something for free, she's just wanting a bit of breathing space until her new job kicks in

Confusedandshaken · 29/03/2021 11:04

Lots of people seem to think like the OP. I used to be a Building Soc manager. I was often bemused by people who thought that paying their mortgage was an optional extra. I'm not talking about people who had lost their jobs or become very ill but people who had acquired some new passion and wanted to let their payments lapse for a while. One chap had been offered an unpaid internship overseas and wanted to take a years payment holiday (it was a new 95% loan so he had minimal equity). I suggested we switched him to a commercial loan and he could rent out the property to cover his costs but that was too much hassle. He was amazed by my attitude and asked me 'would you turn down the opportunity of a lifetime just to pay a mortgage?' There was a long silence and eventually I told him that a job that meant I couldn't pay my debts wouldn't seem like an opportunity to me. I then explained the repossession policies.

In the end the bank of Mum and Dad paid his mortgage for him.

Wallabing · 29/03/2021 11:10

OP - I'm super glad you got this sorted and I'm really glad you ignored the posts of people who were unqualified to pass judgement.

Covid has hit people hard in lots of different ways and it's a shame that a handful of peoole don't seem to have much compassion. In an ordinary world, if you hadn't accounted for maternity at all and you were overcommitted then scolding you may have been an appropriate wake up call. People need to appreciate that you couldn't plan on being forced into early mat leave and the financial strain it would then cause. People also forget that lenders are still making insane profits. OP was never trying to get out of paying, she was just asking for consideration for her unique circumstance.

Sorry but this thread really rubbed me up the wrong way! Glad it's had a happy ending!

Disfordarkchocolate · 29/03/2021 11:18

If you reduce you payments it will have a very negative effect on your credit rating for years. I'd be finding some work rather than do that.

Original poster

iwillnot · 29/03/2021 11:19

It’s not that I’m seeing payments as an optional extra.

However maternity leave will happen perhaps twice in my lifetime. If I’m lucky.

A little help during it isn’t a huge ask.

OP posts:

PricklesAndSpikes · 29/03/2021 11:24

She's not begging to the finance company and how do you know her DH covering the payments wouldn't make him short? OP will have to pay the money back, she's not getting something for free, she's just wanting a bit of breathing space until her new job kicks in

I'm not saying that she won't pay it back. Perhaps "begging" was the wrong word, but she basically did, she went to them, they said no, she went back to them, telling them why she couldn't pay and asking them for a break. And I'm really glad it's worked out for her but it still makes me sad (and it's just my own opinion, based on what the OP has told us) that she has asked them to help her, rather than her DH. She also said she didn't feel it was her DH's responsibility to pay, not that he couldn't...

Original poster

iwillnot · 29/03/2021 11:25

prickles if I asked DH he’d probably pay it off in entirety.

That’s why I won’t. I don’t really want to take advantage of his lovely kindness and that’s how it feels. I know that’s probably wrong and my issue but it makes me feel ashamed. I came into this relationship as an equal.

As I say I know that’s my issue but personally I’d prefer to pay things myself, OK?

OP posts:

BillyIsMyBunny · 29/03/2021 11:33

@iwillnot

It’s not that I’m seeing payments as an optional extra.

However maternity leave will happen perhaps twice in my lifetime. If I’m lucky.

A little help during it isn’t a huge ask.

A little help during your maternity leave is not too much to ask. So ask your husband!!

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 29/03/2021 11:35

Er - yes, hence I went on maternity in October and it’s now nearly April. But just the same my income has dramatically reduced and I’m struggling.

What part of this was a surprise?

PricklesAndSpikes · 29/03/2021 11:40

iwillnot I totally understand, and I am totally NOT judging you, but I just can't help feeling sad that you should feel ashamed and unable to speak to the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with over something like money, especially if he can afford it and by the sounds of it would want to help. I can't imagine feeling ashamed asking my husband for money, and especially not when the reason I couldn't afford is because I'm on maternity leave from having our baby. But that's my issue - I feel fully entitled to whatever my DH earns as I am still totally his equal even though I earn nothing, I am raising his child, far more important and in my opinion far more "equal" than bringing in the cash! . All the best and enjoy the rest of your maternity leave and glad you will be feeling a bit less stressed.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 29/03/2021 11:51

You might be better off posting this query to MSE as they understand what "priority debts" are.

Original poster

iwillnot · 29/03/2021 11:52

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl

Er - yes, hence I went on maternity in October and it’s now nearly April. But just the same my income has dramatically reduced and I’m struggling.

What part of this was a surprise?

Oh, all of it: I thought I’d be back at work after 3 weeks with dd in a papoose.

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 29/03/2021 11:55

@iwillnot

prickles if I asked DH he’d probably pay it off in entirety.

That’s why I won’t. I don’t really want to take advantage of his lovely kindness and that’s how it feels. I know that’s probably wrong and my issue but it makes me feel ashamed. I came into this relationship as an equal.

As I say I know that’s my issue but personally I’d prefer to pay things myself, OK?

So if he lost most of his income and couldn't afford his basic debts, what would you do? Being equals and all. Tell him though he should have saved better?

Original poster

iwillnot · 29/03/2021 12:02

Like I say it’s my issue and I accept that. But it’s how I feel. Anyway it’s sorted now. So maybe we could stop attacking me?

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 29/03/2021 12:14

Encouraging you to get support from the father of the child that led you to having maternity leave and being skint is not attacking you op.

Viviennemary · 29/03/2021 12:17

If it affects your credit rating it isn't all sorted.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/03/2021 12:20

@Viviennemary

If it affects your credit rating it isn't all sorted.

Op has paid it.

NoSquirrels · 29/03/2021 12:32

@iwillnot

prickles if I asked DH he’d probably pay it off in entirety.

That’s why I won’t. I don’t really want to take advantage of his lovely kindness and that’s how it feels. I know that’s probably wrong and my issue but it makes me feel ashamed. I came into this relationship as an equal.

As I say I know that’s my issue but personally I’d prefer to pay things myself, OK?

Brilliant news on the payment break, I’m pleased you’ve sorted it.

Please do reflect on your attitude to money and finances now you’re married and have a baby. You’re no less equal if you earn less because you birthed the baby.

Finances are complicated and often emotional but as a family unit it’s best to be united on tackling income and outgoings otherwise it gets complicated and might not always maximise your resources.

You don’t need to give up financial independence or join every aspect of your monetary worth but it’s definitely a good idea to get a system in place that is flexible enough to deal with maternity leaves, illness or one partner losing income for another reason etc. Many people fall into traps when their responsibilities increase but their systems are stuck in the past.

Just have a (non-emotional) think about it and see if your attitudes to finance might need a bit of a gentle overhaul now you’re a family of three, not two individuals.

Original poster

iwillnot · 29/03/2021 12:48

@SleepingStandingUp

Encouraging you to get support from the father of the child that led you to having maternity leave and being skint is not attacking you op.

But it is sorted so why keep going on about it?

vivienne for the third time I have never missed a payment

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 29/03/2021 13:01

Well let's hope the tyre doesn't go or a head gasket pop eh