To expect more help than this?

[iwillnot]

Went on maternity leave in October, have a new job in starting in July.

I’m struggling with making payments on my car. Contacted the company to explain this and just got told it was a priority debt.

AIBU in that given how temporary this situation is they should have been a bit more helpful? (I’m not asking for advice as such just wondering if I’m being U.)

If you like mithering. I’ve actually been in tears over this thread as the comments have been awful and I really haven’t been the rude one.

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

You don’t have to pool finances, nobody is saying that. However your inability to communicate honestly with your spouse and the father of your child even when in dire circumstances does not bode well for the future. It sounds like need to really think about why you are in a relationship and what sort of honesty you expect from him. And why you think he isn’t owed that.

You’re meant to be a team. Not being a team is not “doing things differently,” it’s NOT doing things—being married, cohabiting, coparenting.

Actually yes a lot of people have said that.

So we’re not a team. OK. I’ll start divorce proceedings as obviously you know everything about me and my relationship based on this thread. Great. I’m sure that will solve everything, right?

really, you’re doing yourself no favours with your attitude

I didn’t have a fucking attitude before I was accused of the awful things I’ve been accused of in this thread and quite honestly I am really down about it. It’s completely spoiled today and it’s made me feel like shit. I’ve been struggling with pnd as it is and I just feel like a shite mother and wife now.

And every time I defend myself I get told I’m rude , of course I’m rude, you’re being awful about me so why would I respond politely to that?

@iwillnot I don’t understand what you’re trying to get out of this. People are giving you good and genuine advice, you’re responding by lashing out and making irrelevant remarks.

What I said quite clearly is that you need to be able to communicate with your husband. If you want me to break it down more for you, I’m saying YOU NEED TO LEARN TO COMMUNICATE AS A PARTNER. I never said anything about separating, where are you getting this hysterical junk from?

People have repeatedly pointed out your inability to communicate with your spouse as the issue. You’ve responded by showing further evidence that you struggle to have these kinds of conversations. Maybe consider whether that means this area is something you need to work on?

I’m sorry to hear about your PND, that makes a lot of sense. Are you getting any support with that? Is your husband being a good support?

But I don’t WANT advice.

I said in my op I wasn’t looking for advice but I got some info that was actually helpful and I came and I said thank you, sincerely and gratefully.

That was when, midday ish? So eight hours of people telling me I shouldn’t have had a child, am irresponsible, am unemployed, have a bad marriage, stole from my dd.

And yeah you want to know what I am getting out of it, let’s turn that around. What are you getting out of this?

I’m not being awful about you at all . If the replies are making you so upset, just STEP AWAY. You don’t need to keep posting to ‘defend’ yourself against people who you feel are being so awful to you, why do you care what these people think!?

I’m sorry you’re struggling I’ll report this to MN, I think they can give you links to supports that are available

I work for a bank (not in lending but we all have mandatory training on policies and procedures).
While financial institutions are obliged to discuss your situation with you they are not obliged to give you a payment holiday.
In your case it’s probably because you didn’t lose your job due to coronavirus but went on maternity and are now starting a new job.
The deadline to apply for a payment holiday has been extended to 31 March.
I don’t think YABU under ordinary circumstances but banks are so tight now.
You can also contact Citizens Advice or the FCA

You need to step away now I think. You know your relationship is fine. You know your financial situation. You know your DH. No one on this thread knows any of that. You wanted to freeze the finances to do it yourself so you didn't have to ask your dh - I assume if they said "nope we won't freeze, and if you miss a penny we'll be around to collect the car" you'd ask dh under those circumstances - because you've said 5 millions times that of course he'd help. It all makes sense. What's making less sense is why you care what internet people think so with the greatest respect walk away because you're never gonna get people on your POV.

mack I get that and I didn’t mean you personally

I guess I don’t know either sweet but it’s hard to ignore some of the really awful comments.

OP - people have been trying to be helpful.

Having a child is a shared expense. It doesn't matter if your finances are separate - both parents are responsible for funding the child. Because of that, maternity leave is also a shared expense (or drop in income, to put it more accurately). Most couples share the financial of maternity leave even if they have separate finances.

The only reason you can't afford this payment is because you are on maternity leave, yet you keep insisting that your husband cannot possibly be asked to help. Even for couples with separate finances, that is a long way from the normal way to do things.

I agree with the posters above that there is a communication issue here. I'm not telling you to divorce, or scrap your car, or abandon your child (or any other far fetched thing). I'm just advising you to talk to your husband. If you don't feel you can do that, there is a problem.

^ share the financial impact of maternity leave

You think it’s helpful to criticise me so much I’m in tears?

Clue. It’s not.

Not sure why people are being unkind, I would call Citizens advice xx

You need to step away from this thread now OP.

Hide it and forget about it - it's not doing you any favours