To not want partner having kids here when they're ill?

[Whereso]

Because I'm vulnerable, pregnant in my first trimester after two losses and feel like crap as it is.

They come for their tea twice a week and stay over every other weekend.

His ex had the decency to let him know in advance that they weren't well but he failed to mention that to me and brought them here anyway, they weren't due to stay over and were just coming for tea so he could've easily taken them to the park or picked up a McDonald's/burger king.

Low and behold I've caught whatever it is and have a temp so will need to be tested for covid now, if only to rule it out.

AIBU to be pissed off with him?

Never feel bad for prioritising your baby over someone else’s kids.

A bit of consideration from your DP wouldn’t have gone amiss.

MN is very anti step mum you will find that if you ever venture into the step parenting board

MN isn't anything. Every voice is the persons own. The reason there are so many yabus to stepmums is because they are so often BU, not because they are stepmothers.

Child with a cough = book a test and isolate at home, no question, no room to wriggle out of it. Anything else is selfish and irresponsible

Child without Covid symptoms = seeing their dad as normal, as he's their parent

I'm a single parent, so I have been through this a lot

@Sirzy

Flipping heck so you even still see your partner as a visitor in your home! What a way to start a family

It's his home but it's my house.

Another poster up thread said exactly the same. It's her house, her partner lives with her but she doesn't particularly want his children coming round when ill and infecting everybody else including her own children.

Should step parents (and girlfriends of a NRP father) put the mans children before her own, existing children too? Or is it just unborn babies that don't matter?

You cannot put step children first and above all else, it's a balancing act.

Don't you see that if the children have covid symptoms then they shouldn't be going out elsewhere for their tea? Interesting that you'd merrily put many more people at risk by insisting on that, as long as they were nowhere near you

If the children had the three named covid symptoms they shouldn’t be going to their father’s for tea, let alone anywhere else.

YABU! You don't need shielding from every illness and assuming it's not covid, stop being ridiculous.

@Whereso

I'm struggling to keep up with the replies and can see there's alot of animosity towards me here so I will bow out now, thank you for your contributions I accept I'm unreasonable.

You are not being unreasonable at all. Put yourself and your health and baby first.

You're pregnant - you're about to find out that this is life for the next 15 years. You can't avoid it if you're a parent, you just have to go through it. You need to accept his kids as you would your own if you're going to have a successful blended family

@SpareBib

Child with a cough = book a test and isolate at home, no question, no room to wriggle out of it. Anything else is selfish and irresponsible

Child without Covid symptoms = seeing their dad as normal, as he's their parent

I'm a single parent, so I have been through this a lot

I understand this totally, but anyone who follows the pandemic knows that while not having one of the 3 covid symptoms means you don’t have to isolate and tests, it doesn’t mean you don’t have covid. Covid often presents as cold symptoms.

@PineappleCat

YABU! You don't need shielding from every illness and assuming it's not covid, stop being ridiculous.

That's my call.

It's my prerogative to express concern about my unborn baby in the early stages of pregnancy after two losses.

If I choose to prioritise myself and my unborn, for once, that is also my prerogative.

However I will accept that the vast majority think I'm unreasonable.

@jellybellybanana

MN is very anti step mum you will find that if you ever venture into the step parenting board

MN isn't anything. Every voice is the persons own. The reason there are so many yabus to stepmums is because they are so often BU, not because they are stepmothers.

I disagree. I find a large number of posters will jump on the smallest comment of a step mum and make wild accusations in a way not seen on other parenting boards. Statements like you knew what you were getting into. Things never said to a mother struggling with a child.

You cannot put step children first and above all else, it's a balancing act

They will all be his children. He can't (well, shouldn't, he probably will thogh) put yours above his older ones. Which is what you want, yours to come first. And its not even born yet.

If you want your child to always come first in your house, you shouldn't have had it with someone who already has children.

@YukoandHiro

You're pregnant - you're about to find out that this is life for the next 15 years. You can't avoid it if you're a parent, you just have to go through it. You need to accept his kids as you would your own if you're going to have a successful blended family

The extenuating circumstances right now are that we're still in a pandemic and my child isn't here yet. I'm only 9 weeks and have had two previous losses at 6 and 8 weeks.

Of course this wouldn't be my stance in normal circumstances.

SpareBib
Exactly that.
If a child has covid symptoms then they isolate and test.
If the child doesn't have covid symptoms then there's no reason not to see their parent as usual.

Should step parents (and girlfriends of a NRP father) put the mans children before her own, existing children too? Or is it just unborn babies that don't matter?
In my opinion no step parent should expect their DP to opt out of parenting when the kids are unwell. If a child is unwell then their parent (resident or non resident) they are meant to be with is responsible for parenting them, unless they are too unwell to leave whichever home they were ill at.

If a child has covid symptoms then they should be tested and isolate until they get a negative test.
No parent or step parent or parents' partner should be suggesting children who apparently have covid symptoms to be going out and about as usual.

@Whereso

The house is mine, in my name and he has no claim to it.

Obviously it's his home for all intents and purposes and by extension his children's, but it's my house.

Put your door down. You want to feel safe and comfortable in your own home. Not terrified that his dc have given you covid.

"If I choose to prioritise myself and my unborn, for once, that is also my prerogative.

However I will accept that the vast majority think I'm unreasonable."

I assume you realise those children already know you will always prioritise yourself and your child over the needs of the wider family. They feel it.

There’s seems to be a lot of confusion in your home/family around the guidelines and risks. Eg; no-one getting the DC tested for covid despite having symptoms, everyone thinking it’s fine for a child with covid symptoms to go to MacDonalds or the park, you thinking only your DP would be at risk in that scenario, you thinking you have to shield, you thinking there is an increased risk of miscarriage due to covid.

I suggest you spend some time reading up on the current guidelines and risks and finding out exactly what category you are in and what you need to do. I think this will help your anxiety massively.

People appear to have jumped the gun and concluded that I'm always going to put my child before his children, that's absolutely not the case.

I'm exercising caution right now, not indefinitely.

I've had them here before when they weren't well with tonsillitis. They've been here with colds.

Pre pandemic, pre pregnancy.

@jellybellybanana

You cannot put step children first and above all else, it's a balancing act

They will all be his children. He can't (well, shouldn't, he probably will thogh) put yours above his older ones. Which is what you want, yours to come first. And its not even born yet.

If you want your child to always come first in your house, you shouldn't have had it with someone who already has children.

Don’t be ridiculous.

The “risk” to his existing children of doing as the OP wanted is having tea in the park - so no harm done at all. The risk to his unborn child if it were covid could be very grave indeed.

You’re going on like she has asked him not to see them til her baby is born, as opposed to change the venue for a short teatime contact on one occasion.

@Fridget I know, and I agree. I expressed this badly, I didn't mean one kid stay at home, the other see their dad. I meant as a child has a cough then the visit should be cancelled and a test taken. If both kids are Covid symptom-free, but have, say a tummy ache, then OP should expect visit to continue.

I assume you realise those children already know you will always prioritise yourself and your child over the needs of the wider family. They feel it.

Lol they most certainly do not. We have a lovely relationship.

In my opinion no step parent should expect their DP to opt out of parenting when the kids are unwell

Once again, she didn’t ask for him not to see them, just to change where he saw them.

YANBU the kids should be being tested and isolating.
Your partner and his ex are being unreasonable.
Hope your pregnancy goes well OP

There’s seems to be a lot of confusion in your home/family around the guidelines and risks. Eg; no-one getting the DC tested for covid despite having symptoms, everyone thinking it’s fine for a child with covid symptoms to go to MacDonalds or the park, you thinking only your DP would be at risk in that scenario, you thinking you have to shield, you thinking there is an increased risk of miscarriage due to covid.
This.
If everyone involved just followed the fairly clear rules that are on the NHS website then this situation wouldn't have happened.

@jellybellybanana

You cannot put step children first and above all else, it's a balancing act

They will all be his children. He can't (well, shouldn't, he probably will thogh) put yours above his older ones. Which is what you want, yours to come first. And its not even born yet.

If you want your child to always come first in your house, you shouldn't have had it with someone who already has children.

This!