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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

981 replies

Whereso · 26/03/2021 11:50

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

OP posts:
TenaciousOnePointOne · 27/03/2021 11:40

@Aimee1987, @Lentillover1900 & @PandaFluff I simply stated the guidance allows for it. I personally wouldn’t however, move a child between households when isolating or with either household having symptoms. Especially if contact is ongoing and regular, it doesn’t make sense like I stated in my first post for both households to be ill.

PandaFluff · 27/03/2021 11:41

[quote TenaciousOnePointOne]**@Aimee1987, @Lentillover1900 & @PandaFluff I simply stated the guidance allows for it. I personally wouldn’t however, move a child between households when isolating or with either household having symptoms. Especially if contact is ongoing and regular, it doesn’t make sense like I stated in my first post for both households to be ill.[/quote]
Yes sorry I think I cross posted

PandaFluff · 27/03/2021 11:41

Its the Dominic Cummings defense I guess

DinoHat · 27/03/2021 11:54

@beachcitygirl

Yabvu

Answer this. When your child is ill & you're pregnant with no.2 where will you send your child to?

If the anwer is nowhere. Then you have answer your own question.
Sadly you see becoming one of those stepmothers already. Sigh.

Are you thick??

It wasn’t about sending, but about keeping. Would I send my poorly child to another household. No.

Would I keep my poorly child at home. Yes.

The children were already at another house, their parents house. This wasn’t an option between destitution and having accommodation.

Good grief. OP appears to be one of those stepmothers with atleast half decent comprehension skills unlike some of the other posters.

DinoHat · 27/03/2021 11:56

I am shocked at how many parents are so rigid in their thinking that they’d willing expose another household, and then that households contacts, to Covid, during a pandemic because their kids can’t possibly have tea with them for an extra night.

That’s insane.

Mittens030869 · 27/03/2021 12:02

But in this case, the DSCs’ mum alerted the OP’s DP. She isn’t the one who insisted on the DSCs going to their dad. She sounds very sensibility and the OP thinks highly of her.

The one who doesn’t come out of this well is the dad.

RootyT00t · 27/03/2021 12:17

@alcemeg Oh I totally agree. We are all fed up with the situation and definitely taking out frustrations on the internet!

You too! :)

Alcemeg · 27/03/2021 12:32

[quote RootyT00t]@alcemeg Oh I totally agree. We are all fed up with the situation and definitely taking out frustrations on the internet!

You too! :)[/quote]
Sorry I called you a bully last night Smile I have no idea how this thread sucked me in! I don't even have kids (mine or anyone else's) so I'm not even qualified to comment! Confused Blush I think I'll just fetch my coat!!!

RootyT00t · 27/03/2021 12:43

Don't worry. Venture along to any thread about NAMALT, and you will see I am slaughtered daily. I have tough skin :D

I know. I find myself in ridiculous situations on threads I really don't care about! I get you!

LucieStar · 27/03/2021 12:52

@DinoHat

I am shocked at how many parents are so rigid in their thinking that they’d willing expose another household, and then that households contacts, to Covid, during a pandemic because their kids can’t possibly have tea with them for an extra night.

That’s insane.

Me too. It's like the contact schedule must be followed to the precise letter otherwise the children will be forevermore traumatised.

And this being "sent away" business is laughable. Staying in your primary home is being "sent away". Ffs.

I actually despair sometimes at the way some people think (or not, as the case may be).

LucieStar · 27/03/2021 12:53

@RootyT00t

Thanks for the congrats Smile

RootyT00t · 27/03/2021 12:53

[quote LucieStar]@RootyT00t

Thanks for the congrats Smile[/quote]
Lovely news. :)

Original poster
Whereso · 27/03/2021 12:56

I've just been to a drive through testing centre as I don't want to wait so long for the results. I'll have them back within 24-48 hours so I'll update the thread if it hasn't filled up.

OP posts:
Giraffe888 · 27/03/2021 13:15

@Whereso I just wanted to say I don’t think yabu at all. I completely understand your fears. Early pregnancy is worrying enough never mind after having had previous losses

Step mums always get made out to be the bad guy on here, you just have to ignore it

I hope your test comes back negative and best wishes with your pregnancy x

thatsgotit · 27/03/2021 13:41

As a PP has said, will these children really need therapy because they ate their chicken nuggets in their birth mother's house instead of their father's house? Seriously? I feel sorry for them if they do because they are in for a horrendous journey through life when they encounter real problems 😟

Absolutely.

Let's be real here for a moment: sometimes when mothers send their children to their ex's while ill (the kids ill, I mean), it's not about what's best for said children. It's about mum wanting to park kids with the ex regardless of circumstances because she's not willing to give up her childfree weekend. I speak from experience here.

I'm not accusing any posters here of this btw - I couldn't, I don't know any of you. I'm just saying it sometimes happens. It's not always a case of saintly mummy versus evil bitch stepmother, however much the narrative on MN tends to lean into this view.

OP hope it's all clear with the Covid test!

Aimee1987 · 27/03/2021 13:41

@beachcitygirl

Yabvu

Answer this. When your child is ill & you're pregnant with no.2 where will you send your child to?

If the anwer is nowhere. Then you have answer your own question.
Sadly you see becoming one of those stepmothers already. Sigh.

My cousin sent her child with chickenpox to live with nana for a week to protect the unborn child. Said child had regular contact with nana so was perfectly happy with the situation. I would have no problem doing the same with either DS or DSS.

Secondly as many others have pointed out the child in question was not being sent away they were just staying at mums for dinner. Given everything kids have missed this year due to covid I highly doubt missing 1 dinner is going to traumatised them.

RootyT00t · 27/03/2021 13:42

@thatsgotit

As a PP has said, will these children really need therapy because they ate their chicken nuggets in their birth mother's house instead of their father's house? Seriously? I feel sorry for them if they do because they are in for a horrendous journey through life when they encounter real problems 😟

Absolutely.

Let's be real here for a moment: sometimes when mothers send their children to their ex's while ill (the kids ill, I mean), it's not about what's best for said children. It's about mum wanting to park kids with the ex regardless of circumstances because she's not willing to give up her childfree weekend. I speak from experience here.

I'm not accusing any posters here of this btw - I couldn't, I don't know any of you. I'm just saying it sometimes happens. It's not always a case of saintly mummy versus evil bitch stepmother, however much the narrative on MN tends to lean into this view.

OP hope it's all clear with the Covid test!

I can't see who wrote that original post, but I am appalled that we ar ebeing as flippant as we are about children having a new baby being born and a blended family, which is a massive life event for them.
MiaChia · 27/03/2021 13:51

@RootyT00t "can't see who wrote that original post, but I am appalled that we ar ebeing as flippant as we are about children having a new baby being born and a blended family, which is a massive life event for them"

What on earth are you blabbering on about? These children would have missed one dinner in their father's house. They could just as easily have eaten it in the resident parent's house i.e. their mother's house. Who's being flippant? You are being a total drama llama and, given the number of your dramatic posts on this thread, are totally over invested in the lives of these children. Er, why?

Winterwoollies · 27/03/2021 14:04

This thread has been really, really grim to read. Only on MN would a pregnant woman, who has suffered multiple losses, be crucified for requesting her partner see his children out of her house on one single occasion because both are exhibiting Covid symptoms.

Some people just want to be cruel and contrary. Cuntrary, if you will.

@Whereso you’ve handled yourself remarkably well in my humble opinion. I hope your pregnancy goes swimmingly.

thatsgotit · 27/03/2021 14:06

I can't see who wrote that original post, but I am appalled that we ar ebeing as flippant as we are about children having a new baby being born and a blended family, which is a massive life event for them.

@RootyT00t offhand I can't remember whose post I was quoting there, but it didn't read flippantly to me, more as a call for perspective. I think people do understand how massive it is, otherwise this thread wouldn't be filling up so fast...

RootyT00t · 27/03/2021 14:54

[quote MiaChia]@RootyT00t "can't see who wrote that original post, but I am appalled that we ar ebeing as flippant as we are about children having a new baby being born and a blended family, which is a massive life event for them"

What on earth are you blabbering on about? These children would have missed one dinner in their father's house. They could just as easily have eaten it in the resident parent's house i.e. their mother's house. Who's being flippant? You are being a total drama llama and, given the number of your dramatic posts on this thread, are totally over invested in the lives of these children. Er, why?[/quote]
Are you quite OK?

User5747384 · 27/03/2021 14:57

"This thread has been really, really grim to read. Only on MN would a pregnant woman, who has suffered multiple losses, be crucified for requesting her partner see his children out of her house on one single occasion because both are exhibiting Covid symptoms.

Some people just want to be cruel and contrary. Cuntrary, if you will."

I totally agree ^^

billy1966 · 27/03/2021 15:36

@User5747384

"This thread has been really, really grim to read. Only on MN would a pregnant woman, who has suffered multiple losses, be crucified for requesting her partner see his children out of her house on one single occasion because both are exhibiting Covid symptoms.

Some people just want to be cruel and contrary. Cuntrary, if you will."

I totally agree ^^

I agree.

It could have been avoided.

The children's mother kindly told the waster father they were unwell.

But because he is a selfish waster, he deliberately withheld this information.

The OP is just another young childless woman taken in by a selfish waster.

He cant be arsed to be considerate of a woman who is carry his baby and whose home he lives in.

Poor OP.
I hope she minds herself and surrounds herself with support.
She's going to need it.

RachelRoth · 27/03/2021 15:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pomp · 27/03/2021 15:48

@RachelRoth

He is a father even when they are il. And they are allowed into their own home even when they are illx Otherwise he would be a very shit father.
How many times do people have to respond to this type of post, read the thread!!