To ask what your biggest regret in life is?

[SylviaPlath1984]

Or even what you feel you might regret in the future if you don't do it soon?

I regret not taking school more seriously or trying harder, not making more of myself.

What about you?

@Cherryblossom7

Oh god, you're right, I had forgotten about that... !

I applied to do PPE, with a view to going into politics (I ended up going into IT, which I LOVE, and am now a systems director).

I could either have ended up dead, or a massive arsehole (I had huge potential for becoming an arsehole in my early 20s, which I think I've hopefully managed to circumvent).

Perhaps things really do all work out for the best...

You can't take every path in life. I do regret the path not taken, but if I had taken it, I'd be wistfully wondering about the other option.

I regret not studying medicine. I regret throwing away a major career opportunity by getting pregnant by the wrong person at the wrong time. But I'm so glad to have the resulting dd that I choose gratitude over regret. Or at least alongside it.

All our experiences are valid, and the memories are personal, naturally. Was I unlucky to marry DH1 who just wasn't very competent at life without me running things, but who was mostly lovely, just useless. And was I unreasonable to walk away to forge my own path for a decade before committing to DH2? We have one child, now 21, and are a bit staid, but generally very happy. In our 60s, we have two mothers... one 92 and the other 86. Looking back, on balance, I like to think we have played fair with everyone, and done our best for them all.

Not following my heart career wise,leaving my home city

It makes me so sad that so many great women on this thread have wasted so much time on fuckwit men

.............

Yes it’s a great shame @Saggingninja

Starting to regret marrying my DH. I’m glad I’ve got my DS; but my DH is such a let down.

I’ve done loads of foolish, regrettable things, things I look back on incredulously and think WTF was I thinking....yet I don’t have any regrets, those immature, naive, thoughtless, reckless, daft actions have led me to the path I am on now, and I couldn’t be happier, 46 years later

Eh, how can anyone have no regrets? I regret all the mean things I said deliberately or accidentally, times when I was thoughtless of others. Everyone must have those events. To not regret them means what?

Not going travelling extensively when it was ‘that time’.
I’m 44 now so we can travel with the kids, but it’s different (and more expensive).
Hopefully DH and I travel more when they are older. There are so many places I want to visit.

Doona

I have no regrets.
If I was the same person in the same position at that same time I would make the same choice.
I trust I did the best I could at that moment with all the aspects, pressures, consequences.
I trust my past self was doing the best she could.
Looking back some of my choices didnt always enhance my life but even the shitty things that have happened to me have given me opportunties for learning, for growth.
If I had always made the right decisions I wouldn't be half as wise, as I am now.
I feel I am OK, I have been in some difficult situations but even all the shit in life has led me to greater self understanding, greater understanding of others, a greater sense of enjoying the things that really count, a better mother, a better partner, a better self.

I regret nothing.

Sorry another just popped into my head- that I wasn't stronger as a child. There was a bit of bullying in our class and I was very timid and I just kept my head down and tried to stay away from confrontation. Once in particular a girl make a comment about another girl's reading and I could have said something. I wish I wish

Abortion at 17, turned out it was my only chance at motherhood, I didn’t want to do it but I didn’t believe there was another way or that anyone out there would help me. The impact on my mental health since has been devastating. That’ll be my biggest regret forever.

@LavenderLollies
I had issues with breastfeeding too and a complete lack of competent and appropriate support.I find it hard to talk about that time too because I felt such a failure as a mother.

With hindsight every single one of the HCP I dealt in the early days missed the fact that DS had feeding issues, lots of wind and pain and probably had lactose intolerance from a very early age - it only became apparent when he was 5 months old and I pushed and pushed the HCP until they tried him on special formula and he was like a different baby within 2 days.

So, so much. I've written it all down and it's all going to come flooding out to my psychiatrist on Friday. But more than anything it's the huge regret of not seeking the help I needed decades ago (although levels of understanding are much better now).

Let's just say they will be earning their £££ in dealing with me

to all

There is a phase of my life that I look back on with regret, but the one major consequence of it resulted in me meeting dh, so it's hard to wish it hadn't happened tbh.

There are other things that I sometimes feel I ought to regret - such as not having the high-flying career that my academic achievements would have suggested - but tbh those are things I feel that others might judge me for, rather than things I actually wanted myself.

stayathomer
Sorry another just popped into my head- that I wasn't stronger as a child. There was a bit of bullying in our class and I was very timid and I just kept my head down and tried to stay away from confrontation.

How can you regret that?
None of that was your fault- not something to regret or beat yourself up about.
I would meditate on that and go back to give that little girl that you were a hug and a handhold.

Settling down with the wrong man, setting for less constantly and not having enough confidence in myself. Should have visited my grandparents more

@Doona

Eh, how can anyone have no regrets? I regret all the mean things I said deliberately or accidentally, times when I was thoughtless of others. Everyone must have those events. To not regret them means what?

I have never allowed myself to wallow in self-pity or regrets, doesn't get you anywhere. Not to say that we shouldn't learn from our mistakes, I've made many and have tried (not always successfully) to learn from them. I don’t have regrets but I am able to reflect and grow.

I have never allowed myself to wallow in self-pity or regrets, doesn't get you anywhere. Not to say that we shouldn't learn from our mistakes, I've made many and have tried (not always successfully) to learn from them. I don’t have regrets but I am able to reflect and grow.

Totally agree.

As someone who has remained in a failed marriage for 30+ years I was devastated to read this poem:

You said: “I’ll go to another country, go to another shore,
find another city better than this one.
Whatever I try to do is fated to turn out wrong
and my heart lies buried like something dead.
How long can I let my mind moulder in this place?
Wherever I turn, wherever I look,
I see the black ruins of my life, here,
where I’ve spent so many years, wasted them, destroyed them totally.”

You won’t find a new country, won’t find another shore.
This city will always pursue you.
You’ll walk the same streets, grow old
in the same neighborhoods, turn gray in these same houses.
You’ll always end up in this city. Don’t hope for things elsewhere:
there’s no ship for you, there’s no road.
Now that you’ve wasted your life here, in this small corner,
you’ve destroyed it everywhere in the world.

I do feel that I have wasted my life in one small corner, spending years saying I would leave. So much so in fact that when we decorated 4+ years ago I never put any personal items back no photos etc, I was so convinced I could finally leave. I can't regret it all because I have 2 DCs but they have been badly affected by the situation at home, one said to me recently "I've never seen you happy".

I feel like this poem is saying its your own fault and now its too late to put it right.

Regret is not the same as self pity.

DishingOutDone - but surely that poem can be interpreted to mean that you can't solve your problems by changing your location, because unless you address the things that are making you unhappy, that unhappiness will go with you wherever you go. It is never too late to make decisions to improve your life. Why add more years to the many you've already suffered?

Indeed @lazylinguist, I agree it can say that and probably many other things - its a great poem. There is one specific reason why I can't put my plan in to place, why it never came about but I do keep hoping that its still possible. I don't want to give up hope

@DishingOutDone
Don't torment yourself with miserable poetry. It's never too late! Here's the antidote!

@Alcemeg I completely love that and I’d never seen it before! Thank you