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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

981 replies

Whereso · 26/03/2021 11:50

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

OP posts:
Original poster
Whereso · 26/03/2021 17:44

Well it is bonkers, to me.

I've spent years going above and beyond to ensure the children never feel the way people here have implied they will, yet the one time I need adaptation I'm an awful person and I'm selfish.

If anything I have probably done too much, given that I'm just dads girlfriend and all, because the result is that they absolutely adore me and want me to be central to all activities with DP.

My good treatment of the children shines through in the way they speak to and about me, so less of the wicked step mother BS.

I have never in the history of this relationship sought to exclude them, in fact I have on several occasions looked after them myself on scheduled contact days when DP has been put on rotating shifts.

Despite being young, I fully believe that they would want to protect me and unborn sibling from potential nasties if they knew about the baby. They're selfless lovely children, not remotely entitled or difficult.

Likewise I don't think his ex would have an issue with DP rearranging if she knew the circumstances.

As it stands nobody knows we're expecting as we're not announcing baby until 12 weeks. I've already had to have two viability scans due to spotting and a large subchronic hematoma. I won't relax until I'm out of the danger zone, that's without adding potential covid into the mix.

I hope some of you who've been particularly nasty are proud of yourself, you've achieved nothing but upsetting an already stressed and anxious pregnant person. Bravo.

OP posts:
DropDTuning · 26/03/2021 17:48

They're more than welcome to visit after birth, obviously. What if they have D&V though? Should they still come and cuddle the baby? Where do you draw the line? Or isn't one?

What do you think families do when they have older children? Throw them out of the house if they are ill?

DropDTuning · 26/03/2021 17:49

As it stands nobody knows we're expecting as we're not announcing baby until 12 weeks. I've already had to have two viability scans due to spotting and a large subchronic hematoma. I won't relax until I'm out of the danger zone, that's without adding potential covid into the mix

You think your partner's children who have 'potential covid' should be in the park and at McDonald's?

Original poster
Whereso · 26/03/2021 17:50

@DropDTuning

They're more than welcome to visit after birth, obviously. What if they have D&V though? Should they still come and cuddle the baby? Where do you draw the line? Or isn't one?

What do you think families do when they have older children? Throw them out of the house if they are ill?

In the case of older children who live in the same household passing on infections is unavoidable, to a degree.

We're not talking about children who live in the same household though are we. Yours is a moot point and has been done to the death on this thread.

OP posts:
TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 17:51

@DropDTuning

They're more than welcome to visit after birth, obviously. What if they have D&V though? Should they still come and cuddle the baby? Where do you draw the line? Or isn't one?

What do you think families do when they have older children? Throw them out of the house if they are ill?

But they don't live there. It's irrevelant.

I'll keep asking this

Would you send your vomiting child to their other parents house? How does that benefit your child?

PatPattinson · 26/03/2021 17:51

@evelynina

If the OP was pregnant with her third she wouldn't pack her kids off to another house would she? Well yes I would move an ill child my DD has two parents and he's capable of looking after her as well. We have a very weird system in this country where children of the 1st relationship are downgraded to part time parenting after the relationship ends.
She’s not though is she!! This is her first. If the step children had symptoms of covid (which can be life threatening) then why on earth would she put herself and her unborn child at risk!! Crazy
Notonthestairs · 26/03/2021 17:51

@DropDTuning my toddler had D&V when my youngest was born. I did not see him for nearly a week. It was horrendous but had to be done.

Alcemeg · 26/03/2021 17:51

Big hugs to you OP, try and take no notice of the weirdos on here. It's pure playground bullying.

Sending you Cake and Flowers and Brew and wishing you a happy and healthy weekend.

Original poster
Whereso · 26/03/2021 17:51

You think your partner's children who have 'potential covid' should be in the park and at McDonald's?

No I don't, but I knew I would be crucified if I said he should just not see them.

Obviously in the real world they should have been tested before he has them full stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whereso · 26/03/2021 17:52

@Alcemeg

Big hugs to you OP, try and take no notice of the weirdos on here. It's pure playground bullying.

Sending you Cake and Flowers and Brew and wishing you a happy and healthy weekend.

Thank you ❤
OP posts:
Goleor · 26/03/2021 17:53

Imo you are totally within your rights to be annoyed. Completely selfish of your oh to put you at risk like this in the current climate. If I were you I would be putting your foot down now and make it clear that you do not want a repeat of today. Your child will always come first to you and anyone else who says other wise is kidding themselves. Dont be afraid to fight for what is best for you and your baby. It looks like nobody else is going to do that for you.

DropDTuning · 26/03/2021 17:54

@Whereso No I don't, but I knew I would be crucified if I said he should just not see them. Obviously in the real world they should have been tested before he has them full stop.

You've said over and over again how lovely the weather is (wonder where you are... obviously not in the UK) and repeatedly said how wonderful and amazing and fun it would be for them to be in McDonald's and the park.

TheSoapyFrog · 26/03/2021 17:54

I did think YABU at first, but yeah, if they have covid symptoms, they should be isolating at home and either waiting until the end of the isolation period or until they got a negative test result. I'd say the same whether or not you were pregnant.
Hope you have a healthy pregnancy and birth OP.

midnightstar66 · 26/03/2021 17:54

You didn’t say they had covid symptoms before. If that’s true they needed to he isolating so wouldn’t have been able to go anywhere outdoors.

Isolating children can still go between parents homes.

DropDTuning · 26/03/2021 17:54

@Notonthestairs DropDTuning my toddler had D&V when my youngest was born. I did not see him for nearly a week. It was horrendous but had to be done.

Wow, your toddler moved out of home! Where did he stay?

midnightstar66 · 26/03/2021 17:55

Sorry posted too soon - however they cannot go to the park!

jacks11 · 26/03/2021 17:55

YABU

If they were your children would you be sending them elsewhere to live elsewhere every time they got a cold/communicable illness? If not, why not?

Your DH can’t just not see his children every time they unwell. He can’t “just see them outside” every time they aren’t well either- especially if they actually aren’t well and need to be indoors. He also needs to take his turn of looking after them if they are off school etc. It’s not just down to their mum (unless that is the specific agreement between your DH and his ex). If you chose to enter into a relationship with a man who had children from a previous relationship, then you have to put up with some inconveniences- such as having children who have coughs and colds in the house.

DropDTuning · 26/03/2021 17:55

@TheSoapyFrog I did think YABU at first, but yeah, if they have covid symptoms, they should be isolating at home and either waiting

Lots of us thought YABU, but luckily OP was able to suddenly remember that they had covid symptoms once that became clear. And apparently it was fine for her to be pushing for them to be in McDonald's and the playground with covid symptoms.

DropDTuning · 26/03/2021 17:56

@PatPattinson She’s not though is she!! This is her first. If the step children had symptoms of covid (which can be life threatening) then why on earth would she put herself and her unborn child at risk!! Crazy

It's not his first child, is it?

DropDTuning · 26/03/2021 17:57

@Whereso We're not talking about children who live in the same household though are we. Yours is a moot point and has been done to the death on this thread.

Sorry, of course it's really important to make sure they realise their dad's home isn't their home BEFORE you give birth to his child.

RootyT00t · 26/03/2021 17:57

@midnightstar66

You didn’t say they had covid symptoms before. If that’s true they needed to he isolating so wouldn’t have been able to go anywhere outdoors.

Isolating children can still go between parents homes.

Can, but shouldn't.
RootyT00t · 26/03/2021 17:58

[quote DropDTuning]**@Whereso* We're not talking about children who live in the same household though are we. Yours is a moot point and has been done to the death on this thread.*

Sorry, of course it's really important to make sure they realise their dad's home isn't their home BEFORE you give birth to his child.[/quote]
Quite.

Icanflyhigh · 26/03/2021 17:58

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DumplingsAndStew · 26/03/2021 17:58

@Whereso

Can you point me towards where the Government have asked CV people to shield? I missed that.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 17:59

[quote DropDTuning]**@Whereso* We're not talking about children who live in the same household though are we. Yours is a moot point and has been done to the death on this thread.*

Sorry, of course it's really important to make sure they realise their dad's home isn't their home BEFORE you give birth to his child.[/quote]
But they don't live there do they? What's your point?

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