Neighbour's afternoon nap

[hollytrees25]

Hi, we are a family of 4, two DS under 10. We live in a small semi, next door lives a lady, 66, by herself. We get on quite well. Till recently she complained she got woken up from her afternoon naps by the boys. She has nap everyday 2-5pm. Apparently her bedroom is at the front of the house facing front garden on ground floor.

Last week after school the boys' friend down the road came to play with a basketball. Two of them patted and bounced the ball on our drive. This must be quite loud and woke her up from her nap.

She came out to tell me that my son's friend played basketball on the drive and woke her up, (ie not my boys but their friend, think she was being nice) when I got home from work that day. I said sorry I will ask them not to bounce the ball.

This afternoon was good weather the friend came around with the basketball again, I asked the boys to play on the green across the road, they did, but got carried away and the friend bounced the ball on the street a few times, opposite the house, coupled with children's laughters and chattering, which are just high pitched. The lady came out and told the boys calmly 'You woke me up' to which DS said sorry immediately.

DH believes bending over backwards to get on with neighbors, he thinks we should bake her some cakes/cookies to make up. Part of me agree with him, however part of me thinks it's our front garden on a Saturday afternoon, the children were not being particularly disruptive, WWYD?

SIBU and I say that as someone who works nights and frequently has to try and sleep through all the day time noise people make. She needs to get some ear plugs or sleep at the back of the house instead.

No don't make her cookies! They've done nothing wrong.

Why is her bedroom not upstairs? Is she very ill or working night shifts? Napping 2pm to 5pm is really not normal for an adult who is still of working age and not working night shifts. i suggest you husband sympathises with, but does not apologise to, her about being woken up and offers to shift her bed to an upstairs back room where she will not be so bothered by the noise. Unless she is in throes of a short term illness it is not reasonable to ban all the neighbourhood children playing outside between 2pm and 5pm.

I think buying earplugs sends the right message to be honest! I.e. it’s for her to adapt if she wishes to nap all afternoon!

No she retired long time ago and had knee replacement. All her living families passed away, it's how she copes, think her family members passed away in other rooms of the house (before we moved in) and she resolved to living in the front room.

3hr naps in the afternoon??? She needs a hobby.

I had this when my DC were a similar age to yours. The kids would come home from school at 3.45, have a quick snack and occasionally, if the weather was ok, play on their skates or bikes along the road until they came in for their tea at 5 pm. They would then be in for the night. A neighbour up the road apparently liked to nap between 4-5 pm each day and asked that the children not be allowed to play out at that time because it disturbed his sleep! He was at home all day and could have slept at ant other time, but the kids only had that occasional one hour after school. The CF!

Not your problem at all. I sleep during the day most days due to chronic health conditions. I would not expect anybody at all to change their lives to accommodate mine. I won’t even let my husband quieten our DCs as they shouldn’t have to be quiet just because I need to sleep during the day.

Tell her your sorry she is being woken up but you are not going to stop your children playing during the day.

She’s unreasonable. You’re living every day life, the kids are doing normal kid things. If she needs that much sleep (three hours every afternoon?!) then it’s on her to get earplugs or move rooms to facilitate it. Not on you and your family

You dont ask her to sleep at a different time.
You tell her that you both have to live your lives and the children will be children and play. This is their life too.. She is one of 7 or so billion

Stop altering your life and telling children they cant play with a ball,in the day time, after a year of being locked in on and off.

And under no circumstances do you bake her some fucking cookies. Christ in a cartoon.

@hollytrees25

Thank you all lovely people~

I've asked the little boy down the road not to bring over basketball.

I hate myself when she came out and said 'they woke me up ' and I just apologize like a reflex.

How do I say kindly and politely 'could you nap in a different room it's 3 in the afternoon ..'

Stop! There is nothing wrong with the little boy down the road bringing his basketball, you have nothing to apologise for.

When she moans again DO NOT say sorry, tell her you are not going to stop your children playing as that is part and parcel of the general noise expected when living in close quarters with others and perhaps she would like to invest in earplugs.

Next time she knocks to complain, open the door to her by saying “you have just woken me up”

Who the F NAPS from 2-5pm every day? Apart from under 5's?

She is being ridiculous.

She’s mad. As is your husband. Cookies for some moaning old cow?....absolutely not.

She is unreasonable , but hell is filled with the sound of basket balls being bounced, it is the most irritating sound!!!

@LoveDrunk

She’s mad. As is your husband. Cookies for some moaning old cow?....absolutely not.

Let's try and keep ageism away from this.

Her situation is irrelevant. She chooses to have a 3 hour nap in the early afternoon, so it's her job to make adjustments for that to happen, not yours.

I think it depends on what relationship you want with her in future. If you’re friends now and you want to continue being friendly, and she’s politely told you 2-5 is when she naps, then make an effort to keep the kids quiet then. It won’t be a big sacrifice to stay quiet just for the few mins while they’re leaving the house/on the drive (if she can still hear them where they are playing near her house then that’s different). I would kind of view this as doing a friend a favour. I wouldn’t apologise with cookies though.
However if you don’t want to do her a favour then you don’t have to and you can just go forward as civil (or not) neighbours. In which case feel free to make as much noise as you want during the day, just don’t expect her to be friendly. It’s perfectly ok to not be friends with your neighbours.

Let's try and keep ageism away from this.

🙄 If the cap fits!

I’m assuming she must have a disability or health condition if she is sleeping so much in the day and her bedroom is downstairs in a semi detached house?

Basically I’m assuming she can readily change her habits or where she sleeps - because if she can she is being very unreasonable.

If she’s unwell or disabled I would try to be a little more accommodating but it’s still unreasonable for her to be complaining to the children that they woke her up.

I wouldn't do anything.
If she complains again I would politely explain it is the middle of the day and the dc are not doing anything out of the ordinary, particularly loud or in any way unreasonable. I would say that if she chooses, or even needs to sleep during the day, and is sensitive to ordinary family noise, then it is up to her to make whatever arrangement would help - be that ear plugs or sleeping in a different room or some white noise or whatever.

I say all that, as someone who is rather partial to an afternoon nap myself. However, I realise that I am the one out of sync with society, not anyone going about their day, making normal amounts of noise.

It's sad if that's how she's coping with life 🥺

However, she cannot expect the neighbourhood to be quiet so she can nap.

If it was me I'd buy her a bunch of spring flowers & a card. I'd write I was sorry that she feels the need to nap every day, but that I wasn't prepared to stop the children playing outside in the afternoons. That maybe she could try other rooms & ear plugs !

Friendly but firm.

1. First ban the boys from playing basket ball.
2. Encourage them to spend more time in one of the more creative arts -

music for instance.

1. Buy them a violin, a trombone and a drum kit.
2. Encourage them to practise - a lot.

She is unreasonable. Children should be able to play at that time in the afternoon.

@Notimeforaname

You dont ask her to sleep at a different time. You tell her that you both have to live your lives and the children will be children and play. This is their life too.. She is one of 7 or so billion

Stop altering your life and telling children they cant play with a ball,in the day time, after a year of being locked in on and off.

And under no circumstances do you bake her some fucking cookies. Christ in a cartoon.

Exactly this!

2-5 is the only time they'll be able to play in the garden on school days. Don't start the cycle of appeasing a bully. Stay polite, avoid noise such as mowing the lawn at that that time where possible, but your family can't tiptoe around the garden on summer days - we all have to live and let live.