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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

981 replies

Whereso · 26/03/2021 11:50

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

OP posts:
billy1966 · 26/03/2021 21:54

The poor OP has been through a lot.
It's stressful enough without Covid.

RevolvingPivot · 26/03/2021 22:06

I think people are confusing...,
Step kids are ill - I don't want their germs in my house

High risk pregnancy / pandemic!!

Are there mums in here who send they'd kids to their dads if ill?

Genuine question?

I see people have said the man should still patent of his kids are ill.

Mittens030869 · 26/03/2021 22:21

@RevolvingPivot

There’s the curious thing about this. According to the OP, her DSCs’ mum had warned him about them potentially having Covid, and offers to keep them with her. Why then did their dad insist on having them?

TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 22:22

@RevolvingPivot

I think people are confusing..., Step kids are ill - I don't want their germs in my house

High risk pregnancy / pandemic!!

Are there mums in here who send they'd kids to their dads if ill?

Genuine question?

I see people have said the man should still patent of his kids are ill.

I've asked this several times and only one person has replied to say yes they would, but didn't explain why it was in their child's best interest. Weird eh.
Missingthebridegene · 26/03/2021 22:47

If they had a temp/signs they should be tested then yes you are right to be annoyed.

We're a blended family and we've done no moving between houses when one of us has needed to be tested until we've had the all clear x

Glitteryone · 26/03/2021 22:56

Welcome to the world of parenting.

Suck it up

PurpleDaisies · 26/03/2021 23:16

@Glitteryone

Welcome to the world of parenting.

Suck it up

Even though the children should be self isolating with their household? Hmm
Icenii · 26/03/2021 23:24

@Glitteryone

Welcome to the world of parenting.

Suck it up

It isn't parenting. This is a far harder and more demanding role with rules made up by the parents that step parents generally have no say in.

People really should consider the step parent scenario before having kids and whether they would be happy having someone else involved in the decision making should things not go to plan.

RevolvingPivot · 26/03/2021 23:49

So many mistakes in my last post!! 🤭

Ohdobequiet · 26/03/2021 23:57

Everyone needs to seriously calm down.

Cherryblossom7 · 27/03/2021 00:07

@Whereso

Thank you for the replies.

I'm unreasonable then.

I'll accept that, but I will say it's not coming from a place of spite but one of worry.

I've had two recent-ish losses and I'm doing all I can to avoid getting sick, especially as there is a link to miscarrying from covid.

I always put the children first but clearly my trepidation about the pregnancy has made me selfish on this occasion.

DP and his ex think it's just a common cold and it's not unusual to get a cough with a cold, that's easy to gloss over when you're not in my position.

I don't think you're unreasonable OP.

It's perfectly reasonable not to want anything which might lead to another loss. It sounds like your partner's ex recognised that too and that's why she warned him.

Hopefully it will just be a cold and all fine in the end.

Original poster
Whereso · 27/03/2021 08:29

His ex doesn't know about the baby yet, but even so she had the decency to tell him in advance. If only he afforded me the same courtesy.

It's my elderly DM's birthday tomorrow and she lives alone, with me as her only support. I now won't be able to see her because of this.

I've woken up feeling horrid, worried and bloody pissed off, but never mind so long as they got to have their tea here eh Hmm

Thank you for the kinder messages x

OP posts:
RevolvingPivot · 27/03/2021 08:37

@Whereso whenever I post on here I actually feel more stressed about the comments than I did about the situation I'm writing about.

WaitingForNormality · 27/03/2021 08:41

YABU

I get the need to want to protect yourself and baby ... but you have to see his kids as if they're your own family. If the kids were yours you'd still have them around, poorly or not, whether you were pregnant or not. It would be far more unreasonable for him not to see his kids every time they're ill. He is their parent too and they need to see and feel that. He can't simply get all the good times and leave his ex with all the illness either.

jessstan2 · 27/03/2021 08:41

@Whereso

If they were my children I wouldn't be sending them anywhere with covid symptoms, no.

That's by the by though.

I get he needs to see them but the weather has been lovely he could have quite easily made an adaptation on this occasion without causing any inconvenience to his ex or the children.

If they weren't well they would be unlikely to want to go out. I'm surprised their mother did not want to keep them at home. Your husband could have visited them there, surely.

Kids pick up colds and stuff all the time, don't jump to the conclusion that it's covid-19.

What's done is done, no point fretting about it now.

Lentillover1900 · 27/03/2021 08:43

I really feel the dad

Stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Original poster
Whereso · 27/03/2021 08:50

[quote RevolvingPivot]@Whereso whenever I post on here I actually feel more stressed about the comments than I did about the situation I'm writing about. [/quote]
I totally see why after the barrage I've received on this one.

Your husband could have visited them there, surely. Kids pick up colds and stuff all the time, don't jump to the conclusion that it's covid-19

He could have yes, they have an amicable relationship I don't think she'd have minded as a one off.

I appreciate what you're saying about coughs and colds, if we weren't still in a pandemic/lockdown I wouldn't be paying it any mind.

I really feel the dad. Stuck between a rock and a hard place

He's not really though? All he had to do was make adaptations on this occasion. It's not asking alot of him.

OP posts:
dontdisturbmenow · 27/03/2021 08:51

jesus christ. you ought to be ashamed of that comment
Should have known the 'gang' would come to insult posters, even here. The SM forum not good enough!

The risk of catching Covid, from a CHD with cold symptoms, that will lead to a miscarriage are about none.

The risk of severe anxiety leading to issues, high!

Nothing to be ashamed in that claim, but you go ahead, bully posters who don't agree with you as is the norm.

dontdisturbmenow · 27/03/2021 08:55

Your husband could have visited them there, surely
So risk getting it himself and pass it in. What's the difference?

The oy way OP could be complete safe is to stop the kids seeing their dad all together because they are otherwise at risk of passing it on, even exhibiting no symptoms and him passing it on to OP.

Original poster
Whereso · 27/03/2021 08:56

"The risk of catching Covid, from a CHD with cold covid symptoms, that will lead to a miscarriage are about none"

If that's the case then can you tell me why pregnant women are considered vulnerable? Because they are.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whereso · 27/03/2021 08:58

Let's take covid out of the equation for a moment.

Pregnant women are urged to get the influenza vaccine.

I've never been offered the influenza vaccine until pregnant.

So people acknowledge that flu is dangerous for pregnant women and babies, but covid which is a much more serious.. isn't dangerous?

What a load of bollocks.

OP posts:
TrustTheGeneGenie · 27/03/2021 09:00

@dontdisturbmenow

jesus christ. you ought to be ashamed of that comment Should have known the 'gang' would come to insult posters, even here. The SM forum not good enough!

The risk of catching Covid, from a CHD with cold symptoms, that will lead to a miscarriage are about none.

The risk of severe anxiety leading to issues, high!

Nothing to be ashamed in that claim, but you go ahead, bully posters who don't agree with you as is the norm.

The comment you made was abhorrent.

I'm not "bullying" you. I pulled you up on a horrible comment. If you don't like that don't make horrible comments. I know abusing stepmothers is your favourite pastime, but you need to realise your comment was unacceptable.

You probably are not a scientist nor a psychiatrist so perhaps keep your views to yourself.

Original poster
Whereso · 27/03/2021 09:01

Good morning Genie Smile

Strangely enough I recognise some of these posters as being regular step parent bashers too..

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 27/03/2021 09:02

@Whereso

Let's take covid out of the equation for a moment.

Pregnant women are urged to get the influenza vaccine.

I've never been offered the influenza vaccine until pregnant.

So people acknowledge that flu is dangerous for pregnant women and babies, but covid which is a much more serious.. isn't dangerous?

What a load of bollocks.

I understand your concern - I had flu when pregnant with my middle D's and it was pretty brutal.

I get you're fed up about it and sorry you can't see your DM. What's done is done now but I hope DH understands that he could've handled things better?

TrustTheGeneGenie · 27/03/2021 09:03

@Whereso

Good morning Genie Smile

Strangely enough I recognise some of these posters as being regular step parent bashers too..

Good morning!

I hope youre feeling alright! Yes, they are and they're best ignored honestly Flowers