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to assume that a teen is married to a middle aged man?

251 replies

Asianfemale · 28/03/2021 21:32

My middle-aged white DH was in a large computer store getting his and my laptops repaired. Our mixed race (but looking more Asian than white) teenage DD came with him for company. DH mentioned that one of the laptops belonged to his wife. Without skipping a bit the engineer asked DD to describe what was wrong with her computer assuming that she was the wife.
DD was really embarrassed and walked away. DH says it happened before and he is worried that she wouldn't want to be seen with him in the future.
Innocent mistake or WTF? Would that happen if DH was out with a white teenager? Has this happened to you? AIBU to be concerned?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?


You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

CounsellorTroi · 30/03/2021 10:00


When I was in my teens someone contacted my mum and told her my dad was having an affair as he had been seen with a woman in his car. That woman was me!

A bit off topic, but my ILs used to have an Afghan hound and one of my MIL’s friends told her they’d seen FIL out in his car with a blonde woman.
jessstan2 · 30/03/2021 10:07

Just an innocent mistake stemming from your husband mentioning his wife. Tell your daughter this sort of thing often happens.

I've known middle aged women out with their dads and dad was mistaken for their husband! Certainly not flattering :-). They said it often happened.

Your husband must look quite young!

People don't think and jump to conclusions.

SVRT19674 · 30/03/2021 10:18

Actually one of the best happened when I was queueing at the supermarket some years ago. There were two women with a man and a baby. As they went through, the cashier said "ohhhh so cute he looks just like his father" (looking at the man). The three looked shocked, and one of the women said, "well actually this man is not the baby´s father, he is this lady´s husband, no relation". So the cashier quickly said: "oh he doesn´t look like him AT ALL then". Had to bite my lip not to laugh, talk about in with both feet!

Randomfatty · 30/03/2021 10:30


By asian do you mean South Asian or East Asian? Because I know people do assume things when seeing an East Asian woman with an older white man but I've not seen it happen to South Asians.

Happens to me all the time, my partner is older than me by 9 years and a bit of a baldy. I have a baby face - at an airport restaurant we got sat at 2 separate tables as they couldn’t fathom we would be together. It was very amusing but the poor waitress didn’t know what to do! I ended up in a&e with a severe chest infection and the first thing the senior nurse asked was who is he? As obviously he couldn’t be my husband! The number of strange looks we’ve had when out as well - and then when our daughter is in the mix - he was asked if he was our taxi driver / chauffeur as he was carrying all the bags into the car! Although she’s the splitting image of her dad but with dark hair and eyes!
Gensola · 30/03/2021 10:36

I’ve had this both ways! My parents divorced when I was 16 and very often if my dad took me for dinner or whatever to see me the waiter would be like “and the pizza for your lovely wife” and we’d both die of embarrassment Blush
Now my DH is older and I look younger than I am (35 and very short, get IDed regularly) and when we went on holiday to France the lady in the hotel blanched when we checked in and started frantically trying to swap us to a twin room instead of a double. Poor DH.

JustSleepAlready · 30/03/2021 10:42

I’ve been thought of as my dads younger girlfriend. Both white. Only happened once (that I know of)

Grumpasaurus · 30/03/2021 10:44

Op I think it's safer for ppl to assume partner rather than child.

I have been mistaken for my dad's gf/wife- yuck! We both visibly recoiled but laughed it off.

I have also been mistaken for an ex-partners daughter. He was sensitive as it was about being older- that was waaaay worse.

All white btw.

LongHotSummerJustPassedMeBy · 30/03/2021 11:05

I am mixed race and do look young for my age. People often assume that I am my (white) Mum's carer when we are out and about. I have even had glares and comments from passers by when we are disagreeing with each other about something.

MeridasMum · 30/03/2021 11:12

My white DH and white teen DD had exactly this! They were each as mortified as the other.

Therefore I'd say it's not to do with race but who knows what the individual in question was thinking?

Volcanoexplorer · 30/03/2021 11:18

This has happened to to before with my dad and we’re both white. My dad is only 22 years older than me so I suppose he still looked fairly young when I was early twenties, but it was still ick. Think it was always just an innocent mistake though. I also have a much younger half- brother (20 years younger). I’d take him out when he was young and people would always assume I was his mum and my then boyfriend ( now dh) his dad. We’re all white. Again, just an innocent mistake.

DrCoconut · 30/03/2021 14:59

My DS was once asked if I'm his partner ShockGrinConfused

Asianfemale · 30/03/2021 15:14


I am mixed race and do look young for my age. People often assume that I am my (white) Mum's carer when we are out and about. I have even had glares and comments from passers by when we are disagreeing with each other about something.

Wow. Just wow.

And I am often mistaken for my mixed race son's nanny.

As an Asian professional, it amazes me how many people assume that I must be in a service job. For instance, just before the lockdown I was a speaker at a conference and right after I finished shaking hands with lots and lots of people who wanted to meet me following my speech, a man asked me to bring him a cup of coffee! I was dressed in one of my best outfits (but not in black and white as many professional women know to avoid this combination), carrying a handbag, had a speaker badge, etc. so there was literally nothing other than my race to suggest that I was a waiter!
OP posts:
magicstar1 · 30/03/2021 15:44

It happened to me when I was 19 and my dad was 51. We went away for a weekend and the b&b owner showed us to a lovely room....with one double bed. He was horrified and said "she's my daughter!" It was quite awkward but we laughed about it later.

LongHotSummerJustPassedMeBy · 30/03/2021 16:29

OP - how awful that he assumed that you were there to serve him without any indication that this was your actual job!

From what you and I describe, I think there is likely an element of 'know your place' involved, unfortunately. This creates another dimension to the experience of being mistaken for someone else.

Dogsaresomucheasier · 30/03/2021 16:48

My husband has an obvious disability which has prematurely aged him. Apparently I’m a dreadful daughter who is taking advantage of him and expecting him to do all the childcare! (He’s a stay at home dad to our son.)

Ikora · 30/03/2021 17:52

Have you watched Killing Eve op? SPOILER ALERT! Eve who is Asian slips past people by dressing as a cleaning lady as they are so unnoticeable and invisible.

I get you OP I am asian, Chinese and the whole mail order bride especially how Thai women are viewed is most definitely a thing. I can see that it has happened to white people as well but the fact they may think we have been literally bought or are only after a visa is positively uugghh.

You know about yellow fever? Not the disease, the fetishism of Asian women. Serious research articles available online if your interested.

Elefant1 · 30/03/2021 19:19

If my partner, his daughter and I were to go out together it would cause confusion. He was 18 when his daughter was born and he is 16 years older than me, so only 2 years between me and his daughter. Add in that he looks younger than he is and no one could be blamed for being confused!

JackieTheFart · 30/03/2021 19:38

It happened to me when I was 14 dad and I are both white. Yes it was mortifying, but it didn’t put me off spending time with my dad. His noxious personality did that Grin.

Can’t comment on the race thing obvs.

Hufflepuffsunite · 30/03/2021 19:55

Yep happened to me too! I was about 13/14 and a sales assistant asked me if my dad and I were married!!! I was horrified. He thought it was hilarious but I refused to go to the shops with him for weeks after that 🤣 we are white btw.

BenoneBeauty · 30/03/2021 20:21

Op, it feels like you're determined to see race as the issue when I think it's the fact you're female (at least for a lot of the situations you're describing) - sadly I've often been asked to get tea / coffee etc at conferences when I've been one of the few females in the room. I work in a very male dominated industry and this happens often (often assumed Im the receptionist or waitress rather than, sometimes, the most senior person in the room (and seeing the faces when people realise is fun, but does make me 'mark their cards'!)

bunnytheegghunter · 30/03/2021 20:41

I always had this when I went anywhere with my dad from about 15 right up till he passed away. We were both white, people just make assumptions I don't really know why x

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 30/03/2021 20:54

My DD and DS2 have been mistaken for bf & gf, despite a fairly large age gap and looking similar. It happens. People see a male and female together and assume a romantic relationship.

Xiaoxiong · 30/03/2021 21:07

This happens with me and my dad, most famously when my now DH was chatting me up at a uni related event, I excused myself when my dad arrived. When I texted DH later he was really off and distant with me and then said "i wish you had been upfront with me and told me you had a boyfriend." I was like...that was my dad...we both look very similar (and are both white, as well). DH was amazed, as his dad is at least 15 years older than mine and looks much older than his age so he couldn't imagine my dad looking like that.

Reader, I still married him. (Needless to say my dad LOVES this story!)

Scoobydoobywho · 30/03/2021 21:08

My dad, myself and db were at my Uncles funeral when one of my family members on my dad's side asked if I was my dad's wife. She was mortified when I said I'm his daughter, I did laugh though.

DieSchottin93 · 30/03/2021 21:10

Someone once thought my twin was my boyfriend Hmm

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