To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

[Whereso]

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

@Thisisworsethananticpated

His having kids is non negotiable It’s part of him , sickness and in health As said a PP don’t be that stepmother

Unless were in a global pandemic where goverment guidelines states that if a child has covid symptoms then the whole household needs to self isolate. That includes not going between homes. Except if a stepmom is involved then shes just evil and hates her stepchildren. Really helpfull comment.

[quote RevolvingPivot]@Whereso whenever I post on here I actually feel more stressed about the comments than I did about the situation I'm writing about. [/quote]

This is why I don't post my own stuff on here. Working it out by myself in my head is usually far less stressful!

@Glitteryone

Welcome to the world of parenting.

Suck it up

Christ this is particularly helpful. Excellent contribution.

@Yakkabee

In Scotland the published step-parenting advice is to avoid mixing the households if one party has symptoms. It’s common sense really.

OP YABU, this is not normal times and it’s perfectly normal to be anxious about falling ill when pregnant, no matter the circumstances. Families have a duty to keep one another safe as much as reasonably possible. There are risks associated with fevers in pregnancy anyway, never mind actual Covid.

The same is true in the UK, some posters are just choosing to ignore this.

Perhaps you should have gone out while they were there OP? McDonald's maybe? Or the park?

@Aimee1987

I mean, surely it's just common sense? We didn't even check the rules - my dd was isolating with symptoms so she stayed with me instead of going to her dad's to infect 4 others including two young kids. Equally when my SC had symptoms, they didn't come to us. It's not hard. Just requires a little bit of emotional intelligence and communication with the other parents. And both the other parents were more understanding in my own situation, than the majority of posters put together on this thread! It's insane.

OP how very dare you wish your DP had put the well-being of you and your unborn baby ahead of one tea with his kids. I haven't seen my (adult) daughter since last summer because I care about her well-being. The NHS in its wisdom hasn't included her on its vulnerable list, but it doesn't stop her understanding that she may be at greater risk, so why would I want to cause her more anxiety.
I don't understand why your DP won't grant you the same consideration. You need to mark his cards, he needs to start putting other people first. He wasn't acting out of concern for you, your baby, or his DC, just his own convenience.
MN used to be a place where the sensible supportive voices drowned out the nastier ones. The balance has tipped the other way recently. Hope you can get your DP to see sense, and a happy healthy pregnancy for you and your baby.

@BanginChoons

Perhaps you should have gone out while they were there OP? McDonald's maybe? Or the park?

Why?

Yeah 100% common sense. I only checked the rules to have a goverment guideline to point out to the posters slamming her.
DSS isnt here this weekend as DS and DP have symptoms. Common sense he stays safe untill we get the all clear.
Equally we missed a night when his mum and sister had symptoms and we waited untill the household had the all clear. Theres no one pregnant or high risk in either household for us but it's still common sense.

But were on MN so the pandemic is irrelevant and stepmums are the evil and hate the stepkids.

@RevolvingPivot I share your stress! Mad isn't it.

@Glitteryone and @Thisisworsethananticpated — all these comments about "Suck it up" and "It’s part of him , sickness and in health" do make me wonder if the more rabid comments on here are from women who are bitter about their husband leaving them for another woman, and their best form of revenge is to say "Here you go, you can have his fucking kids too. Now. No arguing. Enjoy!"

I could be reading too much into it. Just curious to know if this resonates.

@Aimee1987

Yeah 100% common sense. I only checked the rules to have a goverment guideline to point out to the posters slamming her. DSS isnt here this weekend as DS and DP have symptoms. Common sense he stays safe untill we get the all clear. Equally we missed a night when his mum and sister had symptoms and we waited untill the household had the all clear. Theres no one pregnant or high risk in either household for us but it's still common sense.

But were on MN so the pandemic is irrelevant and stepmums are the evil and hate the stepkids.

Yes of course... how very dare I forget the irrelevance of my feelings and health (and that of my unborn baby) because I'm an SM! Need to get back in my box and learn my place relative to the first family!

all these comments about "Suck it up" and "It’s part of him , sickness and in health" do make me wonder if the more rabid comments on here are from women who are bitter about their husband leaving them for another woman, and their best form of revenge is to say "Here you go, you can have his fucking kids too. Now. No arguing. Enjoy!"

I hate to be a cynic but....... I wouldn't rule this theory out entirely.

And FYI ... I wasn't even the "OW".
I came into his life months after their relationship broke down due to her infidelity. But on here I'd be projected onto regardless, wouldn't I?!

@LucieStar

And FYI ... I wasn't even the "OW". I came into his life months after their relationship broke down due to her infidelity. But on here I'd be projected onto regardless, wouldn't I?!

My scenario is exactly the same. It's a weird assumption on here that the breakdown of a marriage/ family must be the fathers fault.

Also congrats on your pregnancy, must be so excited about the little one. I was going stir crazy when I was that close.

@Whereso

I'm sorry to hear that Candy, and thank you.

I'm not sure DP does to be honest, I have told him I'm not happy to have been put in this position and he says he's sorry but doesn't seem very genuine to me. It's clear he thinks it's all a big fuss over nothing but that wasn't his call to make alone really.

OP,

He is showing you neither concern nor consideration.

He sounds like a selfish twat.

Be very very careful.

You protect yourself from him.

He doesn't have your back.

Up your support from family and friends.

I think you are in for a very rude awakening by ignoring that he is a selfish twat.

Of course you are being unreasonable.

He is their parent!

He can't just opt out of parenhood when the kids aren't well. How would you like it if you two seperated and he just abandoned your child when they were ill because it was inconvenient for his partner

VVV unreasonable.

@SmeleanorSmellstrop

Of course you are being unreasonable.

He is their parent!

He can't just opt out of parenhood when the kids aren't well. How would you like it if you two seperated and he just abandoned your child when they were ill because it was inconvenient for his partner

VVV unreasonable.

Abandoning because he’s missed one tea? Perhaps you ought to familiarise yourself with the term “abandon” because you’ve used it in error there.

@SmeleanorSmellstrop

Of course you are being unreasonable.

He is their parent!

He can't just opt out of parenhood when the kids aren't well. How would you like it if you two seperated and he just abandoned your child when they were ill because it was inconvenient for his partner

VVV unreasonable.

How hard is it to understand that people displaying signs of covid shouldn’t be moving between houses - and yes, that includes children of separated parents....

@Thisisworsethananticpated

His having kids is non negotiable It’s part of him , sickness and in health As said a PP don’t be that stepmother

That was me. Before the op said the children had covid symptoms and she said she had been told to shield.

That totally changed the situation-the children need to be isolating.

@SmeleanorSmellstrop

Of course you are being unreasonable.

He is their parent!

He can't just opt out of parenhood when the kids aren't well. How would you like it if you two seperated and he just abandoned your child when they were ill because it was inconvenient for his partner

VVV unreasonable.

So let's reiterate a point already made 100 times up thread. The child had covid symptoms therefore the entire household should be self isolating untill they have a negative test. The childrens parents are ignoring goverment guidelines. And a pregnant women has every right to feel pissed off at this. It doesnt make her the devil

We were discussing this over breakfast.

I asked whether the children were being regularly tested now they're back at school as I'm aware in some areas they're doing this.. unless I'm mistaken? They're in their final year of primary.

He doesn't know whether they are or not.

I asked why he wasn't getting them tested in the first place as soon as he was told about the cough and he seems to think that because he's NRP he can't force the issue. Cop out.

I said well don't you think they should be tested and he said yes.

I did send his ex a message yesterday to let her know we're now isolating because I've come down with something that includes a high temperature after being in contact with the children, she did reply and say thanks for letting her know but no idea whether she's going to get tests or not.

DP then went off on a tangent about how Boris Johnson is to blame for covid spreading the way it has, completely removing personal responsibility for the people/parents who knowingly travel between households/work/shops with symptoms.

What it comes down to is you believe their symptoms are Covid related, their mum and dad who you normally trust don't.

A cold us not an official symptom. A cough is if indeed it is persistent. It sounds like you considered it persistent, they didn't.

In your case, I would just have stayed away from the kids in another room and then open the windows after they went home.

@SmeleanorSmellstrop did you comment having only read the title and not the full original post?

To give you the benefit of the doubt, I'll summarise - she's pregnant, she's had previous losses, it's the middle of a worldwide pandemic and the children are displaying the classic COVID symptoms. The father wouldn't be opting 'out of 'parenthood', the children would be isolating at their home residence as per guidelines.

I’m a bit lost - has the child with a test had a covid test? If not why do you think it’s a good idea to break the law and send a child with the symptoms of covid to go to McDonald?

I said well don't you think they should be tested and he said yes
So that a complete tengeant from yesterday! What made him change his mind?