To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

[Whereso]

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

@DumplingsAndStew

Why would you be so disgusted by "vile" comments posted that you decide to regurgitate them?

Because we were told there were none.

@Alcemeg

Or maybe you really didn't read the thread! I am guilty of that at times

Aren't we all

I just don't usually tell people they're a bully , I just assume they have more in their life than to read every comment for 26 pages

@DumplingsAndStew

Why would you be so disgusted by "vile" comments posted that you decide to regurgitate them?

To prove the point @rootytoot who seemed to believe that nothing vile was said on the thread. And SM are simply imagining that MN often piles on redicously disproportionate response simply because they dared date / marry a man with kids.

Aimee, catch up. I've already held my hands up and explained to PP why it happened. What do you want , blood?

It was a cross post apologies.

I've also said many times even though I didn't agree with OPs actions, I can absolutely see where she's coming from and really feel for her losses.

@GingerNinjer

It’s always the same on mumsnet, step children come first, bollocks to any “new” children

In fairness though 'dons hard hat' , if it was the ex posting, PP would agree the children come first over the new family.

@TrustTheGeneGenie who do you think you are? What makes you the arbiter of "vile"?

@DumplingsAndStew

Why would you be so disgusted by "vile" comments posted that you decide to regurgitate them?

Proving that there infact were vile responses.

[quote LaceyBetty]@TrustTheGeneGenie who do you think you are? What makes you the arbiter of "vile"? [/quote]
Awh, do you not like being called out?

If you want to sit there and say those responses aren't vile you go ahead. But we can all see them for what they are. Nasty horrible unwarranted comments.

@rootytoot
No they dont. I have seen threads where mothers say child is acting out for x reason and the fact that the mother moved on is rarely cited in the way it is on SM threads.

@LucieStar

I am starting to really revisit my feelings towards my own step mother who I thought was difficult at the time

Good. Maybe when you've revisited them you'll project less towards struggling SMs on here.

Seriously?! Don't take this one statement out of context. It was coupled with the statement that my stepmom would have NEVER told my dad to keep me and my siblings out of the house.

If your dad bought you into the house when you had symptoms of a potentially life threatening virus, then he would have been an idiot! @LaceyBetty

@laceybetty but the point is we are in a global pandemic with a disease which may pose increased risk to pregnancy.
There are alot of sacrafises being made to stop the spread and SC missing a couple of dinners with dad while they self isolate awaiting a test is not going to scar them.
However a DP forcing potential exposure onto his pregnant partner may cause damage.
Families including blended families are about give and take and no one person in a family should come first, the needs of all members of the family will vary at different points in time.

Fair enough. I've honestly not worried about catching Covid due to my circumstances (not at risk of getting seriously ill etc.) so I admit it's hard for me to be sympathetic and I should be. I just get my back up with, in particular, the title of the OP and zero mention of Covid in the OP.

@PatPattinson

If your dad bought you into the house when you had symptoms of a potentially life threatening virus, then he would have been an idiot! *@LaceyBetty*

Would you say the same if my dad had been the RP?

I wonder how you’ll feel about this all when he is with his next girlfriend, in her house

Disgusting.

@PapaSierra

Well, big congratulations the PP's who have joined the pile on and spewed vile, unbased allegations at the OP for so long she's now left the thread and with little to show for it but stress and anxiety.

How about you all address your own clear biases towards stepmums and address what it is within you that holds them to completely different standards as you do mothers. Then maybe this place won't feel so toxic towards stepmums.

👏🏻

I do wish there were a rule on MN against quizzing people as to why their children exist

There is. The rule is - you don't, unless she's a stepmother.

Your feelings and health won’t matter on mn.
Stepmothers are meant to smile with glee at every moment in the rays of sunshine that leave step children’s back sides. Including when they are rude and unwell.
They should have stayed at home to avoid spreading their germs.

@LucieStar

I do wish there were a rule on MN against quizzing people as to why their children exist

There is. The rule is - you don't, unless she's a stepmother.

This happens on other threads too. Often when a woman is with a horrible partner and is either pregnant or had a child with him.

Usually if you report them MNHQ delete them.

@PurpleDaisies

I think many of them might have already been deleted from this thread thankfully

I can definitely imagine being anxious about catching Covid if I were pregnant, not because of the risk to the baby (which the evidence so far has shown to be minimal). But I would worry about the risk to myself, with the vaccine being a long way off. I would particularly worry about the danger of Long Covid, which I would have thought my DH would want to avoid as well. (I’m suffering from this so obviously this would occur to me.)

I admit, I initially told the OP she was being unreasonable, without thinking through the implications. Admittedly, the OP didn’t mention Covid at first, either in the title or in the first post, but it’s always going to be on all our minds.

The crazy thing is that the DP’s ex told them about the symptoms, and was prepared to keep the
DC at home. (That is weird however you look at it.) That would hurt me, that my DP didn’t have my back or that of our unborn child.

This is an OP who is a caring stepmum and speaks fairly about the ex. She didn’t deserve the bile on this thread.

@RootyT00t

No funnily enough I didn't read every comment for 26 pages.

In fairness, I asked them to tell me what was so vile, after they called me a bully after I read OPs posts telling folk to fuck off and only thanking ones who agreed with her, and clearly got it wrong.

Fair play, I just thought you (like too many others) had been needlessly aggressive.

A bit like me in fact!

I'm a noob here and indeed inexperienced on social media generally. Just beginning to realise what a bloody minefield it is. So easy to get carried away!

Anyway. Just to wave the magic fairy wand and wish everyone a nice weekend, particularly the OP in case she ever dares set foot in here again.

@Whereso

I get you.

Posters are criticising you whilst seeming conveniently forgetting we are in the middle of a pandemic.

These are not normal circumstances
You are only angry because we are in a pandemic and you are being extra careful because you are pregnant .

The comments on here are mostly batshit .

And that’s putting it mildly.