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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

981 replies

Whereso · 26/03/2021 11:50

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

OP posts:
LucieStar · 26/03/2021 16:29

@PapaSierra

Fucking hate this place and the hypocrisy against step parents sometimes.

THEY ARE NOT YOUR CHILDREN, THEY HAVE TWO PARENTS AND YOU ARE NOT IT

Same posters:

YOU ARE PUTTING YOUR BABY BEFORE YOUR STEPCHILDREN. IT IS THEIR HOME AS MUCH AS YOURS

How predictable. Sad

*THIS!!
*
OP - you are completely right to prioritise yourself and your own needs, and those of your unborn baby, at this crucial time.

Ignore the predictable SM bashing.

I'm 37 weeks pregnant currently and when SCs had symptoms and were isolating, DP had the sense to not have them come here. And I don't even have your history of miscarriage.

You are not BU.

Hope you feel better soon and good luck with your pregnancy. Thanks

PapaSierra · 26/03/2021 16:30

@CupoTeap she is isolating. Also her testing negative then will not cover her getting anything from the SC's at a later date, what is she to do? Get a test everytime they leave?
The logical step is for OP'S OH to see them outside the house.

Original poster
Whereso · 26/03/2021 16:30

I'm so heartened to come back to the thread and see many more posters saying they can see my POV. Thank you!

OP posts:
LucieStar · 26/03/2021 16:30

@TrustTheGeneGenie

even pre covid i wouldnt send my child ill to their other parents - why would you do that? A poorly child may as well stay where they are and avoid bringing both households down. They can just go a different day.

I dont get having to stick to contact so rigidly that youd happily have to move your sick child to another household, i really dont.

No me neither. My dd has stayed with me instead of going to her dad's before when she's been poorly as she felt too ill to go between houses.

Conkergame · 26/03/2021 16:31

This reply has been deleted

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PapaSierra · 26/03/2021 16:32

@Lentillover1900 even without covid, OP has a history of pregnancy loss and does, understandably, does not want to contract anything whilst in the first trimester. This isn't Illness Top Trumps. Her feelings are valid.

Hardbackwriter · 26/03/2021 16:32

God, this one hits a lot of MN buttons, doesn't it? 'First pregnant woman ever - stepmother edition'

RootyT00t · 26/03/2021 16:32

I'm sorry for your losses OP.

But , they're his children and it's their home.

Original poster
Whereso · 26/03/2021 16:33

How did they seem in themselves OP? Poorly and not themselves?

One was quite lethargic (the one with the runny nose)

The one with the cough seemed ok to be fair, aside the cough, but that doesn't provide much reassurance as I know how mildly it can affect some otherwise healthy children.

OP posts:
thatsgotit · 26/03/2021 16:33

[quote Conkergame]@TrustTheGeneGenie maybe because we actually care about children, unlike women like the OP who are happy to have them around when it suits but otherwise it’s “get lost!”

I don’t have kids by the way, so no axe to grind. Just feel so bad for children like this who are made unwelcome in their own home![/quote]
You don't sound like you care about the OP's unborn child much.

And nothing the OP has said implies they've been made to feel unwelcome.

RootyT00t · 26/03/2021 16:34

@Whereso

If they were my children I wouldn't be sending them anywhere with covid symptoms, no.

That's by the by though.

I get he needs to see them but the weather has been lovely he could have quite easily made an adaptation on this occasion without causing any inconvenience to his ex or the children.

So you wouldn't send your own children out with potential symptoms but you want them to go?

OP, you are a blended family. If you continue to think of his and yours this will not work.

Original poster
Whereso · 26/03/2021 16:34

[quote Conkergame]@TrustTheGeneGenie maybe because we actually care about children, unlike women like the OP who are happy to have them around when it suits but otherwise it’s “get lost!”

I don’t have kids by the way, so no axe to grind. Just feel so bad for children like this who are made unwelcome in their own home![/quote]
You only care about walking, talking children.

You don't give a shit about unborn ones.

I get you Smile

OP posts:
lastqueenofscotland · 26/03/2021 16:34

YABVVVU you chose to enter a relationship with someone with children. This is part and parcel of it

Bibidy · 26/03/2021 16:34

The regularity of NON step parents making comments such as these with no actual information is also depressing.

The constant 'oh those poor children' no one actually knows how the op feels but as usual because she's a step mum she must be awful. Get a hold of yourselves.

I agree Mrs Kingfisher!

Also think it's bizarre how people act like the children are being rejected and/or 'sent away' by simply spending a day or so extra with their other parent at the home where they actually live most of the time?

These kids literally live with their mum, they wouldn't think anything of staying home for a couple of extra evenings and seeing their dad a couple of days later instead. Especially if he explained they were being a little bit careful due to OP's pregnancy (assuming SCs and their mum even know since OP is only 9 weeks?).

Blockedoff · 26/03/2021 16:35

*As a PP pointed out taking them through a drive through is only putting DP at risk, yet if he had the windows down that risk is reduced somewhat.

My cousin took her DM to the hospital in her car with her windows down and didn't catch covid.*

Oh so the magical way of not passing on COVID is just to have the windows down? Genius, it's a definite way to avoid transmission. I think I'll get an open top and ferry everyone around.

YABVU

You've got a temperature and might infect them! You might be the COVID carrier.

CupoTeap · 26/03/2021 16:36

[quote PapaSierra]@CupoTeap she is isolating. Also her testing negative then will not cover her getting anything from the SC's at a later date, what is she to do? Get a test everytime they leave?
The logical step is for OP'S OH to see them outside the house.[/quote]
I am only thinking of helping to put her mind at rest as she is, understandably, worried about her pregnancy, nothing to do with the step dc.

Not sure why you are asking me about every time the kids go, this has been my only comment.

Original poster
Whereso · 26/03/2021 16:36

@lastqueenofscotland

YABVVVU you chose to enter a relationship with someone with children. This is part and parcel of it
You've totally missed the point.

I don't care if they bring bugs into the house in normal circumstances, we're not dealing with normal circumstances.

We're talking about first trimester pregnancy with a recent history of losses, still in a pandemic and one of the children has a cough.

Don't be daft.

OP posts:
TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 16:36

[quote Conkergame]@TrustTheGeneGenie maybe because we actually care about children, unlike women like the OP who are happy to have them around when it suits but otherwise it’s “get lost!”

I don’t have kids by the way, so no axe to grind. Just feel so bad for children like this who are made unwelcome in their own home![/quote]
Yeah, somehow i dont buy that.

LucieStar · 26/03/2021 16:36

@Bibidy

The regularity of NON step parents making comments such as these with no actual information is also depressing.

The constant 'oh those poor children' no one actually knows how the op feels but as usual because she's a step mum she must be awful. Get a hold of yourselves.

I agree Mrs Kingfisher!

Also think it's bizarre how people act like the children are being rejected and/or 'sent away' by simply spending a day or so extra with their other parent at the home where they actually live most of the time?

These kids literally live with their mum, they wouldn't think anything of staying home for a couple of extra evenings and seeing their dad a couple of days later instead. Especially if he explained they were being a little bit careful due to OP's pregnancy (assuming SCs and their mum even know since OP is only 9 weeks?).

I agree @MrsKingfisher and @Bibidy!!

catinbootsx · 26/03/2021 16:36

Just out of curiosity OP, where was this Prince among men living, before he bunked up with you? Where did he have contact with the children then?

Bibidy · 26/03/2021 16:37

[quote Conkergame]@TrustTheGeneGenie maybe because we actually care about children, unlike women like the OP who are happy to have them around when it suits but otherwise it’s “get lost!”

I don’t have kids by the way, so no axe to grind. Just feel so bad for children like this who are made unwelcome in their own home![/quote]
I think OP probably cares more about her partner's children than a load of random people on the internet. She hasn't once said she doesn't care about them, doesn't like them, doesn't want them around etc etc.

ALL she has said is that she's nervous around her pregnancy due to repeated losses and would have liked some consideration from her DP in not bringing his sick children to their home temporarily so she wasn't on edge about catching something from them.

Tbh I would have thought her DP would have more consideration since he has been through these losses with her too and will know how tense and worried she's feeling.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 16:38

One child has a cold. No temp
One child had a cough. No temp
How did they seem in themselves OP? Poorly and not themselves?

Ah yes, must have forgotten you can ONLY have covid if you have a temp. Get on the phone to Boris, he's got it all wrong hasn't he!

LucieStar · 26/03/2021 16:38

We're talking about first trimester pregnancy with a recent history of losses, still in a pandemic and one of the children has a cough.

OP, people will selectively ignore this in favour of "those poor unloved children!" Who would essentially be staying with mum a bit longer, that's it. That's the sum total of their "trauma". Ffs

PapaSierra · 26/03/2021 16:38

OP I've got you
I had a miscarriage and OP'S ex wife refused to have the kids because she'd organised to go to blenheim Palace.

TrustTheGeneGenie · 26/03/2021 16:39

[quote PapaSierra]**@Bibidy* makes a very good point and one I hope @jellybellybanana* will answer.

How come OP's DP is expected to only make sacrifices and allowances for his other children, not the one he is having with OP?[/quote]
Ah, well that's because OPs child is a second child, and therefore a lower class of child.

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