Neighbour's afternoon nap

[hollytrees25]

Hi, we are a family of 4, two DS under 10. We live in a small semi, next door lives a lady, 66, by herself. We get on quite well. Till recently she complained she got woken up from her afternoon naps by the boys. She has nap everyday 2-5pm. Apparently her bedroom is at the front of the house facing front garden on ground floor.

Last week after school the boys' friend down the road came to play with a basketball. Two of them patted and bounced the ball on our drive. This must be quite loud and woke her up from her nap.

She came out to tell me that my son's friend played basketball on the drive and woke her up, (ie not my boys but their friend, think she was being nice) when I got home from work that day. I said sorry I will ask them not to bounce the ball.

This afternoon was good weather the friend came around with the basketball again, I asked the boys to play on the green across the road, they did, but got carried away and the friend bounced the ball on the street a few times, opposite the house, coupled with children's laughters and chattering, which are just high pitched. The lady came out and told the boys calmly 'You woke me up' to which DS said sorry immediately.

DH believes bending over backwards to get on with neighbors, he thinks we should bake her some cakes/cookies to make up. Part of me agree with him, however part of me thinks it's our front garden on a Saturday afternoon, the children were not being particularly disruptive, WWYD?

Bah my ndn has small kids that whine or scream from around 5am until bedtime around 7pm and wake me up. If I nap in the afternoon and they wake me it's tough. I do sometimes turn my TV up or play music to drown our the screaming but haven't complained (yet😉). Don't think the parents ever challenge the shouting and screaming so at least your neighbour had parents that try. Kids make noise and outdoor play is acceptable. As long as they are not bouncing the ball on her land, or her wall then she really can't do anything.

It is a tough one. Respect for your elders dictates that her request should be taken on board & carried out but on the flip side you have kids that want to play out & they shouldn’t have to stifle normal play.
If they were kicking the ball against a wall of her house it would be very disrespectful but they aren’t they are just playing & they have accidentally woken her.
Has she tried earplugs?
The fact that she has her bedroom at the front of the house is her choice & it shouldn’t impact on your kids being able to play normally.
Is there anyway for your kids & their friend to play in the back garden instead of out the front of the house? Would she like to have her bedroom out the back & if so could you echelon her move it; but extreme I know.
Cake or biscuits are great idea to give you a reason to have a conversation about how you can work around each others needs.

@hollytrees25

Thank you all lovely people~

I've asked the little boy down the road not to bring over basketball.

I hate myself when she came out and said 'they woke me up ' and I just apologize like a reflex.

How do I say kindly and politely 'could you nap in a different room it's 3 in the afternoon ..'

It’s not your place to tell her to sleep elsewhere And it’s not her place to curtail afternoon play

I would tell her the hours the children are at school and suggest that she switches her naps to then if she doesn’t want to be woken up. Otherwise, as PPs say, she either needs earplugs or to move somewhere very quiet and remote.

Who has three hour naps ??

Just as op doesn’t need to accommodate the ndn request,the ndn doesn’t need to change her nap time or room location
Ndn needs to try music and/or earplugs to minimise external noise

If probably say something like; “my cousin/in law/friend is a nurse and often works night shifts sometimes has trouble sleeping in the day so she uses earplugs. That might help you too.”

No baking though, that would just encourage her.

OP I feel you may have made this worse for yourself by having apologised in the past. She now thinks she can complain and you will listen to her and sort it out.

Next time she moans, tell her your children are playing in the daytime and should be able to do so without worrying it will affect her napping schedule. Remind her that you will tell the children to stop making noise at a sensible time, i.e. 8pm, but until then you are allowing them to play and make noise. You need to be firm otherwise she will carry this on and actually get worse.

Also agree with the other poster that your husband sounds like a wet lettuce. You shouldn't for a second be considering baking her cookies for the fact kids woke her from a nap - it's utterly ridiculous.

The woman needs to get some earplugs or something. I play sleep sounds to drown out outside noise when working shifts and having to sleep during the day. Would never dream of telling any children off for having fun. Just ignore her and let the kids have the fun they deserve (minus basketball if you choose)

in the past I have worked shifts and not expected people to creep round my hours. My hours were my problem, eye mask and ear plugs, your neighbour is way out of order

Tell her to buy a white noise machine. I love an afternoon nap but being uninterrupted is my responsibility not anyone else’s

A three hour nap taking up the BEST part of the afternoon is her choice, but to halt children playing for so long, is very selfish unless she has a medical condition that requires rest

You and your children sound lovely btw. If she wants silence she should adjust her house / lifestyle, not try to change yours.

"Oh I'm sorry they woke you up, but I'm not stopping them playing during the afternoon".

I think you are being walked over, that's a bit ridiculous. Many of us have to live side by side, but her nap doesn't trump your son and his friends playing basketball. It's not like they are outside drug dealing is it.

You need to be unapologetic here... She is being ridiculous!

@hollytrees25

Thank you all lovely people~

I've asked the little boy down the road not to bring over basketball.

I hate myself when she came out and said 'they woke me up ' and I just apologize like a reflex.

How do I say kindly and politely 'could you nap in a different room it's 3 in the afternoon ..'

You don't. Just tell her that her nap is not your problem. Can't believe you'd stifle your kids doing a normal activity for a cow like this.

Tell dh to bake his owm family cakes and cookies

Children playing during the day is not unreasonable at all. Bending over backwards to get on with neighbours will make you miserable. I understand wanting to get on with neighbours, but not to to the extent it’s making you unhappy. And definitely not bending over backwards.

She is being ridiculous.
I am in my 60s and in poor health. Sometimes I rest in the afternoon. I wouldn't dream of expecting my neighbours to silence their children because of me.

Myself personally I would let the boys play, its been lockdown where people have been inside for months she should move herself to a different room if she wants an afternoon nap. My mum who is 84 has a nap but goes to a room which it isn't interrupted by noise from any direction but as she says it's daytime so there will be noise, if it was night time I would be different.

@Grrrrdarling

It is a tough one. Respect for your elders dictates that her request should be taken on board & carried out but on the flip side you have kids that want to play out & they shouldn’t have to stifle normal play. If they were kicking the ball against a wall of her house it would be very disrespectful but they aren’t they are just playing & they have accidentally woken her. Has she tried earplugs? The fact that she has her bedroom at the front of the house is her choice & it shouldn’t impact on your kids being able to play normally. Is there anyway for your kids & their friend to play in the back garden instead of out the front of the house? Would she like to have her bedroom out the back & if so could you echelon her move it; but extreme I know. Cake or biscuits are great idea to give you a reason to have a conversation about how you can work around each others needs.

God I still cringe when I think how, 60+ years ago, we played 'tennis' against the gable end at the top of my Aunt's street for hours, it must have been hell inside yet no-one ever complained.

The noise sounds very loud & annoying in a residential area but don’t think you need to bake cookies

What would she do if someone got a dropped curb installed and the buzz saws were out in the afternoon? If I was feeling peevish I'd offer to look after a friend's yappy dog when they next go on holiday, otherwise "we encourage them to play outside, they've had so much time stuck indoors lately haven't they?" with head tilt, will suffice.

My mum gave the same response I would now to our neighbour in this situation. We were all bloody kids once and I'm sure she made noise when she was younger. They are not banging it on her wall or anything like that to deliberately annoy her. Summer is coming and kids are unlikely to get to go away this year. Don't start pandering to her now else you will be in for 6 weeks of hell when kids are too scared to play all summer because of her nap. Who needs 3 bloody hours a day anyway. I would suggest she cuts that to an hour and you will try to keep them quiet for that but all afternoon no chance.

Just say that you hate to wake her but the children need to be able to play and what would she suggest?

As a person who does regular night shifts (therefore needs sleep through the day) she is being unreasonable and you are for apologising for your children playing.
She needs to sort out her daytime sleep environment.