to assume that a teen is married to a middle aged man?

[Asianfemale]

My middle-aged white DH was in a large computer store getting his and my laptops repaired. Our mixed race (but looking more Asian than white) teenage DD came with him for company. DH mentioned that one of the laptops belonged to his wife. Without skipping a bit the engineer asked DD to describe what was wrong with her computer assuming that she was the wife.
DD was really embarrassed and walked away. DH says it happened before and he is worried that she wouldn't want to be seen with him in the future.
Innocent mistake or WTF? Would that happen if DH was out with a white teenager? Has this happened to you? AIBU to be concerned?

[candlemasbells]

Happened to me loads of times including once when we went out to dinner together. We were talking about music and a woman in a nearby table started saying to her friends are they together? It made us worse.
Someone once thought my brother and I were together, that was worse because at the time we looked so similar we liked passing as twins!
Every time I’m out with an older friend they think we’re together
It’s all annoying

[Embra]

It might be to do with your daughter being Asian because it’s more difficult for us as humans to recognize age correctly in different race. Not deliberately but just happens. It might be useful to explain this to your daughter? So that she doesn’t feel being discriminate.

[harisonsmum]

When I was younger around 12, I was in a supermarket with my dad and there was a sales man at the entrance who referred to me as my dads wife, I was mortified and had to walk away and pretend I hadn’t heard. We both looked alike with red hair. It was awful. But I think some people, perhaps more men in general just don’t pay attention.

[nokidshere]

Why are people embarrassed? Surely you'd just say 'gross that's my dad/mum/whoever?" Or laugh? The embarrassment would be for the person making the assumption would it not?

Someone once asked my son if he was having a nice day out with his grandma, she was mortified when I said actually I'm his mum!

My DH and two strapping 6ft+ muscly sons were having breakfast in a hotel one morning and a lady tapped one of the boys on the shoulder and whispered 'you might want to tell your grandad he's got his jumper on inside out'. They didn't put her right but it's still a story that has them rolling around laughing years later.

[SandyY2K]

To those who ask what it has to do with being Asian, unfortunately, when you are not white and something strange happens, more often that not it is to do with your race.

I understand what you mean.

I do think it wasvan assumption based on what your DH said about it being his wife's laptop though.

Many years ago. Think I was 15, I was called my dad's wife by a shop assistant. My DF was not impressed. Said I was his daughter and in fact I wasn't his oldest daughter.

I'm black, as is my DF, but I find that people who aren't black are often way off the mark with estimating ages of black people IME.

These days there are a people have more larger age gap relationships, so others are cautious not to jump to conclusions one way or another.

[Jetsthebestgladiator]

There are all sorts of people in the world. You equally wouldn’t want to assume someone wasn’t a couple unless you were positive they weren’t because that is insulting ie. age gap relationships etc. Im a woman and find ages really hard because teenagers now look much older, OAPs look younger than ever so it’s hard to tell. Add that to having masks on and your husband saying his wife when he was with a female the guy probably just never questioned it. Sounds innocent more than anything.

[AmyLou100]

I think it's simply to do with her looking much older. I have made this mistake many times.

[ContentsMayBeHot]

I'm sure this is more prevalent with mixed race families but it's a fairly common mistake for people to make with families of the same race.

A moment of sympathy for my wife - we're both white and she's younger than me, but has been mistakenly identified as my mother on a couple of occasions

[MrsGogolsGumbo]

At my sisters wedding, a lady told my dad she hoped he and his new wife (actually his daughter) would be very happy together

Both white, it happens.

[MoreMorelos]

I have been mistaken for my DSis girlfriend and my DSs girlfriend- he's 17 and I'm 43. All of us white, people just aren't very good judges

[CombatBarbie]

Probably thought he was one of those men who like young Asian females

Sadly I think this is the problem. Mind you I know 2 white men with philappean/thailand wives and the wives are often mistaken for daughters despite actually being ages with their husbands.

[Aweebawbee]

My FIL was at the train station with his teenage son and someone approached them and asked if they were looking for a room. FIL is a very proper, smart sort of man, BIL is tall, skinny and in those days, a bit of a punk. Maybe looked like an addict?

[MrsMop1964]

My dad was 21 years older than me. When I was a teenager I looked older and used to make a point of calling him 'dad' in a slightly louder than necessary voice so there was no mistake in certain situations.

[Cartwheelingdinosaur]

I know a number of thai brides. They are all lovely, very young looking, very beautiful and married to much older men. Even the oldest of them, who is in her 50s looks decades younger than she actually is. I'm afraid I may make a similar mistake.

[Walkaround]

I think a fair point was made earlier on that as shops are asking people not to accompany family members into shops at the moment, it was a reasonable assumption that the person accompanying your dh was the other laptop owner.

[Walkaround]

*unnecessarily accompany

[Fifthtimelucky]

I think an innocent mistake. I remember once being out with my father. He was collecting me from university and we stopped on the journey for a break and a pub meal.

I was 21 at most. He'd have been late 50s and had white hair. The waiter l was obviously confused about our relationship. He started off calling me 'Miss', then swapped to 'Madam', then went back to 'Miss' and he ended up just looking embarrassed. I took pity on him, and was also a bit embarrassed that he thought we could be a couple, and kept dropping 'Dad ' into the conversation.

That was 40 years ago and we are both white.

[Basicbitching]

@Asianfemale I think it's relevant because of exactly what I said In my pp!
There's certain assumptions made with East Asians and different ones when it's south Asians.
If your whole post is based on race then why be so vague about it???

[Basicbitching]

@CandyLeBonBon

Saying Asian in the UK usually means South Asian. In USA it means east Asian and then south Asians are referred to as Indian! We may all be assuming different things depending on where we're from.

No east Asian person I know refers to themselves as Asian but every South Asian person does so of course it makes a difference how op put it.

Ops asking a question based on race then contradicting herself by saying its not relevant ..then don't mention it in the first place.

[WiseOwlOne]

@partyatthepalace

I think the likelihood is that your husband mentioned his wife, and the assistant (who let’s face it doesn’t give a fuck who the customers are) just turned to the woman next to your DH

But yes, I agree it would have been a bit less likely to have happened if she was white - though I think that’s more likely about the fact people still auto-expect kids to be the same colour as their parents. Younger Asian bride could have been in the assistant’s head - but I think it’s less likely than either of the previous explanations.

I agree with this, I have worked on a til and it's amazing, somebody could come back with their receipt and say ''I was here an hour ago and I left my XXXXX'' and I'd remember the item but not their face.

But I do think that if people are giving it any thought they may be more likely to think younger asian bride.

I was on the high street with my Dad after I'd left home so I was definitely an adult and we met a man he knew who said is this your wife? I nearly got sick. My Dad is not a well-groomed, tall, wealthy kind of man either. He looks like a retired womble. As if he'd have a wife thirty years younger. Neither of them picked up on how ridiculous a gaf it was. Made me queasy.

[Exhausted4ever]

Unfortunately I don't doubt that race played an element here and that those saying why would it be, are showing their white privilege. Now I'm not saying the worker was going to treat your family nastily or that he has any ill feelings to Asians at all. But micro aggressions are, to some extent, ingrained in people and his assumption that your middle aged husband was married to a very young Asian woman is a micro aggression. It's the idea that young Asian woman can be bought by white middle aged men that plays a factor here.
And for those saying maybe she looks older than 15, potentially she did, but as Asain people are often judged to look younger than they actually are, I wouldn't bank on it. Did your husband call him out on his assumption @Asianfemale

[SarahAndQuack]

@asianfemale, hope you get a good response if you do write.

[Flippyferloppy]

Happened to me once when I was about 14. A colleague of my father's asked if I was his wife. Yuk!!!!
I've also had the reverse of this with DH being asked if was his daughter. He is older, but not old enough.
It's weird!

[Asianfemale]

[quote Basicbitching]@CandyLeBonBon

Saying Asian in the UK usually means South Asian. In USA it means east Asian and then south Asians are referred to as Indian! We may all be assuming different things depending on where we're from.

No east Asian person I know refers to themselves as Asian but every South Asian person does so of course it makes a difference how op put it.

Ops asking a question based on race then contradicting herself by saying its not relevant ..then don't mention it in the first place.[/quote]
Seriously.

I don't think I need to be corrected on how I self-identify. I was born in Asia, raised in Aisa, I am of Asian heritage and I look Asian. I do get discriminated based on my Asian looks, so does my daughter. So please don't question how I refer to myself.

I am neither East Asian or South Asian - it is quite strange to limit the race to this two categories. I do not wish to specify exactly what part of Asia I am from. My question was "Does this happen to white families?" and the answer was yes. So that's that.

[Osirus]

To those who ask what it has to do with being Asian, unfortunately, when you are not white and something strange happens, more often that not it is to do with your race.

This is so sad and absolutely shouldn’t be the case.