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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

981 replies

Whereso · 26/03/2021 11:50

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

OP posts:
RootyT00t · 26/03/2021 18:09

Lucie I'm not saying always, but I have seen threads where they agree with them.

FireflyRainbow · 26/03/2021 18:09

They*

TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 18:10

@RootyT00t

Lucie I'm not saying always, but I have seen threads where they agree with them.
Wow, what a convincing argument.
Youseethethingis · 26/03/2021 18:10

I presume boring meaning we didn't all agree with you
Do you really? I presume boring meaning she’s pregnant, anxious and probably had a titful of abuse for one day thanks very much.

LucieStar · 26/03/2021 18:10

his children are already here and the come first.

No. They don't. They are equally as important as all the children, no matter "already here" or not. Don't minimise the life of the OP's unborn child.

PatPattinson · 26/03/2021 18:10

@FireflyRainbow

Yabu his children are already here and the come first. They will likely be unwell again during your pregnancy. Though as a step mum, I know how you feel OP.
Yes first children should come first even before an unborn child. Nice one
Youseethethingis · 26/03/2021 18:12

Yabu his children are already here and the come first. They will likely be unwell again during your pregnancy. Though as a step mum, I know how you feel OP
The unborn baby is also his child and already here. Parental care should not be rationed out according to birth order but according to need.
This mans unborn child needed him to show some care and respect for its mother.
His older children needed dinner, which he could have given them somewhere else.

LucieStar · 26/03/2021 18:14

This thread isn't good for my heavily pregnant hormonal rage 😂

And yes I'm an SM too - to 2 children, who are of equal not greater importance to my unborn child. And I'm quite frankly past giving any fucks who has a problem with that.

ZoomHell · 26/03/2021 18:19

I've not read the full thread but I can understand how worrying it can be OP. I was pregnant during last year's lockdown after previous losses and I understand that the likelihood of anything happening is low but you're so hyper sensitive to any perceived risk after a loss like that, especially multiple so I get it.

My DSS did actually get Covid and we had to isolate as he'd been with us just beforehand. I was so scared that it would affect the baby. I didn't actually catch it from him in the end (that I know of) but your husband is stupid if he thinks a temp is the only reason to get a test. My DSS had a headache for about 20 mins and then absolutely nothing else. The only reason we tested was because someone in his class was positive.

LucieStar · 26/03/2021 18:19

The unborn baby is also his child and already here. Parental care should not be rationed out according to birth order but according to need.
This mans unborn child needed him to show some care and respect for its mother.
His older children needed dinner, which he could have given them somewhere else.

👏🏻

UhtredRagnarson · 26/03/2021 18:19

During a pandemic, where a cough is a key symptom!!! hmm

I think you’ll find that I was responding to the “or not” element of a pps post. Which I have already clarified once already.

UhtredRagnarson · 26/03/2021 18:19

The “or not” element of “covid or not”

DinoHat · 26/03/2021 18:23

@Lastbonestanding

In the real world you can't just not see your children because they are sick, no matter what they are sick with.

I hope your pregnancy goes well and that your dp continues to parent his children.

You can if they live in another household.
UhtredRagnarson · 26/03/2021 18:23

And for anyone who is confused. I don’t think the OP is UR in this case. I think her DP and his ex have both been UR and potentially putting others at risk.

LucieStar · 26/03/2021 18:26

@UhtredRagnarson

During a pandemic, where a cough is a key symptom!!! hmm

I think you’ll find that I was responding to the “or not” element of a pps post. Which I have already clarified once already.

No idea what you mean. You said "what about mums plans", I said it's not about her plans, it's about the best interests of all 3 children (and by default the OP since she's currently carrying one of said children). You said it depends on the illness - a cough is fine. My point is - no, not in the middle of a pandemic it's not, where a cough is a key symptom, and there will be exposure to a woman who has had multiple miscarriages is in the early stages of pregnancy.

Not confusing. That's the exchange that just happened.

Finelinehere · 26/03/2021 18:27

" 16:08 DinoHat
Also - I admit even if when not being pregnant, I resent a poorly DSS coming round, spreading his germs and making me ill. He’s here to visit his dad. Not me. He doesn’t however reserve his germs for his dad. I might accept it, but I don’t have to do like it."

Wow... Such loveliness and warmth for your family...

caringcarer · 26/03/2021 18:28

He is being stupid. He could have picked up a drive through McDonald's and taken them to the park. He should definitely have told you then you could have chosen to stay in your bedroom and let him get their tea.

RootyT00t · 26/03/2021 18:29

@UhtredRagnarson

And for anyone who is confused. I don’t think the OP is UR in this case. I think her DP and his ex have both been UR and potentially putting others at risk.
How??
TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 18:29

@Finelinehere

" 16:08 DinoHat Also - I admit even if when not being pregnant, I resent a poorly DSS coming round, spreading his germs and making me ill. He’s here to visit his dad. Not me. He doesn’t however reserve his germs for his dad. I might accept it, but I don’t have to do like it."

Wow... Such loveliness and warmth for your family...

Why would ANYONE be happy about this?

Some people seriously think the sun shines out of their child's arse so brightly that others should want their germs?!?

I am under no illusions that nobody wants to deal with my ill child.

RootyT00t · 26/03/2021 18:29

@caringcarer

He is being stupid. He could have picked up a drive through McDonald's and taken them to the park. He should definitely have told you then you could have chosen to stay in your bedroom and let him get their tea.
Yes, why didn't he take covid suspected kids into his car and to the park.
RootyT00t · 26/03/2021 18:30

I assume the people nodding along about I'll children wouldn't expect DP to come near them if they were Ill.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 18:32

@RootyT00t

I assume the people nodding along about I'll children wouldn't expect DP to come near them if they were Ill.
Well no not really. If I'm ill I tend to keep my distance if I can. However I actually live in the same house as him so it's not really comparable is it?
billy1966 · 26/03/2021 18:32

OP,

All your kindness to his children and accommodating of them and your partner DELIBERATELY doesn't tell you they are unwell.

He should have told you that they were unwell.

He is a selfish arse.

He put himself before you.

He did what suited him first ahead of you, pregnant with his child.

He is showing you EXACTLY who he is.

You protect yourself.

He hasn't got your back despite happily living in YOUR home.

I bet it isn't the first time he has been a selfish arse.

Probably kept it to himself until he moved himself in.

Protect yourself and keep family, friends and your job close.

Flowers
UhtredRagnarson · 26/03/2021 18:33

No idea what you mean. You said "what about mums plans", I said it's not about her plans, it's about the best interests of all 3 children (and by default the OP since she's currently carrying one of said children). You said it depends on the illness - a cough is fine. My point is - no, not in the middle of a pandemic it's not, where a cough is a key symptom, and there will be exposure to a woman who has had multiple miscarriages is in the early stages of pregnancy.

You picked one of my responses to a PP who had said “covid or not” sick Dc can stay with mum. I was responding to the “or not” part in saying that there was no reason for DC not to go to dads if they are sick if it’s just a cough or runny nose.

GreyFrenchique · 26/03/2021 18:33

I had for covid, the only symptom I had was a runny nose and feeling a bit run down as you do with a common cold.

I had to bend the truth to get a test because I didn't have the main symptoms but needed to be sure because I care for my vulnerable parent.

I was positive.

Coughs and temperatures are not the only symptoms infact lots of otherwise healthy children who do have covid have neither of those things.

Based on the fact one of the children has a runny nose and feels lethargic and the other has a cough I think it's ridiculous for them to be going anywhere without being tested and cleared for covid.

Aren't most people aware by now that you don't need a cough and high temperature to have covid especially if you're fit and healthy in general. Christ.