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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neighbour's afternoon nap

352 replies

hollytrees25 · 27/03/2021 16:44

Hi, we are a family of 4, two DS under 10. We live in a small semi, next door lives a lady, 66, by herself. We get on quite well. Till recently she complained she got woken up from her afternoon naps by the boys. She has nap everyday 2-5pm. Apparently her bedroom is at the front of the house facing front garden on ground floor.

Last week after school the boys' friend down the road came to play with a basketball. Two of them patted and bounced the ball on our drive. This must be quite loud and woke her up from her nap.

She came out to tell me that my son's friend played basketball on the drive and woke her up, (ie not my boys but their friend, think she was being nice) when I got home from work that day. I said sorry I will ask them not to bounce the ball.

This afternoon was good weather the friend came around with the basketball again, I asked the boys to play on the green across the road, they did, but got carried away and the friend bounced the ball on the street a few times, opposite the house, coupled with children's laughters and chattering, which are just high pitched. The lady came out and told the boys calmly 'You woke me up' to which DS said sorry immediately.

DH believes bending over backwards to get on with neighbors, he thinks we should bake her some cakes/cookies to make up. Part of me agree with him, however part of me thinks it's our front garden on a Saturday afternoon, the children were not being particularly disruptive, WWYD?

OP posts:
EKGEMS · 27/03/2021 18:08

Slip some brochures on depression/anxiety under her doormat or mail box and then tell your husband to get a grip on reality

DuggeeHugPlease · 27/03/2021 18:08

If she had a short term reason for wanting quiet for 3 hours every single afternoon - eg recovering from surgery or some such reason I would be accommodating. But this sounds like it's ongoing and you can't reasonably stop children playing outside in the afternoon for the rest of the time you both live there.

Kokosrieksts · 27/03/2021 18:10

I would tell her to move to countryside. Your kids have rights to live normally.

Miasicarisatia · 27/03/2021 18:11

next time tell her you can get good ear plugs on amazon

emmathedilemma · 27/03/2021 18:13

SIBU I'm sorry but if you sleep during the day and aren't a baby or toddler then you shouldn't live with close neighbours or you need to invest in some good ear plugs!
My neighbour was moaning about my builders the other week because he goes to bed at 5am and gets up at 11 (curtains are often closed well into the afternoon).....your choice, not my problem mate! I've already found myself putting off hoovering in a morning because I'm conscious they're probably still in bed.

HerMammy · 27/03/2021 18:18

By choice she lives in one front room
and expects you and your family to pander to her??
I think not, unless she’s paying your mortgage!
Tell your DH to wheesht and stop being a drip!

Babygotblueyes · 27/03/2021 18:19

Maybe approach her at a different time and say you are feeling badly about the situation as it is important to you to be considerate neighbours, but that you cant keep your children for playing in the afternoons as it is important they get some exercise and social time.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 27/03/2021 18:21

As long as they aren't screaming and shouting or banging the ball right outside her house then she she can't really complain.

anyoldtime · 27/03/2021 18:21

I think in trying to be reasonable with your neighbour, you are being unreasonable with your children.

If she can't sleep with normal noise around, then she really ought to move somewhere remote.

That said, I'd probably try hard to accommodate her if she worked nights or if she was ill and bedbound.

If neither of these apply, surely she can nap in a bedroom at the back of her house if its quieter. She is being very unreasonable expecting people, outside of her own household, to be quiet, during the day.

All that said, I've been known to go out and ask the neighbour's children to stop bouncing a basketball at 8pm and 9pm when my children were babies/toddlers. Nowadays in return, I ensure my own children are not outside on the trampoline after 7pm.

Miasicarisatia · 27/03/2021 18:24

he goes to bed at 5am and gets up at 11
crikey that's extreme, is he an ex night shift worker who never adjusted back?
I'm very much a night owl myself but I don't expect others to accommodate my odd schedule!
If my neighbours have builders in I try to use it to shift me back into a 'normal' schedule.
(never works, I lapse back to my slovenly ways Blush )

joystir59 · 27/03/2021 18:24

She is 66 not 96 ffs! I'm 63 and often have an afternoon power nap before I go to work. Wouldn't expect anyone to be quiet around me!

Houlyerwhisht · 27/03/2021 18:25

I'm biased. I can't stand footballs. The thumping on the ground, thumping against walls, flying hard into cars, houses etc.

lynsey91 · 27/03/2021 18:27

Apart from being surprised that a 66 year old (same age as me) needs a THREE hour nap every day, I can't understand why she doesn't use earplugs. Surely doesn't require much sense to think of that?

I never ever nap in the afternoon unless I am ill. I do suffer from migraines, thankfully not as frequently as in the past, and the only thing that helps is sleeping. If it is during the day I wear earplugs and an eye mask.

I would never ever expect the children each side of me to be quiet although it would be nice if one side's 2 dogs would pause the barking occasionally

Dobbyismyfavourite · 27/03/2021 18:28

Seriously don't pander to your neighbour. I might have more sympathy if she was 96 but the fact she likes to sleep during normal daylight hours is her problem to resolve. Suggest some good earplugs?

DarkishBlue · 27/03/2021 18:28

Like a lot of others (more people than you imagine) I suffer from tinnitus. This makes it impossible for ear plugs to actually help much in shutting noise out because it isolates the noise inside which is actually worse. Children playing outside creates some comfortable white noise which can mask the tinnitus, which is good. But loud reverberating noises such as screaming or a basketball bouncing on concrete ramps it up several levels where it can remain for a few days before settling down again to a more tolerable level. Obviously this is my problem to deal with. It helps if people can be considerate and play basketball on grass though. And not scream. I wouldn't complain I don't think, but I don't think may people realise how common this problem is as you age.

Cushionsnotpillows · 27/03/2021 18:36

You and your husband need to be a lot more assertive and a lot less wet.

Kids play. They are not doing anything wrong, or anything you need to apologise for. Suggest she uses ear plugs if you like but do NOT say sorry one more freaking time - she's BU to expect complete quiet in the afternoon!

God I'm annoyed reading this - at her for being so U and you for letting her get away with it!

ArcheryAnnie · 27/03/2021 18:39

Does she complain about cars driving by? People making deliveries? Planes going overhead?

Bloody ridiculous. I do like the idea about them offering to play at night, though.

StoneofDestiny · 27/03/2021 18:40

She can nap in another part of her house. She's hardly ancient at 66!

urkidding · 27/03/2021 18:40

You need to talk to her and understand her more (she may have problems with sleep, medication, or tinnitus) and she needs to understand you.

earthyfire · 27/03/2021 18:42

My reply to her would be tough! You can't live your life around her afternoon naps!

Daphnise · 27/03/2021 18:45

Don't pacify her- it never works.

Reasonable noise can be expected 2-5pm.

If she's that sleepy in the day, suggest she sees a doctor (or phones one nowadays!)

Standrewsschool · 27/03/2021 18:47

Basketball can be noisy so maybe restrict how long the boys play it.

Apart from that, if it’s normal boy noise, and not continuous shouting and screaming, them you’ve done nothing wrong. What she’s going to do when it’s the summer and the windows are open?

IggysPop · 27/03/2021 18:49

Yeah. A ball on a hard surface is awful - especially a basketball. It’s a really intrusive sound. Difficult on both sides.

Lollypop4 · 27/03/2021 18:52

@WhereYouLeftIt

"How do I say kindly and politely 'could you nap in a different room it's 3 in the afternoon ..'"

I'd probably ask if she really thinks it's reasonable of her to expect all the children in the street to be silent every afternoon? And that perhaps she should try out some earplugs?

Make sure not to apologise again. The children are not doing anything wrong.

This! Although Im very blunt and would'nyt have ever apologised or made DC stop playing! Suggest ear plugs .
1forAll74 · 27/03/2021 18:52

I would just disregard her comments, it's not as if the boys are letting off fire crackers all the time,or having drum practice in the road all day.
I was wondering why she had to have those long afternoon naps at her age, unless she needs them for health reasons of course.

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