To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

[Whereso]

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

You don't get rid of your kids when they are sick even if you are pregnant. When they are YOUR kids, it actually make no difference if they test positive or not, you don't lock them in their bedroom
Asking them to stay at their home for now with their mother as per her perfectly kind and reasonable offer is not “getting rid of them” 🙄

@whetherpigshavewings

All this “if they were your kids” talk is meaningless because if they were her kids she could make the decision to have them tested and how to arrange their care etc.

not really

You don't get rid of your kids when they are sick even if you are pregnant. When they are YOUR kids, it actually make no difference if they test positive or not, you don't lock them in their bedroom.

But she could get them tested and then minimise contact with DP and DC.

Here, her hands are tied.

But 'anywhere' isn't their home. Your house where their Father lives, is their other home. So they aren't 'visting' you. It's important you get that in to your head. If it's their turn to go to their Dad's they go, even if they have the flu or chicken pox or whatever and wanted to go

You are their Step mother. You are their other mother

This is pure and utter unadulterated nonsense lol. I am most definitely not my step-children's mother. They have their own mother. That doesn't stop us having our own close relationship though. Shame on you that you would send children with Covid symptoms to a house where they could potentially infect other people.

Luckily my step-children's mother didn't want to send DSS when he was displaying Covid symptoms and kept him isolated at home, you know...so the risk of transmission didn't spread to us , including his father.

@jellybellybanana

Fucking hate this place and the hypocrisy against step parents sometimes.THEY ARE NOT YOUR CHILDREN, THEY HAVE TWO PARENTS AND YOU ARE NOT ITSame posters:YOU ARE PUTTING YOUR BABY BEFORE YOUR STEPCHILDREN. IT IS THEIR HOME AS MUCH AS YOURS How predictable

Your complaint is predictable, and you don't get it. It's not hypocrisy, that's what step parenting is! They aren't your children, you aren't their parent, and yet you do have sacrifice sometimes for them. Your children cannot always come first and your have to make compromises you may hate. It can suck massively. It's hard.
But's thats how it works.
If you choose to have kids with someone who already has kids, you have to suck it up. Your partner can't have your kid as top of the list all the time, they have to balance them all. And therefore so do you.

Except in the case he is actively telling OP they are not her step-kids. She has no place in their lives it seems, but is expected to open up her home.

@jellybellybanana

Fucking hate this place and the hypocrisy against step parents sometimes.THEY ARE NOT YOUR CHILDREN, THEY HAVE TWO PARENTS AND YOU ARE NOT ITSame posters:YOU ARE PUTTING YOUR BABY BEFORE YOUR STEPCHILDREN. IT IS THEIR HOME AS MUCH AS YOURS How predictable

Your complaint is predictable, and you don't get it. It's not hypocrisy, that's what step parenting is! They aren't your children, you aren't their parent, and yet you do have sacrifice sometimes for them. Your children cannot always come first and your have to make compromises you may hate. It can suck massively. It's hard.
But's thats how it works.
If you choose to have kids with someone who already has kids, you have to suck it up. Your partner can't have your kid as top of the list all the time, they have to balance them all. And therefore so do you.

That's the thing though - in a reasonable step parenting relationship - you dont have to suck up being told your health doesnt matter, you really dont.

Oh he hadca rant about you not being a step mother did he.

He's right of course.

Isn't he just wonderful how he's been able to bring himself to move into your lovely home and use it to house his children.🙄

You are so lucky that he has stooped to using YOUR home for HIS children.

He really doesn't sound like ANY prize OP.

Protect yourself.
Put your feet up and mind yourself.

You sound like you were just a bit too much of a convenience for him.

Make it bloody clear to him that YOUR child will be YOUR priority in YOUR home.

If he doesn't like it, he could always try providing a home for his children, rather that conveniently finding a single childless woman to do it.

@Lentillover1900

I fail to see relevance, as sad as it is, of your history to the situation in the slightest

Fucking hell. A woman who has suffered 2 miscarriages isn’t entitled to be extra nervous and cautious in the first trimester. Sheer nastiness.

@Whereso

I’m not criticising but just be aware if he is contributing to the mortgage (as opposed to paying rent), he could argue that he has a beneficial interest in your property

@Youseethethingis

You don't get rid of your kids when they are sick even if you are pregnant. When they are YOUR kids, it actually make no difference if they test positive or not, you don't lock them in their bedroom Asking them to stay at their home for now with their mother as per her perfectly kind and reasonable offer is not “getting rid of them” 🙄

but that's not the point.

IF they were her kids, they wouldn't go anywhere else.

It's not unreasonable for the kids to be with their father. He shouldn't treat them differently because he his not with their mum but with someone else, that's the point.

Deciding to go into a relationship with someone who already has young kids is a commitment.

It's perfectly normal not to consider step-kids as your own, but in fact you have to treat them as if they were, because they are the responsibility of their dad.

OP, do you know that if a person is showing any sort of symptom if they HAVE to self isolate? Sorry if I've missed something (my head is a bit fuzzy today) but did they have a covid test?

Anyway, I don't think you're being unreasonable. I admit that if you wasn't pregnant and early on in that pregnancy my opinion may be slightly different. Especially since you have already miscarried etc. Sorry to hear that OP. But I think that your instinct to protect your inborn child is natural. I can't sense a hint of any malice or jealousy coming from you so I think you're just being sensible. Good luck with the new baby!

What would you do if this wasn't your first child and your other children were sick - send them to live on the streets?

IF they were her kids, they wouldn't go anywhere else.

but they're not so?

It's perfectly normal not to consider step-kids as your own, but in fact you have to treat them as if they were, because they are the responsibility of their dad.

No, you don't - you just have to be a friendly adult - you really do not have to treat them as if they were your own.

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

What would you do if this wasn't your first child and your other children were sick - send them to live on the streets?

Irrelevant - they aren't her children and they don't live with her full time.

@PapaSierra

Fucking hate this place and the hypocrisy against step parents sometimes.

THEY ARE NOT YOUR CHILDREN, THEY HAVE TWO PARENTS AND YOU ARE NOT IT

Same posters:

YOU ARE PUTTING YOUR BABY BEFORE YOUR STEPCHILDREN. IT IS THEIR HOME AS MUCH AS YOURS

How predictable.

Yes yes yes.

OP you are not being unreasonable in feeling anxious about your pregnancy, either generally, or in light of your losses.

I am pregnant and I’m nervous that DSS’ Mum has arranged a holiday just before my due date when I should be self isolating. I’m terrified of catching Covid and having to give birth alone (in my trust if you have Covid and end up in theatre you have to be alone without your partner, I had my last baby in theatre so it’s a real possibility to me).

It might not be fair on the balance of things, but you don’t have to think about everything in balance. You are allowed to prioritise yourself and your unborn child and you’re not being unreasonable in looking to your partner to support you in that.

You are under no obligation to put your step children ahead of yourself.

I suspect if it were her own children she would have known they were ill and would have got them tested @EveryDayIsADuvetDay

She probably wouldn’t send them to another household for tea....

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

What would you do if this wasn't your first child and your other children were sick - send them to live on the streets?

Yes.

I'd lend them the tent though

@Notonthestairs

I suspect if it were her own children she would have known they were ill and would have got them tested *@EveryDayIsADuvetDay*

This

OP - Mumsnet is not supportive of step mothers. So...if their mother could have had them, or your DP could have taken them out to protect you when you're vulnerable then that's what should have happened.

If the kids got sick while with you, and their mother was vulnerable it would be good for their Dad to keep them for a few days as well.

The fact is there are two households, so there are options.

There's a pandemic for God's sake a bit of flexibility would have been nice.

@DinoHat

She probably wouldn’t send them to another household for tea....

Also this

100% agree @thatsgotit. The collective mumsnet idea that stepchildren have to be made the centre of the universe is ridiculous!

@EveryDayIsADuvetDay

What would you do if this wasn't your first child and your other children were sick - send them to live on the streets?

Yet again - these are NOT OP's kids, they do not live with her and therefore this argument is totally irrelevant.

It's not a matter of 'sending them to live on the streets' - just leaving them in the place where they actually live 90% of their lives for a couple of extra days until they are well and pregnant and super anxious OP doesn't need to stress about becoming ill!!!!

OP has had 2 miscarriages, she is - completely understandably - hugely anxious, as anyone would be. She deserves some consideration here. She is talking about postponing/changing a couple of evening dinners!!! Not saying her DP shouldn't see his kids for her whole pregnancy.

Also - I admit even if when not being pregnant, I resent a poorly DSS coming round, spreading his germs and making me ill. He’s here to visit his dad. Not me. He doesn’t however reserve his germs for his dad. I might accept it, but I don’t have to do like it.

Your complaint is predictable, and you don't get it. It's not hypocrisy, that's what step parenting is! They aren't your children, you aren't their parent, and yet you do have sacrifice sometimes for them
Sometimes. Not all the time. This being one of the times where it’s is perfectly reasonable to put yourself first.
Your children cannot always come first and your have to make compromises you may hate
Not always. Sometimes. This being one of the times it is perfectly reasonable to put your own child first.
It can suck massively. It's hard. But's thats how it works
Only if you have a partner with no respect for you and your relationship.
If you choose to have kids with someone who already has kids, you have to suck it up. Your partner can't have your kid as top of the list all the time, they have to balance them all. And therefore so do you
If you choose to have a partner when you already have kids, you have to suck it up. Your kids can’t be top of the list all time, you have to have balance. This being one of the times where it’s perfectly reasonable to put your partner first.
HTH.

Sorry of missed
But is the cough continuous?

If not and you’ve said no temp - I wouldn’t get a test for my child either

@Lentillover1900

Sorry of missed But is the cough continuous?

If not and you’ve said no temp - I wouldn’t get a test for my child either

She wasn't coughing non stop but had numerous episodes of coughing during the 4 hours they were here.

Would you class that as continuous?