DH has told me of a rumour...

[daffodilcity]

DH is a teacher and just called on his way home to say there's a rumour in the year 10 and 11 class that he's an item with a female teacher in his department (he's the only male in his department).

Now, I have OCD and get very anxious about this kind of thing. He's been at the school less than a year, but I still think it's weird. Especially as he says people know about me. I also have a video that went somewhat viral and so the kids at school have mentioned seeing me on that (nothing weird or bad). So it feels odd.

Is this just typical jokey kid rumours or is there something more to this?

@daffodilcity

I’ve just remembered there’s another rumour that DP killed someone, so maybe I’m being like this purely because of my overthinking. However, I do know how they got that rumour and whilst ridiculous there is a weird logical thought path.

DP told a story of how he was hurt one time. The person that hurt him was murdered. So I can see the link.

What the fuck? This thread is becoming insane.

Generally teenagers spread all sorts of crap so I wouldn’t take it seriously.

If he normally calls on his way home from work to tell you about his day, then that doesn’t seem that odd either - I can’t imagine he was worrying that he needed to get to you first - a bunch of kids were hardly about to turn up on your doorstep to deliver the bad news.

There's always rumours about teachers. It's unthinkable to a lot of teenagers that is adults can possibly have friends/colleagues of the opposite sex without there being something more going on. The vast majority of the time it is pure fiction made up by the kids, on the back of something perfectly innocent.

There were rumours about me and my head of department a couple of years ago, because they saw us out together going into a bar. What they didn't see was that we were meeting the rest of the department there, and we were together because I'd volunteered to be the designated driver so picked him up on my way into town. On the way home I dropped off him and 2 others before I went home, alone, to DH.

When mine were at school one of the lovely teachers was off sick on long term. No idea why, could have been MH problems, or serious illness, who knows.

There was a rumour going round he school, then parents, that said she had been sacked for having an affair with one of the male pupils.

The HT had to speak to the whole assembly and squash any rumours and threaten consequences for anyone found sharing them.

The poor woman. She did eventually come back to work, I hope she never found out about them.

@crochetmonkey74

Your DH is sharing WAY too many personal stories with the students

This. It’s too personal and dramatic. It’s not like mentioning that you play golf or once went to Spain on holiday.

He also seems quite weirdly obsessed about his teeth - a discolouration after an accident might be troubling but it doesn't make him ugly.

I hope you don’t mind my asking @daffodilcity but how is your marriage in general? Is he kind, loving and thoughtful ? Does he do half the housework and Wifework or more, as he has longer holidays ? Do you have fun together ?

I’m wondering if he’s much older than you ?

Kids are obsessed that me and my friend at work are having an affair because we eat lunch together. We are both in relationships and he is gay and very camp, we are very good friends in real life but the kids don’t know that. One of us is asked most days if we are a couple!

At the school I worked at previously I met my partner and we worked together for two years following that while in a relationship, he picked me up and drove with me to work every day for 18 months and there wasn’t a single rumour. He helped another member of staff carry something once and my entire year 9 lesson was wrecked by kids whispering about how he was cheating on his wife with this other teacher - he wasn’t married and was definitely with me and not her. Kids are clueless!

There was a rumour at my secondary school (no truth at all) that Mr married physics teacher was having an affair with Miss push her tits up crossed arm biology teacher.

Not RTFT but rumours were absolutely rife at my school. The French teacher and the biology teacher were definitely having an affair until it turned out biology teacher was gay. There were all manner of others.

I used to get this a lot about a teacher I worked with. The kids were obsessed with us getting married and decided we must love each other. In reality we just got on well, absolutely nothing more in it. He was happy with his girlfriend who he since married and I ended up marrying one of his friends. Kids love stuff like this. We had a supply teacher with the same surname as me once and and the excitement lasted days! Was he my husband, dad, brother! I’d never even met him before!

There was a rumour that the Head of German who was Married to the Dep Head was having an affair with a business teacher - this was true.

There was a rumour the head of English was shagging a 6th Former - they were and he left the school.

There was a rumour our maths teacher was seeing a DT teacher they were - they got engaged and broke up.

There was a rumour that the business teacher liked snogging 6th formers - now this I don’t know if it was true but he did squeeze my breast once putting his arm round me so it probably was.

Oh and the PE teacher was a peadophile - not sure but he smacked my bum when I was in Year 8

Kids love ‘shipping’ teachers. When I was engaged they even managed to convince their parents I was marrying a co-worker and we had gifts from them despite the fact that he was very happily married to someone else and had three children with them

Yes DH does talk a lot. Basically he handles a lot of the kids in PRU and he thinks having a chat stops them beating each other up. To be fair, they respect him the most. But it also means he’s had silly things go round. The murder one I heard about weeks later and I don’t think it was more than one person saying “Oi sir did you murder someone” knowing it was bullshit, but for reaction.

He’s 30, so 3.5 years older.

I don’t think it’s at all weird looking at photos of your partners workmates when he has started a new job especially during Covid. Normally there are events where you would get to meet up with the people that your partner works with but those have all been removed due to Covid. And also I am sorry but any woman who hears a rumour no matter how far fetched that her partner is having an affair with a woman he works would try and remember how he described her an/or find a photo and be relieved if she wasn’t very good looking. I think anyone who doesn’t acknowledge that is being dishonest. Also some men weirdly red herring and describe a woman in unflattering terms to hide the fact that they find her attractive.
Separate from all of this he sounds abit wearing with how much he seems to need to text you from school and then give you a massive rundown of his entire day on the phone on his way home.
I think it would make me feel horrible if my husbands workmates were gossiping and laughing about him having an affair no matter how imaginary and also if the kids in his classes were all gossiping about it too. I think he’s abit of an insensitive knob with verbal diarrhea and would be better to shut it down in the staff room rather than cracking inane jokes about a staged breakup. It would piss me off.

All work split equally, I am the higher earner @IM0GEN

@CaraherEIL you’ve hit the nail on the head here. I don’t like that no one has denied it outright. Also apparently now the guy didn’t rush in to tell them, he is head of Y11 and came in to update them and then mentioned it.

The rumour is centred on the other woman and he’s dragged in as the only viable man. I have asked him to find out some details.

@daffodilcity

Yes DH does talk a lot. Basically he handles a lot of the kids in PRU and he thinks having a chat stops them beating each other up. To be fair, they respect him the most. But it also means he’s had silly things go round. The murder one I heard about weeks later and I don’t think it was more than one person saying “Oi sir did you murder someone” knowing it was bullshit, but for reaction.

Is he at a PRU? Or are you talking about an isolation unit in a comp?

He’s not the only man though is he? Kids don’t look at their teachers on a departmental basis.

The kids at my BIL school are convinced he and another teacher are going to get married. As it happens, she has a wife and he has a boyfriend, so it seems unlikely (and is a point of endless hilarity for the staff)

I’m a teacher and they all swear I’m dating another teacher even though that would never happen. I remember thinking the same thing when I was in school it’s just harmless fun to guess who might be dating that’s all.

The kids at my BIL school are convinced he and another teacher are going to get married. As it happens, she has a wife and he has a boyfriend, so it seems unlikely (and is a point of endless hilarity for the staff)

I remember a similar thing happened at my school but the teachers used to play a long a bit to stir the rumours because they thought it was hilarious.

I’ve slightly skimmed this thread so this might have been said. The term “Pure O” is a bit of a misnomer really as it’s been taken to mean it’s “just” intrusive thoughts but with no compulsive element when in fact they are there but are less obvious on account of being cognitive in nature, rather than more obvious behaviours. Perhaps this makes it harder to understand for your DH. I wonder if your DH has slipped into aiding and abetting your OCD @daffodilcity by attempting to supply constant transparency, running commentary and reassurance? Whereas what you need is to learn among other things to sit with the uncertainty. He sounds like he really hasn’t understood your OCD and his part in the maintenance or management of your OCD (obviously you’re in charge but what he does is relevant).

Have you read this book? I think it’s really helpful and I often recommend it to my CBT clients and their nearest and dearest. www.ocduk.org/shop/break-free-from-ocd/

@YouokHun yes you are probably right there. I suppose the issue is, most things are in my head, not caused by actual events. Now this is real and has happened, almost justifying my need to check and be reassured. Only, he isn’t reassuring me because he’s irritated at how upset I’ve become and now is saying “I won’t tell you in future”

Not sure this thread is helping. I was probably seeking reassurance but there’s a mix of truth to rumours as well as lies. I would never have guessed anything between them - he is never particularly late home, he is never unaccounted for and he’s barely been in the school as he started in covid. I feel awful. I feel so sick and confused.

I’m actually a bit confused when you say “this is real and has happened” what are you referring to OP? I’ve just read your posts strung together and I’m not sure what “is real and has happened” from your posts (sorry if I’m being thick).