Neighbour's afternoon nap

[hollytrees25]

Hi, we are a family of 4, two DS under 10. We live in a small semi, next door lives a lady, 66, by herself. We get on quite well. Till recently she complained she got woken up from her afternoon naps by the boys. She has nap everyday 2-5pm. Apparently her bedroom is at the front of the house facing front garden on ground floor.

Last week after school the boys' friend down the road came to play with a basketball. Two of them patted and bounced the ball on our drive. This must be quite loud and woke her up from her nap.

She came out to tell me that my son's friend played basketball on the drive and woke her up, (ie not my boys but their friend, think she was being nice) when I got home from work that day. I said sorry I will ask them not to bounce the ball.

This afternoon was good weather the friend came around with the basketball again, I asked the boys to play on the green across the road, they did, but got carried away and the friend bounced the ball on the street a few times, opposite the house, coupled with children's laughters and chattering, which are just high pitched. The lady came out and told the boys calmly 'You woke me up' to which DS said sorry immediately.

DH believes bending over backwards to get on with neighbors, he thinks we should bake her some cakes/cookies to make up. Part of me agree with him, however part of me thinks it's our front garden on a Saturday afternoon, the children were not being particularly disruptive, WWYD?

She is being unreasonable! Suggest she buys wax earplugs!

I'm also 66, her age is irrelevant, she is being unreasonable.

You can't expect silence while you have a 3 hour nap in the middle of the day. Stop apologising, they're doing nothing wrong.

I sometimes nap in the afternoon and I certainly wouldn't expect people to go quiet at that time on my behalf! My neighbours like to rev bikes/shout loudly at 11pm. Now that does annoy me.

3 hours? That's really not a nap. She can't expect total silence during the day, she's being ridiculous.

@littlepattilou

Who the F NAPS from 2-5pm every day? Apart from under 5's?

She is being ridiculous.

People who have health or mental health problems.

Be grateful you don't need to nap in the afternoons to get through life.

@hollytrees25

No she retired long time ago and had knee replacement. All her living families passed away, it's how she copes, think her family members passed away in other rooms of the house (before we moved in) and she resolved to living in the front room.

You don't have to accommodate her lifestyle choices. Don't destroy your DC fun and friendship (what if the other kid goes to play ball with someone else?). You've a right to live your life in a normal manner in your own home and garden and outside in the green.

Say nothing beyond "sorry about that" when she complains. Don't make suggestions unless she asks for them, this is her problem to solve not yours. She has a brain and can think for herself.

I have a neighbour like this, her way of solving her problems is to expect me to live my life round her. I've told her that won't be happening. I don't care that she doesn't like me for it, there's billions of people in the world and they're not all going to like me.

Your neighbour has solutions she can take, if she chooses not to that's her decision and she can put up with the consequences of her decision.

I'd be having a word with your DH. He's being unreasonable, putting everyone else's happiness above his own family's happiness. Your son isn't doing anything he shouldn't be. It's not right for your DH to expect his own family to be unhappy just so he can avoid any awkwardness with neighbours. It's a selfish attitude dressed up as consideration.

@hollytrees25

Thank you all lovely people~

I've asked the little boy down the road not to bring over basketball.

I hate myself when she came out and said 'they woke me up ' and I just apologize like a reflex.

How do I say kindly and politely 'could you nap in a different room it's 3 in the afternoon ..'

You just have to say 'they don't mean to disturb you, but they are children and it's important they play out for fresh air and you really can't expect them to do that in complete silence during a Saturday afternoon.' Then walk away. She'll probably still complain but you're care a lot less when you've put her straight. Also, tell your husband he's being ridiculous putting a neighbour above his son's happiness.

So nobody is supposed to make a sound from 2pm until 5pm when she's having her nap?

Jeez, she's having a laugh.

It is annoying hearing a basketball bouncing, but that's her issue and not yours. If the kids were out a at 10pm dribbling a basketball about I'd think differently but they're not.

If she wants absolute silence all afternoon then she needs to move to somewhere quiet and isolated.

I thought from the title this was going to be a case of afternoon delight When I was a child I had friends who lived a few doors down. They were turfed out on a Saturday and Sunday afternoon as their parents had gone to bed for a nap. In my childish innocence it didn't occur to me what was going on until my mother enlightened me a few years later.

I moved house to escape the sound of bouncing balls. I got palpitations reading the OP. Your neighbour is obviously being unreasonable but I feel sorry for her anyway 🤷‍♀️

The world doesn't stop because she wants her afternoon naps. Im very sorry for her

I don't think it's unreasonable to make normal household noise during the afternoon, but bouncing balls are a horrible, intrusive noise. Because they aren't constant, it is very difficult to block out, unlike a power tool or a hoover that may be loud but becomes background noise after a while.

She is being ridiculous. Tell her to buy ear plugs, or move if it's that much of an issue.

I nap most days after work to cope with working FT. But I don't expect silence!

Woah!

I nap often (every time I sit down!)

I do not expect silence. If kids go past or play outside in the afternoon or a dog barks that's absolutely fine.
Quiet after 8pm is reasonable but not during the day.

Please don't stop them - they're doing what children should do.

This is just sooooo wrong op. Please stop changing the children's behaviour!!! Children and their play are so limited in our car driven culture already.

Do not stop the basketball!! Please do not bake her bloody cookies to apologise thst is insane.

Your children and all others in the area need to be allowed a normal childhood with play and exercise on their own doorsteps. They were playing in a normal healthy way and her napping is not your problem.

No need to be rude but you can be firm. Tell her they not doing anything wrong and are allowed to play in the garden and driveway. If she is bothered by the noise suggest earplugs. Don't offer to buy them for her or make an offering of cookies or anything else. She ought to be grateful she has nice neighbours! Be nice but don't be a sap.

Your poor son and his friend should not have apologised for having fun for goodness sake, she needs to catch a grip! It's good to know that they have manners though 😊

This isn't your problem, and you're being far too kind. I'm she this lady doesn't mean any harm, but she's making your life difficult and you need to put your foot down and kindly tell her that children make noise when they're playing, and that there's nothing you can do unfortunately. Her problem, not yours.

I get she might want a nap but my gosh she's entitled.

For God's sake stop apologising. She is being absurd and needs to be told that. The world doesn't revolve around her bloody naps.

Just say breezily, “Ah, the risks of daytime naps’” and move on.

Your boys and their friend have done absolutely nothing wrong - it's all totally normal behaviour and great that they want to go out and have some fun in the fresh air instead of being stuck to a screen all day long gaming.

She's in the wrong and you shouldn't let her control the situation. Let their friend bring his basket-ball over and next time, very politely tell her that she's being very unreasonable and to sleep in her back bedroom if she needs to sleep in the middle of day.

I love an afternoon Nanna Nap, but she’s being unfair.

@viques

She is unreasonable , but hell is filled with the sound of basket balls being bounced, it is the most irritating sound!!!

@viques

Came on to say the same. Thump thump thump.

It's not your problem it's your neighbour and I say this as some one who is chronically ill and sleeps every afternoon. I'm often woken by children, next doors baby, people cleaning their cars, mowing the lawn, dogs barking - its life and nobody can expect you to be quiet at that time of the day so she can sleep.