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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

981 replies

Whereso · 26/03/2021 11:50

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

OP posts:
Ivyiris · 26/03/2021 13:37

I can understand why you are upset especially when you have had miscarriages, definitely would upset me and cause me anxiety. Hope your test returns negative OP. If it's any reassurance I had full blown flu at 16 weeks pregnant and didn't have any serious effects from it, now have a toddler who is nearly 2.

dottiedodah · 26/03/2021 13:38

I dont think YABU here actually.You like his children normally ,and accept they are part of a package with DP .However you are pregnant with your first child .And he could have taken them to the park and a MD on the way home quite easily ,saying to them ,What a lovely day lets go out .

Azerothi · 26/03/2021 13:38

I am going to get flamed here but why chose to get pregnant with your boyfriend who has children in the middle of a serious pandemic? It doesn't make sense to me. There are visits from your boyfriend's children, visits to hospital, and a whole host of other appointments.

Somethingsnappy · 26/03/2021 13:38

You said you're leaving the thread, so you might not read this, but if you do I just wanted to say that although PP are right, of course, pregnant women do have a bit of an excuse to be unreasonable! It might also reassure you to remember that covid isn't thought to be a particular risk to pregnant women or their babies and that antibodies are believed to get passed to unborn babies from their mother, should she experience the virus. Also, if it's just a case of the common cold that you have caught, exposure to these viruses is thought to offer some protection against a nasty case of THE virus. The more you experience the better! I hope that's some consolation x

Cadent · 26/03/2021 13:38

If the children had covid symptoms then the DP and his ex should ensure the children were isolating and got a test, and the OP (as another responsible adult in their lives) would be saying the same, not suggesting the kids get taken around the area whilst full of covid symptoms.

If OP suggested kids stay at their mum's home whilst they had Covid symptoms, she would have been accused of being an evil step-mother.

roguetomato · 26/03/2021 13:42

I don't think OP is unreasonable at all. Covid or not, no one wants to get ill when we are pregnant. It's natural thing to feel protective of an unborn child. If the child living with you gets ill, you are already exposed and nothing you can do about it. But I don't think Op is unreasonable to worry about her dh bringing in already ill children to their home.

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 26/03/2021 13:42

@Cadent - she wanted her partner to sit in close contact in a car with the children showing covid symptoms and take them to McDonald's and the park. He would therefore be at risk of picking up whatever it is they have, and passing it on to OP. Not to mention all the other people who would be at risk of catching it from their discarded food and drink wrappers and everything they touched in the park.
OP specifically said that is what she expected him to do. She didn't say she'd prefer them to have not see their dad at all, or that they even had covid symptoms and should be isolating until a few posts in. Why couldn't she hate stayed in a different part of the house while the children were there? Odd, don't you think?

Green3094 · 26/03/2021 13:42

Your pregnant not really classed as vulnerable.. get a grip!! I was pregnant during the whole pandemic after miscarriages no issue at all and I was a high risk pregnancy around my younger brothers and stuff it's not the end of the world if they're slightly under the weather you can't just expect them not to come to your house because of it!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 26/03/2021 13:42

I am 'CEV' and was shielding but had a letter ages ago saying no more shielding, it was followed up with a 'just be careful' instruction - and this week another letter saying I don't have to be (very) careful now.

How are you now being told to 'shield'?

I appreciate things might be a bit different in England - I'm in Wales, but we've been on lockdown for months so they're quite particular here.

As PP says, these children are your stepchildren and you push them out of your home at your peril. Coughs and colds are your current and future - until they grow up and stop being grubby little soap-dodgers... and that includes any children you give birth to also.

I'm not really surprised that you've been told what's what. It's high time and I expect your partner is really disappointed in your attitude. I would be, and would be telling you straight.

jellybellybanana · 26/03/2021 13:45

Doesn't he see them little enough already, fgs? EOW and a couple of dinners...hardly pulling his weight there, is he...wouldn't be expecting him to be great with a new baby.

Welllllllwellllllllwellllllll · 26/03/2021 13:47

Covid has made people think it's alright to make children feel unwelcome in their own homes. How sad. YABU.

PurpleDaisies · 26/03/2021 13:48

If OP suggested kids stay at their mum's home whilst they had Covid symptoms, she would have been accused of being an evil step-mother.

Come on.

If the op has been worded “I am shielding and children with covid symptoms have been to visit” I don’t think anyone at all would have said that’s ok.

Thisonemaybe · 26/03/2021 13:49

I think you are right to be annoyed with your DP. He should have discussed it with you before agreeing to them coming over. His ex does sound nice and considerate though, so that bodes well for a good relationship between you all. Especially at this time it is right to be concerned. I am sure you'll be ok, but I would take time off work until you're fully recovered and have a Covid test for reassurance.

I had a 3 year old during my 2nd pregnancy and caught lots of colds etc. I had a continuous cough until I gave birth. She was absolutely fine and is now a healthy happy 11 year old.

jellybellybanana · 26/03/2021 13:52

Covid has made people think it's alright to make children feel unwelcome in their own homes. How sad. YABU

Except it's clearly not their home, they are only visitors.

LaceyBetty · 26/03/2021 13:53

@Green3094

Your pregnant not really classed as vulnerable.. get a grip!! I was pregnant during the whole pandemic after miscarriages no issue at all and I was a high risk pregnancy around my younger brothers and stuff it's not the end of the world if they're slightly under the weather you can't just expect them not to come to your house because of it!
So is her house not also the SC's house? I find this so sad and agree with the poster that said it seems as if the pandemic has given a lot of excuses for not having SCs around. There have been loads of threads about this.
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 26/03/2021 13:53

Taking them to McDonalds is fine but, they can't eat inside so it would be in the car or the park... and what then? Where are they to go?

Somebody who is this concerned about risk should perhaps isolate themselves, stay in their bedroom or whatever, but these children are here, they have a dad who has a home and they should be able to visit it.

LaceyBetty · 26/03/2021 13:53

@Green3094 so sorry! It was not your post that I meant to quote! I agree with you!

PurpleDaisies · 26/03/2021 13:54

Taking them to McDonalds is fine but, they can't eat inside so it would be in the car or the park... and what then?

It isn’t fine. They need to be isolating at home until a negative test comes back.

How can people not know this?

PandaFluff · 26/03/2021 13:55

@jellybellybanana

Doesn't he see them little enough already, fgs? EOW and a couple of dinners...hardly pulling his weight there, is he...wouldn't be expecting him to be great with a new baby.
He could make up the time another time once the covid scare is over.
Bibidy · 26/03/2021 13:55

God these comments are ridiculous. Of course you're allowed to be pissed off OP, I would be, pregnant or not!

Tbh I would have expected him to switch evenings if they weren't well.

Sirzy · 26/03/2021 13:55

I find it really sad that some people would class young children going to the home of their father as visitors

LaceyBetty · 26/03/2021 13:55

I meant to quote @roguetomato

Their father's house is the SCs house as well is it not?

LolaSmiles · 26/03/2021 13:59

If OP suggested kids stay at their mum's home whilst they had Covid symptoms, she would have been accused of being an evil step-mother
Highly unlikely and just trying to spin the everyone hates stepmums thing.
Anyone who's been paying half attention knows that if someone has covid symptoms then they isolate until their test results.
If the kids came down with symptoms at dad's they isolate at dad's. If the kids came down with symptoms at mum's, isolate at mum's.

That's my point. In this situation there's a mum, dad and OP who have apparently all seen these children with covie symptoms and think it's acceptable to ignore the need to isolate, which means either all 3 adults are ridiculous and unreasonable, or the children don't actually have covid symptoms. Both are possible.

Taking them to McDonalds is fine but, they can't eat inside so it would be in the car or the park... and what then?
It's not if the OP's subsequent claims that DC had covid symptoms are accurate. If they have covid symptoms they should be isolating.

jellybellybanana · 26/03/2021 14:00

He could make up the time another time once the covid scare is over

Parenting doesn't work like that.

PandaFluff · 26/03/2021 14:02

@jellybellybanana

He could make up the time another time once the covid scare is over

Parenting doesn't work like that.

It's what we did when SC had a bad cough. They stayed with us longer once their cough was over.