My husband says “notallmen”

[Lastchancesalonco]

NC for this! My teenage daughter and I were discussing the current outcry regarding violence against women and women living in fear, my husband entered the room, and immediately said it “wasn’t all men” and now men were “scared to do anything” wtf??? Scared to what exactly? Terrorise women? it’s very relevant I feel that my husband is a police sergeant! And although we do live in a very very low crime area so he doesn’t personally deal with many murders etc it’s mostly petty crime I KNOW he deals with domestic situations and has previously been very vocal about protecting people in domestic situations etc. This is very out of character for him, when pressed he said he felt people were “taking it too far” calling for a “6pm curfew” for men, when my daughter, who I’m ashamed to say was more vociferous than me because I was stunned, pointed out she effectively had an unofficial curfew for safety reasons, he seemed flustered like he hadnt thought of that, then he said “men are scared of attack too” and I said “who from? Who from? Not Denise on her way home pissed from her hen night is it? No it’s MEN you are scared of OTHER MEN” anyway he reflected a bit and was apologetic but I’m worried, he never used to be like this? Is he hearing some extremist narrative at work that poor white middle class men are under attack because the system that gives them every advantage is trying to be dismantled? He works with women and even a transsexual officer and has never shown any sign of prejudice or anything but acceptance for them and up till now never said anything concerning but he literally said “not all men” did we say it was??? I dunno it’s made me a bit sick, and I can’t help but wonder how a man who was previously totally on my wavelength about these things has changed to “but what about me”
Especially when we have a teenage daughter who will be going off to uni soon and won’t be in her safe little village! AIBU to take this so seriously or was he just being a giant selfish man baby and truly sees the error of his ways?

Blooboi
I worked in a bar many years ago.
I had quite a few horrible things happen too, the worst by the CID . Apparently it was very funny to gang grope the young woman serving them.

@RootyT00t
Well it's nice to be proven wrong.

What I'm saying is, the analogies don't work

If the odds look alright I'm definitely chancing it with the maltesers. But I do really like maltesers

Could you have misunderstood what he meant?
My DH told me he was scared of causing women alarm just by being there. He said that when he is walking home, he purposely crosses the road to the other side at night if there is a woman walking on the his side of the road, to try to make her feel safer. He has always been like that (ie very considerate).

@Silenceisgolden20

Never said it was a trump card. That's unacceptable saying that as a response. I know you've derailed other threads *@rooty00t*

Yawn. That would be good if it was original.

Once again, it's not about derailing. It's about challenging unacceptable behaviour which is rife on these threads. But weve had this conversation before, on the ONE thread i was accused of derailing.

You used it as a trump card.

I mean, you can pretend whether you genuinely were asking if someone raped him (which I dont know why anyone would ask on a public forum)

but what you meant after a long, very personal, detailed response of the ways in which that man was violated was "ah, but he hasn't raped you".

that is the very definition of a trump card and completely unacceptable.

[quote Ddot]@RootyT00t
Well it's nice to be proven wrong.[/quote]
Sorry youve lost me

Our sex has nothing at all to do with it

Utter bullshit.

For a start, 98% of sexual crime is perpetrated by men.

@Chanjer

What I'm saying is, the analogies don't work

If the odds look alright I'm definitely chancing it with the maltesers. But I do really like maltesers

Same.

But my point is, even if 1 malteser was poisoned (because even this guys can't claim that no women is a problem) would you take the risk?

My main example is Maxine Carr. Without her input (and let's not pretend she was scared of Huntley, which I half accept that Philpott was) he would have been caught far quicker. She's now out.

Do people really not believe that women who lie and give their murdering husbands an alibi (or the many women who allowed Ian Watkins to carry out his crime) are a risk?

I appreciate that there's les of them, and im really not disputing that.

But if you're going to argue that we should be wary of what 7 and a bit out of 10 maltesers, then surely for women we should be wary of 1 or 2, instead of pretending that we should be wary of all men, and no women?

-Teach-your-daughters-to-be-safe-
TEACH YOUR SONS RESPECT

When women leave their house, and the thought crosses their mind about whether what they are wearing might invite 'unwanted attention', when they quicken their pace when walking alone, when they hold their keys sticking out of their knuckles, when they text their friend to say they got home safely, when they make sure they don't drink too much, when they make sure they are on the phone to someone if walking alone at night, when they try and ensure that they stay in a group wherever possible and so on and so on.....

Who are they worried about being targeted by? Women or men?

I don't think Maxine Carr is a great example. He was a fucking master manipulator and had her right where he wanted her

@RootyToot well you don't get to decide what is acceptable or not.
And you don't get to be the judge of how people can respond seeing as you write and argue as you like.

My main example is Maxine Carr. Without her input (and let's not pretend she was scared of Huntley, which I half accept that Philpott was) he would have been caught far quicker. She's now out.

Why don't you think she was scared of Huntley? What do you know about their relationship? He was already an abusive rapist before he was a murderer.

And how many female murderers or sex abusers can you name, where there was absolutely no involvement of a man anywhere along the way?

Oh for Gods sake, of course it isn’t all men. How ridiculous. Let the man have an opinion. Imagine your argument if you applied it to Muslims - they are all potential terrorists. How insulting and awful would that be to 2 billion people but you are prepared to apply sweeping generalisations to 50% of the population. I think it’s a really disrespectful thing that you have done. Imagine if you had a son and your husband sat there slagging off women to him? How would you feel? Defensive perhaps?

@Juliesipadwillcallyouback

Our sex has nothing at all to do with it

Utter bullshit.

For a start, 98% of sexual crime is perpetrated by men.

Is it though? Did you watch footballs dirty secret? The widespread paodophila in football nationwide? Only 1 man admitted he was abused before the age of 40. Even now there are suspected to be thousands of men cannot bring themselves to admit what happened to them as boys.

Me again. A useful debate. What really is worrying is the current reports of blatant sexism and sexual harassment in schools, which suggests a culture in which this behaviour is tolerated. From my experience this would not have been tolerated in the 1960s and 1970s (which isn't to say it didn't go on). Two extraordinary features (to my mind): (a) social media, broadcasting the idiocies of posters, which may subliminally normalise disgraceful behaviour; (b) the apparent docility of schools when this behaviour is drawn to their attention.

When I was a lad, there was absolutely no doubt that if you transgressed as egregiously as some seem to do now, you'd be expelled, instanter. Now, from news reports, it isn't clear that the alleged perpetrators will face any sanction at all - because (it seems) of the desire for the evidence to meet the criminal standard of proof.

If schools were to revert to and implement a zero tolerance policy, with expulsion as almost axiomatic, it would have more impact. Too many parents (which mainly means mothers I regret to say) think their beloved Johnny would 'never do that'.

Johnny can, and sometimes does.

@RootyT00t
I said has anyone met a woman who has not been inappropriate touched and you said yes

@Libraryghost

Oh for Gods sake, of course it isn’t all men. How ridiculous. Let the man have an opinion. Imagine your argument if you applied it to Muslims - they are all potential terrorists. How insulting and awful would that be to 2 billion people but you are prepared to apply sweeping generalisations to 50% of the population. I think it’s a really disrespectful thing that you have done. Imagine if you had a son and your husband sat there slagging off women to him? How would you feel? Defensive perhaps?

Who has said it's all men?

But if you're going to argue that we should be wary of what 7 and a bit out of 10 maltesers, then surely for women we should be wary of 1 or 2, instead of pretending that we should be wary of all men, and no women?

Meh, I worked for years in clubs in Croydon, marauding sexually inappropriate women are no strangers to me, but it never led to a life changing experience. Incidentally I was in a club in Switzerland once when I was about 16 and got literally picked up and carried off by some big bloke and luckily that didn't end in a life changing experience either but only cos my mate was holding onto my leg and wouldn't let go. The bloke was quite clear what he wanted to do with me

In the case of the women in Croydon I never needed rescued

@TheJerkStore the ops husband said it’s not all men and it’s the title of this thread.

Imagine your argument if you applied it to Muslims - they are all potential terrorists.

What has been the sex of every single Muslim perpetrator of a terrorist attack in this country? How about other perpetrators of terrorism, IRA, right wing terrorism, school shooters?

Or do you just not see any pattern at all?

Is it though? Did you watch footballs dirty secret? The widespread paodophila in football nationwide? Only 1 man admitted he was abused before the age of 40. Even now there are suspected to be thousands of men cannot bring themselves to admit what happened to them as boys.

I said 98% of sexual crime is perpetrated by men. Those poor boys who were raped and abused in football clubs, they weren't raped and abused by women were they?

When men brag and trash talk about woman do the other men in the group put them right. I would hope so but probably not. Sorry but I'm rather jaded.

[quote Libraryghost]@TheJerkStore the ops husband said it’s not all men and it’s the title of this thread.[/quote]
But I asked who actually said it was all men?
Nobody has actually said that ......

But there are pages of people explaining why the 'not all men' narrative is less than helpful when trying to address the issue of male violence towards women.

@Juliesipadwillcallyouback point taken. Yes that is true, it was men abusing boys. And to be fair when women on the rare occasion they do abuse kids they often do it to gratify a man. God it’s grim when you think about it..