Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

981 replies

Whereso · 26/03/2021 11:50

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 26/03/2021 18:34

How??

How what?

DumplingsAndStew · 26/03/2021 18:38

[quote DumplingsAndStew]@Whereso

Can you point me towards where the Government have asked CV people to shield? I missed that.[/quote]
Thought as much...

PandaFluff · 26/03/2021 18:41

@FireflyRainbow

Yabu his children are already here and the come first. They will likely be unwell again during your pregnancy. Though as a step mum, I know how you feel OP.
That's not how it works. The OPs unborn child isn't any less important. That would be like saying the eldest SC is more important than the youngest as they were there first.
LucieStar · 26/03/2021 18:42

@UhtredRagnarson

No idea what you mean. You said "what about mums plans", I said it's not about her plans, it's about the best interests of all 3 children (and by default the OP since she's currently carrying one of said children). You said it depends on the illness - a cough is fine. My point is - no, not in the middle of a pandemic it's not, where a cough is a key symptom, and there will be exposure to a woman who has had multiple miscarriages is in the early stages of pregnancy.

You picked one of my responses to a PP who had said “covid or not” sick Dc can stay with mum. I was responding to the “or not” part in saying that there was no reason for DC not to go to dads if they are sick if it’s just a cough or runny nose.

It was your response to my comment I replied to!!

LucieStar · 26/03/2021 18:43

@UhtredRagnarson

It's not about "mum's plans", is it. It's about what's in the best interests of the children - all three of them (yes I include the unborn one). And travelling back and forth between homes whilst poorly is not in the best interests of any of the children as far as I can see.

Depends on the illness. A runny nose? A cough? No reason at all not to go to dads.

@UhtredRagnarson

Here - the bold quote is mine, you responded to it

LucieStar · 26/03/2021 18:45

@RootyT00t

I assume the people nodding along about I'll children wouldn't expect DP to come near them if they were Ill.

Correct. DP had Covid symptoms a few months ago and he kept well away from me as I was in my third trimester of pregnancy.

PandaFluff · 26/03/2021 18:45

OP, I kind of hope you don't see this as you've indicated you're done with this thread now and that's probably for the best. I hope you are feeling better soon and that your pregnancy goes well for you.

UhtredRagnarson · 26/03/2021 18:47

It was your response to my comment I replied to!!

Which was a response to mine about mums plans. Hmm

Mummy1232016 · 26/03/2021 18:47

Blimey, how do we all get by without the likes of you, you pleasant soul.
The ability to see into peoples past present AND future. By Jove how and when did you learn to do this!

The reality is your one of these sick people who troll online, sad pathetic person actively seeking to make someone feel awful.
And by your understanding of Covid symptoms, are an idiot spreading it. OP said a cough....a cough....you understand that’s a Covid symptom

PandaFluff · 26/03/2021 18:47

@RootyT00t

I assume the people nodding along about I'll children wouldn't expect DP to come near them if they were Ill.
Well yeah. If DH had norovirus or covid we'd try and keep seperate as much as we could. But unfortunately we don't have another house we could live in.
Mummy1232016 · 26/03/2021 18:48

Sorry that was to Icanflyhigh

LucieStar · 26/03/2021 18:49

@UhtredRagnarson

It was your response to my comment I replied to!!

Which was a response to mine about mums plans. Hmm

Ffs I give up, forget it

LucieStar · 26/03/2021 18:50

@PandaFluff

OP, I kind of hope you don't see this as you've indicated you're done with this thread now and that's probably for the best. I hope you are feeling better soon and that your pregnancy goes well for you.

Same from me, OP.
Thanks

UhtredRagnarson · 26/03/2021 18:51

Ffs I give up, forget it

TFFT. my head and the wall both need a break.

LucieStar · 26/03/2021 19:08

@Youseethethingis

I presume boring meaning we didn't all agree with you Do you really? I presume boring meaning she’s pregnant, anxious and probably had a titful of abuse for one day thanks very much.

Yup. And I really don't blame her.

LaceyBetty · 26/03/2021 19:10

@Whereso

Your DH can’t just not see his children every time they unwell. He can’t “just see them outside” every time they aren’t well either

Where have I said that should be the case.

My OP is prompted by a very specific combination of circumstances which are unlikely to reoccur during any of the their childhoods.

Not sure this will never again occur in their childhoods.
DoTheRightThing11 · 26/03/2021 19:13

You're not being unreasonable less than 12 weeks pregnant during a pandemic after sadly already suffering miscarriages Flowers

You weren't saying you'd refuse entry every time you had a cold, you are being cautious at the moment and who wouldn't be!

I say that as a mother who wouldn't send my children to their other house if they were ill (which my ex agrees with as he would do the same if they became ill at his and I was in your condition) and if my step kids became ill at mine I would keep them until they felt better to stop them spreading anything to their Mum's baby (and I'd expect the same).

Too many people projecting on here! Decent exes work together and the kids are not affected if they have to rearrange a day due to extenuating circumstances (unless a PARENT makes them feel that way!)

Take care and hope you feel better soon x

LucieStar · 26/03/2021 19:13

Not sure this will never again occur in their childhoods.

You think the SCs being unwell during a pandemic with a key symptom of the virus, plus OP being pregnant following multiple losses, is a set of circumstances likely to crop up again in their childhoods?

LucieStar · 26/03/2021 19:15

Too many people projecting on here! Decent exes work together and the kids are not affected if they have to rearrange a day due to extenuating circumstances (unless a PARENT makes them feel that way!)

This!

Notavegan · 26/03/2021 19:22

Get well soon and I hope your test is negative. Probably best to hide this thread

LaceyBetty · 26/03/2021 19:22

@LucieStar

Not sure this will never again occur in their childhoods.

You think the SCs being unwell during a pandemic with a key symptom of the virus, plus OP being pregnant following multiple losses, is a set of circumstances likely to crop up again in their childhoods?

Absolutely could! Or the next thing. Or the next thing. I am starting to really revisit my feelings towards my own step mother who I thought was difficult at the time (been in my life since I was 10). She would NEVER have tried to tell my dad that my siblings and I weren't allowed in the house. Ever. Honestly, not a SM basher, just the ones who do stuff like this wind me up.
May17th · 26/03/2021 19:24

@Sirzy

If they where your children would you be sending them to live elsewhere?

It’s tough but children shouldn’t be made to feel unwelcome in the home

This is tough. But this situation should of been considered before having a blended family OP. I absolutely agree with this poster.
missbridgerton · 26/03/2021 19:24

My 2nd baby was stillborn. 30 weeks into the following pregnancy, DD came home from nursery with D & V. And rather unsurprisingly after looking after her for 2 days, I caught it. Ended up having horrendous contractions, got admitted even though labour ward didn't remotely want me there and spent 4 days on a drip with a sick bowl on my lap too scared to move. And DH was at home having a meltdown because he couldn't work Hmm

Your DP gets very little time with his DC. Two evenings a week for a few hours after school, and alternate weekends. But you expect him to put your needs first during those limited hours? That's just mean.

PatPattinson · 26/03/2021 19:26

@LaceyBetty even if you were carrying a life threatening virus??? I find that hard to believe.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 19:28

Honestly, not a SM basher, just the ones who do stuff like this wind me up

Yes those horrible step mother's worrying about their unborn child. What utter bitches.

People with no empathy nor any common sense wind me up.