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Original poster

Neighbour's afternoon nap

352 replies

hollytrees25 · 27/03/2021 16:44

Hi, we are a family of 4, two DS under 10. We live in a small semi, next door lives a lady, 66, by herself. We get on quite well. Till recently she complained she got woken up from her afternoon naps by the boys. She has nap everyday 2-5pm. Apparently her bedroom is at the front of the house facing front garden on ground floor.

Last week after school the boys' friend down the road came to play with a basketball. Two of them patted and bounced the ball on our drive. This must be quite loud and woke her up from her nap.

She came out to tell me that my son's friend played basketball on the drive and woke her up, (ie not my boys but their friend, think she was being nice) when I got home from work that day. I said sorry I will ask them not to bounce the ball.

This afternoon was good weather the friend came around with the basketball again, I asked the boys to play on the green across the road, they did, but got carried away and the friend bounced the ball on the street a few times, opposite the house, coupled with children's laughters and chattering, which are just high pitched. The lady came out and told the boys calmly 'You woke me up' to which DS said sorry immediately.

DH believes bending over backwards to get on with neighbors, he thinks we should bake her some cakes/cookies to make up. Part of me agree with him, however part of me thinks it's our front garden on a Saturday afternoon, the children were not being particularly disruptive, WWYD?

OP posts:
QueenPaw · 29/03/2021 08:55

@Dontknowanymore2 she could not sleep well at night, be on medication that makes her tired, be undermedicated for a thyroid issue, have an invisible illness. Not everything can be resolved as easily as going to the GP

By the time I've finished work I can't even cook tea I'm that tired but there's nothing that can be done about it

Dontknowanymore2 · 29/03/2021 09:10

But thats her problem. Not the young family next door. I sleep terribly, but I would never expect children to be quiet in daytime. She needs to get ear plugs, sleep in another room etc etc.

Tzimi · 29/03/2021 09:11

I'd suggest to your neighbour that she should get some foam earplugs. You can get them quite cheaply on eBay. They're very comfortable- I use them all the time, and I don't have any trouble getting to sleep with them in.

QueenPaw · 29/03/2021 09:16

@Dontknowanymore2 of course, but I'm replying to the point that she "shouldn't need a 3hr nap"

bemusedmoose · 29/03/2021 09:46

A 3hr nap at 66? Unless she is in poor health or works nights that's quite odd. My mum is late 70s and never naps, the only people I know who nap in the day at that age are up at 4 am for work and only an hour. 3 hrs is a hell of a long nap. I'm guessing if her room is in the front downstairs she has some issues as that's usually the living room in a semi

Also as much as she has the right to a nap - you and your children have the right to play in your garden at reasonable times (and the hours of 2-5 are prime playing time for kids at school!) so either get the kids to play out back or she will have to put the radio on. Also - the green is a public space so they are free to play there.

Im all for getting on with neighbours but i do draw the line at neighbours that expect you to abide by their routines and preferences. I have a similar neighbour - we have front gardens and a small public road. I've been told not to park my car (it's a nice immaculate car not a heap) within view of their house because they don't like to see it out the kitchen window (the kitchen they hardly use!) if I don't park outside my house the neighbours over the road writes rude notes about how inconsiderate I am parking in their spot (they have a drive but prefer to park on the road and apparently only they have dibs on the public road) i cant have certain plants, can't have birdfeeders, they hate my cat going over the fence even though there are more than 10 other cats around, blame every bark in the neighbourhood on my dog even when he is out... We get on 90% of the time and they are lovely but when they get a bee in their bonnet they come out with a list of demands of how me and my kids, who are insanely quiet for kids, should live to fit them. Yet they do the most disruptive and intrusive things themselves all the time!

You are being considerate enough. She can't have you living around her schedule.

Mummyshark2020 · 29/03/2021 10:46

Let the kids out at 7am to play and tell her you didn't want to interfere with her nap time.

jillybeanclevertips · 29/03/2021 12:08

In the mode of being a good neighbour, recognising that you NDN schedules an afternoon nap, it beholds you to try and keep things quiet for her. She may need tjhese naps for a variet of reason, not all age related.(I have Narcolepsy ) show her your caring side, I think the ear plugs are a good idea. and try to keep things quiet ish for her. And explain that children need to play and that involves making a noise, she may have had childen of her own, once. Get to know her, coffee morning always a good idea. And enjoy being a good neighbour. Bless you for trying.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 29/03/2021 12:17

Some of you are very touchy. It’s okay to be old. And 66 is old
It’s not late middlehood, flush of youth, whatever twee label you want to apply
66 is old. And I cannot fathom why some of you are arguing otherwise

WaxOnFeckOff · 29/03/2021 12:23

I think children have a right to play, neighbour has a right to quiet enjoyment of her home. Sleeping at a time at odds with the majority of society isn't something that the rest of society needs to accommodate. It's also not up to anyone to decide whether having a 3 hour nap is appropriate or not.

All that said, OP needs to consider whether the level of noise DC are making is proportionate to their environment. Many posters have pointed out that bouncing balls and loud screaming are particularly annoying regardless of whether people are sleeping or not.

I think the solution is ditching the basketball, keep an eye on any screaming and crack on.

If complaints are made over perfectly acceptable children noise then that's a different matter.

nikki23861 · 29/03/2021 12:49

Oh you shouldn't of told your sons friend not to bring the basket ball over, I personally would of told her there and then sorry its the afternoon and its tough luck.

She should think herself lucky I live on a very busy estate where there is a constant stream of kids of all ages screaming and playing all day and night at times, I would tell her once and once only you're not going to stop your children or their friends from playing any kind of games in their own homes/garden particularly during the day.

She needs to save her little naps for night.

nikki23861 · 29/03/2021 12:51

My Dad is retired almost 70 and never sleeps in the day, 60 is not that old.

FedNlanders · 29/03/2021 12:56

I look after 90+ year old who dont have a nap

QueenPaw · 29/03/2021 12:58

@FedNlanders great but some younger people need one
It's like nobody has read the thread or heard of invisible illnesses or medication side effects. Or depression. Or the million other reasons that people of any age might need to sleep

jessstan2 · 29/03/2021 12:59

@nikki23861

Oh you shouldn't of told your sons friend not to bring the basket ball over, I personally would of told her there and then sorry its the afternoon and its tough luck.

She should think herself lucky I live on a very busy estate where there is a constant stream of kids of all ages screaming and playing all day and night at times, I would tell her once and once only you're not going to stop your children or their friends from playing any kind of games in their own homes/garden particularly during the day.

She needs to save her little naps for night.

I can well imagine!
jessstan2 · 29/03/2021 13:01

@HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee

Some of you are very touchy. It’s okay to be old. And 66 is old It’s not late middlehood, flush of youth, whatever twee label you want to apply 66 is old. And I cannot fathom why some of you are arguing otherwise
I think it would be termed, "Young elderly".

Having a sleep in the afternoon is lovely at any age but you can't expect children not to play in their back gardens. At least they aren't whooping outside in the street.

blowinahoolie · 29/03/2021 13:06

After having noise nuisance neighbours, and speaking to the council it seems that noise at any time of day which affects your quality of life can be considered a nuisance.

blowinahoolie · 29/03/2021 13:18

I always thought noise in the evenings, through the night would be worse but apparently it's considered just as bad through the day and just as valid a complaint.

Barmychick · 29/03/2021 13:55

please don't pacify her! she'd have a fit round here dickhead neighbour banging yelling shouting at 5.45 am on a Sun morning! Did bollocks him!

WeAllHaveWings · 29/03/2021 14:02

You can sympathise with her it must be hard napping in the middle of the day while the rest of the world is doing their thing. Then other than suggesting earplugs don't make it your problem to solve, or feel guilty.

Alsohuman · 29/03/2021 14:07

[quote QueenPaw]@FedNlanders great but some younger people need one
It's like nobody has read the thread or heard of invisible illnesses or medication side effects. Or depression. Or the million other reasons that people of any age might need to sleep [/quote]
Exactly. I have a friend who was retired on ill health grounds in her forties, she’s had an afternoon nap every single day since.

As for 66 being old - tell the government that, it’s too young to retire these days.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 29/03/2021 14:13

Off you then email the government, tell them 66 is positively middley diddley young
Some policy wonk with a ppe degree and student debts will have to read it, maybe even compelled to reply

saleorbouy · 29/03/2021 14:38

Just tell your neighbour that it's not unreasonable for childern to play outside in the afternoon especially during the school break and maybe there is a quieter part of the house she could rest in.

jessstan2 · 29/03/2021 14:38

@blowinahoolie

I always thought noise in the evenings, through the night would be worse but apparently it's considered just as bad through the day and just as valid a complaint.
It isn't if it is what I would call 'normal' noise. Children playing in back gardens is normal, certainly no grounds for a valid complaint during the day. It hasn't been easy for many people during lockdown and that includes children. The napping neighbour can surely have her afternoon nap in a different room.
ionlyasked · 29/03/2021 15:30

This happened to me when I was a child. My next door neighbour always took an afternoon nap. We had to keep really quite so that she could sleep. Then she would complaint at night because our TV was too loud as she wanted to go to bed at 9pm. In the end my mum told her to either go to bed at night or go to bed in the day but we were not going to live our lives to fit in with her sleeping all the time. She is only 66 not 96. I am 71 and would not dream of going for an afternoon nap. 3 hours is a long nap.

FedNlanders · 29/03/2021 16:03

Of course. Sometimes we are ill and need a nap, or done a night shift. We just use ear plugs and get on with it.

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