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to assume that a teen is married to a middle aged man?

251 replies

Asianfemale · 28/03/2021 21:32

My middle-aged white DH was in a large computer store getting his and my laptops repaired. Our mixed race (but looking more Asian than white) teenage DD came with him for company. DH mentioned that one of the laptops belonged to his wife. Without skipping a bit the engineer asked DD to describe what was wrong with her computer assuming that she was the wife.
DD was really embarrassed and walked away. DH says it happened before and he is worried that she wouldn't want to be seen with him in the future.
Innocent mistake or WTF? Would that happen if DH was out with a white teenager? Has this happened to you? AIBU to be concerned?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

567 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
Stellaroses · 28/03/2021 21:35

Surely must be an innocent mistake? Maybe I’m wrong but can’t imagine it would be to do with being Asian?

whatswithtodaytoday · 28/03/2021 21:35

I'm white and someone assumed I was my dad's wife when I was early 20s. Ick. He would have been early 50s.

I have no idea why as we actually look quite similar as well.

Thehop · 28/03/2021 21:37

People always thought the opposite of my parents.....that my mum was my dads daughter. 😂

wizzywig · 28/03/2021 21:38

Probably thought he was one of those men who like young Asian females

Robostripes · 28/03/2021 21:41

Your DD may look older than she is. I’ve been mistaken for my DH’s daughter once and I’m only 9 years younger than him! Some people are just really bad at telling how old people are, as I get older I find it very difficult to distinguish between say a 15 year old and a 25 year old.

UserTwice · 28/03/2021 21:41

I think (despite it being increasingly common) a lot of people struggle with the idea that it's possible to have children with a different skin colour to yourself.

I'm a middle-aged Asian looking woman. My son is a white looking teenage boy. We get strange looks when we are out together which I attribute to people wondering what we are doing together, and we've both been asked by people who the other person is (e.g. my son sees one of his friends; they later ask who I am). I don't think we would get the same reaction if our skin colours are the same. We actually look quite alike, but I think most people see skin colour before they see facial features.

x2boys · 28/03/2021 21:41

Honestly I wouldn't be to concerned lots of people can't tell ages I bumped into a friend at my son's parents evening fairly newish friend who had never met my DH ,my dad had driven my I was mid 40,s my dad was 76 but looked a bit younger my friend thought he was my DH h🤣

Asianfemale · 28/03/2021 21:42


Surely must be an innocent mistake? Maybe I’m wrong but can’t imagine it would be to do with being Asian?

In the ideal world - it should have nothing to do with that, but even I am often get treated as a mail order wife, despite being same age, income and education level as my husband. The age gap between DH and DD is so obvious, that that may be the reason the assumption was made.
OP posts:
Lilao · 28/03/2021 21:42

I've been mistaken for my Dads partner loads of times and he's mid 50's and I'm mid 20's.

I don't think it was all down to race.

HarryLimeFoxtrot · 28/03/2021 21:44

It happened to DH when he went to exercise classes with DD (16). Everyone seemed to assume that she was his wife/girlfriend.

lioncitygirl · 28/03/2021 21:47

Errrr what’s being an asian have anything to do with this Confused? Isn’t it just an innocent mistake?

RosieGuacamosie · 28/03/2021 21:47

It’s happened to me when I was 17 and out for dinner in a big city with my dad as we were visiting a potential university for me. I was fucking mortified! There’s a 35 year age gap between us - we are both white for reference.

Asianfemale · 28/03/2021 21:47


Probably thought he was one of those men who like young Asian females

Right? DH was very upset too. Considering he really likes me, who is Asian, but is his age
OP posts:
Tinydinosaur · 28/03/2021 21:47

Honest mistake. I'm white. I've been mistaken for my dad and step dad's girlfriend, and my husband's daughter. They don't know you, he mentioned his wife then a female walked in, you'd connect those dots.

ekidmxcl · 28/03/2021 21:49

It could be that your dh talked about his wife's laptop and had a female with him so the assistant just matched up the conversation with the people present.

RatsolutelyFabulous · 28/03/2021 21:50

Every time I go out with my dad (both white) someone always makes a comment on us being in a relationship. Same happens if I’m out with my eldest brother (we both are pretty much identical in terms of looks)

It does grate on me, especially with my dad, makes us both feel weird. Feel like I shouldn’t go out with my dad mid twenties because I must be in a relationship with a guy twice my ageHmm

Honestly, it’s nothing to do with culture, just people being a bit stupid and not thinking. Definitely don’t let it put your daughter off going out with her dad. My dads my best mate, just tell her to Rick her eyes and correct said people in future

Bargebill19 · 28/03/2021 21:51

Meh it happens. Shop assistant had to make a guess one way or the other. They had a 50/50 chance of getting it right. Plus age gap marriages do happen.
I’ve been mistaken for my DH mother - despite being 6 years younger. Also my departed mil was mistaken for my mother. On that one, neither of us was happy.

KittyWoods · 28/03/2021 21:52

I went on holiday with my dad when I was 20 and he was 53. People round the pool were avoiding him thinking I was his underage girlfriend!

PenisBeakerIsMyFavouriteMuppet · 28/03/2021 21:53

I’m white, so is my brother. He’s 25 years older than me, and I was once mistake for his wife when we bumped into someone he used to work with in a pub.

I was 20 at the time, and looked it.

I think given your husband mentioned a wife, the guy erred on the side of caution and didn’t just assume that your DD was his DD.

wandawombat · 28/03/2021 21:55

I (dumpy female, short hair) was out helping a friend (female, blonde, petite) shop for a large item & the sales guy asked how long we'd been together! Thankfully, friend did not hear the comment or she'd have ripped a new one but it happens, people don't think...

Goleor · 28/03/2021 21:56

This has been happening to myself and my own father for years. We usually just laugh about it

SplendidSuns1000 · 28/03/2021 21:56

I think there's just as much chance of it being an innocent mistake as it being a micro-aggression sort of thing. I was often mistaken as my mum in my teens when out with my dad and it's a common occurence especially with a young looking parent and older looking child.

Perhaps their masks contributed to the confusion?

GreyhoundG1rl · 28/03/2021 21:56

He mentioned (unnecessarily, on the face of it) that one of the laptops belonged to his wife. I think the assumption that the female accompanying him was the wife in question was quite natural?
Why else would he say it? (Why did he??)

Asianfemale · 28/03/2021 21:57

Thank you RatsolutelyFabulous Tinydinosaur RosieGuacamosie HarryLimeFoxtrot Lilao whatswithtodaytoday
It is creepy regardless of race, but in a strange way reassuring to know that this could happen with white women too.
To those who ask what it has to do with being Asian, unfortunately, when you are not white and something strange happens, more often that not it is to do with your race.

OP posts:
partyatthepalace · 28/03/2021 21:58

I think the likelihood is that your husband mentioned his wife, and the assistant (who let’s face it doesn’t give a fuck who the customers are) just turned to the woman next to your DH

But yes, I agree it would have been a bit less likely to have happened if she was white - though I think that’s more likely about the fact people still auto-expect kids to be the same colour as their parents. Younger Asian bride could have been in the assistant’s head - but I think it’s less likely than either of the previous explanations.

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