Neighbour's afternoon nap

[hollytrees25]

Hi, we are a family of 4, two DS under 10. We live in a small semi, next door lives a lady, 66, by herself. We get on quite well. Till recently she complained she got woken up from her afternoon naps by the boys. She has nap everyday 2-5pm. Apparently her bedroom is at the front of the house facing front garden on ground floor.

Last week after school the boys' friend down the road came to play with a basketball. Two of them patted and bounced the ball on our drive. This must be quite loud and woke her up from her nap.

She came out to tell me that my son's friend played basketball on the drive and woke her up, (ie not my boys but their friend, think she was being nice) when I got home from work that day. I said sorry I will ask them not to bounce the ball.

This afternoon was good weather the friend came around with the basketball again, I asked the boys to play on the green across the road, they did, but got carried away and the friend bounced the ball on the street a few times, opposite the house, coupled with children's laughters and chattering, which are just high pitched. The lady came out and told the boys calmly 'You woke me up' to which DS said sorry immediately.

DH believes bending over backwards to get on with neighbors, he thinks we should bake her some cakes/cookies to make up. Part of me agree with him, however part of me thinks it's our front garden on a Saturday afternoon, the children were not being particularly disruptive, WWYD?

tough on her, really - and I say that as one who doesn't like the sound of kids playing. Which was factored into choosing where I live, but unless it is on a desert island, no guarantees.

your kids aren't shrieking at early o clock and there has to be some playtime.

she should be grateful there are no barking dogs nearby.

My son works nights and so sleeps during the day. His council flat is in a block that backs onto a play park, it’s full of kids playing after school and in the holidays. He just wears earplugs. He’s done this for 6 years now without feeling the need to go out and complain.

God she's got a nerve complaining about this! 66!! why does someone that age need a 3 hour nap every day ... health issues aside. My mum was walking about 10 miles every afternoon at that age.

She is being completely unreasonable. Tell her to go to bed earlier then she won’t need afternoon naps!!

Please don’t apologise. Try ‘Oh, that’s a shame. If foam earplugs don’t work, try the wax ones. They are brilliant. Helped me get some sleep on a maternity ward’ Then ask if she’s got plans for the summer.

Ditching the basketball is good solution.

There is something uniquely headache-inducing about the sound of a basketball being continuously bounced on concrete...

She is being unreasonable unless she is disabled or ill.
Your children and the other boy have had a year of being locked down. Part of normal childhood development is exercise and play and socialisation, so many children have been deprived of much of these three essential elements of normal, nourishing development.
From what you say, they are not being unduly or unreasonably disruptive and are simply playing together after school in daylight hours.
I agree with PPs. You explain politely that their behaviour is reasonable and necessary. As long as the ball isn't hitting her house, it is up to her to move where she naps or use ear plugs. I used to do nights and had to accommodate this kind of noise. It would not have occurred to me to complain. Ear plugs work!

If you pander to her now, you are going to have to keep the kids quiet every single afternoon during the 6 weeks summer holiday, after a year of intermittent lockdown where foreign holidays are likely not to happen. It’s March, hopefully there’s a heck of a lot of basketball to be played while the weather allows. This is clearly not realistic so you need to set boundaries now.

I'd see her point if it was late in the evening or really early in the morning or something, but mid afternoon?!
Nothing wrong with having naps love a good nap lol but she's being utterly ridiculous if she expects life to stop for them and kids to stop playing!
Inwardly roll your eyes and ignore her.

No, just no. Don’t feed into her. I don’t expect my neighbours to arrange their life round me. Are your lives meant to stop 2pm to 5pm?!

The sound is worse if there's a hoop. It's 'Bounce, bounce, bounce, rattle, Bounce, bounce, rattle.' Endlessly.

"How do I say kindly and politely 'could you nap in a different room it's 3 in the afternoon ..'"

I'd probably ask if she really thinks it's reasonable of her to expect all the children in the street to be silent every afternoon? And that perhaps she should try out some earplugs?

Make sure not to apologise again. The children are not doing anything wrong.

I genuinely can’t believe that people are this entitled to think they should be able to control the normal, reasonable and legal activities and noises of others - purely because they themselves are undertaking an unusual and borderline eccentric activity (adult napping set hours during the day).

I don’t know how I’d react... probably laugh before realising they were serious then probably apologise but gently explain that it’s not reasonable for her to expect this.

Maybe suggest a different room for the nap although a reasonable person should be able to figure this out themselves tbh. She probably will naturally change location when you stop capitulating!

She sleeps for 3 hours every afternoon? She sounds like she's 86 not 66.

She is being unreasonable . She can't expect everyone around her to stop doing every day activities in the middle of the day. She needs to invest in some good quality ear plugs or sleep in a different room.

Neighbour: They woke me up.

OP: Ah well, never mind, you'll sleep better tonight.

I am glad to see you have stopped the basketball;l being brought over. Children playing is one thing but the sound a basketball makes or a football being constantly kicked against a wall is another, they are both very intrusive sounds.

The basketball noise I can just about consider unreasonable at many times of day, but otherwise YANBU. My other thought is that a 66 year old having such a nap each day must have some health issues as that seems excessive. However that is not your business.

No, don't bend over backwards apologising and baking cakes. If your son and his friend are happy enough to play basketball on the green the majority of the time then that seems like a good compromise and more than most would do. They should be allowed to laugh and talk to each other in your front garden though and I would explain that to your son. He shouldn't be worried to play in his own garden, but at the same time it's good to teach him to think about how playing noisy games for prolonged periods in close proximity to others can be irritating. You sound like a decent neighbour OP. My neighbour's children bounce a basketball whilst bouncing on a very squeaky trampoline (punctuated by barking from their dog) about 8 feet away from my living room window. It's annoying, but part of having neighbours.

The more you give in to her the more demanding she will get.

And no cookies!!

My god that’s cheeky. I’m all for not falling out with the neighbours, but that’s ridiculous

@ApplyWithin

Ditching the basketball is good solution.

There is something uniquely headache-inducing about the sound of a basketball being continuously bounced on concrete...

Agree, it reverberates so earplugs and white noise don’t drown it out either. Kids squealing constantly can be quite irritating but that doesn’t mean it’s inappropriate noise on a Saturday afternoon. If you live near people you just have to put up with a certain level of noise!

I think she’s being U, and you are being accommodating.

The only thing I would say is that the repetitive noise of a basketball on hard ground can be incredibly annoying, so do make sure it doesn’t go on for hours.

You can be polite but I don't think you should bake cakes etc as it could carry on ridiculously- are you going to do that every time?

You have a young family and a ball will be bounced occasionally or whatever. No matter what you do, kids will make the occasional bump/noise. It doesn't sound like you're letting them run about shreiking the whole time.

Maybe a bit of a shame for her that she's living next to a family, but that's the way it goes with living on a road.

If your husband wants to bake cake then he can bake thm, he can grovel when she gets annoyed at children making a sound sometimes.

I don't think it's unreasonable to make normal household noise during the afternoon, but bouncing balls are a horrible, intrusive noise

This. It's torture when it echoes around the walls and houses.
Kids playing is one thing. Bouncing balls and trampolines are another.
SIBU to expect children to keep quiet for her nap. SINBU to ask them not to bounce the basket ball continuously for long periods.