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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is makeup a form of catfishing?

265 replies

qwertykeyboards · 27/03/2021 13:11

Okay hear me out. Before I start this thread I just want to say I’m NOT bashing women who wear makeup - I myself love makeup and wear it regularly. I’m just really interested in other peoples opinions.

Lately I’ve just been thinking about whether a full face of makeup could amount to cat fishing of some sort. I myself look completely different when I have a full face of makeup on. In fact when I wear makeup I am constantly catcalled and stared at by men. Whereas when I go out with absolutely nothing on that doesn’t happen as much. Sometimes I even think, “if only you saw me when I woke up this morning!” 😂

I was speaking about this with a couple of my friends who admitted that their boyfriends have yet to see them without makeup! That’s crazy to me! What if the person you’re with ends up totally not into your fresh face and the makeup kind of tricked them into thinking you look like something that in reality took a bunch of makeup and an hour at the mirror to achieve.

Just a thought.

YABU - don’t be so stupid!
YANBU - to an extent makeup can put out a false image

OP posts:
Tommika · 27/03/2021 19:12

@LadyOfLittleLeisure
On your school trip that says nothing about you when you were 16. It says a lot about the boys

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 27/03/2021 19:22

@Tommika thank you :)

DragonDoor · 27/03/2021 19:28

Heavy make up is a ‘look’. If someone finds that attractive, then fair enough.

They would have to be an idiot to think that it’s not painted on, and that any person can actually wake up looking like that.

Original poster
qwertykeyboards · 27/03/2021 20:26

Hi guys. Apologies for the late response. I’ve just had a chance to read through all of the comments and many were really interesting/insightful. I just want to add as many posters pointed out, yes I am young (early twenties) and unfortunately from a very superficial generation. I would assume as I get older/have kids this whole concept will be water over a ducks back and of no interest to me.

As someone else mentioned, I (rightly or wrongly) used the word “catfish” as there IS a tiktok trend at the moment called the “Catfish Check” where women post pictures of themselves all dolled up with full faces of makeup and then post a video of them with nothing. The idea is to show the complete difference in their appearance with and then without makeup.

I’ve also seen and heard numerous times, men but also WOMEN speaking negatively of other women who look different without makeup....I don’t know if anyone is familiar with the meme “take her swimming on the first date?” So was also outlining that its something that a lot of people do recognise as an issue, even if I disagree.

OP posts:
Original poster
qwertykeyboards · 27/03/2021 20:30

Also, whether you think it’s shallow or not or advocate for “personality over looks”, there is a lot of the time that initial physical attraction between two people which then leads to them pursuing one another and getting to know them as a person. I was also wondering how someone’s initial attraction may completely change if they met someone with a full face of makeup and then suddenly one day they turn up with nothing on. And I say this as someone who LOVES a full face of makeup Wink

OP posts:
CorianderBee · 27/03/2021 21:47

If men can't figure out their girlfriends cheekbones don't naturally sparkle or that they might be wearing foundation over some spots then they're a bit thick tbh.

LaBellina · 27/03/2021 23:33

I’m so sorry that you had to go trough that @LadyOfLittleLeisure. I’m very sure you weren’t ugly, they were just twats but taking their own issues out on you and that’s hugely unfair. Flowers

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/03/2021 23:35

I don't think its just men that can't always figure it out. I have worked with people who occasionally come in minus make up and both men and women have said things along the lines of are you feeling ok, you look a bit pale today

Witchcraftandhokum · 28/03/2021 06:52

13:30emilyfrost

YANBU. Make up is very fake and I feel sorry for those who wear it; they’re not comfortable in their own skin and don’t like their natural look. It’s very sad

Are you kidding me? When I put makeup on I get to play around with colour and be creative. I love applying it.

And I'm just as comfortable going out without it.

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 28/03/2021 07:53

@LaBellina thank you. It just made me feel like my entire existence was to be pleasing to men. I think a lot of women have this hang up :(

LolaSmiles · 28/03/2021 07:59

It's not catfishing and given the amount some people wear, men should realise that shiny cheeks, lined eyes, fake tan, etc isn't a natural look.

I do agree with some posters though that it is possible to wear so much makeup that your face looks very different to without. It seems a bit sad to me that people would date someone whilst maintaining a high level of fakery.

LaBellina · 28/03/2021 08:11

You’re not alone @LadyOfLittleLeisure.
I have had the same experience more or less (suffered from acne and had a strange boy coming up to me on my way home from school telling me I was a very ugly girl with many pimples- that hurt so much). What helped me a lot was reading up on internalized misogyny and to keep repeating to myself that being pretty isn’t a standard that I need to meet to exist in this world and enjoy my life. What also helped me a lot is to start wearing less makeup. I only apply now concealer on the areas of my skin that need it and I no longer wear a full face of foundation every day. I was terrified at first and feel so much better now. Still I want to hug the 15 year old me and say don’t believe them Sad

CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 28/03/2021 10:42

I don't think make-up is cat-fishing. I just feel sad that so many women feel so uncomfortable about themselves that they do not feel able to leave the house without it.

SushiYum · 28/03/2021 11:55

@Albatross26

As someone who wears absolutely no make up I'm genuinely interested- those saying you wear it for yourselves and nobody else, would you still wear it if you knew you weren't going to see another person for say 2 weeks? I promise I'm not being goady, it's just something I've never really understood!
I do! I find the process therapeutic. I wear eye makeup and BB cream everyday, even if I don’t see many people. I genuinely wear makeup for myself. My OH has seen me with and without.

I don’t like heavy contour, thick foundation and huge fake eyelashes though.

daisyjgrey · 28/03/2021 12:39

If a mad is stupid enough to think that I have naturally gold eyelids or extremely symmetrical perma-blushing cheeks, that's thats their look out.

I'm not catering to stupid.

LadyOfLittleLeisure · 28/03/2021 12:40

@LaBellina

You’re not alone *@LadyOfLittleLeisure*. I have had the same experience more or less (suffered from acne and had a strange boy coming up to me on my way home from school telling me I was a very ugly girl with many pimples- that hurt so much). What helped me a lot was reading up on internalized misogyny and to keep repeating to myself that being pretty isn’t a standard that I need to meet to exist in this world and enjoy my life. What also helped me a lot is to start wearing less makeup. I only apply now concealer on the areas of my skin that need it and I no longer wear a full face of foundation every day. I was terrified at first and feel so much better now. Still I want to hug the 15 year old me and say don’t believe them Sad
Heartbreaking :( I know exactly what you mean about wanting to hug your teenage self. I'm going to read more about internalised misogyny, thank you.
daisyjgrey · 28/03/2021 12:42

@emilyfrost

YANBU. Make up is very fake and I feel sorry for those who wear it; they’re not comfortable in their own skin and don’t like their natural look. It’s very sad.

Alright love, piss off.

LongHairDontCare38 · 28/03/2021 12:47

If the men are stupid enough to think I wake up with glittery eyelids then that's their problem

LongHairDontCare38 · 28/03/2021 12:49

@daisyjgrey X post Grin

Whattodotho · 28/03/2021 13:01

Some men are my partner thinks the that women who have full face of makeup and fillers if probably natural. 😂 Ive seen some shocking vids on Instagram like you are saying that show before and after and these people look completely different. You can change the whole face shape with contouring. I somewhat agree with you. I met my partner on tinder and I had makeup on and I joke now I cat fished him as I just took really good photos. Now I'm here no makeup for past year scruffy bun and he's probably like ah fuck I'm trapped. 😂

LilQueenie · 28/03/2021 13:23

I think it can in some cases. I mean look at the videos of people using makeup to look like someone famous. People used to get plastic surgery for the same effect.

I guess it depends on two thing. 1 how much make up is used and the how much you change with it. 2. The reason for using it. If you cant stand to see your partner without wearing makeup then you are pretty much lying to them anyway. This is where the quantity comes in. How much are you changing yourself and how much does the partner know about the real you. Its not about how they see you vanity wise.

Rinoachicken · 28/03/2021 13:31

I was going to say YABU but then I thought of some of the videos I’ve seen on YouTube of young asian women who completely change their appearance with make up, and I mean they look like a totally different person - they use weird sticker things and prosthetics to literally change the shape of their face!

It’s fascinating to watch them taking it on and off, and yeah I can see how that could come as a bit of a shock!

Link here in case no one knows what I’m talking about!

Naunet · 28/03/2021 13:42

God women just can’t win. They’re expected by society to wear make up, shamed for not wearing it, and then called a catfish when they do 🙄

LilQueenie · 28/03/2021 13:47

Who care what women are expected to do we don't have to do it.

BigPaperBag · 28/03/2021 13:49

I’m very on the fence about this as I have though this before. There’s some crazy videos on TikTok with before and after shots where you would think it’s a different person! But it’s not all about looks which is why I’m on the fence.

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