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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Parents buying a house for me? Should I be more grateful? Why am I so concerned?

583 replies

Iamaperiwinkle · 25/03/2021 01:07

This may be long. I will also change some details so it is not outing.

Over the years parents have offered to help buy a house but wanted to say where it was, know my full finances etc and I declined. I’ve not had a great 20 years financially and nearly lost a house recently due to divorce etc But 20 years have now passed. We have now moved local. Currently renting from a friend who has sold it - so we will need to vacate in 6-10 weeks, possibly 12-16 weeks. . I have some equity from a house sale. I can not afford much of a mortgage due to various reasons. So buying is not an option.

To rent a tiny 3 bed house here is £1500 or even more a month minimum, my salary is not even double that. So we were looking at moving further away again. My parents took me a see a for sale sign house and viewing 2 weeks ago and then revealed they had actually been there twice and had made an offer. The house is amazing 5 mins walk from the children’s schools etc far far better than any rental place we have seen.

Parents suggest a cash purchase. They buy it outright but want all of my savings and then I pay them an income for 10 years or if I can raise a mortgage to pay them off ie I raise a mortgage for £50 K or pay them £500 a month for 100 months - then they gift me the house. It is brought in their sole name. If they die I inherit the house - it’s a gift.

From their side - this is their entire money savings hence wanting my savings and monthly payments - but over 5-10 years they will actually be gifting a huge proportion of money to me. They want me to be liable for all bills, insurance, council tax etc and the savings I gift them 50 K -should I stop paying the £500 a month agreement and they aren’t able to get me out of the house if gives them security . They suggest buying it solely in their names on the deeds but I will give them my £50k savings although they will put it like £400 K into the house. An agreement in place, not the sell the house until youngest is 18. 10 years so a ten year plan . We are not moving from here for many reasons. Including father of my children is local.

They initially said I could put in my £50 K and they would put my name on the deeds but they changed that this evening. I’ve told them I can’t gift them my entire savings - what happens if they don’t gift me the house, or they don’t agree with my lifestyle or whatever - I’ve given it away.

They point out at paying them £500 a month should I want I could reduce the time from 10 years to 5 or even 3. The other way to look at it is renting is £17 000 a year minimum - so I’d lose more than that renting over 5 years. Ie pay x3 the rent with no hope of a percentage ownership.

From my side - I am responsible for all mantainence on the house but it’s not in my name - I said no to this. I’ve invested all my savings. This worries me. Parents want it that if they chose they could sell but would have to give me my money back. But the roof is in good repair as is the boiler and house is it good condition. I can’t move but this would be my forever dream home.

The kids are all settled in local outstanding schools etc and I have no desire to move - they need make that clear we want to live here parents are 70 odd but fit and healthy.

I know with his dad - dads brothers situation where he agreed to buy the son a house and son was going to pay them £1000 - he stopped paying his uncle and tNeither want to screw the other over but we do want to protect ourselves

In 3 years finances will be in a position where I could raise the 50 K mortgage needed at that point I could buy them out and I would aim to do it ASAP just in case they did need care etc so we would have it written it that as soon as I raise the 50 K the house is mine to avoid any issues.

There isn’t much trust not because of them or me. Dads brother bought a house for son and rented it to them to get the money back they stopped paying the rent and this meant dads brother was locked in a legal battle to either evict son or give up the house

The only that they would see first (holiday £100 K a year they have enough other assests to pay for their care if they need it. The 50 k really to ensure I am paying it and committed and giving them an income.

On one occasion they were going to gift me the house. But they are worried about income. On another they were happy for me to put my money in (much smaller % of the total cost) and then put it in joint names. Now it is theirs and I gift them my savings and pay rent but get given the house a few years down the line.

I’m so confused. We want to do them right thing.

OP posts:
StellaDendrite · 25/03/2021 12:56

No update from OP yet...

OP, this might be that your parents want to help you but really don’t want to risk someone else getting their hands on the house, ie if you get married then divorced, It’s a controlling but I can sort of understand. The fact they are happy to do everything legally is promising. I think you could speak with a solicetor and see if it’s feasible. They seem to have thought it through even if you don’t agree with what they are thinking. I can even understand why they want the ‘security’ of your savings. You would benefit.

We have given our DC money towards houses with absolutely no strings attached. I’d be gutted if they lost any of the money to a partner at a later date but I know that once we handed the money over it is no longer any of our business. It better and healthier like that. However, secretly I’d prefer it if they legally ringfenced their money.

Have you had money from them in the past?

Ex0ticM1xture · 25/03/2021 13:00

Moving further away

I don't know where you live

In some parts of UK, you can buy a 3 bed for 50k or less, look on rightmove

If you have 50k, look at property for sale via auction too

50k is actually a big chunk of money

Chloemol · 25/03/2021 13:08

No no no

They can buy it and gift it to you, they can buy it and rent it to you, and as landlords they are responsible for any upkeep any other landlord would be responsible for , they can but it jointly with you and an agreement is drawn up on who gets what if it has to be sold

No way would I hand over my savings and not have my name on an6 property

Shortiemyboo · 25/03/2021 13:11

I wouldn't let anyone control me like that. The fact that they have chosen the house and put an offer inHmm If they want to buy you a house, they do just that, its yours, no strings

Shelby2010 · 25/03/2021 13:22

Why does the house need to be bought outright? A better solution might be for them to give you enough for the deposit so you can afford the mortgage yourself. Get it legally written up what their share is.

Shelby2010 · 25/03/2021 13:25

Either that or they buy the house & let you rent it below market rate so you can save enough to buy your own house. But keep your savings!

WeAllHaveWings · 25/03/2021 13:29

No

firstly because they sound very controlling. then -

What happens if they get into financial difficulties. The house belongs to them and they might need to sell leaving you without a home or savings.

What happens if you fall out.

What happens if a major repair is needed (new roof?)

What happens if you meet someone and want to move out of the area and they dont like the idea.

What happens if one of them needs long term care and the house, in their name, is needed to fund it.

No no no.

If you even consider it speak to a solicitor to tell you all the risks.

starfishmummy · 25/03/2021 13:30

No.

At the very least you need to be on the deeds if you are giving up your savings, paying towards the house and doing the maintenance.

Also whatbif they need to go into care and their assets have to be sold for fees - if you are not named as an owner then you lose everything.

Cowbells · 25/03/2021 13:36

@jessycake

People on this site are obsessed with care home fees , they are trying to do a nice thing for their daughter, get her into a secure home, and want protect themselves if their daughter can't pay for any reason. Likewise their daughter wants to protect herself too , I think it requires legal advice .
They're not trying to do a nice thing for their daughter. They are asking her to hand over her entire life savings and pay rental on a house that they chose and they own. Why should she fund their investment and lose the safety net of her savings?
Miasicarisatia · 25/03/2021 13:38

What happens if one of them needs long term care and the house, in their name, is needed to fund it
This^
the house is a way for them to invest in their own future, pretending that they are doing it for your benefit is a way to at the same time score points with you and keep you sweet

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 25/03/2021 13:40

You could potentially end up paying inheritance tax on your own savings.
You would put all your money into a house that you then had no control over should you wish to sell it and move, for whatever reason.
It is mad to buy a house on which they would pay enhanced stamp duty as a second home.

I would not do this unless I was a co-owner. Tenants in Common.

Or without taking legal advice.

FinallyFluid · 25/03/2021 13:43

Where is the OP ?

Hope this isn't DM fodder.

ExtraordinaryQuince · 25/03/2021 13:44

Sorry if you have already covered this, but how is your relationship generally?

Are they a little controlling? Why did they view it without you and present it like that?

AnaofBroceliande · 25/03/2021 13:46

They are not buying you a house. They are trying to get you to pay for a house in their name. No.Fucking.Way.

Tinydinosaur · 25/03/2021 13:46

They'd essentially be buying themselves a house. Charging you 3years rent upfront and then continuing to charge you rent.
They'll have so much control over you, not visiting enough, we'll sell the house. Not letting them come for Christmas Dinner, it's our house.

maturecheddar · 25/03/2021 13:55

No, loads of red flags. I haven't read the whole thread but the first thing jumped to my mind is what will happen if they need care or get into a financial difficulty? This isn't a gift, it's more like a business deal which benefits them more where they can call the shots whenever they want. I've learnt not to trust anyone. Keep your savings or draw up a proper agreement with a solicitor that covers every aspect of "what if's" and only then accept the so called gift.

maturecheddar · 25/03/2021 13:55

@FinallyFluid

Where is the OP ?

Hope this isn't DM fodder.

GrinGrin
cerealgamechanger · 25/03/2021 14:00

Do you trust your parents?

Provided you do, I'd do it provided all the legal paperwork was in place to ensure you won't be shortchanged if they have a bossy fit about something you've done that they don't agree with.

oakleaffy · 25/03/2021 14:01

At first reading I was of the opinion to say yes... but on reading the rest a big fat nope as the house won’t be yours.

SpringAhead · 25/03/2021 14:16

There are other ways you can do this. One possibility Is that they buy the house, it is registered in your name as sole legal owner and they put a charge on the house - cost minus £50.000 you have paid them. You set up a legal agreement paying off the house at a monthly rate. The charge reduces as you pay off the debt. This gives them income, no capital gains tax burden and you get the benefit of any equity as recompense for the burden of maintaining the house. You will need a solicitor to draw up this type of agreement.

Curlymam88 · 25/03/2021 14:26

I was in a similar situation. My parents bought a house and I rented it off them, paying them the mortgage payments. Like a BTL I suppose. My partner ended up moving in with me and we split up then got back together again....that's when I had my parents telling me my partner isn't allowed in the house. (They disliked him from when we broke up previoisly). It's my parents house theyd say so i have to follow their rules etc...I have since moved to a different rental house and am now happily trying to conceive with my partner without having to follow my parents rules. Absolutely ridiculous as I'm not even a kid im almost 33 but there you go.

alreadytaken · 25/03/2021 14:31

Doing it as proposed is silly. However I suggest you go back to your parents and ask if they will give you a private mortgage, details drawn up by a solicitor with almost all your savings as the deposit. You need to keep a small amount for emergencies. Then you get the house you want, the parents get an income and to have you live nearby (probably why they are offering). If they need care you might have to get a commercial mortgage in a hurry to pay them back but if you are paying them an income I suspect not. If they want they can write off part of the debt each year, avoiding some inheritance tax for you.

Point out that there is much higher stamp duty if bought in their names.

Skysblue · 25/03/2021 14:39

See a lawyer together with your parents and get the lawyer to sort the agreement. Is actually not complicated if everyone wants to be fair.

I know a wealthy guy who lends his own money for people to but houses - ie he does private mortgages as if he was a bank. The buyer has the house in the buyer’s name; my friend has a first legal charge over the house and the contract states the house can be sold (ie reposessed) if repayments stop. Is simple: your parents need to offer to be your lender.

If they insist on it being in their names, say no. But I think they are only doing this because they don’t understand that they can instead take a first legal charge over the property without it being in their names.

You can’t start gifting each other thousands of pounds without paying gift tax by the way.

You need a property lawyer to sort this out.

(Or just make it even more simple: you have house in your name and parents are guarantors - possibly more risk to them that way I think but again the lawyer can explain.)

TeaAndStrumpets · 25/03/2021 14:41

@SpringAhead

There are other ways you can do this. One possibility Is that they buy the house, it is registered in your name as sole legal owner and they put a charge on the house - cost minus £50.000 you have paid them. You set up a legal agreement paying off the house at a monthly rate. The charge reduces as you pay off the debt. This gives them income, no capital gains tax burden and you get the benefit of any equity as recompense for the burden of maintaining the house. You will need a solicitor to draw up this type of agreement.
We have done this twice, in effect it acts as a bridging loan. Once DC were able to get a normal mortgage they repaid us in full.
Nanny2many · 25/03/2021 14:46

Crikey this is messy. Emotionally, financially and legally.

Am I correct in thinking you have 50k savings? Can you not get you’re own mortgage? If not, I’d be tempted to continue renting. If you’re parents are true to their word you should get their house as an inheritance.