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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Parents buying a house for me? Should I be more grateful? Why am I so concerned?

583 replies

Iamaperiwinkle · 25/03/2021 01:07

This may be long. I will also change some details so it is not outing.

Over the years parents have offered to help buy a house but wanted to say where it was, know my full finances etc and I declined. I’ve not had a great 20 years financially and nearly lost a house recently due to divorce etc But 20 years have now passed. We have now moved local. Currently renting from a friend who has sold it - so we will need to vacate in 6-10 weeks, possibly 12-16 weeks. . I have some equity from a house sale. I can not afford much of a mortgage due to various reasons. So buying is not an option.

To rent a tiny 3 bed house here is £1500 or even more a month minimum, my salary is not even double that. So we were looking at moving further away again. My parents took me a see a for sale sign house and viewing 2 weeks ago and then revealed they had actually been there twice and had made an offer. The house is amazing 5 mins walk from the children’s schools etc far far better than any rental place we have seen.

Parents suggest a cash purchase. They buy it outright but want all of my savings and then I pay them an income for 10 years or if I can raise a mortgage to pay them off ie I raise a mortgage for £50 K or pay them £500 a month for 100 months - then they gift me the house. It is brought in their sole name. If they die I inherit the house - it’s a gift.

From their side - this is their entire money savings hence wanting my savings and monthly payments - but over 5-10 years they will actually be gifting a huge proportion of money to me. They want me to be liable for all bills, insurance, council tax etc and the savings I gift them 50 K -should I stop paying the £500 a month agreement and they aren’t able to get me out of the house if gives them security . They suggest buying it solely in their names on the deeds but I will give them my £50k savings although they will put it like £400 K into the house. An agreement in place, not the sell the house until youngest is 18. 10 years so a ten year plan . We are not moving from here for many reasons. Including father of my children is local.

They initially said I could put in my £50 K and they would put my name on the deeds but they changed that this evening. I’ve told them I can’t gift them my entire savings - what happens if they don’t gift me the house, or they don’t agree with my lifestyle or whatever - I’ve given it away.

They point out at paying them £500 a month should I want I could reduce the time from 10 years to 5 or even 3. The other way to look at it is renting is £17 000 a year minimum - so I’d lose more than that renting over 5 years. Ie pay x3 the rent with no hope of a percentage ownership.

From my side - I am responsible for all mantainence on the house but it’s not in my name - I said no to this. I’ve invested all my savings. This worries me. Parents want it that if they chose they could sell but would have to give me my money back. But the roof is in good repair as is the boiler and house is it good condition. I can’t move but this would be my forever dream home.

The kids are all settled in local outstanding schools etc and I have no desire to move - they need make that clear we want to live here parents are 70 odd but fit and healthy.

I know with his dad - dads brothers situation where he agreed to buy the son a house and son was going to pay them £1000 - he stopped paying his uncle and tNeither want to screw the other over but we do want to protect ourselves

In 3 years finances will be in a position where I could raise the 50 K mortgage needed at that point I could buy them out and I would aim to do it ASAP just in case they did need care etc so we would have it written it that as soon as I raise the 50 K the house is mine to avoid any issues.

There isn’t much trust not because of them or me. Dads brother bought a house for son and rented it to them to get the money back they stopped paying the rent and this meant dads brother was locked in a legal battle to either evict son or give up the house

The only that they would see first (holiday £100 K a year they have enough other assests to pay for their care if they need it. The 50 k really to ensure I am paying it and committed and giving them an income.

On one occasion they were going to gift me the house. But they are worried about income. On another they were happy for me to put my money in (much smaller % of the total cost) and then put it in joint names. Now it is theirs and I gift them my savings and pay rent but get given the house a few years down the line.

I’m so confused. We want to do them right thing.

OP posts:
ekidmxcl · 25/03/2021 14:47

No no no

You would not own the house and you would have zero savings left.

I would try to buy a tiny flat and all squash in. With your 50k and any money they are prepared to gift you (no strings) and the rest mortgage.

Anything bought needs to be owned solely by you.

AmberItsACertainty · 25/03/2021 14:50

@Worried234

Absolutely no chance, OP. They are going to do far better out of this. What if you fall out? What if your relationship breaks down? What if you suddenly need your savings? Please don't do this. You'll be in such a vulnerable position.
Exactly. OP you will feel like you have to agree to everything they want for your life your children's life etc. You'd be totally controlled in every way because once they've made you financially dependent on them you'd be scared to rock to boat.
JSL52 · 25/03/2021 14:55

I don't know about the legal / tax aspects.
But I don't like the sound of this.
They want all your savings ? What if you list your job or you needed a new car or the boiler blew up ?

littlepattilou · 25/03/2021 14:56

@Iamaperiwinkle It's a NO from me too.

Not if the house is in their name.

It all sounds like a terrible idea. Sad

Centaurpede · 25/03/2021 15:18

It's in their name, not yours. I imagine your parents are unlikely to screw you over but it's still a bit worrying not having that security! You will be giving them all your savings and paying then rent, doesn't sound so great for you

Centaurpede · 25/03/2021 15:24

I didn't mention how controlling it is that they have chosen where you live and are making you live there for at least 10 years. What if you want to relocate? What if you fall out? They could ask you to move out at any point if you don't agree to whatever they want and you have no right to any of your money back. And bit morbid, but if they die they can leave it to whoever they want, not necessarily you

Spudbyanyothername · 25/03/2021 16:43

Why don’t they buy the house, rent it to you at £1000 a month for 10 years, then give you the house and you give them your savings then?

Miasicarisatia · 25/03/2021 16:47

I'm wondering if this is to do with cultural traditions which the OPs parents are used to?

crosstalk · 25/03/2021 17:09

OP? come back!

WisnaeMe · 25/03/2021 17:13

Yes come back, there is great advice and support on here 🌺

Alonelonelyloner · 25/03/2021 18:13

OP this is beyond nuts.

No. No. No.

Justgorgeous · 25/03/2021 19:38

It needs to be in your sole name.

Iamaperiwinkle · 25/03/2021 20:06

Wow ! Sorry everyone I was obviously up at midnight went to work and came back to 10 pages. I haven’t read anything on here yet. But I spoke to them this afternoon and they had seen a solicitor this morning who told them that it was unfair of them to buy a house, rent it to me and take my savings without giving me anything. He advised them to gift it completely in my name and then I can give them my savings towards the house and then of course rent for ten years at a fixed rate if I agreed. But the house is solely in my name. Right off to read the posts.......

OP posts:
EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 25/03/2021 20:11

it's generous of them in that you do get a house - but don't try and save a relatively small sum in legal fees it's a false economy. Get professional legal advice, and any agreements drawn up by the solicitor.

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 25/03/2021 20:13

the other benefit of them gifting it now is that they are then more likely to live for seven years after the gift, useful for inheritance tax.

TakeMe2Insanity · 25/03/2021 20:16

No.

Reasonable options:

  1. They gift it to you no strings attached you are responsible for it, you stay there until youngest is 18. They could set up a trust.
  2. They keep it is their names and rent it to you, and are responsible like a landlord (so have some say in the house) and you pay a reasonable less than market rent.

It sounds like their judgment is very clouded but this is your relationship with them. They clearly want you to stay but not enough to be reasonable. I’d say talk to them with the other two options and be prepared to walk.

Iamaperiwinkle · 25/03/2021 20:25

@senua

Currently renting from a friend who has sold it Why didn't your parents buy this house? Everybody could have saved thousands in EA fees, removals, etc; saved the upheaval of moving. Think on that.
Because this one was £1 million - oh yes don’t worry I know. Not mine. Her family own it and I’ve been lucky enough to house sit for a while 😂but absolutely not a house for us to buy
OP posts:
JustLyra · 25/03/2021 20:26

You still need to take proper legal advice.

The care fees and deprivation of capital is still an issue (and there is no time limit on that!).

There is also the control aspect of them buying you a very specific house and telling you it’s your new home.

Can you imagine if someone told you their parents had offered to buy them a pram for their baby and then just rocked up with one without any discussion?
Or a parent offering to pay for their DD’s wedding dress and thinking that meant their Dd needed no input into the dress?

Neither of those things would be acceptable or reasonable, yet you seem to not realise that’s what they’ve done with you over your home. They expect total control of where you live.

Iamaperiwinkle · 25/03/2021 20:27

Ok so we have both taken legal advice and both solicitor said they cash buy it in my sole name. Once that is done I gift them my £50 K and I pay the ‘loan’ back on a monthly basis - not rent but loan

OP posts:
JustLyra · 25/03/2021 20:30

@Iamaperiwinkle

Ok so we have both taken legal advice and both solicitor said they cash buy it in my sole name. Once that is done I gift them my £50 K and I pay the ‘loan’ back on a monthly basis - not rent but loan
What did your solicitor say, relating to your parents, about care fees, deprivation of capital and the difference between legal and beneficial ownership of the house?

What did they say about your situation with regard to benefits and deprivation of capital if your circumstances change?

Also what about IHT and also the amount you are allowed to gift tax free?

user1470132907 · 25/03/2021 20:38

Nope nope nope nope nope. They can change their will at any time. They know that and so do you. They could also sell the house at any time, having enjoyed both your monthly payments and the appreciation in its value.

Assuming you raise mortgage to buy them out, what tax will be payable if they try to gift to you?

Maintaining a property can be in the 1000s each year.

I’ve known 2 people do similar. The child never got the house.

NHSnamechanger · 25/03/2021 20:53

No just no! I’ve just seen your latest post. I agree with the solicitor that they need to buy it in your name and you pay them back the loan.

WisnaeMe · 25/03/2021 20:56

@Iamaperiwinkle

Ok so we have both taken legal advice and both solicitor said they cash buy it in my sole name. Once that is done I gift them my £50 K and I pay the ‘loan’ back on a monthly basis - not rent but loan

fair 🌺

AlwaysLatte · 25/03/2021 21:10

The care fees and deprivation of capital is still an issue (and there is no time limit on that!).
Just out of curiosity, I can't find anything about this. At what age are you supposed to stop spending money in case you need it for care later? Genuine question, only I see here on MN perfectly fit and healthy people being told they shouldn't spend their money in case they need it to pay care fees sometime in the future.

SpringAhead · 25/03/2021 21:13

This is a vet fair solution. You are legal owner of the house - wills are irrelevant - and they are simply owed money. If they have another home no issues of depravation of assets, no CGT issues as you get PPR relief if you sell it.