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AIBU?

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Parents buying a house for me? Should I be more grateful? Why am I so concerned?

583 replies

Iamaperiwinkle · 25/03/2021 01:07

This may be long. I will also change some details so it is not outing.

Over the years parents have offered to help buy a house but wanted to say where it was, know my full finances etc and I declined. I’ve not had a great 20 years financially and nearly lost a house recently due to divorce etc But 20 years have now passed. We have now moved local. Currently renting from a friend who has sold it - so we will need to vacate in 6-10 weeks, possibly 12-16 weeks. . I have some equity from a house sale. I can not afford much of a mortgage due to various reasons. So buying is not an option.

To rent a tiny 3 bed house here is £1500 or even more a month minimum, my salary is not even double that. So we were looking at moving further away again. My parents took me a see a for sale sign house and viewing 2 weeks ago and then revealed they had actually been there twice and had made an offer. The house is amazing 5 mins walk from the children’s schools etc far far better than any rental place we have seen.

Parents suggest a cash purchase. They buy it outright but want all of my savings and then I pay them an income for 10 years or if I can raise a mortgage to pay them off ie I raise a mortgage for £50 K or pay them £500 a month for 100 months - then they gift me the house. It is brought in their sole name. If they die I inherit the house - it’s a gift.

From their side - this is their entire money savings hence wanting my savings and monthly payments - but over 5-10 years they will actually be gifting a huge proportion of money to me. They want me to be liable for all bills, insurance, council tax etc and the savings I gift them 50 K -should I stop paying the £500 a month agreement and they aren’t able to get me out of the house if gives them security . They suggest buying it solely in their names on the deeds but I will give them my £50k savings although they will put it like £400 K into the house. An agreement in place, not the sell the house until youngest is 18. 10 years so a ten year plan . We are not moving from here for many reasons. Including father of my children is local.

They initially said I could put in my £50 K and they would put my name on the deeds but they changed that this evening. I’ve told them I can’t gift them my entire savings - what happens if they don’t gift me the house, or they don’t agree with my lifestyle or whatever - I’ve given it away.

They point out at paying them £500 a month should I want I could reduce the time from 10 years to 5 or even 3. The other way to look at it is renting is £17 000 a year minimum - so I’d lose more than that renting over 5 years. Ie pay x3 the rent with no hope of a percentage ownership.

From my side - I am responsible for all mantainence on the house but it’s not in my name - I said no to this. I’ve invested all my savings. This worries me. Parents want it that if they chose they could sell but would have to give me my money back. But the roof is in good repair as is the boiler and house is it good condition. I can’t move but this would be my forever dream home.

The kids are all settled in local outstanding schools etc and I have no desire to move - they need make that clear we want to live here parents are 70 odd but fit and healthy.

I know with his dad - dads brothers situation where he agreed to buy the son a house and son was going to pay them £1000 - he stopped paying his uncle and tNeither want to screw the other over but we do want to protect ourselves

In 3 years finances will be in a position where I could raise the 50 K mortgage needed at that point I could buy them out and I would aim to do it ASAP just in case they did need care etc so we would have it written it that as soon as I raise the 50 K the house is mine to avoid any issues.

There isn’t much trust not because of them or me. Dads brother bought a house for son and rented it to them to get the money back they stopped paying the rent and this meant dads brother was locked in a legal battle to either evict son or give up the house

The only that they would see first (holiday £100 K a year they have enough other assests to pay for their care if they need it. The 50 k really to ensure I am paying it and committed and giving them an income.

On one occasion they were going to gift me the house. But they are worried about income. On another they were happy for me to put my money in (much smaller % of the total cost) and then put it in joint names. Now it is theirs and I gift them my savings and pay rent but get given the house a few years down the line.

I’m so confused. We want to do them right thing.

OP posts:
ShowMeHow · 25/03/2021 09:36

It’s a no from me due to a horrific experience of similar. I never mix money and family any more in any way ever. I am now ostracised from my entire extended family and this is permanent.

However IF you do you MUST engage your own solicitor, not just a conveyancer, for the legal side so you know what is expected of you is fair for the benefits.

There may be other RELATIONSHIP costs and you can not be protected from those but they will gain a legal element.

Zenithbear · 25/03/2021 09:42

No because it is a mess. They have made a unilateral decision which you should have been part of. Plus so much hasn't been thought through.
What if you remarry?
What if you want to move?
What if you need to go on benefits?
What if you don't get the money?
What if you need your savings?
What if you die before them?

So many things that haven't been discussed.
They would be better off buying a completely separate rental property and helping you with a deposit.

YoniAndGuy · 25/03/2021 09:44

Actually yes. Scrap my last post. This cannot, CANNOT happen unless the house is entirely in your name or you could lose the lot if they need care. Even if it is completely in your name, if they die within 7 years or need care you coudl even run into difficulties there.

Seriously, this just is so not worth it and I think they'd make your life hell - once they had the whip hand over you and know you're stuck.

Move into a smaller house or one further away.

School goes very quickly.

milveycrohn · 25/03/2021 09:45

No.
If they go into Care, the house will have to be sold anyway.
You cannot forsee the future, and all kinds of things could happen during that time. ie 1 parent die, the remaining parent marry again, etc. Yes it does happen, even to very elderly people.
As the owners, they could object if you wanted to make changes. Supposing your circumstances chaged and you wanted to move.
So, too many conditions attached to it.

Usagi12 · 25/03/2021 09:52

No, no, no please don't do this!

throwa · 25/03/2021 09:58

Speak to a solicitor and to a tax accountant.

The accountant to consider:

  • capital gains tax implications
  • inheritance tax implications

At the moment your parents (well you actually...) would get a large bill for both the way they are proposing.

The solicitor to draw up an agreement for in effect a private mortgage, with as PP's have said, all of the possible permutations of who owns the house, in what %, what happens after the 10y, the legal status of your parents / you in relation to the house etc etc. This will also protect your % ownership of the house - should the parents need to go into care, they cannot be forced to sell their % of the house as you own the other bit (and no-one buys 50% of a house...).

Deprivation of assets should not be an issue here providing that your parents are currently fit and healthy and no sign of dementia / physical frailty etc etc.

It can work very well in practice (our family has done this too) if you consider the legal position very carefully, and also the whole family's tax situation, and it can be extremely good inheritance tax planning, if affordable and if done correctly.

GreenSlide · 25/03/2021 09:58

I think they would need to buy it as a BTL and act as your landlord, otherwise it would be a no from me. As others have pointed out, there is no guarantee you will actually end up inheriting this house. If you agree to rent the house from them and sign a contract etc you both have protection from the horrors you are envisaging, and you get to keep your savings. If they're that keen to have you and the kids settled close by, surely they'll go for it.

mellicauli · 25/03/2021 10:09

So they saw a house and they made an offer before they'd even talked to you about it? Even though you were the one they thought was going to be living there and they were expecting your savings to pay of it? They don't really see you as a fully functioning adult, do they..

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/03/2021 10:12

They're buying themselves a house, which YOU pay for

This

It's all been said already, but for you the risks of losing the place to care costs are just too great - and that's without the intrusion, wanting to know everything and even putting in an offer without telling you

This isn't help, it's control, and they've no doubt lined you up mentally as their carer too ... you'd be very unwise to even consider it

TwinkleStar88 · 25/03/2021 10:17

I think you need to speak to a solicitor for advice and you’d need a written agreement in place.
You need this before you make any other decisions.

TwinkleStar88 · 25/03/2021 10:18

I should also add, you also need to discuss things like if you lose your job and you’re unable to pay the monthly payments, what the repercussions would be etc.

TheGlassBlowersDaughter · 25/03/2021 10:27

What they are currently offering doesn't make any sense for you. So if they are wedded to that idea, politely refuse and let them rent it out to someone else.
You could offer to just pay monthly rent to them (you keep your savings) and basically you're just a tenant and they are your new LLs. That means they're responsible for all repairs and maintenance, and your tenancy is as secure or insecure as if you were renting anywhere else.
The other option is to have an appointment with a lawyer and an accountant, and work out if there is a legal way for you to invest and protect your savings but that would need some kind of security or charge against the house.

User57327259 · 25/03/2021 10:29

Good Grief, people here are amazing me. You really do think that the parents should just hand over a huge amount of money (or house of that value) to OP.
It is very likely that not all possible scenarios have been looked at and discussed. Maybe a lot more discussion is needed.
Looking at it from OP's view is that she is in a house which is tiny and she would like a bigger house. That is quite normal.
Looking at it from the parents' point of view they have funds just sitting in the bank. Their daughter (and grandchildren) need a bigger house. They see the solution that they buy a house for OP(daughter and grandchildren) to live in. There is little interest on money in the bank so why not help to make life more comfortable for OP (daughter) by getting her a house.
It is not very comfortable as a parent to watch our adult children struggling with life especially if the parent(s) have the means to help.
OP on her own admission has lost a house and a pile of money over the years. Perhaps the parents are safeguarding the house against any future partners, husbands etc.
This demand that parents just hand over money or houses is very grabby and that is not a nice attitude. It would put many people off trying to help adult children.

ittakes2 · 25/03/2021 10:31

I think you need to speak to a professional too. If one of them dies and the other needs to move to a care home - if you live in the Uk my understanding is the government can sell the home to pay for care home bills. If you live in the Uk you need to be aware of inheritance tax and maybe putting the house in a trust fund with both you and your parents as recepients might be a better option.

Redjumper1 · 25/03/2021 10:32

No bad idea. It's a bad idea to start buying property at that age as it may be taken off you if you need care. Most people that age start selling/gifting assets not buying them. Also picking the exact house is very weird. Suggests they view you as an incapable ten year old.

If you must then it should be in your name with mortgage from them. That way if you don't pay, they can enforce the mortgage and take the property back off you, through rights of mortgagor. Get proper legal advise if you want to go ahead. Taxes need to be considered also.

You have to stay until child is 18 is rubbish also. They are either willing to help or not.

icdtap · 25/03/2021 10:33

No.

Too much which could go wrong here legally.
Issues is they need to go into a care home and the house is in their name.

And that's aside from the fact they have trampled all over your boundaries by viewing a house twice and making an offer on it without even asking you.

Do not agree to this.

Knittedfairies · 25/03/2021 10:42

No. This is very definitely a 'gift' with strings, not ribbons.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 25/03/2021 10:49

Just no.
It is too complicated with too many pitfalls.
With your deposit and the bit of mortgage you could get, say you will be happy to jointly buy with a legal agreement as to who owns what.
Anything else will be trouble.

bewilderedhedgehog · 25/03/2021 10:50

I agree with others - too much to go wrong, particularly the potential for them to need for care home fees. Also this takes away your future choices completely. Hard, but I would say no

WhiteSquare · 25/03/2021 10:50

@NiceGerbil

The other thing is that you get it when they both die? I don't know them obv but that could be years and years. What if they need cash for care or similar? At that point they may decide selling the house you are in, is their best option.

I wouldn't do it.

This ^^ of your parents go onto a care home. The house will be sold to pay for care.

Just No what about joint deeds?

Ex0ticM1xture · 25/03/2021 10:55

It is nice that your parents wish to help you

However, things to be wary of;

If you have a mortgage with a bank, there are no emotional ties, it is purely a business transaction

What happens if you want to move in the future ?

What happens if you meet someone & move into their property & this property becomes empty ?

What happens if you can't make the monthly payments ?

What happens if your parents see you spending your money on other things that they "don't approve" of like a better car or a holiday ?

I would suggest that you investigate buying somewhere with your 50k alone

Grimbelina · 25/03/2021 10:57

There are loads of red flags here as PP's have said... if they need care, the house could be sold under you. What if they change their wills? Someone persuades them (possibly when they are vulnerable) to transfer the asset to them?

Also, the fact that they wanted to know all your savings etc. is very worrying in terms of them controlling you.

You need to work out what YOU want/need and the protections you would need legally, and you need good advice to work this out. To start with, your name on the deeds and original investment protected. Then put your offer to them... and if they don't accept it then you know what the answer is...

However, do you really want them to have this much control over you?

DarcyJack · 25/03/2021 11:00

Really it makes no difference whose name it is in if they ever need care. They can buy it put it in your name but it will still be seen as deliberate deprivation of assets if they ever need care. And the council will persue you for that money if by then they have none of their own.

YukoandHiro · 25/03/2021 11:06

Definitely say no. You need more control over your living situation than this deal offers.

If they want an investment they should buy a BTL property

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/03/2021 11:07

Once you are tied into this arrangement you will have no possibility of buying a house of your own

If nothing else on here speaks to you, OP - this should.

You will be trapped, and very financially vulnerable, and so will your children.