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AIBU?

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Parents buying a house for me? Should I be more grateful? Why am I so concerned?

583 replies

Iamaperiwinkle · 25/03/2021 01:07

This may be long. I will also change some details so it is not outing.

Over the years parents have offered to help buy a house but wanted to say where it was, know my full finances etc and I declined. I’ve not had a great 20 years financially and nearly lost a house recently due to divorce etc But 20 years have now passed. We have now moved local. Currently renting from a friend who has sold it - so we will need to vacate in 6-10 weeks, possibly 12-16 weeks. . I have some equity from a house sale. I can not afford much of a mortgage due to various reasons. So buying is not an option.

To rent a tiny 3 bed house here is £1500 or even more a month minimum, my salary is not even double that. So we were looking at moving further away again. My parents took me a see a for sale sign house and viewing 2 weeks ago and then revealed they had actually been there twice and had made an offer. The house is amazing 5 mins walk from the children’s schools etc far far better than any rental place we have seen.

Parents suggest a cash purchase. They buy it outright but want all of my savings and then I pay them an income for 10 years or if I can raise a mortgage to pay them off ie I raise a mortgage for £50 K or pay them £500 a month for 100 months - then they gift me the house. It is brought in their sole name. If they die I inherit the house - it’s a gift.

From their side - this is their entire money savings hence wanting my savings and monthly payments - but over 5-10 years they will actually be gifting a huge proportion of money to me. They want me to be liable for all bills, insurance, council tax etc and the savings I gift them 50 K -should I stop paying the £500 a month agreement and they aren’t able to get me out of the house if gives them security . They suggest buying it solely in their names on the deeds but I will give them my £50k savings although they will put it like £400 K into the house. An agreement in place, not the sell the house until youngest is 18. 10 years so a ten year plan . We are not moving from here for many reasons. Including father of my children is local.

They initially said I could put in my £50 K and they would put my name on the deeds but they changed that this evening. I’ve told them I can’t gift them my entire savings - what happens if they don’t gift me the house, or they don’t agree with my lifestyle or whatever - I’ve given it away.

They point out at paying them £500 a month should I want I could reduce the time from 10 years to 5 or even 3. The other way to look at it is renting is £17 000 a year minimum - so I’d lose more than that renting over 5 years. Ie pay x3 the rent with no hope of a percentage ownership.

From my side - I am responsible for all mantainence on the house but it’s not in my name - I said no to this. I’ve invested all my savings. This worries me. Parents want it that if they chose they could sell but would have to give me my money back. But the roof is in good repair as is the boiler and house is it good condition. I can’t move but this would be my forever dream home.

The kids are all settled in local outstanding schools etc and I have no desire to move - they need make that clear we want to live here parents are 70 odd but fit and healthy.

I know with his dad - dads brothers situation where he agreed to buy the son a house and son was going to pay them £1000 - he stopped paying his uncle and tNeither want to screw the other over but we do want to protect ourselves

In 3 years finances will be in a position where I could raise the 50 K mortgage needed at that point I could buy them out and I would aim to do it ASAP just in case they did need care etc so we would have it written it that as soon as I raise the 50 K the house is mine to avoid any issues.

There isn’t much trust not because of them or me. Dads brother bought a house for son and rented it to them to get the money back they stopped paying the rent and this meant dads brother was locked in a legal battle to either evict son or give up the house

The only that they would see first (holiday £100 K a year they have enough other assests to pay for their care if they need it. The 50 k really to ensure I am paying it and committed and giving them an income.

On one occasion they were going to gift me the house. But they are worried about income. On another they were happy for me to put my money in (much smaller % of the total cost) and then put it in joint names. Now it is theirs and I gift them my savings and pay rent but get given the house a few years down the line.

I’m so confused. We want to do them right thing.

OP posts:
CovidCorvid · 25/03/2021 08:22

What if one becomes ill/infirm and nursing home fees need paying? A house which they legally own would be expected to be sold to pay for this.

If they then put the house in your name to try and avoid this they’d be done for care home fee avoidance.

Plus they could change their mind/double the rent.

Why don’t they take the risk? Put it in your name and trust you to pay it back?

Worried234 · 25/03/2021 08:23

Absolutely no chance, OP. They are going to do far better out of this. What if you fall out? What if your relationship breaks down? What if you suddenly need your savings? Please don't do this. You'll be in such a vulnerable position.

Tessateacup · 25/03/2021 08:24

Hmmm, you sink all your savings into the house and it will be kept in their name and you'll be responsible for the maintenance. A lot can happen with families especially if money/property is involved. If you fall out or they turn into control freaks then you are left with no savings and some hard decisions. Best to get legal advice on this one.

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 25/03/2021 08:25

You'd have to get something legally binding drawn up if you wanted to do this.

100% this.

EarthAngel48 · 25/03/2021 08:25

Don't do it! Take it from someone in this situation.
My in laws own our house. We pay rent but they keep threatening to sell. We are left with a home that needsloads of work on that we cannot do as it isn't ours.
It's a horrible way to live.

Xenia · 25/03/2021 08:27

If it is not in your name I doubt it is a gift in law to you and therefore they do not make inheritance tax savings so it all sounds a bit complicated and best avoided.

I have given each of my 5 children the same amount of money to buy a house and the last one bought one in January. It is an entirely no strings attached one off offer. The child is currently letting it out as still living at home and his twin does the same as they are both post grad students.

I realise I take the risk that my married child and the one getting married in a month will lose that money on a divorce although those husbands have similar assets although even without that fact I would still go ahead as I want no strings attached all done now up to them, no help with a future house etc etc. I also trust them and I want them to take their own decisions. They could sell the house next week and gamble the proceeds - their choice and there is no more money from me anyway so entirely up to them.

The problem in the case here is that there have been some financial issues of the daughter so the parents are being careful. Could they hold the house in trust for the grandchildren from that daughter? That would protect it from her remortgaging and gambling the money or marrying someone who took all the proceeds of sale?

Probably on balance as the daughter here I would keep well clear of this, get a good full time job and eventually buy my own place under my own steam. If the parents then want to make gifts of money to reduce inheritance tax they can do that and it can come off the daughter's mortgage in due course.

LakieLady · 25/03/2021 08:28

@SeptemberAlexandra

Maybe suggest that the house goes into your sole name but that they register a charge against the property so effectively a private mortgage.
I was thinking exactly that.

If OP's parents decided to leave the property to someone else, I can't see anything to stop them in the original proposal.

At the very least, I would want something like a deed of trust protecting your original capital investment, and expressing your interest as a proportion of the value. That way, if it all goes tits up and house prices have trebled, you'd get 3 x your original £50k. Your £50k would then have kept pace with house price inflation; defined as just £50k it would have shrunk.

I'm not sure if that sort of thing is even possible if your name's not on the title and/or the mortgage.

Also, as proposed, if you had to claim benefits, the DWP could well refuse to pay you your housing costs on the grounds that you are renting from a close relative. I think you would struggle to prove that this was a "genuine business arrangement". How would your parents feel about you not being able to keep up the payments, OP?

BungleandGeorge · 25/03/2021 08:28

You could buy as tenants in common which allows you to have unequal shares and may solve some of your problems with the house having to be sold for any reason as you would be an owner. Is there any reason why you could raise some mortgage so they wouldn’t need to put all their savings in? You need to be aware of inheritance tax rules. Money on a solicitor would be well spent here

Cam77 · 25/03/2021 08:30

It sounds like a generous offer to help you out financially. But you should be the owner from the start. If they're against that as they're worried you won't be able to always pay "rent" on time - well, then its a bad idea for everyone anyway. Handing over your entire savings for "probable ownership in about 10 years time" does not sound a solid plan.

TeenTitan007 · 25/03/2021 08:30

Buy the house in your sole name with their money as a loan (similar to mortgage) with all the paperwork etc. Pay them off slowly and when you can get a mortgage - pay them off in full. No IHT and no complications. If they genuinely wish to help you then this is the best course of action.

pilates · 25/03/2021 08:32

With your savings and you obtaining a mortgage what would be the shortfall of the purchase price? Would they gift you the difference if they wanted to help you? Obviously, I don’t know your family situation whether you have siblings, etc, which would need to be taken into consideration. Would that work?

VettiyaIruken · 25/03/2021 08:32

I wouldn't for 2 reasons.
1 - if it's in their name it's theirs. For example if they need care, the la will come after that house to pay for it.

2 - they'd demand the ins and outs of your finances and probably become very controlling and I'm not sure the relationship could survive it.

User57327259 · 25/03/2021 08:34

@Woeismethischristmas Your idea that the parents should gift the OP £300K is outrageous! The OP is told here not to put in £50K but you think it is fine for the parents to hand over £300K
That is one huge sign of entitlement

Kitkat151 · 25/03/2021 08:34

I think you already know it’s a bad idea.....thanks but no thanks I would be saying

HollowTalk · 25/03/2021 08:34

I stopped reading where you said they had chosen the house. No way.

ifonly4 · 25/03/2021 08:35

I suggest you all get legal advice (solicitor acting in purchase can help). If you're funding part of the purchase and want part ownership, the solicitor will be able to advise how the property is held in your joint names so if it all falls flat or your circumstances change and property is sold, you can get your share back.

MrsRockAndRoll · 25/03/2021 08:35

You have great advice here.

In its current proposal - no way

senua · 25/03/2021 08:36

Currently renting from a friend who has sold it
Why didn't your parents buy this house? Everybody could have saved thousands in EA fees, removals, etc; saved the upheaval of moving.
Think on that.

NoProblem123 · 25/03/2021 08:38

They are controlling.
Just go and do your own thing.

I did something similar to this years ago and I was back to being a watched teenager, it was awful. All my money went and I walked away with nothing because they didn’t like my new boyfriend. They now live mortgage free and I really struggled.

Ninkanink · 25/03/2021 08:40

Absolutely not.

SionnachGlic · 25/03/2021 08:41

Get proper legal & tax advice from professionals. You've enough comments as to how things can go wrong but the arrangement could offer you the accommodation security you need if you co-own the property as tenant in common & the payments to your parents are documented (and any conditions) in the form of a mortgage agreement & registered against the property. But get advice, the catastrophising that you'll see here may not at all reflect the kind of people you or your parents or their intentions. If you think it is a way of controlling then step back from it but this does mean living on your own two feet financially & that's your decision. Parents don't have to do this either. They could buy & get the £1200 pm or whatever from a tenant. How far you are prepared to bend depends on whether you want a house or not. You've said you can't get a mortgage & have made poor financial choices in the past. And if you do want an arrangrment of this type, there could be a cheaper option if you look together, not so much money upfront for your parents & easier/quicker for you to pay off.

LakieLady · 25/03/2021 08:41

@Ohsoverytired11

I did similar with my mum... my advice... DO NOT DO IT!! Seriously, I get paranoid whenever my mum comes around as I know we have different standards, I'm stuck in an area where the kids are settled but I can't afford to buy and rental prices are horrific, whenever I discuss anything to do with the house I can feel an undercurrent of her thinking "but its my house". What started off as the intention of a generous gift (in her name) has ended up as a source of tension. I've realised that she doesn't ever want me to buy her out either because she does like having the element of control. My advice to anyone thinking similar to help their children is to gift what they can towards a deposit but I know that suggesting that sounds like you are asking them to give you money.
There was a thread on here the other day where the OP and her DH were renting the MIL's house from her. The MIL was coming to stay with them every bloody weekend, uninvited, as though it was still her home.

It's bloody hard to tell a parent they can't come to a house they actually own (well, it wouldn't be for me, but I'm tactless and don't really have a shit to give when it comes to things like that).

Thisbastardcomputer · 25/03/2021 08:42

I think they are trying to do a nice thing for you, but can't really afford to do, hence using your savings and attaching strings to safe guard their investment.

minniemoocher · 25/03/2021 08:42

Cant it be in joint names with your initial contributions (£50k for you, the balance to them) ring fenced and any profits on sale split 20/80 or whatever the % is. The rent should be a firm arrangement on a lease and who is responsible for minor repairs (reasonable for you to be) and major repairs. Having repair insurance for boiler etc will help mitigate the risks.

That said it seems a generous off but even if you go with their proposal it needs to be a written agreement witnessed by their solicitor to protect both of you

TaraRhu · 25/03/2021 08:44

NO. They can buy the house themselves and rent it to you as a btl until you are able to buy something yourself of by them out. They are landlords and that must pay for all the maintenance.

Or you buy it on a joint mortgage and you buy them out over time. They could top up your deposit rather than cash buying the house.

If you enter any sort of buying arrangement your name needs to go on that house. As others point out you could be made homeless if they need care and wouldn't get your 50k back. Do you have siblings? If so you need to make sure the money is equally split and they don't loose out.

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