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AIBU?

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Parents buying a house for me? Should I be more grateful? Why am I so concerned?

583 replies

Iamaperiwinkle · 25/03/2021 01:07

This may be long. I will also change some details so it is not outing.

Over the years parents have offered to help buy a house but wanted to say where it was, know my full finances etc and I declined. I’ve not had a great 20 years financially and nearly lost a house recently due to divorce etc But 20 years have now passed. We have now moved local. Currently renting from a friend who has sold it - so we will need to vacate in 6-10 weeks, possibly 12-16 weeks. . I have some equity from a house sale. I can not afford much of a mortgage due to various reasons. So buying is not an option.

To rent a tiny 3 bed house here is £1500 or even more a month minimum, my salary is not even double that. So we were looking at moving further away again. My parents took me a see a for sale sign house and viewing 2 weeks ago and then revealed they had actually been there twice and had made an offer. The house is amazing 5 mins walk from the children’s schools etc far far better than any rental place we have seen.

Parents suggest a cash purchase. They buy it outright but want all of my savings and then I pay them an income for 10 years or if I can raise a mortgage to pay them off ie I raise a mortgage for £50 K or pay them £500 a month for 100 months - then they gift me the house. It is brought in their sole name. If they die I inherit the house - it’s a gift.

From their side - this is their entire money savings hence wanting my savings and monthly payments - but over 5-10 years they will actually be gifting a huge proportion of money to me. They want me to be liable for all bills, insurance, council tax etc and the savings I gift them 50 K -should I stop paying the £500 a month agreement and they aren’t able to get me out of the house if gives them security . They suggest buying it solely in their names on the deeds but I will give them my £50k savings although they will put it like £400 K into the house. An agreement in place, not the sell the house until youngest is 18. 10 years so a ten year plan . We are not moving from here for many reasons. Including father of my children is local.

They initially said I could put in my £50 K and they would put my name on the deeds but they changed that this evening. I’ve told them I can’t gift them my entire savings - what happens if they don’t gift me the house, or they don’t agree with my lifestyle or whatever - I’ve given it away.

They point out at paying them £500 a month should I want I could reduce the time from 10 years to 5 or even 3. The other way to look at it is renting is £17 000 a year minimum - so I’d lose more than that renting over 5 years. Ie pay x3 the rent with no hope of a percentage ownership.

From my side - I am responsible for all mantainence on the house but it’s not in my name - I said no to this. I’ve invested all my savings. This worries me. Parents want it that if they chose they could sell but would have to give me my money back. But the roof is in good repair as is the boiler and house is it good condition. I can’t move but this would be my forever dream home.

The kids are all settled in local outstanding schools etc and I have no desire to move - they need make that clear we want to live here parents are 70 odd but fit and healthy.

I know with his dad - dads brothers situation where he agreed to buy the son a house and son was going to pay them £1000 - he stopped paying his uncle and tNeither want to screw the other over but we do want to protect ourselves

In 3 years finances will be in a position where I could raise the 50 K mortgage needed at that point I could buy them out and I would aim to do it ASAP just in case they did need care etc so we would have it written it that as soon as I raise the 50 K the house is mine to avoid any issues.

There isn’t much trust not because of them or me. Dads brother bought a house for son and rented it to them to get the money back they stopped paying the rent and this meant dads brother was locked in a legal battle to either evict son or give up the house

The only that they would see first (holiday £100 K a year they have enough other assests to pay for their care if they need it. The 50 k really to ensure I am paying it and committed and giving them an income.

On one occasion they were going to gift me the house. But they are worried about income. On another they were happy for me to put my money in (much smaller % of the total cost) and then put it in joint names. Now it is theirs and I gift them my savings and pay rent but get given the house a few years down the line.

I’m so confused. We want to do them right thing.

OP posts:
RedGoldAndGreene · 25/03/2021 11:11

No- far too risky.

They've proved that there are always strings with them.

If you do go ahead, find out what happens if they die or need money for medical care etc You don't want a big tax bill or to be evicted without knowing if they'll give you your money back.

EggcellentTaste · 25/03/2021 11:15

It'd be a hard No from me. Far too complicated with too many conditions - all too likely to lead to resentment on one or both sides.

My preference would be to rent somewhere that will 'only just' do for as cheap as possible - trying to make it a real family effort - with a view to buying my own place (w mortgage) at the end.

HideousKinky · 25/03/2021 11:18

We have given substantial sums to each of our 3 DDs to buy their first home with absolutely no conditions attached. In each case the property is owned by them. Do listen to the advice of Honeylulu who is a solicitor and describes above the case of her MIL and the huge pitfalls re Inheritance Tax if the parents remain the owner of the house.

Thelittleweasel · 25/03/2021 11:19

@Iamaperiwinkle

Whatever the overall feeling if this goes ahead then you must take independent legal advice. I wish that I had done that when - years ago - DGM gifted me £1000 and later - at a time of great stress - asked for it back..... Could not be done. There was a document even prepared but - of course - never signed

MotherofTerriers · 25/03/2021 11:21

They sound very controlling. I'd say no
The care home costs argument is a strong one, but I suspect not for them. They might well see you providing care for them to avoid losing your home as a positive

notalwaysalondoner · 25/03/2021 11:21

Agree you need legal advice, not people's opinions about what they would/wouldn't do. The obvious solutions is for you to become Tenants in Common with a clear indication about what % of the house is yours - couples buying houses use this all the time when they put in different deposits, it's very standard. And it outlines what should happen if one of you wants to sell the house and the other doesn't etc.

It's tricky as it's both theirs and your life savings, so understand they want a say but also you clearly are putting yourself at risk if you just gift them the money and hope for the best. I'd get some legal advice, if you find a solution that suits everyone you'll save money in the long term vs. renting.

Sacredspace · 25/03/2021 11:22

Not enough info and because info has been changed too wouldn’t want to advise. Some things to consider, what is your relationship with parents like, do they have form eg for changing their minds, controlling behaviour, do you have siblings, how much do you earn, do you have debt, how old are your children, have you considered that you might meet someone or your circumstances change and the house no longer meets your needs. Proceed with caution, have everything drawn up legally so that it’s water tight.

Giantrooster · 25/03/2021 11:22

No

Please take all the good advice you have had on this thread, tempting as it may be to do what your parents suggest.

It seems a very 'home knit' solution, so legal advice to make a clear case.

Even though I'm sure intentions are good on both sides, this has potential for a very controlling relationship.

Onemumtwokids · 25/03/2021 11:33

Agree with all other posters about not gifting them your savings and having no legal right over the house.
How about you go into joint ownership with one parent with 50:50 shared ownership. You put in £50k, and they put in say, £400k. At that point in time they are making you a gift, but they also retain some control over the property and own half. You could then pay rent for half the market rate on the share you don't own. They write their will so that you inherit the other half of the house on death.

At a later date you can either buy out their share, or they can gift it to you. At any point either you or the property-owning parent can force a sale (say, if relationship breaks down, circumstances change) and you both keep 50% of the equity.

My parents have gifted my brother a very small house worth about £150k. My mother joint it with him as Joint Tenants. Currently, he lives abroad and it is let out and they take half the profit each. I've not needed the same help but I'm slightly erked if I'm honest that my mum has not updated her will to balance off this large gift during her lifetime. But, I'm not damaging my family relationships over it.

Seatime · 25/03/2021 11:35

It's too messy to be financially enmeshed with them for the rest of your life. A gift does not have conditions. They want to be all up in your business.

Whatisupwithme · 25/03/2021 11:44

You would at the very least need a charge against the property for your £50k or a percentage ownership that £50K gives you with a 3 party tenants in common.

In addition, as previously mentioned, with a second property, the would be included in a financial assessment for any care your parents need and they would be full cost from day1 with no savings in the bank to pay for this. This would risk your home.

Approach your district council to apply for their shared ownership scheme.

Ninkanink · 25/03/2021 11:45

The thing is you really do not know what’s going to happen in your life in years to come. Your money should not be tied up in a house that isn’t even yours. You won’t be able to access it should you want or need to.

Boph · 25/03/2021 11:57

It's not a gift. They are buying it to rent to you, you pay a low rent in exchange for maintaining it.
You on the other hand are giving them a lot of money.
Do not do it.

I have given my DC each a large lump sum. I'd like it to be for a house deposit (one has done this already) but it's a gift without strings. I have no say in where they buy or when.

hadtojoin · 25/03/2021 12:00

They will have far too much control over you and your children. What happens if you meet and marry/live with a new partner that your parents don't like or approve of? Will they still be happy for you to live in 'their house' with him?
As the others have said just say NO.

GettingItOutThere · 25/03/2021 12:08

oh hell no

why cant they buy it outright, and you buy if off them via "gift of equity" (look it up)

that would be better and legal!

GlomOfNit · 25/03/2021 12:15

No way. It's got so many risky variables that posters have outlined here.

An additional concern might be - they will effectively tie you into living right there. You can't sell up - their house. You can't move away if you needed to (your ex-partner might move and you might want to be closer to the father of your children, or alternatively he might be awful and you might need to be further away from him! You might need to move for a new job, etc).

And there you are, local to your parents, paying them off every month and very handy for anything else. I don't know the dynamic but they may think that a side benefit to this plan is that you're going to be handy for care and errands and anything else they might need from you.

balancingfigure · 25/03/2021 12:16

I haven’t read the whole thread so someone else might have suggested this but why dont’ you get a formal loan agreement and then you buy the house borrowing the money from them. It can include provisios for if you don’t pay and writing off the loan if they die.

crumpet · 25/03/2021 12:23

As others have said: explore whether you can rent it as a tenant, and then buy them out once you are in a position to do so.

GreenSlide · 25/03/2021 12:29

@User57327259

Good Grief, people here are amazing me. You really do think that the parents should just hand over a huge amount of money (or house of that value) to OP. It is very likely that not all possible scenarios have been looked at and discussed. Maybe a lot more discussion is needed. Looking at it from OP's view is that she is in a house which is tiny and she would like a bigger house. That is quite normal. Looking at it from the parents' point of view they have funds just sitting in the bank. Their daughter (and grandchildren) need a bigger house. They see the solution that they buy a house for OP(daughter and grandchildren) to live in. There is little interest on money in the bank so why not help to make life more comfortable for OP (daughter) by getting her a house. It is not very comfortable as a parent to watch our adult children struggling with life especially if the parent(s) have the means to help. OP on her own admission has lost a house and a pile of money over the years. Perhaps the parents are safeguarding the house against any future partners, husbands etc. This demand that parents just hand over money or houses is very grabby and that is not a nice attitude. It would put many people off trying to help adult children.

Literally no one has said that they should just buy her a house without repayment.

TillyTopper · 25/03/2021 12:34

No don't do it because you are giving them an income (so you won't have money to put away each month) and all your savings and have no assets in your name. They also sound controlling so I'd be worried about this aspect too - having a house but then not being able to sell/move/save and having them expect to be involved in everything sounds awful.

Jaxhog · 25/03/2021 12:44

@glassshoes

The red flag for me is them being the owners. With you giving all your savings, the best part of a mortgage and ongoing maintenance costs towards the property. If your parents need care, it could be sold and you lose everything. Between both of them that is sadly a realistic risk.

It would be a no from me.

My thought too. If the house is in their names, you and they may have no choice.

You need legal advice.

Anordinarymum · 25/03/2021 12:47

I am expert on money matters but just from reading what you say it looks to me as if they are trying to find a way of investing their money into you so they can avoid paying tax.

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 25/03/2021 12:48

My parents helped us buy a house, we simply drew up a loan agreement with set repayments and an agreed interest rate and bought the house in our names. We paid them back over a number of years. They could put a charge on the property like mortgage companies do so if you failed to repay they could force a sale just like a mortgage company would. A solicitor would be able to draw up the paperwork, I wouldn't hand over my savings without any protection.

Witchlight · 25/03/2021 12:49

Another option would be that they lend you the money to buy it via an interest free mortgage. Your parents would not be left without money as you would have to pay the mortgage back in pre-agreed amounts (monthly) and they could periodically gift you money which would pay it off.

They get to protect their money from whatever they fear you will do.
You get a house and an interest free mortgage, set at less/the same as rent.

Miasicarisatia · 25/03/2021 12:51

This gift is a trojan horse, they want to use it to control you and Stitch you up!