Neighbour's afternoon nap

[hollytrees25]

Hi, we are a family of 4, two DS under 10. We live in a small semi, next door lives a lady, 66, by herself. We get on quite well. Till recently she complained she got woken up from her afternoon naps by the boys. She has nap everyday 2-5pm. Apparently her bedroom is at the front of the house facing front garden on ground floor.

Last week after school the boys' friend down the road came to play with a basketball. Two of them patted and bounced the ball on our drive. This must be quite loud and woke her up from her nap.

She came out to tell me that my son's friend played basketball on the drive and woke her up, (ie not my boys but their friend, think she was being nice) when I got home from work that day. I said sorry I will ask them not to bounce the ball.

This afternoon was good weather the friend came around with the basketball again, I asked the boys to play on the green across the road, they did, but got carried away and the friend bounced the ball on the street a few times, opposite the house, coupled with children's laughters and chattering, which are just high pitched. The lady came out and told the boys calmly 'You woke me up' to which DS said sorry immediately.

DH believes bending over backwards to get on with neighbors, he thinks we should bake her some cakes/cookies to make up. Part of me agree with him, however part of me thinks it's our front garden on a Saturday afternoon, the children were not being particularly disruptive, WWYD?

Having looked at the replies, I can't see why they are bouncing the ball in the street outside her house, when they have already played on the Green. Surely it is reasonable for her to sleep in the front as children normally play in the back garden, not the front drive. Are they trying to annoy her deliberately?

@iggyspop
A ball on a hard surface is awful...

Yes, as my headboard can confirm...

Out of interest, was your DH offering to bake the cookies, or suggesting you should??

YANBU.You made a reasonable adjustment by getting them to play in the street and not on the drive. Now she's trying to police them playing. If you stop them playing she'll be complaining about them doing something else entirely reasonable for the middle of the day.

I have a family friend like that. The house next door and the street can be quiet and they will still moan about the noise because someone dared to put their children in the car at 3pm and they heard them.

Stop pandering to her. Do not apologise. If she says it again you need to stop her in her tracks and tell her that it's unfortunate that she was woken up but your kids are entitled to play during the day and you won't be stopping them any longer. She's being absolutely ridiculous.

She could nap upstairs. If you are having naps in the day then they may well be disturbed by other people going about their daily lives. She needs to deal with it. You are not being unreasonable, your children can play on their drive or in their own garden within a reasonable time, so not too early or too late. Don't bend over backwards you haven't done anything wrong.

If dh wants to bake some cakes he can send some to me. I agree basketball is annoying but expecting quiet for 3 hours in the afternoon is unrealistic.

It is a difficult one. I am almost 69 and no way would I expect anybody to keep quiet to accommodate an afternoon nap for me. On the other hand my db died at 63 and an afternoon nap every day for the last year of his life meant he was able to do as many things as possible. For that year I would have been hurt and angry if his needs were being ignored by neighbours children and I know my neighbours [all lovely] would have put a stop to the noise in those circumstances. Could you get chatting in a friendly way op and try to discover whether she is just being a miserable old codger about a bit of kids noise or whether this nap is an absolute necessity to her? People are often reluctant to share real problems which lie just below the surface any a bit of digging might establish whether she is being unreasonable herself or not

Your dh is the unreasonable one. Baking cakes so basically pandering to her 3 hour naps? (3 hours!!) I agree with pp, bouncing basketballs is a horribly annoying noise, but no way should you pander to her and be silent. Next time she speaks to you about it, say what pp have said ‘It’s 3 o’clock, Margaret, not the middle of the night, they’re allowed to play in their own street at this time’. Smile sweetly (or not) and walk away telling the boys to have fun.

She’s being hugely unreasonable and if your dh panders to her, he needs a wake up call. Are you never allowed to wash the car/mow the lawn/have work done at those times? Utterly bonkers.

I'm quite sensitive of the noise of children. I don't have them so it's a noise I can find a bit grating, although I'm glad they are having a good time. I'm not a monster!

I have ear plugs I wear if I need to sleep in the day, or earphones for a podcast.

One of my ex neighbours used to have a child that high pitched piercing laughing/screaming whenever the dad would throw water at them. Numerous times a day (no SEN). That was really annoying. That I thought was not on. Once a day, fine.

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

1. First ban the boys from playing basket ball.

1. Encourage them to spend more time in one of the more creative arts -

music for instance.

1. Buy them a violin, a trombone and a drum kit.
2. Encourage them to practise - a lot.

Jeez, a healthy adult doesn't need a three hour sleep every day (and that is certainly way longer than a nap). Your neighbour is being ridiculous.

@Hidehi4

Next time she knocks to complain, open the door to her by saying “you have just woken me up”

This is the way forward. Every time.

What a bloody misery guts!!!

YANBU.

@GreenWheat

Jeez, a healthy adult doesn't need a three hour sleep every day (and that is certainly way longer than a nap). Your neighbour is being ridiculous.

You’ve never heard of bi-phase sleeping and the biological origins of it? Strongly linked to menopause.

Appeasement doesn’t work look at Neville Chamberlain. Hold firm op you are not in the wrong. Who does your neighbour think she is - the Queen?

Not your problem. Kids play, it’s the middle of the afternoon. She either buys ear plugs or naps in another room

I always remember my childhood Sunday afternoons being ruined in the summer. My dad used to say we couldn’t play out as people would be having an afternoon nap after their Sunday dinner. It was crap.

Sod that. If she wants to nap fair enough, but other people shouldn’t have to stop their life for it. Tell her to buy some earplugs.

Just ignore for now.

If she says anything again I'd state, In the nicest possible way, it is not reasonable to expect people to be silent on a Saturday afternoon so that you can nap. It's not going to happen.

Your kids have friends over during covid restrictions? Presumably, these games are Socially distanced? Unless the kids are all somehow immune (they're not).

playingout.net/covid-19/outdoor-play-and-activity/

Amazing how "friendly" people here are, so many assumptions about your neighbour's life and circumstances.

Basketball must be played on the basketball court.

Children nowadays tend to scream all the time, they shout instead of talking, probably trying to be heard.

Your neighbour did not do anything wrong.

A bit more compassion wouldn't go amiss.

I really feel sorry for your children. It's great that they are out getting fresh air rather than playing on screens inside.
Do not apologise! You need to prepare a script and roll out the replies at the next complaint.
Your Dh is being very unreasonable and I hope he is as eager to bake for you, as your neighbour.

@Daphnise

Don't pacify her- it never works.

Reasonable noise can be expected 2-5pm.

If she's that sleepy in the day, suggest she sees a doctor (or phones one nowadays!)

Just FYI it's possible to be a napper and also think that the neighbour is being unreasonable.

There's a lot of us who are working adults who still also need a nap in the daytime - and thank you, we've already seen a doctor. But we don't expect the world to stop around us as we nap.

....can we dunk on the neighbour's unreasonable behaviour without also dunking on people with disabilities, ffs?

She expects you not to use your own garden because she chooses to sleep during daylight hours? Tell her to FO

I've asked the little boy down the road not to bring over basketball.

That’s so sad . She is being completely unreasonable. I was ill for a few years (better now) and had a nap every day. There is no way I would expect the neighbourhood kids to be quiet for me. Indeed, I love to hear children outside in the fresh air, playing sport.

Maybe suggest some headphones?