DH has told me of a rumour...

[daffodilcity]

DH is a teacher and just called on his way home to say there's a rumour in the year 10 and 11 class that he's an item with a female teacher in his department (he's the only male in his department).

Now, I have OCD and get very anxious about this kind of thing. He's been at the school less than a year, but I still think it's weird. Especially as he says people know about me. I also have a video that went somewhat viral and so the kids at school have mentioned seeing me on that (nothing weird or bad). So it feels odd.

Is this just typical jokey kid rumours or is there something more to this?

There were loads of rumours like this going round my high school. All absolute rubbish. Try not to worry too much, there'll be nothing in it.

@Tal45

If he knows you are anxious and that not telling you would be considered secretive then it sounds to me like he is trying to do the right thing.

This.

Did you not go to school

This is totally normal ime, obvioulsy lots of teachers do have relationships with other members of staff but if all the rumours were true they probably wouldn't have any time left for actual teaching

Well as you say, he is in a lose/lose situation. He told you this silly rumour so now you are wondering if there is something in it. But if he hadnt told you and you later heard about it you would think that he had something to hide.

If you have no other reasons to be concerned I would take it at face value, as others have said, kids have always made up these rumours. We had a married couple in the same department at school and they were about the only ones who didnt have any rumours about them!

And thinking about it.....our PE teacher was rumoured to be a lesbian and shagging another member of staff. Then we came back from summer hols one year and she and a totally different (male) teacher had got married, which stunned us all as there had never been any rumours about them!

@UCOinaUCG

Kids love this sort of rumour. We had them about loads of members of staff when I was at school. Honestly they just need to be seen sharing a laugh or chat and they will put 2 and 2 together and make 475838.

Absolutely spot on.

Please don;t worry, op. This is common.

I thought two colleagues were husband and wife, they were brother and sister.

The weirdest thing is that he calls you everyday on the way home from work! What's so important that it can't wait until he gets in the door?

He’s got home and I asked what was going on. He said earlier today a student came up to him to say “some people are saying not very nice things about you” and then said “about you having an affair” he didn’t mention a word to me at this point but had been texting me. Usually if it was anything else, even something that could make me worry, he would tell me. Then apparently after school, a guy came in to say “have you heard all the rumours, apparently you two are having an affair”. There’s also another rumour that the woman left her last school for the same reason and I’m not 100% sure if it’s true or not to be honest.

I know kids make up stuff and I remember when we were young we made silly things up from weird conclusions. But something doesn’t sit right with me. I had never ever thought anything of this woman, probably wrongly, because she’s not that attractive (DP has always been shallow). However, I suppose I’m a bit uneasy because she has bought him small generic gifts before but I think she got everyone something to motivate them.

YABU op. There was a rumour at my school that our female PE teacher was a lesbian and used to get off on watching the girls shower. I would have sworn at school that it was true. But none had any proof and I'm pretty sure she was married to a man.

She was actually nice aswell 😂🙈 think it was purely down to the fact she liked sport

It doesn't matter about her, it matters about him. Do you trust him or don't you?

FWIW the rumour will be about someone else next week, it's always someone's turn.

We started a rumour that our short beardy physics teacher was dating the short bespectacled school librarian. In teen world it seemed logical that they would.

To be fair we were hoping to jump start his love life.

@daffodilcity

He’s got home and I asked what was going on. He said earlier today a student came up to him to say “some people are saying not very nice things about you” and then said “about you having an affair” he didn’t mention a word to me at this point but had been texting me. Usually if it was anything else, even something that could make me worry, he would tell me. Then apparently after school, a guy came in to say “have you heard all the rumours, apparently you two are having an affair”. There’s also another rumour that the woman left her last school for the same reason and I’m not 100% sure if it’s true or not to be honest.

I know kids make up stuff and I remember when we were young we made silly things up from weird conclusions. But something doesn’t sit right with me. I had never ever thought anything of this woman, probably wrongly, because she’s not that attractive (DP has always been shallow). However, I suppose I’m a bit uneasy because she has bought him small generic gifts before but I think she got everyone something to motivate them.

The insinuation being that you are attractive?! A lot of pressure to tell you everything. Do you work? Do you have children?

I think it's weird he told you knowing you get very anxious.

Rumours like that were the norm at my school.

In fact they did end up getting married which is probably not what you want to hear.

At school, we were always saying that Mr so and so was having an affair with Mrs so and so. It's just daft kid rumours.

Is he youngish or attractive? I went to an all girls school and the majority of the teachers were nuns so when a 25 year old male teacher started in the school he was the subject of gossip and crushes even though he wasn't particularly good looking. And there were rumours he was dating another teacher, who he probably wasn't. There were loads of lesbian rumours too about certain teachers and students, all likely bollocks.

My 13 year old tells me all sorts of rumours about teachers at her school and without exception it all sounds bollocks. And exactly what me and everyone else gossiped about when I was at school.

I find it weird that your partner would tell you about it on the way home though. Mentioning it in passing I get but phoning to tell you about it seems off. How’s your relationship generally?

Every young teacher in our school was having an affair according to the students.
I'm sure some did but mostly it was our imagination.

When I taught in a secondary the pupils thought I was having a fling with the PE teacher (I was, we were both single tho and he was very fit like a Mr Motivator hehe)

It's probably innocent Op. did he mention it in a 'haha guess what happened today' kind of way or more serious?

Has he given you any reason to think that he is having an affair? And if he was do you honestly think he would tell you about this rumour, knowing what it would make you think?

I suspect the biggest problem here is your paranoid jealousy. That is far more likely to damage your relationship than any rumours, because I'll be honest, I couldnt live with someone like that. My first husband was like that and it played a huge part in our divorce because he was convinced that anyone I spoke to I must be having an affair with, up to and including my female best friend.

You need to calm down. Please don’t let your obsessions ruin your marriage.
You do realise that being paranoid about knowing every little thing that goes on in your husband’s life is unhealthy and needs to stop. You need to seek professional help.

agree with PP that the strange thing is him telling you- as a teacher there are always rumours amongst the kids- it's often the teachers that are new / struggling that hear them as they put up with a lot of 'banter' in the lessons that us long term old grumpy bastards won't put up with- is he struggling with the class?

In our school we didn’t have many male teachers and the boys imagines they were all lusting after the female teachers. Teenage hormones.

A female teacher once walked past the window of our ongoing class and the male teacher glanced toward her momentarily - probably just in response to swing movement - but the whole room burst into laughter and the poor man went bright red and had weeks of lads writing their names on the board before his classes and drawing hearts around them and generally taking the piss. Teacher was single and not very attractive, poor guy. As far as I recall she was happily married and the only place they had a relationship was in the overactive imaginations of the teenage boys (who all fancied her).

Though we did come back in September to find that a widowed teacher in his 50s and a young female teacher in her 20s had both resigned and moved abroad together - quite the scandal as nobody saw that coming.......!