To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

[Whereso]

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

I wasn't asked to initially but then the government asked the vulnerable (not just the ECV to shield too)

Not all vulnerable have been asked to shield.
Even after the change only some additional people have been told to shield, including some who weren't even down as CV initially. Many CV are in work as normal and not requested or expected to shield.

If one has a cough they should all be isolating and the one with a symptom getting a pcr test. If and when it comes back negative all are fine to be out again.

Same with you now. You have a temperature which is a covid symptom. You must all isolate, including your dp until a negative result come back.

@Whereso

We were discussing this over breakfast.

I asked whether the children were being regularly tested now they're back at school as I'm aware in some areas they're doing this.. unless I'm mistaken? They're in their final year of primary.

He doesn't know whether they are or not.

I asked why he wasn't getting them tested in the first place as soon as he was told about the cough and he seems to think that because he's NRP he can't force the issue. Cop out.

I said well don't you think they should be tested and he said yes.

I did send his ex a message yesterday to let her know we're now isolating because I've come down with something that includes a high temperature after being in contact with the children, she did reply and say thanks for letting her know but no idea whether she's going to get tests or not.

DP then went off on a tangent about how Boris Johnson is to blame for covid spreading the way it has, completely removing personal responsibility for the people/parents who knowingly travel between households/work/shops with symptoms.

Sorry just seen this up date. Yes your right your DH is opting out of parenting by not insisting on a test.

Only secondary age children are being asked to do lateral flow tests but they are not as accurate and they are not suitable for people with synonyms. Anyone in a bubble with primary school children ie you and your DH are being encouraged to do weekly lateral flow tests but I’m guessing this is another thing your DH is opting not to find out about and do.

Also congrats on your pregnancy, must be so excited about the little one. I was going stir crazy when I was that close.

Aw thank you! I am - I'm climbing the walls! Can't wait though

Not all vulnerable have been asked to shield.

Yes, people were sent letters.

Did the op not get one?

@Whereso

We were discussing this over breakfast.

I asked whether the children were being regularly tested now they're back at school as I'm aware in some areas they're doing this.. unless I'm mistaken? They're in their final year of primary.

He doesn't know whether they are or not.

I asked why he wasn't getting them tested in the first place as soon as he was told about the cough and he seems to think that because he's NRP he can't force the issue. Cop out.

I said well don't you think they should be tested and he said yes.

I did send his ex a message yesterday to let her know we're now isolating because I've come down with something that includes a high temperature after being in contact with the children, she did reply and say thanks for letting her know but no idea whether she's going to get tests or not.

DP then went off on a tangent about how Boris Johnson is to blame for covid spreading the way it has, completely removing personal responsibility for the people/parents who knowingly travel between households/work/shops with symptoms.

Only high school children are being offered testing

@PurpleDaisies

Not all vulnerable have been asked to shield.

Yes, people were sent letters.

Did the op not get one?

OP is not CEV..... only CEV have been advised to shield ( and that finishes next week)

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I am 'CEV' and was shielding but had a letter ages ago saying no more shielding, it was followed up with a 'just be careful' instruction - and this week another letter saying I don't have to be (very) careful now.

How are you now being told to 'shield'?

I appreciate things might be a bit different in England - I'm in Wales, but we've been on lockdown for months so they're quite particular here.

As PP says, these children are your stepchildren and you push them out of your home at your peril. Coughs and colds are your current and future - until they grow up and stop being grubby little soap-dodgers... and that includes any children you give birth to also.

I'm not really surprised that you've been told what's what. It's high time and I expect your partner is really disappointed in your attitude. I would be, and would be telling you straight.

Shielding for cev in England is until March 31

@jellybellybanana

Sometimes his children can't come first due to the welfare of his highly anxious and stressed pregnant partner. He isn't 'balancing them all' here is he?

The children. Their needs to be balanced. Not his girlfriend.

Pregnant girlfriend. Who he 'forgot' to tell that his kids were poorly and he just brought them to her house giving her the chance to keep away.

@Whereso, YADNBU hope you're OK

You sound like a lovely person and I don't understand how pp can't see that you asking for contact to occur this once outside without you present is more than understandable when you're pregnant after 2 earlier miscarriages.

Anyone in your situation would be highly concerned about losing a 3rd pregnancy and would rightly be doing everything possible to minimise that risk, including asking others to stay away when they're ill.

That doesn't make you a bad person and isn't going to scar the dc as some seem to be implying.
You are entitled to, and imo, absolutely should be prioritising your unborn child and seeing as we're also in the middle of a pandemic, keeping away from anyone with any symptoms (no matter how slight the chance) is just common sense.

Much better to be safe than sorry. You are definitely also right in thinking that you have a DP issue. He sounds like a thoughtless sod (sorry!).

@PurpleDaisies

Not all vulnerable have been asked to shield.

Yes, people were sent letters.

Did the op not get one?

Some people weren't, some people were originally told to shield and then it changed. They don't seem to be consistent.

Some very stupid comments on here.

I didn’t send dc to their father three times over the last year as they had a cold/cough. I got them tested due to the cough and we stayed at home until the result as per the guidelines.

Surely it’s drummed into us that everyone has to test and isolate for a cough or fever. Why are people ignoring that?

@LucieStar

Also congrats on your pregnancy, must be so excited about the little one. I was going stir crazy when I was that close.

Aw thank you! I am - I'm climbing the walls! Can't wait though

Oh congrats Lucie :)

Oh for Christ's sake, this thread is ridiculous.

Of course the kids shouldn't have been sent anywhere with covid symptoms.

Step mum, grandparents, childminder etc, it doesn't matter, unnecessary possible spreading should be avoided. If there was no choice, it would be a different matter, but these kids could have stayed at home.

Op you are definitely not being unreasonable.

* I wasn't asked to initially but then the government asked the vulnerable (not just the ECV to shield too)*

Pregnant women have been grouped in the moderately clinically vulnerable group. You do not need to shield if you are in this group unless you are * women who are pregnant with significant heart disease, congenital or acquired* in which case you are in the clinically extremely vulnerable group”.

Are you in the latter OP? If not, who told you to shield?

I said the same, earlier. 750 comments about something you are not allowed to do anyway??

@Whereso

We were discussing this over breakfast.

I asked whether the children were being regularly tested now they're back at school as I'm aware in some areas they're doing this.. unless I'm mistaken? They're in their final year of primary.

He doesn't know whether they are or not.

I asked why he wasn't getting them tested in the first place as soon as he was told about the cough and he seems to think that because he's NRP he can't force the issue. Cop out.

I said well don't you think they should be tested and he said yes.

I did send his ex a message yesterday to let her know we're now isolating because I've come down with something that includes a high temperature after being in contact with the children, she did reply and say thanks for letting her know but no idea whether she's going to get tests or not.

DP then went off on a tangent about how Boris Johnson is to blame for covid spreading the way it has, completely removing personal responsibility for the people/parents who knowingly travel between households/work/shops with symptoms.

You can pick up test kits to test primary kids at home, whilst not mandatory there is provision for it

@Lentillover1900

* She wasn't coughing non stop but had numerous episodes of coughing during the 4 hours they were here. *

Would you class that as continuous?

With no temperature at all? No I wouldn’t test. It’s a continuous cough

And this is why we are having so many cases being spread, amons]t other issues.

It's a persistent cough if there are a number of bouts of coughing within a day.
It's not about coughing constantly all day.

Fwiw my covid cough was more like needing to clear my throat a few times a day. Bit it was a new cough, and it was more than once or twice a day. It was persistent in that it was happening every so often throughout the day.

Op - is there something stopping you from ordering a test for them?

@Whereso

Being clinically vulnerable and deemed a moderate risk isn't reason enough to be cautious, dontdisturbme? Ok then

You can tack the word precaution on the end of that statement but it doesn't make it any less serious for me.

Cautious? Yes

Shield? No

No ! I’m a LP
My perspective is my kids are 100% my accountability
They can’t even see their other parent as Covid
I have no choice and no options
So my relationship to it is seeing kids is non negotiable
I just can’t imagine saying
‘I can’t see you because XYZ’

That’s just me , I think a parental comityment should be unshakable

Nothing about bitterness
More about dealing with emotional fallout from shit parenting

@Lentillover1900

Op - is there something stopping you from ordering a test for them?

Their mum sounds v sensible, she may well have had them tested already. If not, your DH should organise it.

On a practical note, you'd have had the results back by now!! It took less than 24 hours last week.

And as it’s 63% yabu not sure how you got that conjecture

@Thisisworsethananticpated

Me too single parent
And totally agree
I’m there for the good, the bad, the ugly and.... covid.

[quote Waitwhat23]@SmeleanorSmellstrop did you comment having only read the title and not the full original post?

To give you the benefit of the doubt, I'll summarise - she's pregnant, she's had previous losses, it's the middle of a worldwide pandemic and the children are displaying the classic COVID symptoms. The father wouldn't be opting 'out of 'parenthood', the children would be isolating at their home residence as per guidelines.[/quote]
Guidance also states that they can move between parents if isolating.

If I’m honest I’m torn. I see @Whereso point and they are having regular contact and the fact op is pregnant if I was the DM in this instance I would have kept the children regardless of pregnancy just because I don’t see the need for two households to be ill.

On the other hand, I can see why RP might not want illness to be an excuse for them to not see their NRP. Statistically they are more likely to be ill with the RP then the NRP.

I’m not unsympathetic to OP
Not at all

She’s in a fragile place and is very anxious

But she did ask , and my answer wasn’t meant to be malicious

And I don’t see kids with a cold as being a genuine risk either

I think this thread will be more of a risk

Hang tight OP