DH has told me of a rumour...

[daffodilcity]

DH is a teacher and just called on his way home to say there's a rumour in the year 10 and 11 class that he's an item with a female teacher in his department (he's the only male in his department).

Now, I have OCD and get very anxious about this kind of thing. He's been at the school less than a year, but I still think it's weird. Especially as he says people know about me. I also have a video that went somewhat viral and so the kids at school have mentioned seeing me on that (nothing weird or bad). So it feels odd.

Is this just typical jokey kid rumours or is there something more to this?

My ex husband did have an affair with a fellow teacher.
When a parent phoned I told her that DH was with the named teacher.
Parent was agog.
I said please spread it to as many people as possible..
The mum said she would.

Affairs do happen among teaches as with any other profession.

But kids love to speculate too
Miss D Is having sex with mr L &c

The bit that stands out for me is how shallow you and your partner sound by judging his colleagues based on looks.

Also you mentioned thinking his students would be interested in him because he's "young" yet he is a few years older than 26yo you.

Someone older than 26 is not "young" to a teenager. Anyone over 21 is ancient.

And the hates teeth comment and the WhatsApp comment are very revealing.

Affairs aside, you both sound deeply misogynistic.

Sounds like a sort of mentionistis.

Logically kids put the hot teacher with the other hot teacher, not the plain one.

Rumours always go around school about teachers. I really wouldn’t worry.
If your husband was having an affair with a colleague, I very much doubt the students would know. Huge hug! X

I was a secondary school teacher for a while. According to the kids I was in a relationship with a maths teacher. We shared lifts occasionally and so it was obvious really.

He was gay and I was about three years into my now 20yr relationship. Of course my (now) husband knew about it because it was funny. The pinnicle was when we went swimming between school and a parents evening. Just as we were getting out a large group of year 8s (including about half my form group) arrived. Someone spotted him and they proceeded to come in turn and peer round the shower area. "Hello sir" Pause. Widen eyes. "Hell-lo miss!"
What a jackpot for them. The thrill of seeing a maths teacher in a swimming pool alone would have made their night, but to then discover he was with another teacher!

I can't say for certain you're fine because some people do have affairs. But I can tell you for certain that kids rumours mean nothing. Don't waste a moment's thought on them.

We had one (rather old) male teacher at my primary school. Of course to us everyone must have been in love with him. Based on nothing.

Some people on here are being a bit unkind to OP when they don't know them/their relationship.

I think it all sounds normal OP. Maybe put yourself in his shoes and think about how you would have responded/acted if it was you. Probably similarly - it probably was hard for him to know if or how he should tell you.

Kids make up all sorts, at my secondary school there was a rumour that one of the maths teachers was a reformed drug dealer (he had been a pharmacist, so technically true). Two teachers were once spotted together in KFC so they were clearly having an affair.

The rumour seems to be about the woman only. she is a serial “man eater” and it’s why she had to leave her last job or maybe she's a good teacher and got a promotion or wanted a new challenge?
You sound like you're still in school OP.

We had a school rumour that two male teachers with the same surname (think Mr Smith) were married to each other. Except this was the 90s and gay marriage wasn't legal. And that we lived next door to one of them, and his wife and kids.

Kids always do this, my DD is in year 5 and absolutely convinced her teacher is dating the year 6 teacher. We did it at school with two of the PE teachers because they always went for lunch together.

You’re being melodramatic, he’s told you about the rumour so stands to reason he has nothing to hide.

I work at a school and kids have tried to place me and a male colleague together despite the fact I am old enough just about to be his mum!

The colleague my ex cheated on me with was non threatening

seriously?

Sounds like he’s telling about it because he knows you are paranoid, and is worried how you’d react if you heard the rumour from elsewhere.

He’s damned if he does tell you and damned if he doesn’t.

As a previous poster said, you both sound shallow, and obsessed with how other people look Sounds like you deserve each other. I think you need to try harder to address this in therapy perhaps.

Usually I would be all over this, but I m a high school teacher and there are always rumors that me and one of my best friends (gay male) are an item. We are friends, but he openly gay. I think they like to imagine stuff

There are lots of rumours about teachers but also there are lots of relationships and affairs.

I bet if he did text it to you, you would be worrying more. I bet he was trying to reassure that it’s insignificant so put it in the insignificant chat home.

You, of course, will deny that you would have been more worried or even worried at all if he had texted you about it (the way you prefer and immediately).

I think you really need to get a grasp of the way your relationships is, and how it got there.

You also need to have a look at yourself on how you view other women.

When I was at school we were heavily invested in the teachers romantic relationships that we were convinced were true. We had one poor teacher called Mr Smith who we were convinced was having it away with Miss North. We once asked what his plans for the weekend were and he said he was going ‘up North’ which was the best thing we’d ever heard. We were all amazed when it turned out they both had families all along.

It’s odd for your Dh to mention it before he even gets home though, unless he normally calls you to let you know about his day before coming home?

I’d be more concerned about him calling me on the way home and boring the tits off me when I was trying to work!

Not least because it’s from the car - presumably not a car share and he’s driving? Do a bit of Googling on the distraction danger even when using a hands free. My company has a rule that we’re not even allowed to use hands free, as the evidence of increased accidents is there. If someone does, we are told we are equally responsible as the recipient to end the call if we realise.

He does sound irritatingly shallow.

I'm just stunned that a teacher is on their way home at 3.12!

[quote daffodilcity]@Cripesalive yes, I have “pure O”, I obsessively check things to reassure myself. It usually manifests itself in my work, emails, thinking I’ve done something I haven’t, thinking I’ve offended someone, not locking the door, my dog dying or my parents dying. I have gone to therapy which was super helpful. My therapist told me that I can only “check” things that have a factual basis. But this is not anything to check or something I’ve experienced before.[/quote]
I can sympathise with this, I have the same and have to constantly check emails before and after I’ve sent them in case the go to the wrong place or I’ve accidentally added ‘fuck you’ or something, it sounds funny but it’s so tiring isn’t it.

DP mentioned it in passing once because of his teeth (he has an issue with them)

WTF? That's weird.
And he's shallow.
What the absolute fuck have her teeth got to do with him?

But some random rumour does not mean he is having an affair. Kids make up shit all the time.
I made up a rumour when I was 12 about this girl in my class snogging the history teacher in the locker room. That went all over school.
Said history teacher was one of only two male in the school (it was an all girls' independent school). When we were in sixth form, the same male teacher was allegedly having an affair with some other teacher. A couple of years after leaving school, I met some girls who were still at the school and they said he'd been having an affair with a sixth former and they shagged in a computer cupboard.
All of it complete and utter bullshit.

Any of the single female teachers were assumed to be lesbians and there was a different rumour each term about different couplings until every possibility had been played out in our over active imaginations.

You should simply ignore this rumour but your DH needs to stop being a prick about other people's appearances.

@Potterythrowdown oh god I don’t think she’s this person hence the quote marks! Thats the rumour. She seemed perfectly normal and I didn’t think much about her as she rarely came up.

There were rumours at our school, two of the female teachers were lesbians allegedly, one male pe teacher was not to be left alone with girls (also allegedly!) and had had an affair with a former 6th former.

Apparently, a history teacher with a mullet, a perma present leather jacket and a habit of throwing board rubbers at heads for fun also was allegedly not to be left along with young girls too.

All rubbish or they wouldn't have been in the job they were in.

A sad one for our school was that one of the female PE teachers sadly committed suicide and was only found when she didn't go into work. It has never been found out why and even now - roughly 15 years on - her gutted parents post memoriams in the local paper to remember her with added comments along the lines of 'so many questions left unanswered'. We had left a good 10 years before it happened but I genuinely hope those rumours had stopped and they weren't continuing/hadn't gotten to her.

@FireflyRainbow

YABU op. There was a rumour at my school that our female PE teacher was a lesbian and used to get off on watching the girls shower. I would have sworn at school that it was true. But none had any proof and I'm pretty sure she was married to a man.

Just because she was married to a man doesnt mean she wasn't a lesbian. Oscar Wilde was married

I never really thought of him being shallow but it does sound right. I do think I’d be more anxious if the person was Emily Ratajowski or something, but I always thought that was normal.

The reason he’s commented about her looks is the only time I’ll defend him. He is obsessed with teeth, think it’s what is most important from a looks perspective and attraction. He recently was in a car accident and his front tooth was knocked out so now it has a bruise thing on it. So does hers. He says he’s now ugly (so is getting it fixed) and Alice has the same issue. Probably still not the right or nice thing.

I actually know he speaks to a different female teacher ALL THE TIME. As in, she comes up in every conversation about school. But she’s double his age so I assume that’s why there’s no rumour there. Or perhaps the rumour is about Alice and DP is therefore the dragged into it person.

I know kids make things up but then I think “no smoke without fire”. I didn’t do this at school and can’t think of any rumours. Maybe I was just not paying attention.