Neighbour's afternoon nap

[hollytrees25]

Hi, we are a family of 4, two DS under 10. We live in a small semi, next door lives a lady, 66, by herself. We get on quite well. Till recently she complained she got woken up from her afternoon naps by the boys. She has nap everyday 2-5pm. Apparently her bedroom is at the front of the house facing front garden on ground floor.

Last week after school the boys' friend down the road came to play with a basketball. Two of them patted and bounced the ball on our drive. This must be quite loud and woke her up from her nap.

She came out to tell me that my son's friend played basketball on the drive and woke her up, (ie not my boys but their friend, think she was being nice) when I got home from work that day. I said sorry I will ask them not to bounce the ball.

This afternoon was good weather the friend came around with the basketball again, I asked the boys to play on the green across the road, they did, but got carried away and the friend bounced the ball on the street a few times, opposite the house, coupled with children's laughters and chattering, which are just high pitched. The lady came out and told the boys calmly 'You woke me up' to which DS said sorry immediately.

DH believes bending over backwards to get on with neighbors, he thinks we should bake her some cakes/cookies to make up. Part of me agree with him, however part of me thinks it's our front garden on a Saturday afternoon, the children were not being particularly disruptive, WWYD?

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Off you then email the government, tell them 66 is positively middley diddley young Some policy wonk with a ppe degree and student debts will have to read it, maybe even compelled to reply

Why would I? It’s not me who’s insisting 66 is old when it’s not even retirement age.

I can’t believe this horrible ageist thread is still running.

I would point out that shift workers deal with this all the time without bringing it to the attention of their neighbours and that the children are just behaving normally; perhaps she wants to try ear plugs etc. I think you have to steel yourself for it being a bit uncomfortable to discuss with her by virtue of the fact she has brought it up when most wouldn't. Keep your children's faces in your mind if you are finding it hard to be both polite and assertive with her - who is more important to you - them or her?

@hollytrees25

Thank you all lovely people~

I've asked the little boy down the road not to bring over basketball.

I hate myself when she came out and said 'they woke me up ' and I just apologize like a reflex.

How do I say kindly and politely 'could you nap in a different room it's 3 in the afternoon ..'

I think you need to nip this issue in the bud, otherwise it will get worse, especially in the summer holidays.

Don't bake cookies or anything like that. Next time you speak to her show an interest/concern for her that's not too nosey. You could say you are jealous that she is able to nap when you have children running about everywhere and perhaps find out a bit more about her and her situation. Maybe she is poorly and is under going some treatment that tires her out? If you open up to her she may open up to you. Then you could say that as summer arrives it will get noisier outside, if not from children, but from all sorts of things as more people will be going out and talking loudly and walking their barking dogs etc. So then you could ask/suggest a quieter room for her to nap in or other aides to help her nap e.g. ear plugs.

Keep your tone light and friendly and smile a lot using lots of open hand gestures. Show that you really care about her feelings, whilst also protecting your children's right to play.

Hope that helps?

A 3 hour nap in the afternoon doesn’t sound healthy regardless of age, is she depressed? The only time I have slept during the day aside from when my babies were newborns is when I was severely depressed. Of course YANBU, you are well within your rights to make noise during the afternoon.

jessstan2 I agree with you that kids playing outside in the street is a normal noise to hear in any neighbourhood during daylight hours. It's amazing what people are complaining about and the council explained to me that it's gotten worse since lockdown because everyone is around loads.

@blowinahoolie

jessstan2 I agree with you that kids playing outside in the street is a normal noise to hear in any neighbourhood during daylight hours. It's amazing what people are complaining about and the council explained to me that it's gotten worse since lockdown because everyone is around loads.

Interestingly, in C. S. Lewis' book 'The Great Divorce' some people take a coach trip from hell to heaven. We discover that hell is where people initially choose to want to live with each other or close to each other. But after spending so long in such close proximity to each other they soon get irritated with each other and move further and further away in isolation. The people who have ended up in hell isn't because they are evil people, but that they just can't live in community with each other.

There's nothing wrong with having an afternoon nap, in fact I have one most days. If there's a lot of noise going on for any reason, I just put earplugs in- problem solved.

blowinahoolie

jessstan2 I agree with you that kids playing outside in the street is a normal noise to hear in any neighbourhood during daylight hours. It's amazing what people are complaining about and the council explained to me that it's gotten worse since lockdown because everyone is around loads.
.......

It will improve when things are back to 'normal'. I have to say there's been no extra noise where I live - and there are no nosy neighbours thankfully!

Haven't read the whole thread, but not your problem!

My neighbours are very feisty, and mother argues with her grown up daughters. Sometimes quite late at night.
I put my head phones in, cocoon up and get on with it. They're in their house, and we've been noisy late sometimes... head phones in and I fall asleep.

Your neighbour is being VERY unreasonable given this is the day time and kids need to play.

Don't bake cookies. Tell her it can't be helped and you've asked then to keep it down, but its the middle of day!

Just a suggestion for your neighbour and that is to buy a white noise machine. I have one and it's excellent. I really suffer with external noise and got one recently from Amazon. It was about £25 and it called a dream egg. It is very easy to use and you can also plug headphones in. I wish I had found out about these years ago TBH

Three hours isn’t a nap. That’s as much sleep as I get some nights.

Let your children and their friends play.

I am a 64 year old “lady” living by myself, I work, came out of retirement to do Covid vaccine clinics, what s an afternoon nap?? Lol. I m sorry but children are entitled to laugh, play, shout, bounce balls etc at any time between the hours of 7 am and 11 pm, tell her to buy some earplugs! 😂

And I used to work night shifts and wouldn’t dream of asking people to be quiet because I was sleeping, I just used an eye mask and earplugs and winged it!

I think it's unreasonable to ask for 3 hours of quiet. Especially after school ends. Once we get home from school my oldest needs time to decompress and chill out and I'd rather that was outside not on a video screen. My youngest is only 3 and if I was asked to keep her quiet for 3 hours in the afternoon, I'm afraid I'd have to laugh.
1 hour would he a reasonable request (and one which I could comply with) but 3 is totally unreasonable.
I've read some of the other posts about shift workers or illness etc and it's STIlL unreasonable even in those circumstances.
You need to have a good discussion with your neighbour because the school holidays are going to be unbearable if you're forcing the kids to walk on eggshells in the best hours of the day.

Also to add, as PP have said, I worked nightshifts too, headphones, eye masks and closing windows - that's all I could do to ensure sleep.
Even then lawnmowers, parcel deliveries, kids, animals, general noise would wake me.. but that's the risk you have to take when you're sleeping when the rest of the world is awake.
Your neighbour is unreasonable, nothing more too it. Especially when she doesn't even work shifts. She's just getting a "disco nap" think nothing more of it.

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

66 it’s old. In health, in social care that the age group of older adult teams clients Older adult (⬅️clue is in the title)

66 is not old... clue is in sarcasm = stupidity

Cant get over the amount of idiots on this thread who believe that earplugs will do anything to block the impact noise of a bouncing basket ball.
They won't.
Neither will white noise.
I'm not saying she's reasonable to expect 3 hours of silence every afternoon. Clearly she isn't, but a compromise ought to be possible.

It is possible to teach kids to be considerate of others. Isn't it?

Ha she should try living in my house next door to a very enthusiastic 10 year old trumpet player!

3 hour afternoon naps every day? My mother is 85 and doesn’t have afternoon naps other than the occasional nod on the couch. She’s being unreasonable and your husband is pandering to her. It would be considerate not to bounce the basketball out the front if there is an alternative place to play close by. Apart from that she needs to learn to live with neighbourhood noise.

@MistyGreenAndBlue Why do you think using ear plugs is idiotic? I use the yellow foam type which you compress & place in the ear canal. They then expand & block out a huge amount of noise. Have you tried this type of ear plug? If not, maybe you should give them a go?

For a lot of people, ear plugs cause a flare up of eczema inside the ear canal causing it to be itchy and weepy and crusty in turn. Also as I've mentioned before it can exacerbate tinnitus. Ear plugs are not the answer for everyone.

@DarkishBlue Ok, but calling people idiots for making the perfectly reasonable suggestion that people should try using earplugs seems a bit strong! They work for me when I'm doing DIY & using noisy tools, and at loud concerts, to protect my hearing. They also work when I have to sleep in a noisy environment. I've never had problems with eczema in my ears, luckily. If anything, I would have thought they would protect us from tinnitus & hearing loss, when used in very noisy environments?

I would have thought they would protect us from tinnitus & hearing loss, when used in very noisy environments?

If you already have tinnitus they just isolate the sound so it's all you can hear.

I was also frustrated by the amount of people who suggested earplugs would stop the noise of a bouncing basketball. They don't. They might protect the inner ear from loud noises but they don't shut it out they just dull it to reduce damage. Also there's a difference in tolerance for a sound you're in control of and one that you're not.

Whilst it's clearly unreasonable to expect neighbours to be quiet in the afternoon because you sleep, there's something migraine inducing about a basketball bouncing and reverberating all over the place. It's a whole different noise level.

@DarkishBlue My main issue, and I know it's not you who said it, is with people lashing out & accusing someone of being an idiot for making a perfectly reasonable suggestion- and I know it wasn't just aimed at me. I don't have shares in any earplug company, I genuinely was trying to be helpful, so it seems a bit catty to shoot my suggestion down like that!

Before I moved, I used to have some very noisy neighbours, playing loud music & shouting at all hours. I also had a saxophonist living above me, so my peace & quiet was pretty much doomed... Needless to say, Environmental Health & the ASBO people did nothing whatsoever to help. For me, the earplugs really DID help dramatically, and I was able to get to sleep easily. I can't comment about whether they would work for the noise of bouncing basketballs, but they certainly helped for other noises. My take on it is that for a few pounds, you can get a big pack of foam earplugs, so they are surely worth a try?

I think you’re doing the right thing to apologise to her you both must accept being in close people contact neither of you are wrong. But I find ball bouncing and playing particularly annoying eg near me on a beach. Just ask the kids not to play ball in earshot they need to learn considerate behaviour that’s part of growing up. I grew up in flats and being aware of keeping noise down for neighbours was drilled into us and I didn’t have a destroyed childhood!! Laughing and chattering she has to put up with but my hunch is the ball is too much.