To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

[Whereso]

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

I think it depends what they're ill with.

I.e. if my stepson had a cold, he'd move freely between houses. If he had D&V he'd stay where he was until he was better (to be fair, it's an hour long train journey in between the two homes so he wouldn't want to be doing that anyway) as it's really important for that kind of illness to be contained, given that schools/care homes/workplaces close down due t them.

However, if he had covid symptoms, there is no way he would be travelling between homes. Because even if he didn't pass it to us, we'd have to isolate as he had symptoms. So that would just be bloody stupid.

I'm with you on it, if it's covid symptoms. In 'normal times' if they just had a cold you couldn't really say no, as kids get a lot of colds. To be honest though, if they were clearly unwell and streaming then I'm sure they'd much rather have stayed where they were, in bed!

@Inthefuture

Some very stupid comments on here.

I didn’t send dc to their father three times over the last year as they had a cold/cough. I got them tested due to the cough and we stayed at home until the result as per the guidelines.

Surely it’s drummed into us that everyone has to test and isolate for a cough or fever. Why are people ignoring that?

The guidance allowed for it though so your ex should have been in support. I’m not suggesting I agree with it but isolating is a very convenient way of stopping access so I can see why the guidance was written in the way it was.

@tenaciousonepointone
They are not allowed
The attached shot is from cafcass. Can you provide goverment guidelines that say isolating kids can go between homes.

I wonder how many of the commenters here have been pregnant during the pandemic following multiple miscarriages?

Their answers would be vastly different I'm sure.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

And as it’s 63% yabu not sure how you got that conjecture

Me neither! I guess a combination of overactive imagination, curiosity about the animosity shown on this thread, and naivety about online forums. Sorry

[quote Aimee1987]@tenaciousonepointone
They are not allowed
The attached shot is from cafcass. Can you provide goverment guidelines that say isolating kids can go between homes.[/quote]
commonslibrary.parliament.uk/research-briefings/cbp-8901/
It’s in this document. It’s the first question they answer.

And I don’t see kids with a cold as being a genuine risk either
Neither does OP. The point is that as she’s not the parent or even the step mum, she doesn’t get to decide to get them tested to find out if it’s COVID or just a cold. That choice was never hers.
The decisions was also made to have the kids at OPs house when they were sick without her knowledge. Now she’s got symptoms too when it was entirely avoidable.
So not my only is she pregnant and anxious, she’s now pregnant anxious, sick and knows her partner doesn’t have her back when it comes to even basic health precautions.
Wonderful.

And I don’t see kids with a cold as being a genuine risk either

Except these kids have covid symptoms.

I think a lot of people like to slate Step-Mothers. They are universally cowardly, sheeple who gain courage behind their keyboards. Try thinking for yourselves folk. We are currently in the grip of a global pandemic. Lots of people have died. Have you read anything about it in the Daily Mail perhaps, just to jog your memories? The IQ of people in this country must be very, very low ...

As a PP has said, will these children really need therapy because they ate their chicken nuggets in their birth mother's house instead of their father's house? Seriously? I feel sorry for them if they do because they are in for a horrendous journey through life when they encounter real problems 😟

OP, I wanted to say how sorry I am for all the awful replies you have received.

I had an awful stepmother and usually come down firmly against many stepmothers here.

However, I have also had pregnancy losses and I know how absolutely frightening the first trimester is. I haven’t read any research about Covid and pregnancy, but it seems that you have and that you were concerned. Your partner should only have seen the children outside, distanced and explained why to them.

For the record, in the first wave I think our oldest DD (10) had Covid. It spread like wildfire at school and she got a continuous cough and later also pain whilst breathing and a temperature. I am vulnerable (heart condition) and at her first symptoms my DH offered to take her and stay somewhere else. I refused as I couldn’t bear not being able to look after her if she became very poorly. If I had been pregnant, I would maybe have let him take her, FaceTimed every hour and explained why.

Please ignore any nasty comments. I hope you feel better really soon.

@TenaciousOnePointOne

You are correct
Children with symptoms and isolating can move between parents households

* 2.1 Can children move between the homes of separated parents (UK)?*
National lockdown: Stay at home guidance for England was published on 4 January 2021. This states that individuals may not leave or be outside their home except when
www.parliament.uk/commons-library | intranet.parliament.uk/commons-library | [email protected] | @commonslibrary
By David Foster, Philip Loft

2 **Coronavirus: Separated Families and Contact with Children in Care FAQs (UK)
they have a “reasonable excuse”. A “reasonable excuse” includes continuing “existing arrangements for contact between parents and children where they live apart”.1
In response to the initial UK Government guidance issued in March 2020, the President of the Family Division of the High Court (England and Wales) noted that the guidance does not mean that children must move between homes, the decision being one for parents to take after assessing their circumstances (bold original):
Government guidance issued alongside the Stay at Home Rules on 23rd March deals specifically with child contact arrangements. It says:
Where parents do not live in the same household, children under 18 can be moved between their parents’ homes.”
This establishes an exception to the mandatory ‘stay at home’ requirement; it does not, however, mean that children must be moved between homes. The decision whether a child is to move between parental homes is for the child’s parents to make after a sensible assessment of the circumstances, including the child’s present health, the risk of infection and the presence of any recognised vulnerable individuals in one household or the other.2
The guidance from the Family Division has not since been updated.
Guidance issued by the Governments of Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland states that where parents do not live in the same household, children can be moved between their parents’ homes.

@Thisisworsethananticpated

And as it’s 63% yabu not sure how you got that conjecture

People responding to the op where the covid symptoms weren’t mentioned. That’s a game changer.

*person subject to the self-isolation requirement must not leave their home except for a
list of reasons specified in paragraph 2(3) of the regulations – e.g. where it is necessary to
seek medical assistance. Visiting a parent whom a child was not living with at the time
they were notified of the requirement to self-isolate is not specifically listed as a reason
why a child self-isolating may leave the house. *

@tenaciousonepointone taken from the second page of that document.
Children can go between homes in lockdown. No one is disputing that.
Children with symptoms can not as per the document you supplied.

This bit is really important: it does not, however, mean that children must be moved between homes. The decision whether a child is to move between parental homes is for the child’s parents to make after a sensible assessment of the circumstances, including the child’s present health, the risk of infection and the presence of any recognised vulnerable individuals in one household or the other.

** isolation, including where there is a need to fulfil a legal obligation or it becomes
impracticable to remain at the original address provided for self-isolation. These
circumstances may apply where there are legal arrangements governing the time a
1
2

3 Commons Library Briefing, 15 February 2021**
child spends with each parent. We do not offer advice on specific circumstances as
each scenario is different for every family

And that's just the standard stay at home rules. Not the what do we do if a child gets covid and has to isolate rules.

@tenaciousonepointone the second point of the document you linked to states -

'2.2 Children who are self-isolating (England)

Under The Health Protection (Coronavirus, Restrictions) (Self-Isolation) (England)
Regulations 2020, as amended, which came into force on 28 September 2020, if an adult is notified (other than via the NHS Covid-19 smartphone app) that their child has had close contact with somebody who has tested positive for coronavirus, the adult must "secure, so far as reasonably practicable, that the child self-isolates” for ten days. A person subject to the self-isolation requirement must not leave their home except for a list of reasons specified in paragraph 2(3) of the regulations – e.g. where it is necessary to seek medical assistance. Visiting a parent whom a child was not living with at the time they were notified of the requirement to self-isolate is not specifically listed as a reason why a child self-isolating may leave the house.'

It could be argued that the children in question haven't been informed of close contact with someone who has tested positive (as the OP hasn't mentioned this) but I think most reasonable people would take a cautious approach given the pandemic.

@PandaFluff

And that's just the standard stay at home rules. Not the what do we do if a child gets covid and has to isolate rules.

My second post

Wow! What a thread. Absolute classic Mumsnet.

I've given birth in Covid times, and suffered multiple losses. It's scary. Those scoffing about how not vulnerable OP is can do one. Rude, self righteous bollocks. I'm sorry about your DP, op, it's shit behaviour from him.

We have Covid right now. None of us ecv. It's awful. Really awful. I realise it's not for everyone but we are ten days in, the kids are so ill, and DH and I have at points been unable to move. Ops DP kids have a home, are safe and haven't been bloody abandoned. Why, oh why, is there a need to spread this in this case? And yes, we got it from DDs NRP and his dimwitted partner.

Yabvu

Answer this. When your child is ill & you're pregnant with no.2 where will you send your child to?

If the anwer is nowhere. Then you have answer your own question.
Sadly you see becoming one of those stepmothers already. Sigh.

@beachcitygirl

Yabvu

Answer this. When your child is ill & you're pregnant with no.2 where will you send your child to?

If the anwer is nowhere. Then you have answer your own question.
Sadly you see becoming one of those stepmothers already. Sigh.

You know the children have covid symptoms?

Sadly you see becoming one of those stepmothers already. Sigh.
Mother put her own child first. Shocking.

@beachcitygirl

Yabvu

Answer this. When your child is ill & you're pregnant with no.2 where will you send your child to?

If the anwer is nowhere. Then you have answer your own question.
Sadly you see becoming one of those stepmothers already. Sigh.

Ah yes because there is no difference between a child who is yours and lives with you to one who is not and doesn't.

@beachcitygirl

Yabvu

Answer this. When your child is ill & you're pregnant with no.2 where will you send your child to?

If the anwer is nowhere. Then you have answer your own question.
Sadly you see becoming one of those stepmothers already. Sigh.

Nowhere as they don't happen to have a second home with another parent there to look after them.

And also if child had covid then again nowhere as would already have been exposed.