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AIBU?

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Parents buying a house for me? Should I be more grateful? Why am I so concerned?

583 replies

Iamaperiwinkle · 25/03/2021 01:07

This may be long. I will also change some details so it is not outing.

Over the years parents have offered to help buy a house but wanted to say where it was, know my full finances etc and I declined. I’ve not had a great 20 years financially and nearly lost a house recently due to divorce etc But 20 years have now passed. We have now moved local. Currently renting from a friend who has sold it - so we will need to vacate in 6-10 weeks, possibly 12-16 weeks. . I have some equity from a house sale. I can not afford much of a mortgage due to various reasons. So buying is not an option.

To rent a tiny 3 bed house here is £1500 or even more a month minimum, my salary is not even double that. So we were looking at moving further away again. My parents took me a see a for sale sign house and viewing 2 weeks ago and then revealed they had actually been there twice and had made an offer. The house is amazing 5 mins walk from the children’s schools etc far far better than any rental place we have seen.

Parents suggest a cash purchase. They buy it outright but want all of my savings and then I pay them an income for 10 years or if I can raise a mortgage to pay them off ie I raise a mortgage for £50 K or pay them £500 a month for 100 months - then they gift me the house. It is brought in their sole name. If they die I inherit the house - it’s a gift.

From their side - this is their entire money savings hence wanting my savings and monthly payments - but over 5-10 years they will actually be gifting a huge proportion of money to me. They want me to be liable for all bills, insurance, council tax etc and the savings I gift them 50 K -should I stop paying the £500 a month agreement and they aren’t able to get me out of the house if gives them security . They suggest buying it solely in their names on the deeds but I will give them my £50k savings although they will put it like £400 K into the house. An agreement in place, not the sell the house until youngest is 18. 10 years so a ten year plan . We are not moving from here for many reasons. Including father of my children is local.

They initially said I could put in my £50 K and they would put my name on the deeds but they changed that this evening. I’ve told them I can’t gift them my entire savings - what happens if they don’t gift me the house, or they don’t agree with my lifestyle or whatever - I’ve given it away.

They point out at paying them £500 a month should I want I could reduce the time from 10 years to 5 or even 3. The other way to look at it is renting is £17 000 a year minimum - so I’d lose more than that renting over 5 years. Ie pay x3 the rent with no hope of a percentage ownership.

From my side - I am responsible for all mantainence on the house but it’s not in my name - I said no to this. I’ve invested all my savings. This worries me. Parents want it that if they chose they could sell but would have to give me my money back. But the roof is in good repair as is the boiler and house is it good condition. I can’t move but this would be my forever dream home.

The kids are all settled in local outstanding schools etc and I have no desire to move - they need make that clear we want to live here parents are 70 odd but fit and healthy.

I know with his dad - dads brothers situation where he agreed to buy the son a house and son was going to pay them £1000 - he stopped paying his uncle and tNeither want to screw the other over but we do want to protect ourselves

In 3 years finances will be in a position where I could raise the 50 K mortgage needed at that point I could buy them out and I would aim to do it ASAP just in case they did need care etc so we would have it written it that as soon as I raise the 50 K the house is mine to avoid any issues.

There isn’t much trust not because of them or me. Dads brother bought a house for son and rented it to them to get the money back they stopped paying the rent and this meant dads brother was locked in a legal battle to either evict son or give up the house

The only that they would see first (holiday £100 K a year they have enough other assests to pay for their care if they need it. The 50 k really to ensure I am paying it and committed and giving them an income.

On one occasion they were going to gift me the house. But they are worried about income. On another they were happy for me to put my money in (much smaller % of the total cost) and then put it in joint names. Now it is theirs and I gift them my savings and pay rent but get given the house a few years down the line.

I’m so confused. We want to do them right thing.

OP posts:
MayYouLiveInInterestingTimes · 25/03/2021 07:14

And if this doesn’t show up the changes in financial power between that overprivileged gilded generation and all those below then nothing will. It’s disgusting.

I’d second putting it in legal or getting legal advice. They are trying to control you but what choice do any of us have now? Perhaps there might be some possibility, since it’s to be in their name, of changing to a formal tenancy agreement, just on cheap rent, and then they can gift it to you later? I’ve seen similar arrangements from parents to (other) children before.

Skyliner001 · 25/03/2021 07:14

@PankhurstTastic

Def take legal advice here- could you get a mortgage if your parents were guarantors on it? That way it's your house, your deposit. Def no to their current suggestion! You'd be better off if they buy a house & formally rent it to you at a cut price rent.
This is what I was meaning, HMRC will not look kindly on this, you need to rent a house at the market value, or as close too.
tara66 · 25/03/2021 07:15

They may have to pay Capital Gains Tax if they gift you the house in 10 years time (also at sometime possibly IHT may be payable ).This is a complicate arrangement tax wise and parents should take advice.

Flapjak · 25/03/2021 07:16

So you are essentially a tenant. No what happens if one or both develop dementia? That house would belong to them and would need to fund care. They need to at least ring fence your deposit legally , so if the house is sold that goes back to you, and thag if they evict you, that would force a sale.

honeylulu · 25/03/2021 07:20

Solicitor here. Please don't do this.

There will be a way to achieve a fair solution (IF your parents agree) but it will need to be a watertight agreement with both sides obtaining independent legal advice including on the inheritance/IHT aspects as it needs to be very clear so no one gets a nasty/ expensive surprise. It will need to cover aspects such as the loan arrangement and how your equity increases as the payments are made, what happens if you default etc. You must go on the deeds, either as sole or joint legal owner or I would not touch this with a barge pole. (I'm not a probate lawyer but I think assets for care home fees can't be sold if jointly owned/ are providing a home for the other owner.)

Your parents are 70s and whilst they may be in good health, none of last for ever and they ought to be planning better for IHT reduction if they want you to end up with their wealth.

My (wealthy) MIL made this mistake. She bought houses for three of her children (not DH, alas!) but two of them she kept in her own name. She then died suddenly age 70 after a short illness. More than 7 years had passed since the purchases and she could have avoided IHT but wanted to keep control over the houses, so they ended up being clobbered for huge IHT. One of the houses had to be sold which was devastating to that child. Crazily FIL was a qualified accountant and investment banker but MIL was so controlling he just let her go ahead (houses were bought with their joint funds).

SarahBellam · 25/03/2021 07:20

Do not do this. If your name is not on the deeds you are entitled to nothing. You’re basically a tenant but with none of the rights and all the responsibilities of an owner.

HikingInTheHills · 25/03/2021 07:20

No, no and no, you’d be mad to consider it.

rattlemehearties · 25/03/2021 07:22

If they die I inherit the house - it’s a gift.
I don't know much but I know from inheritance tax purposes this will be liable for tax! Definitely seek advice from an independent financial adviser on all of this

User478 · 25/03/2021 07:23

Another worry for me would be if one of your parents died and the other remarried would the new partner also have a share in the house?

Them helping you is great, and I can sort of understand why they don't want to give you a free house, but it has to work both ways they need to understand that you don't want to give them all your savings with no security. It also seems very controlling that they put an offer in before showing you, can they afford it without your £50k? What if you didn't like the house?

Ohsoverytired11 · 25/03/2021 07:23

I did similar with my mum... my advice... DO NOT DO IT!! Seriously, I get paranoid whenever my mum comes around as I know we have different standards, I'm stuck in an area where the kids are settled but I can't afford to buy and rental prices are horrific, whenever I discuss anything to do with the house I can feel an undercurrent of her thinking "but its my house". What started off as the intention of a generous gift (in her name) has ended up as a source of tension. I've realised that she doesn't ever want me to buy her out either because she does like having the element of control. My advice to anyone thinking similar to help their children is to gift what they can towards a deposit but I know that suggesting that sounds like you are asking them to give you money.

BramStoker · 25/03/2021 07:26

I think you need to take legal advice

Would your parents agree for you to see a solicitor who can recommend a way for your parents to help buy you a house while they maintain a small income? Surely there must be a way that gives you both security.

countrygirl99 · 25/03/2021 07:31

Even if your parents only have the bestow intentions this scheme has somany ways to be a complete disaster for you. Speak to a decent lawyer, it might be possible for them to make a formal loan to enable you to buy the property. If that doesn't work walk away.

nathanandfanny · 25/03/2021 07:34

Years ago my generous father offered to buy me a house which I could never in a million years afforded myself. I said was incredibly grateful, but could only go ahead with the purchase if it was completely untied: no obligations, no rules about what I could do with it. He agreed.

I had been given something earlier as a gift that was conditionial amd the conditions had led to upset. Mental freedom counts for a lot.

There are too many what ifs in your case. The future is uncertain. If the house is your parents it could be taken away from them. It could be used to pay for their care. You would have to pay tax on it on their death, potentially so much cash you couldn’t keep the house.

HermioneMakepeace · 25/03/2021 07:35

And if this doesn’t show up the changes in financial power between that overprivileged gilded generation and all those below then nothing will. It’s disgusting.

Agreed.

RebeccaCloud9 · 25/03/2021 07:36

Surely elderly parents should be wanting things in your name to avoid care costs and a massive inheritance tax bill????

Is there not a way they could get the house for you, in your name but that gives them a 'rental' income as you pay them back?

WildfirePonie · 25/03/2021 07:37

How is this a ridiculous comment? Are you OP parent/s?

AlwaysLatte · 25/03/2021 07:37

What we did was lend the money to DSS's to buy properties with a solicitor drawing up a legal charge on the deeds. We had lost that money as investment income, so had to do that ensure we didn't lose that part of our income. The properties are therefore in their names not ours. Could you suggest something like that to them? Whatever you do though, get professional advice (both you are your parents).

Soontobe60 · 25/03/2021 07:38

Absolutely not! This has disaster and control written all over it.
One thing to consider - should your parents need to go into care the house will have to be sold as its an asset. So You’ll be homeless and have nothing to show from the £50K you’ve handed over! Run very fast from this...

WildfirePonie · 25/03/2021 07:38

@skyliner001

?

nathanandfanny · 25/03/2021 07:39

Also re the gifted house: I chose it! He made suggestions but I was uncomfortable with them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/03/2021 07:41

This is bonkers. What they’re suggesting is taking your 50k then potentially expecting you to pay inheritance tax on your money when they die. That’s if it all goes smoothly. What would happen if they decide to sell the house or one of them remarries?

As others have said, do not touch this with a barge pole.

Private help to buy scheme with proper advice with both parties owning a certain % is one thing. This is something else.

AlwaysLatte · 25/03/2021 07:41

I meant to say that with my brother we did something slightly different - we bought a house which we rent out to him - but at 'mates rates', around half the usual rate where he is, and it gives him security and more spare cash without us losing our income. So they could rent or even let you live their rent free and you could save like mad for your own deposit, should it need to be sold for care costs in the future?

Cowbells · 25/03/2021 07:46

Don't do it. Don't hand over your savings to them in exchange for a house they chose that will be in their name, which you will still pay rent for. Why would you do that? Tell them if they want to help, the best help would be for them to give you, outright, with no strings attached, a generous deposit, enabling you to buy a house yourself at a mortgage you can afford. Their gift will be valuable as it would be an amount that would only get lost in capital gains tax when they die so they can see it as going to either you or the government.

Winter2020 · 25/03/2021 07:47

Have a read about a private mortgage.

Your parents could offer you a “mortgage”. The house would be in your name. You could pay them the deposit and agreed monthly payments. They would have a charge against the house on the land registry like a bank does in a mortgage - to ensure their money is protected.

If you stopped paying your parents could force a sale and the solicitor would ensure the charge was settled (with them) before releasing any money to you.

On the good side avoids stamp duty as your only home, avoids capital gain issues (if you were to buy or are gifted the house and it had gone up in value they could owe this), avoids the house having to be sold for care fees. On the downside if you are married and divorce some of the equity could leave the family, potentially if the agreement collapsed you could walk away with more equity than your parents want you to have (in a fall out). They would only get back the amount on the legal charge.

SweetMandarin · 25/03/2021 07:49

Why don't they just gift you some money to help with a deposit and you pay them back? It won't be the dream house but it will be yours.