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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what your biggest regret in life is?

830 replies

SylviaPlath1984 · 28/03/2021 09:22

Or even what you feel you might regret in the future if you don't do it soon?

I regret not taking school more seriously or trying harder, not making more of myself.

What about you?

OP posts:
Alcemeg · 31/03/2021 17:35

[quote DishingOutDone]@Alcemeg I completely love that and I’d never seen it before! Thank you[/quote]
And the brilliant thing is, it's all TRUE!!!!!! I speak from experience. I promise you, it's never ever too late, and life rewards courage. X

Cowbells · 31/03/2021 17:45

[quote Alcemeg]@DishingOutDone
Don't torment yourself with miserable poetry. It's never too late! Here's the antidote!

[/quote] @Alcemeg Thank you for that Dr Seuss. I just watched it through. It's such a lovely poem.
BaggyLady · 31/03/2021 20:29

Not returning to my next therapy session when I was 20. I had asked my GP for help with my anxiety which was really affecting my life and been referred to a psychiatrist. At the initial session he’d asked me for info about my childhood and family. I didn’t return for the next session as I didn’t want to talk about it and was brought up to believe shrinks are for crazy people Hmm. Big mistake!

It could well have meant that I stepped away from my horrendously toxic family long before I had DC, may not have continued to value myself so little that I ended up with my H (who I still can’t get rid of 27 years later), I might have actually used my intelligence to have a career and my life may not have been constant firefighting and stress.

Definitely my sliding doors moment.

Mum2b43 · 01/04/2021 09:12

Not marrying the boy when he asked. My friends convinced me that he was too ugly for me. He has become an incredible amazing man. A man I know I would still be deeply in love with. Yes he was not attractive physically but emotionally and mentally he was my soulmate. He was funny and kind and we just clicked.
Leaving him left me with years of partying, drugs, substance abuse and bad relationships. I am happily married now but I know I would have been so much happier and led a much more fulfilling life if I had just told my friends to shove it.
I still stare longingly at his insta sometimes, his wife is horrible to him I’m told. I would have made him so happy.

BuggeringBugger · 01/04/2021 19:03

Answering the emails from my persistent teacher while I was at school.
Not trying harder at school(although now it looks likely I have ADHD).
Having a child at 20, she's lovely but she's hard work and I was young.
Giving up my job when maternity leave was done.

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 01/04/2021 19:34

I don’t know what mine is but strangely I remember Jane Fonda saying that her biggest regret was not fucking Marvin Gaye when she had the chance!

Trixie78 · 01/04/2021 19:54

@topcat2014

Having a child placed with us for adoption, only to find that after 7 weeks my wife couldn't cope, and so he went back to foster carers.

Nearly 2 years on, and I think about him every day..

I'm so sorry this happened to you all xx
Carrick27 · 03/04/2021 20:48

Getting married

MissCaptain · 03/04/2021 23:54

@Diesse

I wish I didn’t leave my first husband. I had no idea what an exceptional man he was, completely took him for granted.
I feel your pain. Definitely my biggest regret. xx
SpringTimeDream · 04/04/2021 09:45

The number of people that regret going to university makes me think when many of us push our children to go....
The many who regret their relationship choices

CatRamsey · 04/04/2021 10:08

@SpringTimeDream

The number of people that regret going to university makes me think when many of us push our children to go.... The many who regret their relationship choices
I often think that when I see posters talk about saving for when their kids go to uni and I think, but how do you know they will chose to go? I don't think it's the be all and end all its made out to be, unless you want to go into a specific profession.
Nohomemadecandles · 04/04/2021 12:45

Re the university thing - in my job, I've seen sooooo many grads struggling to get the career they assumed would be available to them just by having a degree. Unless you have a plan and your degree is a part of it, think twice. Reeeeaaaally expensive way to start at the bottom with the 18 year olds!

LifeIsTheLongestThingWeDo · 04/04/2021 12:52

Not making better career choices. I know it's never too late, but once you have a mortgage and bills to pay, it's not practical to retrain unless you have a mountain of money to live off during that time.

I did a degree because it was the thing to do, in a subject I liked, with no thought to what career I wanted. I wish there had been more information about different careers and the progression and salary expectations. I ended up in a career that didn't suit me, and then moving into other jobs that also didn't suit. I feel like I'm coasting through life and I wish I had a stable career I felt confident in.

Of course there are other things too, but the grass is always greener. I wish I had enjoyed my teen years and 20s more (youth is wasted on the young). I wish I had travelled more, and had more relationships. I wish I had made more of an effort to keep friendships, but it is what it is.

LipstickLou · 04/04/2021 14:26

Panicking and selling our home in 2009 due to the crash and job loss. We were then advised to wait for the reductions. They didn't materialise. We spent a decade in rented houses which has had a massive impact on our family life. We should have moved out of a very expensive area and started again. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

pinkflamingo112 · 09/04/2021 10:22

not splitting with narcissist husband when my eldest was 3 (he's 14) he's so horrible to live with & even though i try to say ok we will split he's then more of an arse & i think maybe the effect on splitting on the oldest now would be awful,& the financial implications!!

ThatOtherPoster · 09/04/2021 10:56

Not marrying the boy when he asked. My friends convinced me that he was too ugly for me. He has become an incredible amazing man. A man I know I would still be deeply in love with.

I totally relate to this! But who’s to say the boy would’ve become the same amazing man if he’d been married to you? He might actually only have achieved what he has because he threw himself into his career/saving the world/inventing Rustler burgers/whatever he did, to deal with the pain of losing you. If you had married him, he might’ve been so happy and content that he did nothing, just lounged around the house smiling at you all day, and done nothing at all. And then today you’d be divorcing him and taking his (also hideous) children away.

Maybe it worked out for the best.

I have a “one that got away”. My best male friend for 20 years, and we drifted apart 5 years ago. Both married to other people and I wouldn’t want him romantically now, but I miss our friendship. I tried to contact him 3 times over lockdown and never got a reply!

Dontknowanymore2 · 15/04/2021 11:40

Sounds mad but i regret not realising my mum would not be here for ever, and not seeing the change in her right under my nose. I honestly believed i would never be without her, so now 4 years after losing her i am still struggling.

Dontknowanymore2 · 15/04/2021 11:43

Carrick 27, me too, oh to be single. I am so jealous of single women. I would never marry if i had my time again. Ive never had a fair partnership its all been me. When i think of all the effort ive made and if i had put thst into something else.....

CornishGem1975 · 15/04/2021 11:47

Having an abortion at 17. I felt like I would have no support. The reality is I probably would have. I kind of slept walked into the decision and have regretted it every single day since.

19thNamechange · 15/04/2021 12:02

@CornishGem1975

Having an abortion at 17. I felt like I would have no support. The reality is I probably would have. I kind of slept walked into the decision and have regretted it every single day since.
FlowersI feel for you. I was much older than you when I had mine. Mine was for medical r3asons but basically there's a possibility my baby could still have had a happy life. I think about my baby every day and have given him a name. It's a very difficult regret to live with so you have my sympathy. Stay strong x
CornishGem1975 · 15/04/2021 13:37

Thanks @19thNamechange. It's been well over 20 years now but I still think about it daily. Wish I'd done things differently and been stronger.

KingdomScrolls · 15/04/2021 13:40

Not recognising how slim I was when I was!

Suitcasegotregrets · 17/04/2021 19:12

Getting married very young when I thought I might be gay - I’d told my mum and she’d been angry and so I forced it away. I really didn’t want to be gay. It’s amazing how you can fight something if you really don’t want it.
I’ve managed to ignore it for a very long time but now here I am, two dc and a husband and I all feels rather too late and selfish.

Chillychangchoo · 17/04/2021 19:15

Handing in my keys to a flat that I owned due to dangerous neighbours. 40k in negative equity as I bought the flat at age 18 when 100 percent mortgages were a thing. I now live in a council house which I’m grateful for but isn’t mine.

Looking back it was difficult to know what to do. The police were no help at all and we were in imminent danger with a neighbour that did eventually go to prison for armed robberies. It sucked to be in so much debt when I could actually afford my mortgage.

PiccallilliCircus · 17/04/2021 19:22

Letting a boyfriend get in the way of my university studies. If I had binned him off and concentrated on my degree I woukd be in a much better position. I never finished the course.

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