To ask what your biggest regret in life is?

[SylviaPlath1984]

Or even what you feel you might regret in the future if you don't do it soon?

I regret not taking school more seriously or trying harder, not making more of myself.

What about you?

cowbells your regret not writing a book or losing weight are so achievable, I believe in you to do both! Set your eyes on it and you honestly will do it. I’ve meant to write a book for years too and have now started mine

Not working harder at school. Not finishing uni. Ever being friends with the bitch that ruined my life.

Not investing sooner or taking my pension seriously

@Suitcasegotregrets

Getting married very young when I thought I might be gay - I’d told my mum and she’d been angry and so I forced it away. I really didn’t want to be gay. It’s amazing how you can fight something if you really don’t want it. I’ve managed to ignore it for a very long time but now here I am, two dc and a husband and I all feels rather too late and selfish.

This is really sad. I'm so sorry that you haven't been able to address this and I hope you find the strength to do so

I wish I hadn't married a foreigner.

@Chimeraforce

I wish I'd pursued book keeping or accountancy or got an apprenticeship at the council in 1989 when I left school. Instead I went into YTS retail....

So you’re only around 48 now- 20 years left at work- you could have a whole new career! Go to Uni? Do an Apprenticeship? Use all your transferable skills from Retail and change direction?

Having a baby with a dickhead

MmeLaraque

Bippityboo2
I'm sorry you had that happen. The same thing could have happened to my daughter, and probably would have had she been my first. DD2 was breech and a c-section and my milk hadn't come in by day 5 and I could tell her nappies were drier, so I sent my partner out for some formula much to the chagrin of the community midwife despite losing 8% of her birth weight. She guzzled it, poor baby was starving. I was 36 by that point and I have a big gap between my 2, had it have been my first child at 22 I would've listened to what the 'experts' said and wouldn't have questioned it. My milk came in on day 12, 3 days after her due date.
DD2 is 3.5 now and very tall for her age, she is Autistic, which is a challenge in itself, but I often wonder if those early days contributed.

Breast is best is forced upon us, and in most cases it is, but with the best will in the world it isn't always possible. You are not to blame, and I know that sounds trite, the medical professionals who failed to listen are. Hugs.
"I often wonder if those early days contributed."

Autism is neurological. Something people are born with. So no, those early days didn't contribute to your kid's autism.
**

There is actually extensive evidence now that hypernatraemic dehydration (usually 2nd to breastfeeding difficulties) gives a 17 fold increased risk of autism. This was based on research from over 100,000 babies in Sweden. I am certain it was relevant in my child’s case and it is also my biggest regret that the medical staff around us did not seem to care about her jaundice/weight loss/dry nappies.

Not looking after my health when I was younger (type one diabetes) and giving up too soon/listening to incorrect advice about breastfeeding. Also to a lesser degree being involved with men I didn't really like or who took the piss but at least that helped me grow as a person and develop a backbone.

Having my first baby at 19
And my 6th at 29

I wish I’d waited ten years but had the same kids if that makes sense

I don’t regret having them-I was just too young and everything was a million times harder

@Threebecomesfour

Interesting question! Like a lot of people have expressed already, the older you get the more you realise every decision leads you to where you are now. I am lucky enough to say I am broadly happy with my life - not that it's perfect at all - but I can't really complain. My one big regret is going on my first crash diet aged 17. Since then I have been on a constant treadmill of dieting, bingeing and dieting again. It's exhausting. It's totally messed up my metabolism and I don't even know how to maintain my weight...just how to lose and gain rapidly.

You sound like me. I really don’t know how to maintain a healthy weight

Not realising how I was brought up was not okay and letting someone know

Staying in my job.
I always wanted to be a teacher, and never dreamed of doing anything else, but I realised fairly quickly into my career that I hate it.
I love being in class, but I hate everything else.
I’m now six years into it and I feel so trapped. I can’t wait to have a baby just because maternity leave is a good excuse for a year off (obviously this isn’t the only reason I want a baby!).

Getting married (to a narcissistic psychopath). Even the taxi driver who drove me to the register office wanted to take me home after one look at him! Ruined my whole life.

I love being available to children. But my H made me reget it, I dont regret my time with them but I regret I trusted my H and has has ruined us all with bad financial decissions.

If at all I had known; although unwillingly, would have kept my career going for the kids future.
I regret deeply that I trusted him with children's future.

My only regret is not looking after my teeth. They cost me a fortune and make me very stressed.
Otherwise I'm happy with my choices and I recognize that I cant change them anyway. If I had my time again I might choose different A levels and degree so I could have got a better paid job. As it is I'm a teacher - I like it well enough but if I had my time again I'd choose something where I could earn more money.
I have no regrets at all about the other things in my life. So far my DH is a good and kind man and my surprise baby (a little earlier in life than planned) turned out to be the light of my life (and her brother who came soon after!). I dont regret living abroad even though it wasn't my idea and it's been tough at times- I'm glad I was brave enough to go along with it.

Leaving a good school for local 6th form.

Choosing degree based on charismatic teacher.

Choosing my University based on current boyfriend.

At the time they felt like the best options, but I was not thinking long term.

Lack of confidence in making career choices.

Staying in a rubbish relationship too long.

Too much time spent commuting (don't do that anymore).

Getting stuck living in boring commuter ville. That's my current regret.

Not realising that ADHD wasn’t just about hyperactive little boys. Not getting tested sooner.

A certain decision I made in 2004 that has had dire consequences for me that is still affecting me today,
At the time my heart was screaming no but my head was saying I was being sensible.

Having a third child.

Not having a second child

Great thread! Staying with my first boyfriend for seven years instead of the two it should have been. Not doing anything about the depression that began at 18 until I was nearly 40. Wasting university years (because of previous two reasons).

Not understanding/being taught anything about careers, financial consequences of career choices, finance in general. Just learning this stuff now, mid forties.

Biggest/most recent: wishing I hadn’t let DH convince/coerce me to move house during lockdown. I loved the house and area and hate the new house and area with a passion. And the market has gone crazy in the old area so we are now priced out. I think about it all the time and weirdly it’s the worst grief I’ve ever experience, despite (or because??) the fact that we have three other major crises going on in the family. I cry about it ten times a day and there isn’t a minute I don’t think about it and about how the crises either wouldn’t have happened or would be more manageable if we hadn’t moved. The worst part is that the only reason for moving was not having a quiet place to wfh during lockdown, and we STILL don’t have a quiet place to work even though the house s much bigger. As I pointed out before moving. (Not in U.K., contracts get exchanged almost immediately and then there’s no backing out.) This has ruined an otherwise wonderful marriage.

God I need counselling.

Moving to the U.K. I’m so home sick and wish everyday to move home but I’m stuck here

When I finished uni I really wanted to learn piano. My mum poo pooed the idea and told me it was too late in life to learn. My thinking was, at 23 with maybe ten years I could maybe be able to play a few tunes.

But I never learned. Now I'm forty and feel I could have had 17 years of piano playing behind me now.

I know I'm an adult, and I was an adult when I first had the idea, but my confidence wasn't great and I just took mum's answer as gospel
.

I have the opposite I look back and am relieved about the decisions I took.

Worked hard at school got further in my career than I ever planned or hoped to and married a brilliant man. Thank god I ended relationships I did one with a dull man one with a man I wanted to marry but he had a violent temper. Thank god 27 year old me was smart enough to walk away. Broke my heart at the time.

Not going to University at 18 and not finishing an awful relationship sooner, 6 of the 8 years with him were pretty hellish and I can't belive I put myself through it! In the end the timing couldn't have been better for meeting my husband so maybe it was meant to happen that way...