DH has told me of a rumour...

[daffodilcity]

DH is a teacher and just called on his way home to say there's a rumour in the year 10 and 11 class that he's an item with a female teacher in his department (he's the only male in his department).

Now, I have OCD and get very anxious about this kind of thing. He's been at the school less than a year, but I still think it's weird. Especially as he says people know about me. I also have a video that went somewhat viral and so the kids at school have mentioned seeing me on that (nothing weird or bad). So it feels odd.

Is this just typical jokey kid rumours or is there something more to this?

Another one about the pe being a lesbian rumours were arife in school. Bit unpleasant to describe the other teacher as being unattractive though, could have said hes not his usual time.

Given your husband knows how anxious you are, I don't understand why he would have told you this if it is actually just a ridiculous rumour. Why upset you like this?

I do tend to have the line that I want to know everything and not telling me would be secretive. So perhaps a lose lose for him.
This is wrong. He was probably terrified you'd hear the rumour, it sounds like he is walking on eggshells with you.

Hang on, who is the 'guy' who came in?
Is it a teacher? If yes, why is a teacher spreading kids gossip?
Something smells off about this to me OP- the very least is that he is working in an overdramtic and unprofessional school/ department

OP does he really have to tell you every pretty much as it happens? Because OCD or not I'd call that very controlling

If a scandal has followed the teacher from another school and the students have got wind of it they will immediately select which of the male teachers is the most eligible (ie sexiest) so they can gossip about how she’s such a trollop and will be after him next. Just kids being kids.

When I was in high school I remember the rumor that the reason teachers took so long to answer the staff room door was because they were all having sex in there and needed time to put their clothes back on (rather than they were trying to enjoy a peaceful cup of tea and hoped we would go away). Sounds like the sort of rumor that went around school but would have no basis in truth at all.

I was once the subject of a similar rumour. I told my DH, because I thought it would be worse to hear it from somebody else if/when the rumour had got completely out of hand. It is not a sign of guilt that he has told you imo.

He calls me every day on his way home and tells me what's happened. I do tend to have the line that I want to know everything and not telling me would be secretive. So perhaps a lose lose for him.

So he's done the totally normal thing, which is to tell you what happened today. Even if I wasn't expected to give a full run-down of my day I'd have told my partner about it anyway, probably in a "You'll never guess what happened to me today, it's bloody hilarious!" way.

And you expect your partner to tell you everything (which sounds a bit exhausting for him to have to make sure he's given you all the information you want), so he did as you ask. Either way you're convincing yourself something is "odd".

Only you know your OP and whether there is genuinely likely to be something to this but maybe some help for the anxiety might be a good idea. Not least for your partner who appears to have to give you a full synopsis as a way for you to cope, which really isn't fair.

@Esspee I don’t ask to know everything (only things I might find important). DP talks about school incessantly, wherever he has worked I could name most of his students, what his timetable was, all the staff drama etc. He talks a lot. Everyday he calls me on his way home to moan about whatever has annoyed him. Usually his computer not working. Today it was that his CPD was long and he gave his laptop to IT to fix and the affair rumour.

I’m not paranoid or jealous normally. I have OCD in general, and get anxious easily about anything. However I am especially triggered by this sort of thing as it’s what happened in my prior relationship. (Ex cheated with our work colleague, everyone knew, rumours etc. Sprinkled with EA).

I am 26, he’s a few years older but relatively young I guess and attractive to kids in school (I remember in school thinking any young male was attractive regardless). He teaches at a co-ed- it is just random that the department is now all female and him. It is usually a male dominated subject.

Oh this sort have thing always happens in schools. We had the only male teacher in the school ( well you couldn’t expect a woman to teach a hard subject like physics) shacked up to half the teaching staff. We missed the signs though, and no one spotted the real romance with him and the domestic science teacher. Newly married teachers had their stomachs scrutinised for baby bumps, the art teacher had us in a tizz with lovebites ( not from Mr Physics luckily). Our own teen hormones were in a spin and we naturally assumed that everyone else’s were too!

I wouldn't find it weird that there is a rumour.
But the fact that hes told you there is a rumour is a bit fishy like hes trying to cover his back in case anyone says anything to you.
Unless due to your anxiety he is commonly having to reassure you I would think it is out of the ordinary that he told you.

We used to make up rumours about all our teachers. We used to call it 'wife swapping at XXXX school.' We thought we were really funny, not realising we obviously weren't.

You either believe your husband or you don't. Nothing OCD about that
If he doesn't have form for being unfaithful, then I'd be more than inclined to give him the benefit of the doubt!

I also have a video that went somewhat viral and so the kids at school have mentioned seeing me on that (nothing weird or bad). So it feels odd.
What if one of the DC left a comment on your viral video.
How do the students know who his wife is? Even if you have a viral video, did he say "hey that's my wife online"

There was a rumour like this at my school about two geography teachers after a field trip abroad, we were even bollocked in tutorial for talking about it. Month or so later she was off sick (then left without coming back) and he came in looking dishevelled and knackered, my friend pointed out it was her car he was now driving, not his usual battered estate, a year or so later they got married. He had a wife and kids, not sure about her.
However in your case it's more likely he's terrified of your zero tolerance policy and is now thinking all hell is going to break loose because some teenagers saw him laughing with a colleague

Unless due to your anxiety he is commonly having to reassure you
That's how it is written for me.

@Teardrop2021 to be fair, I’ve never met her, DP has said so because he hates her teeth and is someone who feels the need to tell me. Makes me a bit suspicious.

He also told me the teacher in his department who is attractive, which I have seen from her WhatsApp pic. Doesn’t bother me though.

@crochetmonkey74

Hang on, who is the 'guy' who came in? Is it a teacher? If yes, why is a teacher spreading kids gossip? Something smells off about this to me OP- the very least is that he is working in an overdramtic and unprofessional school/ department

I would imagine if its a fellow teacher that they might over hear kids talking about it and let the subject know! i know DM who was a teacher had had collegues tell her the latest "goss" from the children sometimes just to laugh at the absurdity of what was going around, and sometimes to deliberately address it. For example there was a rumour about school closing for a really silly reason , so they laughed about itthen later reilleterated the school closure policy.

Its helpful to know as you can then either decide to tackle it head on, or at other times to limit what (normal things) you do that might fan the flames of a rumour

Sorry I do want to add that I don’t want him calling me. He usually interrupts my work with it. He always calls when he’s in the car as he feels the need to talk. Could be from school, or from tutoring or from a friends house. He always calls. It’s annoying. I usually say “I’ll speak when you’re home” as it’s just school chat.

We used to say this about a male and female teacher at our school. Everyone came to the conclusion it was true and that the teachers were an item based in the fact that they were both maths teachers and both the most strictest in the school. And that’s it.

He has probably told you so you are aware, but I would not think of anything into it at all!

It sounds like because of your past history with your ex your tarring him with the same brush which is unfair, hes followed his usual routine ringing up and being honest because he likely award of your ocd and if you found out how you might react. I'm also wondering what video did you post that went viral.

[quote daffodilcity]@Teardrop2021 to be fair, I’ve never met her, DP has said so because he hates her teeth and is someone who feels the need to tell me. Makes me a bit suspicious.

He also told me the teacher in his department who is attractive, which I have seen from her WhatsApp pic. Doesn’t bother me though.[/quote]
‘Hates her teeth’😮 I’m assuming he’s absolutely gorgeous!! You’re not coming across very well either of you, discussing a work colleague and how unattractive she is!

DP talks about school incessantly, wherever he has worked I could name most of his students, what his timetable was, all the staff drama etc.
Should he be sharing this information with a partner around students?
but relatively young I guess and attractive to kids in school

I think you think something doesn’t sit right just because it’s in your head.

I definitely think he’s in a lose, lose situation.