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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

981 replies

Whereso · 26/03/2021 11:50

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

OP posts:
Aimee1987 · 26/03/2021 19:46

Cafcass specifically say in this senario the child displaying a covid symptom should not be moved between homes.

To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?
ekidmxcl · 26/03/2021 19:53

The mother informed your dp. I’d think therefore that she’s considerate and it’s him who decided to throw caution to the wind, as well as to worry you.

Stories like yours always make me wonder why the first wife got divorced and likely considers herself well rid.

Veryverycalmnow · 26/03/2021 19:58

It must be really worrying to be shielding, pregnant, exposed to kids' germs. Hope you are ok

PapaSierra · 26/03/2021 20:02

Well, big congratulations the PP's who have joined the pile on and spewed vile, unbased allegations at the OP for so long she's now left the thread and with little to show for it but stress and anxiety.

How about you all address your own clear biases towards stepmums and address what it is within you that holds them to completely different standards as you do mothers. Then maybe this place won't feel so toxic towards stepmums.

RootyT00t · 26/03/2021 20:02

Not sure about these comments. There was nothing that bad said to OP.

PapaSierra · 26/03/2021 20:06

Not sure about these comments. There was nothing that bad said to OP

And therein lies the problem.

PatPattinson · 26/03/2021 20:06

@RootyT00t

Not sure about these comments. There was nothing that bad said to OP.
Some people are just unsympathetic and unpleasant. Or maybe it’s just easier when you’re sitting behind keyboard.
TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 20:07

@RootyT00t

Not sure about these comments. There was nothing that bad said to OP.
Yes, yes there was.
RootyT00t · 26/03/2021 20:08

Well, given that I said.i sympathised massively with her losses but just didn't think she was in the right, I somehow doubt im the problem.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 20:09

@RootyT00t

Well, given that I said.i sympathised massively with her losses but just didn't think she was in the right, I somehow doubt im the problem.
Saying "nobody said anything that bad" when there were some really vile things, is the problem.
DinoHat · 26/03/2021 20:12

@Finelinehere

" 16:08 DinoHat Also - I admit even if when not being pregnant, I resent a poorly DSS coming round, spreading his germs and making me ill. He’s here to visit his dad. Not me. He doesn’t however reserve his germs for his dad. I might accept it, but I don’t have to do like it."

Wow... Such loveliness and warmth for your family...

I don’t enjoy anybody’s germs in honesty. Maybe I’m unique like that. Illnesses just aren’t my thing.

I was nursing a poorly DS on Monday thinking I know I’m next....

RootyT00t · 26/03/2021 20:12

I didn't see anything vile genie but I'm happy to be corrected

TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 20:13

@catinbootsx

The regularity of these threads is so, so depressing.

These poor kids.

This is vile.
Aimee1987 · 26/03/2021 20:14

@RootyT00t

Well, given that I said.i sympathised massively with her losses but just didn't think she was in the right, I somehow doubt im the problem.
But her DP went against goverment advice and potentially exposed her to a disease which is currently categorised as high risk for pregnancy. But that you dont see the problem with that so it's all ok. And alot of people said the poor children. But let's face it missing 1 dinner because they need to isolate because of symptoms is not going to traumatised them. This type of pressure on a step parent leads to guilt and potentially resentment so is totally counter intuitive.
RootyT00t · 26/03/2021 20:14

Aimee, covid was not initially mentioned.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 20:15

@MeanMrMustardSeed

If you wanted to have complete control of your home and who is in it, you shouldn’t have had a child with a man who already has children. It really is as simple as that. Lots of people make other choices. You made this one.
This is also vile.
Aimee1987 · 26/03/2021 20:17

@RootyT00t

Aimee, covid was not initially mentioned.
But it was later in the thread. But the OP continued to be attacked as @trustthegenegenie is currently highlighting
TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 20:18

They were just from page one and two.

A few others have been deleted for breaking the rules so it's safe to assume they were also vile.

RootyT00t · 26/03/2021 20:21

I didn't see that latest one, and agree that given her losses that one wasn't cool.

ZoomHell · 26/03/2021 20:24

@RootyT00t

I assume the people nodding along about I'll children wouldn't expect DP to come near them if they were Ill.
Tbf my DH literally avoids me like the plague when I'm ill as he hates being poorly, won't sleep in the same room or anything!

I know it's not the point of the thread but I don't think it's a good comparison because I don't think it's that uncommon for partners to avoid one another as best they can when the other is ill.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 20:24

@m0therofdragons

Dc due to be with their father should be with their father unless he’s useless. A good caring dad would be perfectly capable of looking after ill dc and shouldn’t priorities new baby over existing dc. If it’s just tea then you could have surely waved from a distance and gone upstairs out of the way for a few hours. Dc get ill all the time. Right now it’s more of a pain with needing to get tested but that’s parenting in 2021 for you. Maybe the mum has plans and keeping ill dc wasn’t convenient when there’s a perfectly good parent able to give them tea/give her a break from ill dc. Don’t be the bitter selfish stepmum.
Another vile one.
TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 20:26

@m0therofdragons

But they are her partners dc and so she needs to respect their relationship with their dad means they might be in their home while ill. Or are you suggesting the df should send dc away because they matter less than his new woman?
And this one. I'm only in page 7 shall I carry on?
LucieStar · 26/03/2021 20:26

Absolutely could!

Utter rubbish.

LucieStar · 26/03/2021 20:28

I am starting to really revisit my feelings towards my own step mother who I thought was difficult at the time

Good. Maybe when you've revisited them you'll project less towards struggling SMs on here.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 20:28

@Green3094

Your pregnant not really classed as vulnerable.. get a grip!! I was pregnant during the whole pandemic after miscarriages no issue at all and I was a high risk pregnancy around my younger brothers and stuff it's not the end of the world if they're slightly under the weather you can't just expect them not to come to your house because of it!
Ooh another one. How many is that so far?