DH has told me of a rumour...

[daffodilcity]

DH is a teacher and just called on his way home to say there's a rumour in the year 10 and 11 class that he's an item with a female teacher in his department (he's the only male in his department).

Now, I have OCD and get very anxious about this kind of thing. He's been at the school less than a year, but I still think it's weird. Especially as he says people know about me. I also have a video that went somewhat viral and so the kids at school have mentioned seeing me on that (nothing weird or bad). So it feels odd.

Is this just typical jokey kid rumours or is there something more to this?

Do you actually have a real OCD diagnosis as don’t seem to have a good understanding of what the actual illness is. Apologies if so, but those of us who’s lives/loved ones have been impacted by it get pretty fed up of people self diagnosing or misunderstanding the condition.

It doesn't like sound like a lovely caring relationship to be honest.

And apologies for typos etc did not review that!

I'm really torn here- the rumour is one thing but there seems to be a lot of boundaries being crossed/ ignored- how do the students know about you? He's only been there a year and the students know about his wife?
The guy who talked about the rumours, the rumours of the woman doing the same in their other school?
Given that because of Covid, we are discouraged from mixing in staffrooms at break etc when is all this happening?? I'm barely seeing any of my colleagues for longer than 2 minutes as we all have extra duties, staggered starts, testing to do etc
Something about this seems off to me

@Esspee

You need to calm down. Please don’t let your obsessions ruin your marriage. You do realise that being paranoid about knowing every little thing that goes on in your husband’s life is unhealthy and needs to stop. You need to seek professional help.

This. Your behaviour is controlling and you need to seek help instead of making your DH report to you.

If the sexes were reversed, someone would have posted links to domestic violence helplines by now.

The “guy” that told them is a teacher. Stopped by the department office to say. Apparently they all laughed about it and him and the woman are planning to have a break up for fun. I don’t understand why you’d add fuel to the fire.

I don’t know if that’s normal or not but I can imagine a teacher doing it.

DP said the woman responded saying “why Mr Daffodil, I don’t even speak to him much” but his conclusion is that the rumour is about her and as the only male, they’ve picked him as the affair partner.

There was a rumour at our school that Mr Smith was banging Mrs Jones (fake names) because they were seen together all the time. They even had a "secret" love child that his wife didn't know about.

I am pretty sure his wife did know because they were actually married but she used her maiden name professionally. I only knew because she used to be friends with one of my brothers.

The teacher couple moved to the same street as one of his class and that kid let the cat out of the bag.

Then the kids started saying he was having an affair with Miss Davis, a newly qualified teacher who had just arrived at the school. All because they were seen occasionally chatting over a mug of tea when they were on playground duty together. She was one of the most beautiful young women I have ever seen and way out of his league, not a chance. Not to mention he was devoted to his wife, worshipped the ground she walked on.

I stayed out of it, didn't want to lose my brother a good friend by getting caught giving out private information.

Kids like to talk but usually know nothing.

Maybe your DH didn't want you upset so just gave you the heads up in case one of the little darlings slapped the accusation up on social media because they've been sent to spread rumours that way before. It's obviously common these days for rumours to explode because of the enjoyment some kids seem to find in causing drama online.

Unless you have had previous suspicions, I wouldn't read too much into it. Try not to worry.

I’ve never met her, DP has said so because he hates her teeth and is someone who feels the need to tell me.
He sounds like a catch judging a colleague on her appearance and using faults to reassure you.

@daffodilcity

He’s got home and I asked what was going on. He said earlier today a student came up to him to say “some people are saying not very nice things about you” and then said “about you having an affair” he didn’t mention a word to me at this point but had been texting me. Usually if it was anything else, even something that could make me worry, he would tell me. Then apparently after school, a guy came in to say “have you heard all the rumours, apparently you two are having an affair”. There’s also another rumour that the woman left her last school for the same reason and I’m not 100% sure if it’s true or not to be honest.

I know kids make up stuff and I remember when we were young we made silly things up from weird conclusions. But something doesn’t sit right with me. I had never ever thought anything of this woman, probably wrongly, because she’s not that attractive (DP has always been shallow). However, I suppose I’m a bit uneasy because she has bought him small generic gifts before but I think she got everyone something to motivate them.

he didn’t mention a word to me at this point but had been texting me.

Does this mean that he didnt mention it to you via text at the time? Is that something you would expect?
I think if he has told you via phone and told you face to face then that already seems like a lot, let alone if you would have expected him to text you immediately after

There’s also another rumour that the woman left her last school for the same reason and I’m not 100% sure if it’s true or not to be honest.

Does that mean that you think he had an affair before? with the previous lady?

@Aquamarine1029

Given your husband knows how anxious you are, I don't understand why he would have told you this if it is actually just a ridiculous rumour. Why upset you like this?

Because the OP makes him report everything to her. So he can't win.

He hates her teeth 😬

@UhtredRagnarson

I don’t find it strange that there’s a rumour like this. Kids always talk like this. It’s a bit of silly excitement for them.

I do find it strange he called you on his way home to tell you. As if it’s urgent he gets to you before someone else does.

What a ridiculous comment! Had she heard of this nonsense from another source and he hadn't told her he would also be in the wrong. Poor chap can't win it seems.

We had two teachers who eventually got married after having had an extramarital affair for years - no one suspected (I heard it later from my mum who was a teacher too).
Also two PE teachers whose spouses got together and left them both, which was common knowledge so everyone thought they should get together but they couldn't be doing with each other :o
And two female french teachers who always arrived together and it was said lived together as a lesbian couple.
AND a female teacher who had an affair with a 6th form boy. It came out and was a massive scandal and they both left.

But yes OP it does sound to me as if he tells you because he's worried you'd panic if you heard from someone else.

I think you’re way, way over thinking it. All kinds of crazy rumours at my secondary school, none of them true to the best of my knowledge.

@Cripesalive yes, I have “pure O”, I obsessively check things to reassure myself. It usually manifests itself in my work, emails, thinking I’ve done something I haven’t, thinking I’ve offended someone, not locking the door, my dog dying or my parents dying. I have gone to therapy which was super helpful. My therapist told me that I can only “check” things that have a factual basis. But this is not anything to check or something I’ve experienced before.

[quote daffodilcity]@Teardrop2021 to be fair, I’ve never met her, DP has said so because he hates her teeth and is someone who feels the need to tell me. Makes me a bit suspicious.

He also told me the teacher in his department who is attractive, which I have seen from her WhatsApp pic. Doesn’t bother me though.[/quote]
How have you seen her whatsapp picture?

I'm a teacher, I have been linked with several teachers in my school according to students. It's standard

There is no way I would have ever heard the rumour from anyone else. No one I know has children, we don’t live in the same town and I’ve no connection to the area.

Given you have been burned in the past it’s understandable your a little paranoid. I think you may be reading too much into it. You need to trust him if you want your relationship to work. If he’s being honest with you, like you want him to be then you need to leave it at he is telling everything.

All high schools have this rubbish. Have you asked him if the female teacher is ok, as this could also be effecting her and her relationship too.

@Barcodes yes it’s her dog

Our school we were all given a chat about our behaviour as one teacher was so hounded by people telling him he was dating another one that retrospectively it was clearly affecting his MH. Everyone was divorced or single but I don’t think a wife would have stopped the rumour mill! There’s nothing more horrid than a crowd except a crowd of teenagers. We were out to do anything other than learn.

Also it didn’t help that there were 2 sets of married teachers, one of which didn’t arrive at the school married so we were primed to look for romance!

When I went to school my friend and I walked home together every day. One day we noticed a woman who seemed to be watching us. It happened a few times. We thought it was a bit weird. It turned out to be our Form Tutors wife who had heard tumours he was having affair with my friend. It was totally untrue and eventually a girl hot into trouble for gossiping about and starting this tumour. My friend was very upset and got embarrassed when our Form tutor spoke to her and apologized for his wife watching us. He said his wife got anxious and we later found out he had an affair a few years earlier but not with anyone from school. Your DH probably told you about rumour just in case you heard it from anyone else as he knows you get anxious. What is he doing about this rumour? Can he find out who started it.

@daffodilcity

When you said you werent a 100% sure about the previous teacher, does that mean you think he was cheating then?

He also told me the teacher in his department who is attractive, which I have seen from her WhatsApp pic. Doesn’t bother me though

Thats creepy why are you looking at his colleagues picture. Next you'll admitt to looking through his friends list.

@Barcodes no, he didn’t work at the previous school. The rumour seems to be about the woman only. she is a serial “man eater” and it’s why she had to leave her last job, now she’s with DP apparently. This is all second hand though.

Yes if it was a random passing comment I’d expect him to text about it. He text about so much other pointless shit I don’t understand why he wouldn’t this time. When rumours (albeit not affair ones) came up before at another school he text me straight away because he was annoyed by it.