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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH has told me of a rumour...

276 replies

daffodilcity · 25/03/2021 15:12

DH is a teacher and just called on his way home to say there's a rumour in the year 10 and 11 class that he's an item with a female teacher in his department (he's the only male in his department).

Now, I have OCD and get very anxious about this kind of thing. He's been at the school less than a year, but I still think it's weird. Especially as he says people know about me. I also have a video that went somewhat viral and so the kids at school have mentioned seeing me on that (nothing weird or bad). So it feels odd.

Is this just typical jokey kid rumours or is there something more to this?

OP posts:
Cripesalive · 25/03/2021 16:08

Apologies OP, I get a bit sensitive about it because of how frequently people misuse it. Didn’t mean to derail.

Eastie77 · 25/03/2021 16:09

Why would he have told you if the rumour was trueConfused

I'm curious about the 'important things' you expect him to tell you about his daily working life. If you are generally anxious it might not be a good ideal as an innocent comment, or in this case a silly childish rumour, can send you into a tailspin.

Emeraldshamrock · 25/03/2021 16:10

^which I have seen from her WhatsApp pic. Doesn’t bother me though.^
OP this is really strange your insecurities are so deep you cannot see the level of abuse it is causing.
It is reminding of a relationship where they check underwear for evidence.
Get help.

How have you seen her whatsapp picture?

crochetmonkey74 · 25/03/2021 16:10

Affair rumours at each school he is at
Commenting on colleague's appearances (good and bad)

He sounds a bit immature

Barcodes · 25/03/2021 16:11

@daffodilcity
I think its a bit unfair to expect him to text you when he first heard it, when he has already called and spoke to you face to face

The stuff about the ladies previous school sounds exactly like something kids would make up about a new teacher. I think you Dp's assesement that its a rumour about a new teacher and he happens to be the only man makes sense

ScottChegg · 25/03/2021 16:11

@FireflyRainbow

YABU op. There was a rumour at my school that our female PE teacher was a lesbian and used to get off on watching the girls shower. I would have sworn at school that it was true. But none had any proof and I'm pretty sure she was married to a man.
Exactly the same rumour went round my school too. Our P.E. teacher wasn't married, or I might think you were one of my fellow pupils!
crochetmonkey74 · 25/03/2021 16:11

sorry rumours at each school, not affair rumours-

BriarsHollow · 25/03/2021 16:12

This poor woman. Deemed non-threatening before the partner hates her teeth and 26-year-old OP doesn’t think shes attractive. Confused

Meanwhile she’s giving gifts to her colleagues to motivate them and is the subject of a weird school rumour. Sad

aLilNonnyMouse · 25/03/2021 16:12

Kids make stuff up, and either school kid rumours are incredibly generic, or I went to school with half the PPs Grin

steff13 · 25/03/2021 16:15

You say that you want to know everything, but then complain about him texting you about stupid stuff. It sounds like he can't win.

Hollywhiskey · 25/03/2021 16:16

Totally normal. When I was a secondary teacher there were any number of rumours about me and various male teachers, mostly fuelled by the fact the school was split site and I had been seen car sharing with my colleagues. There were of course affairs among the staff but the vast majority of the time the kids were wrong. It's probably much worse this year because there's so little else happening.

Vodkabulary · 25/03/2021 16:17

We had a couple of these rumours at school. A couple turned out to be true. Our poor English teaches husband was shagging one of the pe teachers. He ended up leaving after it was exposed.

At a level my history teachers were getting it on. We used to see them in the pub together. They picked that pub because it was out of the way and not a teacher pub not realising most of the 6th form (and gcse) kids drank there. Tas awkward. They’re married now

crochetmonkey74 · 25/03/2021 16:17

@BriarsHollow

This poor woman. Deemed non-threatening before the partner hates her teeth and 26-year-old OP doesn’t think shes attractive. Confused

Meanwhile she’s giving gifts to her colleagues to motivate them and is the subject of a weird school rumour. Sad

AGREED
Magnificentmug12 · 25/03/2021 16:17

Your relationship sounds a bit doomed, your already expecting him to do what your ex did.

You do need to get a grip, for yourself, so you can have a better life.

Your partner doesn’t sound very nice slating colleagues!!

Original poster
daffodilcity · 25/03/2021 16:18

@Emeraldshamrock from a WhatsApp group, he showed me. Not in a weird way, but in a “so this is X, this is Y” when he started. I’ve also seen the male teachers (not his department tho as I mentioned). He’s done the same with every school but I usually have met the colleagues at some point at the pub.

Also he’s seen all my friends / colleagues. It’s a name to face thing.

Important things: if someone says you are having an affair, if you have underperformed and could get fired, if you have spent a large chunk of money on the joint account. Things I’d consider normal to know. I’d find it odd to hear in 6 months time at a social event “do you remember that rumour about you and Alice?”

OP posts:
Original poster
daffodilcity · 25/03/2021 16:20

@BriarsHollow I can’t comment on her looks, because I’ve not ever seen her. DP mentioned it in passing once because of his teeth (he has an issue with them). He wasn’t reassuring me. I don’t think looks are actually relevant to an affair. The colleague my ex cheated on me with was non threatening. It is irrelevant.

OP posts:
BigFatLiar · 25/03/2021 16:20

[quote daffodilcity]@Barcodes yes it’s her dog[/quote]
What dog?

Just curious, there was a woman at OH's work who was nice enough but OH loved her dog, used to go take it walks. Since it died we don't seem to see her much or hear from her. (We're not getting a dog)

Musmerian · 25/03/2021 16:20

I’m a teacher and when I was younger some kids saw me in a car with a fellow teacher and immediately assumed we were an item. Think nothing of it - students love a rumour.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/03/2021 16:22

I think this is just standard and normal stuff with raging hormones. Did you say your dh was the only male?

I was most surprised when my PE teacher got married. Just presumed she was a lesbian.

Wildern · 25/03/2021 16:22

@BriarsHollow

This poor woman. Deemed non-threatening before the partner hates her teeth and 26-year-old OP doesn’t think shes attractive. Confused

Meanwhile she’s giving gifts to her colleagues to motivate them and is the subject of a weird school rumour. Sad

Yes, exactly!

OP, I think you need to deal with your responses to this using whatever tools your therapy has given you. As others have said, it's completely standard for any passably young male teacher -- I was at a convent, and we even had nuns shagging the curate (fictionally, though he turned out to have had a partner and children across town all along anyway, and eventually left the priesthood and became a social worker), and in my first job, I was rumoured to be having an affair with a colleague on the unshakable grounds that we were regularly seen eating breakfast together in a café (because we both commuted long distances into central London, and it was easier to get in early to avoid the traffic.)

For the purposes of comparison, I've just checked with DH whether I ever told him I was supposed to be having an affair with my colleague, and he said no and finds it hilarious. So it must not have even occurred to me to say it at the time.

m0therofdragons · 25/03/2021 16:23

Ime teachers are dreadful for gossip in the staff room. I worked in a secondary and apparently the rumour was I was having an affair with the head. We had meetings together with other head teachers in a town 40 minutes away so would car share and chat (usually about family etc) so got to know each other so I guess we were friendly. I wasn’t a teacher and was a consultant for a piece of work he was involved in. It’s lonely at the top so he confided in me but never inappropriately. He was a decent guy and spoke fondly about his wife and dc. To others on the outside we were over familiar.

Honestly, people love drama. Just laugh and say “luckily you wouldn’t be stupid enough to do anything like that” and move on.

Original poster
daffodilcity · 25/03/2021 16:25

@BigFatLiar ha I think it’s a lab Grin it’s very cute.

OP posts:
Teardrop2021 · 25/03/2021 16:26

Sorry op but sitting looking at each other colleagues photos is beyond weird.my dh doesn't know what my work colleagues look like a vice versa.

StephenBelafonte · 25/03/2021 16:28

Is this just typical jokey kid rumours or is there something more to this?

I don't think it's possible for mumsnetter to answer this unfortuntely. Probably the only two people who can answer that are your dh and the other teacher. Have you asked both of them?

Original poster
daffodilcity · 25/03/2021 16:29

Thanks for the responses. Before I posted, I had never EVER though DP to have an affair with a colleague. I didn’t suspect him of anything but if I got a message, let’s say, from a woman telling me he was, I’d be a bit suspicious and want to know more, I wouldn’t think “I trust my DP blindly and this just won’t be true”.

However, when I heard the rumour from him, it triggered the insecurity from my past. That’s when I didn’t know if I was just being anxious and obsessing or if there’s more to it. That’s why I posted.

Now I’m not really sure, some think total nonsense but others say they’ve seen this happen.

OP posts: