DH has told me of a rumour...

[daffodilcity]

DH is a teacher and just called on his way home to say there's a rumour in the year 10 and 11 class that he's an item with a female teacher in his department (he's the only male in his department).

Now, I have OCD and get very anxious about this kind of thing. He's been at the school less than a year, but I still think it's weird. Especially as he says people know about me. I also have a video that went somewhat viral and so the kids at school have mentioned seeing me on that (nothing weird or bad). So it feels odd.

Is this just typical jokey kid rumours or is there something more to this?

We were always coming up with this shit as teenagers. Only once was it true, and they were both single and had been spotted on a date.

Kids make shit up.

Reminds me of the horrible time I walked in on the science technician snogging and groping my English teacher in a room off the Maths corridor. It was disturbing but mostly because everyone was not in their rightful locations!

I don't think it sounds particularly suspicious OP.

I don’t think it is a lose lose situation I think his lack of conversational boundaries at work have encouraged others in making him a target for stupid gossip
You do realise that any of the following are grounds for students deciding two members of staff are an item/having an affair:
Being friends
Sharing a car to visit another school or going on a course
Calling by their classroom and asking if they'd like a coffee making
Marking books together in the same classroom at the end of the day
Sitting in a public area together on a residenti trip when they're on corridor duty at night

Saying hello when on duty if the students feel it's slightly too cheery
Existing as two people of the opposite sex

The workplace would be a very uptight place if we were expected to hear these funny student stories and reprimand out colleagues for laughing at how students come up with funny things.

I can see it now:
Teacher A: " I've heard from 10D you and Mr Blogs are loved up. Kids eh?!"
Teacher B: "How unprofessional to suggest that I would be unfaithful to my husband. I suggest we end such conversation and in future I expect you to avoid making any reference to things that students say in a lighthearted manner as if I fail to put you in my place, my husband and other equal uptight men would consider my actions lacking in boundaries".

That’s all true , but telling stories to the kids so they think he’s a murderer and joking in the staff room that he is going to stage a breakup of the ‘affair’ is another thing. Kids imagining stuff out of everyday incidents is one thing feeding them info to fuel gossip is another. That’s where his boundaries are in question.

Also in the OPs posts her partner does have history of discussing far too many personal things with students, he also overshares to try and increase his popularity with the students, being cautious about that and establishing better boundaries between him and the students would discourage overfamiliarity. There are teachers that children discuss a lot more because they see them more as mates. Rumours can be completely without foundation they can also be life changing and very damaging. This particular rumour is causing a lot of distress to the OP. So effectively if she could be less uptight then everything would be fine. I don’t agree.I trust my partner to manage himself outside of the family home so our lives are not a hotbed of rumours about his murdering and infidelity!

I am a teacher. At a previous school many of the staff lift shared because we lived the same way. The rumours were endless. Mr X ans Mrs Y were in the same car so therefore they must be getting married.
To be honest, you'd only have to be waiting for thr photocopier at the same time for kids to read something into it, they have vivid imaginations!

It’s all the hormones!
I think Its probably very personal I think if you or someone you love has had a really horrible experience with rumours then it can feel damaging and a lot like bullying especially with the older senior school kids. One of my friends who is an ex teacher (she left the profession) had a nervous breakdown due to totally unfounded nasty rumours.

There were always rumours about teachers having affairs at our school. (Almost) none of them were true!

Funny story actually, I saw an old teacher of mine in the pub and got chatting and I said

"Was it true that you were having an affair with Mr X?"

Slight look of surprise and then...

"No!! But Mr X was having an affair with Mrs Y!"

Kids love these sort of rumours. In my first teaching post there was a rumour about me and a male member of department. When I moved jobs at my new school the rumour was that I'd moved jobs as me and said male teacher had broken up and I didn't want to see him everyday 😂

That fact I was married and some of the kids having meet my DH at school events meant nothing to the fun of the rumour mill. 😁

Really don't worry about it, kids love gossip.

Kids do this all the time. Don’t worry unless there’s actually any evidence.

A development: DP has asked around and apparently it originated from another teacher... that's a bit more worrying IMO.

Did he tell the students about the viral video?

In what sense originated from a teacher? As in he is claiming a colleague said to their students that he is sleeping with a member of his department?

He got this job in SLT at a PRU during Covid - the kids have only been in for some of that time- what is it- 18 weeks altogether- in that time he has had the best progress and won weekly awards, completely bypassed all normal boundaries with kids, driven home at 3pm and titted about with all these rumours. I know this is missing the point of this thread but how has he had the time?? I am run ragged as a teacher - and I am not on SLT!

@crochetmonkey74

He got this job in SLT at a PRU during Covid - the kids have only been in for some of that time- what is it- 18 weeks altogether- in that time he has had the best progress and won weekly awards, completely bypassed all normal boundaries with kids, driven home at 3pm and titted about with all these rumours. I know this is missing the point of this thread but how has he had the time?? I am run ragged as a teacher - and I am not on SLT!

It's a PRU aligned with the comp. He only teaches GCSE classes and starts at 6am. He does work some evenings at home. There's no face to face meetings so he doesn't need to physically stay late.

@LolaSmiles

In what sense originated from a teacher? As in he is claiming a colleague said to their students that he is sleeping with a member of his department?

absolutely no idea. I am waiting for an update. That's all he said 'Apparently it originated from Mr X, going to investigate'

I wouldn’t worry. Why would he tell you about it if it was something that was real and he would want to hide?

I remember kids making up all sorts of rumours about teachers and other kids when I was at school. I remembered panicking when a rumour went around that another kid was a bed wetter and she got teased mercilessly about it. I really was one but no-one knew by then.

He really can't win, can he? If he tells you then he's wrong, if he doesn't tell you he's wrong.
Sorry, but you sound incredibly hard work, and if I were your dh, I'd be seriously reconsidering our relationship due to the lack of trust on your part.

And kids make up rumours all the time, you only have to speak to a member if staff of the opposite sex for the kids to think you're shagging them.
Really don't believe your claim you never heard any rumours when you were at school, although it suits you at the moment to say this ...

This gets said about everyone. At my school there were also same sex teacher rumours. It's just kids nonsense, playing about with ideas around adulthood and sexuality.
Your DH probably told you because it's getting on his nerves. Just forget it and remember that teenagers are just kids who don't understand the power of what they are saying.

[quote daffodilcity]@OVienna so this isn’t out of character for him to tell me. He called me once when a woman asked for help getting in her house. I wouldn’t have known, it’s a non-issue, but he did think he should tell me. So I am not really suspicious of him telling me. I don’t like his reaction, after telling me instead of explaining, when I asked who told them and wanted details he got angry and frustrated and now we are in an argument. That to me says suspicious.

Before yesterday, I’d have never ever though DP would have an affair with a teacher it’s just not his MO. I’d put money on it. I think deep down I also know there’s nothing to it. But something still isn’t sitting right and I don’t like that I simply won’t know the truth or what to think.[/quote]
It's interesting you're saying that something isn't sitting right. I think just take time to process it all? And see what happens next.

(BTW - My DH never, ever, ever has time to call during the day. It's always at the end of HIS day when my day at work is hotting up. I've said to him so many times: really, you can't even check a TEXT??? When the DCs were younger this was super irritating.)

Honestly OP, the fact that he feels like he needs to tell you about all these non-incidents suggests that he's well aware that you have major trust issues and is having to spend his life offsetting them. Have you spoken to anyone trust and how it makes you feel/behave?

Secondary students do this ALL the time!! Every time I got chatty with a male member of staff on break duty I was quizzed by gossipy girls about what was going on (even when that male member of staff was fabulously & glaringly batting for the other team!).

I also got approached by a gaggle of year 11 girls who painstakingly explained to me that they had been talking & thought if I made a bit more 'effort' with my hair and make up (and how I could 'just get up half an hour earlier' to make this happen) that I could 'probably' find a boyfriend. When I told them I already had a boyfriend they said 'Oh, well, don't bother then!' and walked off.

Teenagers are an interesting bunch!

I really wouldn't give it a second thought (but I probably would, in a totally jokey manner, remind DH that if he is ever caught playing away you will absolutely chop his cock off, but that's just me )

PS - PRU's are VERY different animals!!

Less kids, less pressure, less expectation.

I met my husband at the High School we both worked.
For the 18 months prior to our engagement all the kids thought he was dating one of the Eng.Department because a Drama teacher (me)would never date a dull Historian.
They were stunned when we rocked up engaged after the Summer hols.
Then they backtracked and started saying they JUST KNEW we were a couple because he was more smiley and fun than before.
In a professional capacity I’d be very surprised if any teachers would ‘fake’ a break-up.
Not only is it really unprofessional and would not go down well if the Head got wind of it, but it indicates that they love the drama more than doing their job.
‘We thought we’d give the kids a laugh after lockdown’ won’t fly once the Head has to explain their behaviour to the Governors.