Page 11 | To think boarding school is cruel?

MinnieMous3 · 2021-03-27T21:33:16+00:00

I really can’t understand why anyone would send a child under 16 to boarding school (unless, say, they had such challenging behaviour the family could no longer manage it). I feel like even if the child enjoys it, it won’t sit right with them in future that their parents were happy to optionally spend so little time with them. There were also a lot of interesting posts on the previous thread from partners of people who went to boarding school, and how it impacts their lives today.

LesLavandes · 28/03/2021 00:24

'Human'??? Why did you use that word?
Yep, we're all humans, even us 'cruel' human parents who send our children to boarding school.

I think you are just nosey and poking your nose in to an area of life you have never experienced with your own children.

Original poster

MinnieMous3 · 28/03/2021 00:25

@LesLavandes

'Human'??? Why did you use that word? Yep, we're all humans, even us 'cruel' human parents who send our children to boarding school.

I think you are just nosey and poking your nose in to an area of life you have never experienced with your own children.

Okay, I’m nosy 🤷🏼‍♀️ So what? This is a discussion forum. We are all nosy to be commenting on it.

OP posts:

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 28/03/2021 00:25

I was talking to a highly successful colleague who sent her children to boarding school so she could focus on her career and not be detracted by her kids (her words). Worked for her, not for me.
I think we'll all just back what works for us.

FrameyMcFrame · 28/03/2021 00:27

I boarded from 13.

It was a massive mistake for me and really messed up the next 8-10 years of my life.

LesLavandes · 28/03/2021 00:29

No OP. That isn't true. Some people are defending their choices after your ridiculous comments

Fluffyghost · 28/03/2021 00:29

[quote Gnomewithaview]@Fluffyghost

No it’s not normal to be FaceTimeing a 17 year old every night that’s correct. 17 year olds should be living at home and also living their own lives instead of being a cooped up in school 24/7

You sent him away and now he’s moved on, I’m sorry[/quote]
Well it’s good he is sat next to me then eh as his school doesn’t reopen until after Easter and had been homeschooling via teams since November, he finds your concern and assumptions that he is brainwashed quite condescending because after all he couldn’t possibly know his own mind since he has been conditioned and I haven’t noticed because a terrible parent who ‘sent’ him away. Thank you it’s been an enlightening evening I truly didn’t believe that folk were as judgemental and that most people were open to the fact that life isn’t one size fits all, alas here we are.

buckingmad · 28/03/2021 00:31

@MinnieMous3 well he is a commissioned officer so yeah he personally is literally serving queen and country that is basically his job title...

Also raised by school staff 😂 I’m not going to push her out and ship her off straight away. If it helps you sleep at night we’re not planning on “shipping them off” until they’re 11. What on Earth makes you think you have the right to judge or assess how much people you don’t even know love or care for their children? I’m sure you’ve made parenting decisions others would shudder at. But I personally couldn’t care less what those decisions are.

Houseofvelour · 28/03/2021 00:31

@malificent7

I was a day student at a private school...i think private school in general is not all it's cracked up to be ( don't get me started!).

I agree. I went to a private school and the education I got there was appalling. It was so disorganised and there were only 3 of us in my class so it was either be friends with them or have no friends and unfortunately they were bullies. The school closed down years ago now as more and more people pulled their children out. I did so much better academically when my parents pulled me out at the start of year 9 and put me in a grammar school.

Houseofvelour · 28/03/2021 00:33

@RockingMyFiftiesNot

I was talking to a highly successful colleague who sent her children to boarding school so she could focus on her career and not be detracted by her kids (her words). Worked for her, not for me. I think we'll all just back what works for us.

😱 that's awful

WhatWouldPhyllisCraneDo · 28/03/2021 00:33

I have a relative who went to boarding school because there wasn't a local school which was able to deal with her disability. The first one she was at she was desperately unhappy. Her parents mived her. She thrived. She's closer to her parents now than almost anyone I know. Times have changed and her own dc, who has the same disability, is in a local mainstream school.

A friend of mine was sent to boarding school after her father died and her Mum had a nervous break down. She thinks it was the best thing for her. She's had MH issues as an adult but no way to know if Bsch had anything to do with that.

Another friend went to Bsch. He struggles to form relationships as an adult. But his parents were pretty shit parents so had he lived at home he still may have those issues. Who knows.

I was desperate to go to Bsch. Partly because I thought it would be like an Enid Blyton book, and partly because I wanted to go to the Royal Ballet School and you more or less have to board there. Mum wouldn't let me. And I wouldn't have got in anyway.

I think boarding schools have their place.

Gnomewithaview · 28/03/2021 00:33

@buckingmad sorry but I agree, sending your children away at 11 is not good parenting however you justify it to yourself

Bellabelloo · 28/03/2021 00:34

You will get thousands of people who will agree and say boarding school ruined their lives. And thousands (and I believe the majority) who would say it was a blessing.

Just as you will get millions of people who didn't go to boarding school saying their upbringing (ie their parents!) completely screwed them up. Just as you'll get millions saying they had a happy upbringing.

This discussion isn't representative and you're not listening to the opinions of those who had a positive experience of boarding school. You are ramming it back in our faces as you can't seem to believe that could be true.

Bitter and jealous maybe?

mysterymountains · 28/03/2021 00:35

I have an old school friend who made loads of money in banking and also married a very rich guy. She has 3 kids. Separately, her parents were wonderful during my secondary school and often checked on me in a kind way because I came from a family that were broke. So they paid for certain extras at my school like trips or tickets without any sense of me being obligated to them. My friends parents both worked full time but were super involved in the school and their children's lives and they were really lovely. From my view point my friend had a really happy childhood.

I met my friend when I was flying through asia and she was sending 1 child to australia to board and the other 2 to 45 mins away from where she was living. She does not work but does host events, dinners etc as part and parcel of their high living social team. She came across as very monied it was really sad.

Her parents asked (as they are retired) if they could look after her child in australia. She said no. To me she explained that her parents were sometimes late dropping her off or picking her up from school so she said no, and they were very elderly. She is rich enough that she could have had a full time nanny or child carer living with her child and her parents, while she lived her life in asia.

It just shocked me so much.

I just couldn't work it out. Her parents are really lovely people and retired to australia the country she was sending one of her children to boarding school for but she said no..

Thisseatisnotavailable · 28/03/2021 00:35

What’s your interest in any topic that doesn’t directly personally affect you? I think it’s called human interest?

But you're not in the slightest bit interested in anyone else experiences or opinions unless they align with yours. You've made nothing but condescending and derogatory comments to people who have a different opinion to you.

Fluffyghost · 28/03/2021 00:35

[quote buckingmad]@MinnieMous3 well he is a commissioned officer so yeah he personally is literally serving queen and country that is basically his job title...

Also raised by school staff 😂 I’m not going to push her out and ship her off straight away. If it helps you sleep at night we’re not planning on “shipping them off” until they’re 11. What on Earth makes you think you have the right to judge or assess how much people you don’t even know love or care for their children? I’m sure you’ve made parenting decisions others would shudder at. But I personally couldn’t care less what those decisions are.[/quote]
They will never get it. . . This isn’t a discussion thread this is a thread to tell parents who chose boarding that they are wrong. There is literally no give or acknowledgement that in some cases it is a positive. I accept boarding isn’t for everyone. The difference is the OP and those like her will not accept in some cases it is a positive.

Original poster

MinnieMous3 · 28/03/2021 00:38

Bitter and jealous maybe?

Of what?

OP posts:

mysterymountains · 28/03/2021 00:38

My fil had to board as was on a farm not near secondary schools.

He hated it. He can't stand treacle - he got fed a lot of treacle.

He always said it also meant kids broke this bond with their parents and it didn't often mend, in terms of closeness. He understood why his parents had to send him, he still hated it but said the kids who understood that there was an option where they could stay at home really struggled with it later in life, he kepts in touch with his boarding mates. His parents were very close too, so I think that helped him.

Probably not what people want to hear.

Original poster

MinnieMous3 · 28/03/2021 00:39

There is literally no give or acknowledgement that in some cases it is a positive.

Because nothing has convinced me that it is. It seems the only time it’s a positive is when the child has had a sad home life.

OP posts:

RedcurrantPuff · 28/03/2021 00:39

I wouldn’t send my children to one but I can imagine in some circumstances it is for the best eg children with parents in the forces.

mysterymountains · 28/03/2021 00:40

Sorry another interesting thing, I worked with someone who married a diplomat who travelled alot, she felt the diplomatic service were always pressurising her to put her children to boarding school, always seeming to be offering financial inducements and go on about how good the private schools were, she resisted but pissed them off.

Sicilianna · 28/03/2021 00:42

I think if people were so confident that sending their children to boarding school was the right choice, they wouldn't feel the need to post over and over again on the same mumsnet thread about what a great choice it was.

mysterymountains · 28/03/2021 00:43

I can see the logic if your life is on a remote farmstead or your parents both work in the forces or in the diplomatic service.

Otherwise I can not see the logic.

Perhaps the compressed boarding - say like respite care, where the children board say 2 days a week, if the parents have to work, but otherwise I don't get it.

I don't get why you would not pay for someone to help with afterschool care if you needed it, boarding school is so expensive.

mysterymountains · 28/03/2021 00:45

Sorry and I never ever get parents who say that Jane really wanted to go to boarding school, what does that really mean? Kids at 8 or 13 don't have any real life experience, they don't know what boarding school really means, they won't understand rupturing an attachment until it happens to them. So sorry I find that an odd argument.

Gnomewithaview · 28/03/2021 00:45

@Bellabelloo I think it’s the opposite of bitter and jealous. It’s pity

Mamanyt · 28/03/2021 00:46

I have two cousins, brother and sister. Both went to boarding school, starting at aged 8. One loved it, every minute of it, and thrived. Her brother absolutely hated it, and it left him with serious issues.